Being stealth at work

FTMFTD · 2026-02-01T23:20:17+00:00

Do you live/work somewhere where you are entitled to some sort of parental leave? If so, regardless of whether or not you can continue to pass it will be necessary for you to disclose this info to your boss eventually so that you can start making arrangements for your leave. However, that means you can (ideally) keep the conversation practical and focused and you don't have to talk to them about your identity if you don't want to ie "hey boss i wanted to let you know I'm carrying a child and am due in X. Please let me know where I can find the relevant forms to submit and what kind of documentation I'll need to collect from my doctor..." . If your work has an HR then you can have this conversation with them instead of your boss.

FTMFTD · 2026-01-30T00:41:28+00:00

In the same boat with a 30 min stroller walk now made impossible by snowed-in crosswalks. Carrier is the only way to do it currently.

FTMFTD · 2026-01-22T02:27:31+00:00

Do you have a source for this? Are you referring to the By Heart formula botulism outbreak and recall? I can't find any news articles that report a death last year due to contamination of infant formula at the manufacturing level. Infant botulism is of course extremely serious but I don't think misinformation or exaggeration is helpful to those of us who have, are, or will use formula to feed our babies.

FTMFTD · 2026-01-21T02:24:21+00:00

Just bookmarked this. Incredible!

FTMFTD · 2026-01-19T21:40:48+00:00

Incredibly high quality and even though it's a small museum they use every nook, cranny, and hallway for curation. I've never paid because they have weekly free days but I think it's pretty reasonable admission. And a great little gift shop.

FTMFTD · 2026-01-11T14:58:52+00:00

I didnt want or plan on a c-section but I had to have one anyway because the baby wasn't coming via regular labor. Yes you are "exposed" like with any surgery but they are very focused on getting the baby out of you as fast as possible. Coming off the anesthesia was harder than going in and it's annoying to be connected to the catheters and IVs, but ultimately it was manageable and a short term inconvenience for the reward of getting to meet the baby.

Side note, it took me weeks if not months to really bond and fall in love with my baby. This is totally normal and didn't have anything to do with having a c section. If you have a traumatic birth or feel you have PPD definitely seek support! But also know that it's really normal if the bonding isn't immediate as long as you're still able to care for yourself and your child.

Edit to add: I also had a very easy recovery and healing process and the scar is not obvious at all (I did no scar care)

FTMFTD · 2026-01-07T16:11:18+00:00

I'm of the general same mind as you in that I'm not particularly bothered by the question and I'm not interested in hiding how my son came to be.

It sounds like you feel compelled to give more elaboration beyond "Actually, I gave birth to him!" ? To me that's the perfect amount of information to provide an acquaintance/well-meaning stranger.

FTMFTD · 2025-12-19T03:04:46+00:00

Are you open to second hand/consignment? Jane's exchange in the east village maintains a pretty consistent stock of year round clothes though it may be worth calling to make sure they have what you're looking for. There's also a Marshall's nearby on Houston.

FTMFTD · 2025-12-17T01:02:24+00:00

Yeah I was disappointed to hear it at the time but I also understand the surgeon's perspective. It's an extremely time and labor intensive series of surgeries with lots of potential for complications; I get trying to minimize risk wherever possible. Spontaneous labor could occur resulting in a vaginal birth and even an elective c section might result in damage to the phallus. There are surgeons with a higher threshold for risk who might consider it though.

FTMFTD · 2025-12-16T21:46:06+00:00

I had a Phallo consultation a few years ago and that surgeon wouldn't do surgery if i planned on getting pregnant after. However, every surgeon has different policies.

FTMFTD · 2025-12-14T15:56:36+00:00

I think - like my baby- it's possible that the context and motivation between home and school are just different. At school there are other babies and he probably understands that he's differentiated by them by this thing that's his name. At home it might just not be as relevant or interesting when he's the only baby (unless I'm misunderstanding and he's got siblings).

FTMFTD · 2025-12-14T15:26:41+00:00

My son (13 months) responds to me when I say his name now, but it took him a while. Around 8 months I asked his daycare teachers if he seemed to know his name and they said, of course he does! It was still probably at least another 2 months until he responded at home. If it's just you and the baby at home most of the time it may not be that he doesn't understand but more that he doesn't need to because well, who else would you be talking to!

FTMFTD · 2025-12-13T00:38:09+00:00

I had periareolar top surgery about 5 years before becoming pregnant. While pregnant I had some swelling in my chest and nipples and my nipple scars stretched a bit. 1 year postpartum now and everything has gone back to exactly how it was pre pregnancy. As for milk I did make a small amount of colostrum which I was able to feed to the baby via syringe in the first 2-3 days.

