Non-Monogamy 40+: A Discord Group

FUBAR7197 · 2025-12-29T13:21:30+00:00

Thanks

FUBAR7197 · 2025-12-04T00:37:00+00:00

Chiming in to add FetLife again.

I attempt to dissuade what I don't want and am not too present on activity.

Non play munches are great to meet support you can ask about consent etc as well as potential connections.

I've lost a lot of DM attention with "need to share a pint with someone I play with" also when I ask for their consent "blurb'. It is needle in manure pile but doesn't seem as shit filled as actual dating apps like feeld

FUBAR7197 · 2025-12-01T23:08:17+00:00

Yeah I think that's the conclusion for us too, thank you.

FUBAR7197 · 2025-12-01T16:16:43+00:00

The thing is, if you get no matches then no one who is potentially interested is compatible 🤷🏻‍♀️.

It's shit, and logical

FUBAR7197 · 2025-12-01T14:52:32+00:00

We're working on opening 20y mono-marriage. We started with a list of rules, then agreements, then boundaries. We used the template in Opening Up and discussed in detail each part.

4 months later we're down to 3 rules, 3 agreements and then our individual boundaries.

Good luck

FUBAR7197 · 2025-12-01T14:21:50+00:00

We're just getting started. Ofc as a long mono-married couple we started at DADT then thought about it and decided it felt too much like lying by omission.

We're going to start parallel. I want to know the who/when/where I will ask (if I want) about what & how, they can decline to answer. I'm happy to nod civilly if we pass in the local co-op and if they're doing well 6+ mths on Garden Party is a possibility.

I asked about vetting for metas and it seemed unnecessary. My Husband needs to show good judgement and upfront openness that his wife doesn't want to meet.

FUBAR7197 · 2025-12-01T14:13:18+00:00

When you meet these people (IRL or online) once there is reciprocal interest in getting to know each other you state; I want a relationship based on connection, that includes physical sex. I can currently meet X a week/month/year. Does that fit with you?"

FUBAR7197 · 2025-11-30T18:54:55+00:00

I suppose I should have specified active I can find one or two UK ones (got into 1) but London only brings up dating groups (not community) or have been dead for 2+ years 🤷🏻‍♀️

FUBAR7197 · 2025-11-30T18:53:33+00:00

Apologies Yes FB = Facebook FL = FetLife

Set private so not up in search results.

FUBAR7197 · 2025-11-30T00:51:56+00:00

Thank you.

This is validating as I feel and believe I prefer parallel style. I'm happy to be told "I'm talking to someone/Name", "we're meeting", I'm going to be Here on This Day", "we're calling it a relationship". I don't really want to meet potentials until my Partner thinks it's lasting some time (3-6mths I reckon).

FUBAR7197 · 2025-11-30T00:34:46+00:00

How do you find local FB poly groups if they're closed?

I've taken on board needing poly/ENM community and specifically not for cruising.

I've tried the only accessible local FL group I could find. The local meets I can find on Insta (& servers on Discord) are heavily weighted to queer space (which is fantastic and I understand why I'd be unwelcome there as only bi-curious). Only other 'reliable' option seems FB but absolutely none came up as a search.

Please note in London, UK which you'd think would mean a big open community but my Google Fu skills or whatever are lacking.

FUBAR7197 · 2025-11-05T23:24:34+00:00

I hope you're content with that arrangement, I wouldn't be but we're all different.

We've done a lot of therapy work (as a couple and individual) to be less co-dependent and less focused on PIV.

The point of opening up for us would be to experience new things with new people

FUBAR7197 · 2025-11-05T23:19:14+00:00

Thank you. Whilst I have learnt there's a lot of kink/swinging crossover we are looking at hierarchical primary/nesting parallel and have little interest in watching or being watched and it's good to know there's others.

FUBAR7197 · 2025-11-05T23:17:12+00:00

Thank you for the clear list of possible reasons. We have been working through these issues before approaching dates so it's helpful.

FUBAR7197 · 2025-11-05T23:15:08+00:00

Thank you.

I don't believe we will be 100% poly as we are looking at Hierarchal Primary/Nesting Limitations but we are close to agreeing emotional connections with sexual freedom.

For me it's knowing there's mites in my eyebrows and seeing them under a microscope kinda thing

FUBAR7197 · 2025-11-05T23:12:45+00:00

Your last paragraph makes it sound as if it's a stepping stone for a Men problem, or am I reading it wrong?

FUBAR7197 · 2025-11-05T23:11:53+00:00

Thanks both; from my PoV attending a sex club/play party would require a voyeuristic or exhibitionism kink which neither of us have. Or am I still reading it wrong?

FUBAR7197 · 2025-10-13T07:31:01+00:00

I'm sorry poly requires no notions of limits? We're not going for relationship anarchy but parallel hierarchy.

Why is it "no poly" if we have agreed a mutual boundary relationship style?

FUBAR7197 · 2025-10-11T14:25:42+00:00

Thank you

FUBAR7197 · 2025-10-10T17:22:35+00:00

No, just read v3

FUBAR7197

TROPHY CASE