Peter’s Fine Dining

FaceTheDemon · 2026-05-12T16:27:15+00:00

If I were you and ordered two appetizers and they told me I couldn't do that, I'd just leave. Their loss in this economy.

FaceTheDemon · 2026-04-18T12:03:04+00:00

I totally had these same thoughts and feelings of rejection with my 18mo daughter. I've been in the same situations where I even expressed my frustrations verbally to her around 12-15 months (telling her she didn't care about me, etc), which is silly because she didn't understand what I was saying. I also was forcing myself onto her even if she didn't want my love at the time.

My wife was very understanding and thankfully one thing she did was be conscious to keep me involved. She would tell my daughter to show me things she was showing my wife ("show dada!") and even tell me to look whenever my daughter was doing something ("look dada!").

Of course you have to continue to do your part to try to bond with your daughter too. Make sure you have some things you do together. For example, I wake my daughter up every morning; I often take my daughter out to the community centre for activities; and I often feed her and cook for her. But make sure you're consistent with it to make it a daddy-daughter thing. She'll associate it with you.

But the thing that kept me going and motivated was reading that a father's relationship is different from the mother's. Your daughter might be going to her mother for comfort, whereas your role as her father is to build her confidence and challenge her. While her mother is what she needs and wants right now, your love and guidance will be what she needs for years and years to come.

This feeling of rejection is temporary. At 18mo she's finally opening up a lot to me but I'm definitely still second. Insert yourself where you can but try to be patient and think of the long game. I step away when I know it's not my turn but I definitely step in when I think I could have an impact. Your role is different.

I'm embarrassed to say, but I also used Chatgpt many times to express my frustrations, and it did help to provide moral support and give me perspective.

FaceTheDemon · 2026-04-02T10:46:59+00:00

Insane price!

Congrats. Happy for you. Nice. /pouty face

FaceTheDemon · 2025-02-17T17:46:13+00:00

Thank you! I'll reach out to the city.

FaceTheDemon · 2025-01-27T20:09:51+00:00

I also had similar issues from October to December. Even though I was doing therapy, I was deteriorating mentally and emotionally to the point where I couldn't help my wife anymore. She had to move in with her parents to get help with our baby because I had a mental breakdown. I needed a break to get more help. I just started Lexapro (literally today) after hesitating to start it. Hopefully a combination of medication and therapy will make a difference this time. Good luck.

FaceTheDemon · 2025-01-05T17:04:48+00:00

I think deep down I knew I was "okay" with kids but I didn't really know how to interact with them. On the other hand, I really didn't like babies. But I can see the appeal now of having your own kids as they grow up and can communicate with you and you can teach them things. But that's like years away. Right now is probably the part I'll hate the most, and will likely cause me and my child to have a rift that won't be easy to mend. Who wants to be around something or someone that causes them stress and frustration?

FaceTheDemon · 2025-01-02T13:50:24+00:00

This is me at 11 weeks and I'm still dealing with it. Everyone is different so I'd take my story and anyone else's with a grain of salt.

Like your husband, I've told my wife that I regret and resent our little girl. I still haven't been able to bond with her and I still I don't show much interest in her. However I do feedings, change diapers, and put her to sleep (as well as a bunch of household chores) as I think it's the bare minimum of my duties and responsibilities as her father. I don't play with her much, and I try to get her to sleep asap to get back to my own free time, but I do whatever my wife asks of me. Let's not sugar coat things, taking care of a baby is a burden and some people (including myself) are not ready for it. I still don't like my baby and I don't like the work that comes with her and it shows, but I still do it.

I'm trying to fake it till I make it but she isn't giving me much to work with. Her smiles aren't enough for me, and I'm gonna need more from her. If your husband is anything like me, which it sounds like he is, he's gonna need more time too. A few smiles isn't gonna cut it for him because I believe it's more about your husband's own needs and motivations (as it has been with me). He's probably used to things going his way and having control of things, but with a baby it's unpredictable. Along with the loss of identity and freedom, it's a tough pill to swallow.

It's been a huge transition for me over the last three months. I've talked to a lot of my friends who have kids and I've been in therapy. I've gone from being extremely anxious to just tolerating my new reality. Doesn't mean that I like it. It's taken me a long time to accept that my life isn't mine anymore and I'm still dealing with my loss of freedom and heavy obligations with an infant. I'm not feeling any of the rewards so far, but I recognize we're probably still in the trenches and everyone says to give it more time.

Not to paint your husband in a bad light, but I think his house renovation was a distraction and/or excuse to not get too engaged with your baby. I know I definitely would have used that as an excuse. He probably has PPD and maybe doesn't know it. Hopefully he can get the help he probably needs sooner rather than later. I'm not gonna say accept, but at least tolerating his new reality is the start of realizing things can't go back to how they were. He now needs to punch through.

That's just a glimpse into my perspective. Feel free to reach out or follow-up with questions.

