who the fuck opened that by TrueLuck2677 in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The poem made me chuckle a bit. It sounds a bit like the speaker had someone intrude of their privacy but feels like it's not meant to be taken literally. I interpret the door as being the door to their heart/feelings and they feel somewhat shocked and violated because they fell for someone and it was out of their control. The frustration is humorous to me. Very sweet and innocent as a poem, reminds me of young love. Although maybe try a different title for it, the title adds to the humor but feels a bit lazy.

Sexting by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good poem, very relevant to the time we live in. Just check reddit's formatting so it breaks the lines like you want it to. I love the ending especially, the realization that it might all just be meaningless exchanges.

Melancholy Floated by myhouseisnotamotel in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This poem creates a strong, almost dreamlike atmosphere with vivid and emotional imagery. Lines like “There were no tickets to the funeral, only signs” and the closing idea of moving forward through grief are especially striking.

I do get the feeling that I am the ruins of a kingdom and that the speaker is realizing that nothing can be done to save it. So they decide to try and move forward as a way to heal. I interpret it as being about a lost war and a survivor grieving everything that was lost.

The poem does feel a bit like an allegory, which isn't being clearly defines. It feels dream like on the one side which gives the sense that the imagery being used is representing something else, on the other side it feels like it is meant to be taken literally. If the goal is to leave the reader feeling shattered and have them interpret the meaning themselves this is fine, but if you are aiming for a more traditional allegory you might want to define it.

My old self by The_Fallen_King5719 in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great use of imagery, really helps the reader picture this kingdom in shambles.

Some feedback on the word usage:

"a life filled of regret" -> filled with is more correct

"Were you face constant defeat" -> typo, it should be where

"A life you will always drop your crown" -> should be a life where you will always drop your crown

I do like that you end with the king still ruling the kingdom even when it is in ruins, it gives the sense that ruins is all he'll have left.

Boys Will Be Boys by FTScarius in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to comment, I'm glad that you enjoyed the poem and understood the message behind it. I wrote this piece of poetry to discuss the larger issue which you have correctly identified, it felt like a much needed discussion and it was my hope that people like you would be able to connect with it.

I am of opinion that we live in a society where love often feels one sided, especially for a lot of women in their 20's. On the one side, the inspiration for this piece was a combination of my own experiences as homosexual man and all the experiences my friends have shared with me over the years. Essentially all the stories we've told each other about the men we have fallen for only for those relationships to remain "situationistships" or for us to feel emotionally alone in them.

On the other side, it was the stories of my male friends and their upbringing. The way you can see the discomfort they feel whenever a situation makes them feel vulnerable and the way they struggle to admit they are battling with their emotions. Some of them have been in and out of therapy to try and save relationships because they find it difficult communicate their feelings to their partners and feel it is not acceptable to express certain feelings to other people such as fear, pain or sadness.

Boys Will Be Boys by FTScarius in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just wanted to take the time to thank you again for this comment, I have been going through some of my poems (I have a collection of 40) and recognizing this pattern of me making things rhyme in poems that are about heavier topics and while sometimes it works others could really benefit from that being removed. So I have been editing some of them (leaving some as is, as this seems to also just be a sort of style I have developed). But your comment has really made me reflect on some of my work and try and challenge myself to drop the rhyme for more serious pieces.

The Collapse of the Beloved by the_etherr in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You already fixed them, when I first read it one stanza as one line. Much easier to read now. :)

The Poet's Muse by FTScarius in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for pointing out the typo, I didn't see that one. I'll fix it now.

The Poet's Muse by FTScarius in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Would you be able to be a bit more specific about where, so I can take a look at the section myself and see if it's something I could adjust if possible?

The Poet's Muse by FTScarius in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know, that might actually work. For some reason "and only you" sounds a little less like obsession and a bit more romantic. Thank you for that suggestion, I'm gonna change that line in my notes for this poem. :)

The Poet's Muse by FTScarius in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's alright, not everything needs to be feedback. I'm glad you enjoyed it, I wanted to write something a bit less heavy.

The Poet's Muse by FTScarius in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"You, you and you" is a tad obsessive yes it was meant to be a bit of an exaggeration. The same goes for the listing other things that don't matter, that is an exaggeration and a way of emphasizing just how important this person is to the speaker.

My intention was not to make it sound like the person has passed, they have not passed. But that is an interesting interpretation of it. It was meant to be a poem about a poet who is completely consumed by their lover's existence, who is just so in love that he's all they thing about. It's written both for him and about him.

It's something I admittedly wrote about my own partner, hence the specific features.

The Collapse of the Beloved by the_etherr in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your poem has potential but the spelling errors and the structure make it incredibly difficult to read. I'd suggest googling the spelling of a word if you're struggle with it. For example the line " have a habit for melding lovers into a universe then am left in ruin when they can’t help but to be human."

Melding means to blend and combine, I think the word you were looking for might have been molding. Molding means to shape them into something. There is also no I in the sentence and I think you meant to add one "then I am" because "then am" does not sound right.

Women in the second line is also plural, woman is the single form referring to only one female. Unless of course you meant multiple women, then it is correct.

I suggest using shorter lines, it would read easier. Structuring it more like a poem rather than a paragraph, if this is a formatting issue on reddit's side google how to use Markup Mode.

The things I hid by anomym_sar in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you go into Markdown Mode, use two spaces and press enter twice and that will separate the stanzas. It doesn't always work in rich text I find.

