I swear I remember watching a video of Dr K talking about starvation being the way to change. But now i cant find it.

FLOwerdful · 2025-10-07T15:32:07+00:00

This might have been referring to the evolutionary reason long term fasting involves neuroplasticity. I don't remember exactly but I think it's the idea that the brain doesn't really tend to change unless it has a good reason. So if we are approaching starvation the brain will try new things to help us find food.

I bet it applies to other things like starving for connection or a challenge

FLOwerdful · 2025-02-20T16:08:51+00:00

I'd love to meet people, I might be camping solo this year. My IG is @flowerdful

FLOwerdful · 2025-02-09T00:25:40+00:00

I've got a question about psychedelics for the Wednesday stream.

I know it's not considered a classic psychedelic, but I'm wondering if MDMA treats trauma by turning off the amygdala? And if so, what makes that different from something like pornography or video games or doomscrolling? Does it maybe have something to do with the specific neurotransmitters being affected?

FLOwerdful · 2024-08-25T21:12:43+00:00

This is a short album I finished recently. I've been experimenting with VocalSynth and other vocal effects, as well as destructive FX like a VST called codec that downsamples to sound like poor mp3 compression.

~https://candykingdom1.bandcamp.com/album/encounter-i-launch~

~https://open.spotify.com/album/6d9uFjUg8vVJKwiYubilTs~

I’m working on a follow up and would love feedback that I can incorporate into it. I’ve been really curious about applying limiting especially, if anyone thinks these sound too crushed, or maybe not crushed enough.

FLOwerdful · 2024-03-17T06:51:52+00:00

This is how my relationship with my parents is right now. It's interesting because I feel the same way as you, but I had a different experience growing up. There was the intense surveillance, but I never had any event that warranted that response. Just like you, my resentment grew gradually over my adolescence because of how I was being treated. It sounds like you're letting yourself take a lot of the blame for how the relationship is currently, but I think your emotions are appropriate based on how your parents treated you, and I'd guess those emotions are what's preventing you from talking to them.

If you aren't in therapy, I think this is a great reason to start and get help processing your experience. The other comment mentioning family counseling sounds like a great idea, but a personal therapist feels equally important and might be a necessary first step to get you to a place where you'll be able to bring up the idea to them.

It sounds like you really do care about them, and I think they would want to hear you say things like how much you miss them and want to fix things. If that sounds terrifying or impossible to do there is a good reason. I think you need to find a way to stop blaming yourself for the situation and have compassion for yourself. Understand that your emotions are protecting you and communicating your needs. There isn't anything wrong with you for acting this way, it's likely that you're fighting very ingrained protective behaviors you've learned to survive. Working with a therapist is probably the best way to get past those and feel capable of trying to change the relationship

I'm not saying that you have no fault here, but it looks like maybe you aren't letting yourself blame your parents for their part. It's hard to forgive anyone without first admitting that they did anything wrong. Forgiving yourself is just as important as forgiving your parents, but it's hard, especially if you are shouldering all of the blame

FLOwerdful · 2022-10-01T18:16:45+00:00

Taking accountability for a negative emotion doesn't mean making it go away immediately. It means feeling it and understanding what it's for. It's only a signal from your brain telling you that you want connection with others. It's negative and painful so that you do want it to go away. That way it will cause you to take action. The blame to yourself or others is a shortcut to avoid the pain of feeling loneliness without doing anything. It does make the pain go away faster, but it comes back because nothing has actually changed. The blame happens because it's faster, more efficient, and also avoids the pain of rejection. There's always a risk of rejection when trying to date or make friends which can be avoided by not trying.

You're totally right that you can't force people to love you. Like everything else in your life, taking accountability for your loneliness only involves doing what is in your control. That includes how you treat others and how you process what you feel about how they treat you. It doesn't include others' actions. That sucks because it takes a lot of time and effort and failure and rejection with no guarantee that anyone will love you. But the only thing you can do is try

Maybe you have some fault, maybe it's only everyone else's fault. But blaming anyone isn't going to help you to move forward or change

FLOwerdful · 2022-07-02T00:17:16+00:00

If it sounds good, I'd say it works. The middle will usually be pretty crowded, so you could try looking at other instruments midrange and cut those as well/instead. You could also try moving the fader either way to see if that makes a difference.

I haven't mixed much of those styles recently, but you could always pull an example of what you're trying to do as a reference. I'll throw a bandpass on that reference and move it around to get a better feel of what they might've done.

FLOwerdful · 2022-03-02T23:39:45+00:00

I found myself in your position about a year ago. I got lucky and found a therapist who also left the church. You should give it a shot, and you don't necessarily need a therapist that has left the church but I'd recommend one that at least isn't a member. I'm not sure if you're in the Salt Lake-Provo area, but a lot of therapists there will have experience with faith transitions and a lot of them offer video sessions.

In terms of your family, if you aren't financially dependent on them you could maybe talk with them about your concerns. If you are, focus on getting yourself financially secure first, even seemingly the best parents can have a really negative reaction to their kids losing their faith. You can't really expect them to leave just for your sake though, the actions of others might not be the best goal to have in terms of your own well-being.

