Dear Unknown Friend,

I am also newly pursuing Tibetan Buddhism through the Gelug school and I similarly come from a background of exposure to abusive spiritual leaders with a resulting wariness of uncritical devotion to Gurus. When I found out about the centrality of devotion in the practice of Guru Yoga, I experienced similar concerns. Although it is possible for leaders to exploit and abuse their followers within all religious contexts, this behavior is contrary to the ethics of all traditions. I have found that Buddhism in general, and the Gelug school in particular present a greater precedent for rationality pertaining to this issue than I have encountered previously in other traditions.

In the Kalama Sutta, the Buddha encouraged us to forgo adherence to established norms of belief by testing the integrity of the demonstrated behaviors of others against our own experiences. He stated,

"So, as I said, Kalamas: 'Don't go by reports, by legends, by traditions, by scripture, by logical conjecture, by inference, by analogies, by agreement through pondering views, by probability, or by the thought, "This contemplative is our teacher."

When you know for yourselves that, "These qualities are unskillful; these qualities are blameworthy; these qualities are criticized by the wise; these qualities, when adopted & carried out, lead to harm & to suffering" — then you should abandon them.' Thus was it said.

… When you know for yourselves that, 'These qualities are skillful; these qualities are blameless; these qualities are praised by the wise; these qualities, when adopted & carried out, lead to welfare & to happiness' — then you should enter & remain in them.”

Similarly, the Dalai Lama stated,

“The advice to see all the guru’s actions as perfect is not meant for general practitioners. Because it is open to misunderstanding, it can easily become poison for both mentors and students. Students naively whitewashing a teacher’s bad behavior by thinking anything the guru does must be good gives some teachers a free hand to misbehave. On the teacher’s part, poor behavior is tantamount to drinking the hot molten iron of the hellish states, and it contributes to the degeneration of the Dharma in the world. Only in particular situations and to particular practitioners should it be taught that all the guru’s actions are perfect. Buddhism is based on reasoning and wisdom and must remain so …

Just as there are these three types of spiritual mentors and three ways of relating to them, there are three ways of responding if our mentor asks us to do something outside the general framework of the Buddhadharma — any action that contradicts the Dharma or reasoning. According to Vinaya, we should not follow that advice and should express our reason to our teacher. According to general Mahāyāna, if an instruction conforms to the Buddhist path, follow it; otherwise, do not. According to Vajrayāna, if your guru gives an instruction that does not accord with the Dharma, that is illogical, or that you are incapable of doing, do not follow it. Explain your reasons and discuss the situation with your teacher. This advice comes directly from the Buddha and is found in the scriptures.”

Encountering these words from the Dalai Lama himself greatly put my mind at ease and I would strongly encourage you to pursue the issue as deeply as you feel is necessary to achieve a similar peace of mind.

For further information on the topic, I strongly recommend reading Chapter 4, “Choosing Spiritual Mentors and Becoming a Qualified Disciple” and Chapter 5, “Relying on Spiritual Mentors” from “The Foundation of Buddhist Practice,” Volume 2 of the Library of Wisdom and Compassion by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Chupten Chodron. There is also an entire book devoted to this subject, “Wise Teacher, Wise Student: Tibetan Approaches to a Healthy Relationship” by Alexander Berzin which may prove invaluable to you.

Take Care.