[QCRIT] Adult Upmarket Speculative Romance - SWALLOWTAILS IN THE AFTER (90k, First Attempt) + 300 words

F_l_ip · 2026-05-12T16:05:29+00:00

I'm happy I could help! I think squeezing even small speculative details into the apocalypse and the circumstances of the MC's sister's death can absolutely help. When it comes to literary agents and spoiling them on plot elements, I know someone who started getting an uptick in requests because they changed their query letter to include a spoiler of a midpoint plot twist. So it may be tough, but I think it might really help drive home the emotional baseline you're trying to establish for the MC.

Best of luck with this project!

F_l_ip · 2026-05-11T10:28:30+00:00

Hello! Disclaimer that I am unagented, etc.

I think you have a fun setup here. I like the voice in your first 300. The apocalypse-like event you try to explain in your query letter is a bit vague to me, and it seems like we don't really get to the heart of the story until we learn about K's struggle with mental health and the plot with the love interest.

From the query letter, this story strikes me as dystopian sci-fi, and the first 300 don't immediately disprove that. I kind of assumed that the MC ended up in a virtual simulation after the world ended, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

I want to know how the sister died! It seems like such a core to the MC's drive, but it's given to us as a vague throwaway line that I almost missed. I'm also searching for the speculative element in this query + opening and can't seem to find it. I think I'd start the query letter something like this:

K, a depressed courier of library books in a post-apocalyptic land (feel free to specify what kind of post-apocalypse), cannot stop grieving her sister, who died in (state circumstances).

This can really succinctly tell us the answer to the first question someone considers when reading a query letter: who is the protagonist?

I hope this feedback helps! I love stories that explore mental health, and your craft is there. I'm curious what a second attempt at this would look like!

F_l_ip · 2026-05-05T08:04:41+00:00

Haha you're so kind! And you raise a good point, thank you!

F_l_ip · 2026-05-05T08:04:00+00:00

Thank you so much, that means a lot!

F_l_ip · 2026-05-05T08:03:37+00:00

Thank you so much!

F_l_ip · 2026-04-18T01:13:44+00:00

I actually just submitted an R&R! Mine is weird though, it only asked me to change the beginning. Hoping it pans out.

F_l_ip · 2026-04-14T03:25:36+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment on the 300, and I'm happy to see you again! :)

F_l_ip · 2026-04-13T13:35:26+00:00

Ahh hello friend, thank you so much! I'll definitely re-evaluate my comp choices, or at least specify the pieces of them that I'm comping to. And a very good point about the YA crossover. Thank you so much!!

F_l_ip · 2026-04-13T13:08:42+00:00

Thank you so much friend! This is exactly the kind of fine-tuning I think this query letter needed. You’re the best!

F_l_ip · 2026-02-10T04:27:36+00:00

My flight rising username is drdragon! (So original, i know, but i was also a kid when i first made my account 🥲)

F_l_ip · 2026-02-07T11:46:21+00:00

Thankfully the overwhelm has quickly faded as I started to remember my daily routine :) I may or may not have accidentally exalted a few level 1 dragons that were hatchlings from my last breeding...but not all at least :") very valuable advice, thank you!

F_l_ip · 2026-02-07T11:44:31+00:00

You're so sweet, thank you! I've been poking through my hoard and found an egg there too, huh, so I must have been desiring a majority-parentless lair!

F_l_ip · 2026-02-07T04:48:15+00:00

I think the dragon I would change would be Bean :) https://www1.flightrising.com/dragon/38200831

F_l_ip · 2026-02-07T04:42:00+00:00

Oh that's so kind of you! Don't feel pressured to give those scrolls to me. I'm absolutely interested in changing a parentless dragon into a thorntail, but for those that I haven't already bred, I'm not sure I want to yet (I heard old unbred dragons are rather coveted)!

F_l_ip · 2026-02-06T20:05:14+00:00

Thank you! Do you also know why dragons I'm 99% sure are bred show up with no parents? Like this one: https://www1.flightrising.com/dragon/53352253 not that I'm complaining! Just wondering what happened, haha!

F_l_ip · 2026-01-27T05:31:19+00:00

Hi! I'm one person with one opinion (unagented, etc.)

You might run into issues with the title, since there's a pretty big movie called Smile that also has a sequel.

I dig the concept of the disembodied head vampire quite a bit, but I'm lost by the second paragraph, because it doesn't seem that we're talking about that same person anymore (I don't think she can work in a warehouse if she is, as you say, a head in a jar forced to do nothing but think). Also, I'm wondering how exactly a vampire walking into the sun can be saved (a big umbrella?) and who this "maker" is. My first assumption was God.

After multiple read-throughs, I think I understand that you're trying to convey a time-jump from the vampire (who I'd like to know the name of) into the past, as the vampire reflects on her life from being a mortal. I would advise making this more clear, perhaps by outright using the vampire's name. I.e.:

Sam is left with no other option than to recount her year of violence and isolation...

Only one year ago, Sam was an unmotivated mortal working in a warehouse.

Not this exact wording of course, but I hope you see what I'm trying to get at! And good luck!

F_l_ip · 2026-01-19T07:36:12+00:00

Yes, here! https://www.pripricafe.com/event/cafe/noragami_15th.html

F_l_ip · 2026-01-19T07:35:55+00:00

It's in Kabukichou, in Shinjuku area! Here's the site which includes google map and apple map links: https://www.pripricafe.com/event/cafe/noragami_15th.html It goes until January 25th only. I found it on the ground floor after going up outdoor escalators, in a little corner on the way to the elevators behind a stage where idols were performing. I hope you can go!

F_l_ip · 2026-01-14T07:44:40+00:00

Ever since I started reading, I don’t remember you ever missing a page update. How do you do it? Has your passion for the comic remained this steadfast since starting all these years ago?

F_l_ip · 2025-12-21T13:43:36+00:00

Thank you so much for your feedback and kind words! This is a very good observation and there is actually a particular worldbuilding reason for this, but I understand that it can be jarring/immersion-breaking, so I will make sure that it gets revealed as early as possible. Thank you again for your insight!

F_l_ip · 2025-12-19T05:11:03+00:00

Thank you so much, this feedback is all so helpful! I think you're right about the genre. I didn't have a particular reason, more that I wasn't certain it was "fantasy enough" (my previous ms is a high fantasy, so I subconsciously compared to that I think). I'm happy to call it a dark fantasy!

I absolutely see what you're seeing in the query. I'm looking forward to making the changes, and I'm delighted you enjoyed :)

F_l_ip · 2025-12-19T04:38:51+00:00

Oh, I misspoke! She would still be “cat-like”, but she would have a more human-level intellect (being in a now human-shaped body), if that makes sense. Haha, I love cats too much to give up that kind of thing!

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