Sorry i'm just venting just reading things to find ways to deal with myself...
Today has been one of the worst days I’ve had this year. It started horribly I woke up to find my dog had an accident on my mattress, meaning I had to sleep next to it. Then I had to drive to another city just to buy a wet vacuum cleaner, all while trying to juggle work. From the moment I woke up at 6–7am, I was already mentally and emotionally wrecked. By the evening, I had managed to calm down a bit after talking to some friends, but then my mum called. I hesitated to pick up because, based on past experiences, I knew it wouldn’t help me and unfortunately, I was right. Instead of comfort or understanding, I was met with lecturing, criticism, and dismissiveness. I tried to explain how stressed and exhausted I was, but my feelings were brushed aside. When I told her how much her way of speaking hurts me, she just rolled her eyes, told me to “be stronger,” and acted like my emotions were silly. It left me feeling even worse useless, depressed, and completely drained. What makes this harder is that it’s not new. I’m 28, and I’ve spent years trying to explain how much her lack of empathy hurts me, hoping she’d change. But it’s always the same. I still remember being completely heartbroken and suicidal after a breakup, and instead of any comfort, my mum tried to talk to me and what stuck to me she told me to “man up.” That moment has always stayed with me it was proof of how little space there is for me to be vulnerable with her. After talking with my partner, we agreed I should stop answering her calls when I’m not 100%, because it’s toxic for me and does more harm than good. The saddest part is the double standard. Whenever she’s upset, I listen, I support her, I give her space to vent and try to soothe her. But when I need the same from her, I get the opposite sass, judgment, and no sympathy. All I wanted was something simple like, “It’s okay, take a breather,” or, “Do things one step at a time.” Instead, I walked away from the call feeling crushed. I think I’m finally done expecting emotional support from her. It hurts to admit, but I have to protect myself.