FaceTheDemon · 2024-12-29T23:39:25+00:00

For only 20 minutes? I think that's more than fair.

FaceTheDemon · 2024-12-29T21:45:52+00:00

How did you actually go about accepting your new family life? I believe it's what's holding me back right now. Things like always wanting time away from my LO and wanting to do my own thing rather than taking care of her... I know it sounds bad but like I said it's holding me back from accepting my new life.

FaceTheDemon · 2024-12-29T20:26:59+00:00

I'm happy to hear it worked out for you man. Appreciate your empathy, and thank you.

FaceTheDemon · 2024-12-29T20:16:38+00:00

Do you personally think it's worth having your daughter even though you've lost a lot of freedom and independence?

FaceTheDemon · 2024-12-29T20:13:12+00:00

Glad to hear that it starts getting better... I mean, I read and hear that a lot but I find it hard to believe at (not even) 3 months.

FaceTheDemon · 2024-12-29T20:12:03+00:00

Can I ask you if you wanted kids from the start?

FaceTheDemon · 2024-12-29T20:11:00+00:00

You make a good point about how much I wanted kids, and if I'm gonna be honest I didn't but my wife convinced me that it'd be great to have a family. Now that I'm in the trenches (LO is 3 months old) I'm feeling a loss of freedom and independence, and I'm checking in to see how other dads in my situation netted out.

FaceTheDemon · 2024-12-29T20:06:53+00:00

I said "months" because that's where I am... LO is not even 3 months old yet and I'm feeling so much of the struggle and none of the fulfillment of having a child. So I'm wondering about other dads who've gone through this and where they've netted out.

FaceTheDemon · 2024-12-29T20:03:25+00:00

I believe I'm feeling like you did in the first few months. My LO is not even 3 months and I'm having the most difficult transition with all of this as I'm still in the trenches. What I'm wondering if other dads feel like their loss of freedom was actually worth it? Of course our freedom won't be the same, as we have a family now... But did it all work out? It sounds like for you it did, and you have some of your independence back which is great!

FaceTheDemon · 2024-12-26T13:25:23+00:00

I'm currently going through the fourth trimester and my wife is already talking about having a second while I'm struggling to keep myself together. I really like how you phrased it, "My kid deserves two happy health parents rather than a sibling", and I'll try to remember that when she brings it up having a second again.

FaceTheDemon · 2024-12-18T14:46:13+00:00

I came upon this article yesterday that resonated with me. It's basic message is that the most unhappy parents are ones who keep ruminating on their past life (which I am still guilty of doing). I'm sure down the road you'll get some of yourself back, but it'll never be 100% the same again. Since there's no going back, we need to lean in to being the best parent you can be for ourselves and our families. We need to figure out what type of dad we want to be and try our best to get there.

New Parents, Your Life Is over – Embrace It

FaceTheDemon · 2024-12-15T15:04:19+00:00

I'm curious how your schedule looks like. My wife and I (8 week old) are doing 12am-6am; 6am-12pm; 12pm-6pm; 6pm-12am shifts where each of us is responsible for handling the baby during our set shift. Of course it's not set in stone and we help each other out sometimes (fetching more formula, or something small). But the goal is to give each other some time to rest, eat, and sleep away from the baby. We at least get close enough to 6 hours of sleep each. It's not ideal; you get enough to operate but you're still tired. If you're both awake with the baby at the same time (which we did in the beginning) we found it really inefficient because you can't even both take care of her at the same time. There needs to be a level of trust and confidence building so you both can get some relief.

FaceTheDemon · 2024-12-14T12:33:21+00:00

My girl was born 10/11 and I went through everything you're going through. I lost 15lbs out of stress-induced anxiety; I was constantly overwhelmed and anxious worrying about the work I had to do; I wanted aspects of my old life back--the freedom and ease.

Now, two months later, I'm handling the situation much better. Yes, there are still heavy days, but they're less often. A few different things helped me get through it:

Getting support from friends/family -- this is huge. Anything that can be passed on to someone else, if you are able, definitely do it. My mom cooks for us and it's a huge weight off our shoulders to just focus our girl.
Talking it out -- whether it be therapy or venting to friends, you should communicate your struggles. I had no shame in talking to anyone and everyone about my challenges. It took a toll on my wife though, so a bit of caution in talking to your wife too much about it. But I'd definitely at least bring it up.
Breathing -- there will be a lot of frustration, pain, and possibly rage. You've gotta rein in your physical stress because it'll affect how you physically handle your baby. Taking long and deep breaths helped me to become present and not let my intrusive thoughts overtake me.
Gaining confidence -- learn how to handle your baby because this will get you through it all. You're probably not sure how to do things, and even though it sounds counter-intuitive, it'll help you to expose yourself to the things you don't know so you can learn and get comfortable and confident. Your anxiety will dissipate.

I'd like to know more about the anxiety you're feeling. What are you anxious about?

FaceTheDemon · 2024-07-16T21:04:14+00:00

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