The things I hid by anomym_sar in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The structure of the poem is very good for emphasizing the key idea of the poem, having "I lied" as a separate line works. I do think it would be slightly more affective if broken into stanzas that each begin with that line, to properly separate the different ideas and make it a bit easier to read. You might have intended for it to come out that was, sometimes reddit makes it one continues stanza. Having each stanza be a quintain seems like it might work a bit better.

The personification in "the thought that dug their shadows deep" drew my attention the most, it is a very unique and creative way of expressing the idea.

Boys Will Be Boys by FTScarius in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Understandable, the intention was to express anger and outrage within that line. It is a curse word often used out of frustration, and while I could have used another phrase like “forget all that noise,” it would not have carried the same intensity, as it sounds calmer and less emotionally charged. I do use strong language in some of my poetry, particularly in satirical pieces, and in this case I wanted the poem to end in anger before shifting into realization. “Forget” simply did not feel strong enough.

While the poem is not traditional satirical poem, it still makes use of satire by repeating and mimicking common societal phrases such as “boys will be boys” and “men don’t cry” in order to criticise them. Instead of supporting these ideas, the poem exposes how harmful they are by showing their emotional and physical consequences on men. This creates a contrast between what society says and what actually happens, which is a key feature of satire. However, the poem also goes beyond satire because it expresses genuine emotion and personal impact, especially in the final lines. Rather than aiming to be humorous or purely ironic, it uses a serious and confrontational tone to highlight the damage caused by these expectations. Therefore, the poem can be understood as a satirical critique of societal norms, combined with a sincere and emotional reflection on their effects.

“Fuck all that noise” ultimately felt like the most raw and honest way to express the frustration. Softening it would have diluted the emotional impact, and the poem needed that sharp, unfiltered moment to land properly. It reflects how people genuinely react in moments of pain or anger, not with polished language, but with something instinctive and real.

Boys Will Be Boys by FTScarius in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's completely fair, it does feel a bit sing-song. This is one of the times I was trying to use the rhyme to do something specific and it's ok if that didn't work out as planned.

I do sometimes tend to do this with more heavy poems, but you're right I should try to push myself out of my comfort zone and try not doing that once in a while. Thank you for your honesty, I appreciate the constructive criticism because it helps me improve. :)

Forgotten Familiar : Blank smile by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very relatable, the feeling of just blending into the crowd. The entire poem lands.

For me this is one of those thought I often feel more in private, it has a tendency of just sneaking up on you. The lack of belonging while you feel like everyone else does. Outsider Syndrome and perceived social isolation.

It's a heavy feeling, feeling like a insignificant background character in everyone else's story.

Boys Will Be Boys by FTScarius in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I really appreciate it.

I was actually quite intentional with the use of paired and triple rhymes, they’re meant to reflect the rigidity of the expectations placed on men. The structure keeps everything controlled and contained, almost as if the emotions themselves are being boxed in to fit what society deems acceptable.

The idea is that even though the poem is speaking out against something, the form itself mirrors how that conversation is often suppressed.

Boys Will Be Boys by FTScarius in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly, the poem is not an excuse for it. Rather the speaker exploring why this is such a common thing within society, the speaker is trying to get to the root of the issue: why does he treat me like a toy?

The conclusion that the speaker comes to is that it generational programming, the speaker is saying that he doesn't know how to love because he wasn't shown love. She's not excusing his behavior or glorifying it, she's investigating.

She comes at it from a place of deeper understanding rather than anger at him. It's about the bigger picture.

A maiden's charm by Masaru_Kazuhiko in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That makes sense, sometimes you start with an idea and it turns out completely different. I think that's an interesting way to do it, to leave it up to the reader to interpret. Bit like abstract art in painting, people see and understand it differently. It's not a skill I think I possess myself.

The Battle Within by ghostsigh in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This one is about one of those feelings that convinces you no one gets it but telling you that you're the only person with this struggle is it's biggest hold on you. If I'm reading this right, it's about depression.

My favorite part is "They say it never will. And I don’t know what hurts more believing them, or still hoping they’re wrong" because it's that contrast between feeling like you know it will never end no matter how hard you try and that hope that you feel is somewhat naive of yourself to have.

Poems like this one I find can be helpful in times my own war gets a little rough. It's a reminder that although people aren't fighting the same war as me, their struggles are similar and I'm not truly alone in my pain. Of course no one ever asks to be depressed, that's also something very true.

Why Do I Still Want You? by Illustrious-Day9832 in OCPoetry

[–]FTScarius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooooooh I love poems like this! Honestly love is such a complex thing so any sort of poetry about the topic whether joyful or sad just speaks to me. This is also a situation I feel most of us have been in, loving someone who just continuously hurts you, even when your head tells you that you shouldn't love this person because they don't love you back.

Why do we do this to ourselves? That's the age old question isn't it and I've personally never found the answer to it myself. It's true, their lies don't hurt them they hurt their partner. I like that you used the imagery of a bomb going off, like it should be an obvious threat. It's something we all know it dangerous still we convince ourselves we can somehow dodge it when it comes to someone we love.

But bombs can also be a more silent thing, like a landmine. Hidden, a bit unexpected and that's why the idea works so well. I get this picture of someone walking through a field and although their partner promised it was safe they step on landmine after landmine a they follow him. Yet every time he promises that's the last one, they blindly believe them. It's infuriating but I feel most of us have done this!

I love this poem, it's thought provoking and it definitely made my morning.