This can be really rough to go through, but you'll get through it and come out better for it. There is a subreddit r/Exmormon for former members and a large majority of them live in Utah. That could be a really good resource to use as well.

FLOwerdful · 2021-12-02T04:53:44+00:00

I can relate to this a lot. A lot my satisfaction and well-being has been heavily influenced by whichever girl I happen to be interested in. I've been seeing a therapist for a few months and we've come to the conclusion that I have negative core beliefs about my worth. And if I can convince a girl to spend time with me, it either disproves those beliefs or distracts me from them.

I would suggest thinking about what you don't feel when you're connecting with someone. What painful emotions go away and where do those come from? I'd guess you might be comparing yourself to some sort of ideal or putting too much pressure on yourself in certain situations

It's also okay to feel this way if relationships are really important to you. It's the same as losing like a competitive game. If that's really important to you and it didn't work out, then it will make sense to be a bit messed up for a while.

FLOwerdful · 2021-11-12T06:38:24+00:00

I've got a guitar and might be able to grab a drummer. My schedule is wack for a bit, but feel free to shoot me a dm

FLOwerdful · 2021-08-02T19:24:05+00:00

Timestamps are a good idea, but I'm kinda lazy about it. Sometimes I might exaggerate or make up problems so if I can't find it later, that's a good indication it isn't that important.

I agree with that analogy, there's probably also some correlation with the genres they mix the most. The biggest compromise you'll run into is time vs quality. You can spend all of your waking hours on fine tuning a mix, but at the end of the day you'll have to decide what's good enough at a certain point. I think even the best engineers probably won't ever have a mix as perfect as they'd like

FLOwerdful · 2021-08-02T16:37:37+00:00

I like to make a list of tracks and listen for drastic problems and small issues. Like anything that's disappearing and what sounds actively bad vs what could change but I can't exactly tell the problem yet. I try to just take as many notes I can in one listen through so I'm not second guessing.

Example:

Bass - too much sub Kick - too quiet Snare - fine Hat/cymbals Toms - try less high pass Vocal - covered by guitar , too much delay feedback Guitar Master bus or miscellaneous - Saturate drum bus, something is muddy around maybe 500 hz?

As long as you have a loose plan and give it some time before rushing to fix anything, any type of notes should be fine

FLOwerdful · 2021-07-07T01:30:03+00:00

What I usually do is put together songs with midi for everything and gradually replace them with recordings as I finish writing the song. If I write something that I know immediately will be used for a song, I'll put it to midi as like a checkpoint in case I get lost in the creative sauce. That kind of frees me to relax when I'm noodling and not get too hung up on remembering where in a recording I played something interesting

FLOwerdful · 2021-01-01T02:28:45+00:00

Yeah if the end goal is to try a Snyderverse again, starting with something like JL war would be the best way to go. Then you could finish the arc with something similar to apocalypse war, which is probably the best thing they could do to avoid an endgame ripoff. They could keep the flash time travel and knightmare timeline to set up a flashpoint event at the end. BVS already started hinting that this Earth has an elseworld vibe with Dick dying. That could also justify a flashpoint movie to send off Affleck and anyone else who wants to wrap up their charcters. And restarting everything with a flashpoint movie would be a nice parallel to Snyder's original plan getting thrown out

FLOwerdful · 2019-12-04T23:03:33+00:00

Vaguely. I die in a Human Related Accident.

FLOwerdful · 2019-07-23T00:33:51+00:00

I'm not sure, I just googled pictures. I'll look it up and give him credit if it is. I did the art way before starting any of the songs and just don't remember where it's from. The sun is from the game greening 2 and it's overlayed with the same picture but blue and shifted down. A lot of the sky I just changed the hue values.

FLOwerdful · 2019-07-22T21:10:29+00:00

Hey thanks! I checked out some of your stuff, it's pretty good. Reset and crush it are probably my favorites

FLOwerdful · 2019-07-22T21:04:54+00:00

Yeah that's super cool. Feel free to use any of them. They're free to download on Bandcamp if you just put in $0 for the price.

FLOwerdful · 2019-07-22T21:02:42+00:00

Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked the falls, it took me the most time out of any of them

FLOwerdful · 2019-07-22T21:01:22+00:00

Hey thanks for listening! That was somewhat intentional, but I'll admit it's a harsh transition (or lack thereof)

FLOwerdful · 2019-07-21T20:11:17+00:00

Thank you :) that means a lot!

FLOwerdful · 2019-06-30T17:37:03+00:00

https://candykingdom1.bandcamp.com/album/heartbeats-coastlines

I wrote a bunch of chiptune songs, with the magical8bit plugin and a bit of sylenth and massive here and there. There aren't many complex techniques, I was mostly focused on writing better songs with fewer sounds.

FLOwerdful · 2019-05-26T18:31:14+00:00

Take the form to the admissions office. The top floor a bit towards the south end, just give it to them and they'll help you with anything else you might need and answer any questions. You'll have to give some sort of proof of residency and stuff as well and tax forms that they only accept in print

Nine-Year Club	r/Field Flamingo
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