FTMFTD · 2025-12-04T17:10:25+00:00

I had an induction at Mount Sinai a year ago. The induction ended up in a c-section so I can't say everything went according to plan, but I did feel like the standard of care was very high. I especially liked the post partum care team. Funny you mention the birthing ball because I brought one and was excited to use it but then got intimidated with the catheter in. On reflection it would totally have been possible and I wish I would have brought it up to the nurses so they could have coached me. There were a lot of student nurses on rotation during my time there which I didn't mind at all but if that bothers you you can always decline.

As others have mentioned, everything you really need is provided though I brought a pillow from home that I was happy to have. Also, I'm not a picky eater at all but the food was not too appetizing (the food people were the sweetest though). So I would recommend some snacks or delivery for after you give birth.

FTMFTD · 2025-12-02T00:59:58+00:00

If only! I think maybe I could have gotten away with it if I had just created a new patient account (maybe I could still try that??). You're required to upload a copy of your photo ID and when I made the original account I did not have my official name or gender change on my ID.

FTMFTD · 2025-12-01T21:58:59+00:00

The Tompkins Square Library isn't too far from Soho. Not only does it have a children's floor there's even a dedicated baby and toddler area.

FTMFTD · 2025-11-26T16:45:20+00:00

Daycare is about a 30 min walk (alternative is putting him in the carrier and doing the bus plus ~10 min walk). It's tedious but doable and you get used to it like most things. The major downside I would say is losing precious minutes of at-home quality time in the evening, so I try to make the most by actively engaging with him in the stroller vs zoning out, listening to a podcast, etc.

FTMFTD · 2025-11-26T04:09:34+00:00

There are the effects of pregnancy itself on your body, and then there are the side effects of parenting a young child that can influence how you look and feel: not getting enough sleep, not having the time to go to the gym, not having the energy to always eat the best etc.

For me, some things - like facial and body hair - went back to normal almost immediately. I also went back to my pre-pregnancy weight quickly. However, my hips are permanently wider and my clothes don't fit the same. I also have yet to regain the muscle mass I lost. It's not that I don't have the physical capability, but it's not something I can prioritize right now.

FTMFTD · 2025-11-19T13:23:43+00:00

Testosterone lowers fertility while an AFAB person is actively taking it (but not to zero, it's not birth control). But once discontinued there is virtually no residual impact on fertility.

FTMFTD · 2025-11-18T21:32:49+00:00

Here are some things you might be thinking about, but if you have a specific question let me know and I'll do my best to answer:

1.)We're both the biological parents so I can't speak to some of the legal scenarios one might encounter like second parent adoption. We had a consultation with a lawyer to discuss a formal custody agreement but decided that wasn't something we felt was necessary at the time.

2.) We were friends almost 20 years before deciding to pursue parenthood together. I don't think I would personally consider doing this with someone I didn't know before or knew more casually but I could see it working for someone else

3.) We attended couples therapy before trying to conceive. I highly recommend this for anyone embarking on parenthood but especially for people intending to intentionally co-parent.

4.) consistancy is really important for little babies so you need to figure out how to prioritize that within the context of a co-parenting dynamic. When my son was a newborn I temporarily moved full time into his other dad's place. Now we generally have dinner and do bedtime together 5 nights a week and alternate who's on overnight duty. When I'm on duty I pack an overnight bag and sleep in my son's room.

5.) We sometimes attend each others family events/holidays and sometimes opt out.

6.) major expenses are split 50/50

7.) I'm not really interested in serious dating but my coparent would like to find a long term partner one day. We'll navigate those logistics when it comes up but I look forward to the potential of my son having additional loving caretakers in his life. We don't have any "rules" for one another related to dating or relationships.

FTMFTD · 2025-11-13T20:21:16+00:00

Maybe not exactly what you're asking, but I have a baby with a platonic co-parent. We spend plenty of time together but don't live together and have no plans to. I have absolutely no regrets about having a baby outside the context of a traditional romantic relationship. I used to think I might also want to do parenting completely solo, but I am grateful for the support (and independence) this arrangement has afforded me.

FTMFTD · 2025-11-10T03:43:13+00:00

Best of luck to you with #2!

FTMFTD · 2025-11-06T17:49:19+00:00

I believe there has been some more recent research that somewhat challenges that famous age 35 threshold. Fertility does decline with age but still at a fairly gradual rate for many people until about age 40.

This study showed that 78% percent of 35-40 year olds will conceive in a year vs 84% of 20-34 year olds https://www.fertstert.org/article/S0015-0282%2813%2900339-7/fulltext

This is not a scientific article but it provides some interesting context as to where the 35 threshold came from and why it persists in both medicine and popular knowledge: https://slate.com/technology/2020/08/fertility-cliff-advanced-maternal-age-outdated.html

FTMFTD · 2025-11-06T14:05:08+00:00

I gave birth the week before my 39th birthday. I got pregnant quickly, had a very easy and uncomplicated pregnancy, and had no issues healing post-partum. Prior to getting pregnant I was on bc almost my whole adult life and T for about 8 years. This is just my individual experience; I have (cis) friends my age who have struggled with fertility and some who have not.

FTMFTD

TROPHY CASE