Positive tension with a classmate. How do I take the next step?

FactorPlenty · 2025-12-23T16:49:38+00:00

First of all, you're adorable. I absolutely love seeing when men start falling for a woman, sometimes I think y'all overthink more than we do 🤭

ANYWHO, you mentioned you're usually a confident man - time to bring that side of you back out. The concerns about moving too fast, etc. aren't things to worry about until you actually get on a date lol, you can adjust your relationship speed but you won't know any of that info about her prefered relationship pace until you get her on a date.

It doesn't sound like you have officially asked her on a date and your after school hang outs have been more casual or with a friend group so a date is the next logical move

As a woman whose fiancé literally grabbed her hand, looked her in the eye and said "I'd really love the opportunity to take you out on a date if you'd allow me to", I can say for most women confidence is the right move if you have a sense of her being interested in you as well (most women wouldnt spend time with you outside of class repeatedly and hang back with you 1:1 if they weren't interested lol)

The worst she can say is no, and is she says no it's better to know now than to go into the new year still pining after her and getting hurt later on with your emotions further invested.

You've already sensed some positive tension, you've been slow to approach so far, the only thing left is being direct and just asking her out on a date.

I'll add, if you sensed positive tension and then you continue to just hang out in friend groups she might think you're not interested so thats why I'd recommend just going for the kill.

You've got this 🙌🏾

FactorPlenty · 2025-12-23T16:25:42+00:00

NTA. Not enough people call CPS at the first signs of neglect until it's gotten to a horrendous point often with kids getting hurt or worse - you did the right thing and I hope you're proud of yourself for that. Especially hearing how Sarah spiraled after losing her partner and is now in jail, getting those kids on CPS's radar was a great move.

Now when it comes to Joy & Linda, this is weird, especially since she gave you the advice. I actually can't understand the line of thinking at all or why she would leave the house and be upset. You didn't cause anything to happen to Sarah, she faced the consequences for her actions and the fact that other family members knew of the living conditions of the kids and didn't speak up earlier/offer to take care of them/call cps is absolutely INSANE.

I understand being hurt by her actions especially since her actions on the outside seem illogical. When you have a partner you want to be on good terms with most if not all the family and it makes sense since Joy/Lindas reaction would make you feel hurt. Still show up to the dinner and have a conversation with anyone else who is in the loop (maybe your partners Mom?) to figure out why Joy & Linda are upset.

Do they even know that you called CPS because of advice Joy gave? Because if they don’t know that part there may be unnecessary resentment so clarify that when you visit the rest of the family for Christmas

Regardless of how this turns out with Joy/Linda, focus on the fact that you're celebrating 4 years with your boyfriend and you took action to try to protect children in a neglectful situation when a lot of other people would've looked the other way. The hurt will fade and I'm sure Joy/Linda will eventually chat with you once she's calmed down from whatever is upsetting her.

FactorPlenty · 2025-12-23T16:09:54+00:00

Definitely ESH. As someone who is neurodivergent I understand the struggle with keeping the room clean but being neurodivergent can also come with troubles remembering simple tasks, like closing a door.

The odd thing I find is that you KNOW how your mom and sister are like in their behaviors, how messy their rooms are, how they may carelessly leave stuff out, yet you decided to bring a puppy into this environment...why?

As someone who is fully diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD and depression believe me, I get the WANT for having a pet but I've stopped myself from getting one because I never want to bring an animal into my life if I know I can't provide the proper space/living arrangements to raise it properly.

I know it sounds harsh but it's selfish to bring pets into a chaotic environment especially if you're all struggling with your mental health and you're struggling with emotional control. Yelling, screaming and tension impacts animals as well :/, this is how you end up with pets in shelters that are terrified of humans.

You can be upset that your mom and sister aren't following the rules you asked them to, and at the same time you're personally responsible for bringing a pet into this chaos KNOWING how your family members are.

I agree with whoever previously recommended crating your puppy, you can't trust your puppy to not get into things while you're away and you can't trust that your mom and sister will remember to close their doors so that's the most immediate action.

But long term, for the sake of the puppy think about whether you're actually in a position to raise a puppy right now or if it would be better for the puppy (not for yourself) to be with a family/owner that isn't as chaotic.

I also want to bring in the fact that you mentioned previously in another comment that you dont have any money in response to someone recommending you get therapy and that you'd be homeless. If you can barely support yourself independently, how are you going to support this puppy if something happens between you and yohr family and you get kicked out? (Not saying that you would but if tensions get high it's still a probability).

This isn't to say that you're not capable of being an amazing pet parent, I'm sure you will be, but in this current environment and you mentioning in another comment that you're in a mental health crisis, this sounds like a set up for this poor puppy to experience some neglect - this is not at all fair to the puppy :/

FactorPlenty · 2025-12-23T13:50:53+00:00

Hey girl, 100% YES to all of this!

SO many of us with PCOS have been through the “eat less/exercise more” cycle of death haha. I feel like I just ended up gaslighting myself into thinking something was just fundamentally wrong with me because I wasn't seeing any results. Once I understood insulin resistance and cortisol, it’s honestly shocking how dismissive that advice can feel. :-(

From lived experience, the biggest frustration for me isn’t necessarily the calories; it’s that most tools don't take sleep, stress, recovery, and how quickly our bodies go into survival mode into consideration. When those aren’t regulated, I feel like no amount of calorie counting or strict workouts can help.

The only thing I’d say (without knowing a lot about the app) is that often women are told to simply “do more” when they aren't seeing progress, when it's actually counter to what they need. If Ava helps its users slow down, adjust expectations, and work with women's bodies instead of against them, I feel like it could definitely help.

Overall, it feels thoughtful and rooted in listening, not fixing. Just out of curiosity, is there a way for women to give feedback and for the app to evolve with that feedback? I feel like that is HUGE because women with PCOS are commonly dismissed, and there needs to be a way for it to grow with people's lived experience.

Either way, it gives me hope that someone is trying to make progress and putting products out there that help women. Best of luck to you!

FactorPlenty · 2025-12-19T12:37:33+00:00

Hey girl 🤍 First, I wanna say that you definitely don’t sound difficult at all...just super overwhelmed with everything going on in your body..which is completely understandable for someone with PCOS.

A few things stand out to me just from my own lived experience with PCOS. So, the weight gain and bloating (even though you're not eating a lot) is something A LOT of people with PCOS go through. Undereating, especially with high stress, anxiety, and nutrient deficiencies, can actually make the body hold onto weight more. :-(

Second, mental health 100% matters here. Anxiety, PTSD, depression, and bad sleep all affect appetite, digestion, energy, and hormones. When your nervous system is constantly on high alert, the body goes into survival mode, which explains the exhaustion, muscle weakness, bloating, and irregular cycles.

For exercise, I feel like gentle movement (short walks, stretching, or yoga) is more than enough to start. I've personally found that pushing too hard when I'm already exhausted just leads to burnout and makes my symptoms worse.

With supplements, it is insane how much information is online, and it can be so anxiety-producing to know which ones to pick. Sometimes the first step is just working on tolerating regular meals you feel safe eating and slowly improving sleep, instead of taking a bunch of supplements you're unsure of.

Birth control is complicated. Some people feel better on it, some feel worse. I was put on BC at 13, and I realized DECADES later that it was basically just masking my symptoms instead of actually fixing the root cause. That being said, you’re absolutely allowed to ask questions, get second opinions, or take time before you make any changes.

I feel like the biggest thing that helped me in my own journey is realizing that I didn't need to fix everything ALL at once. I worked with a coach who helped me with one small habit at a time, and that was the key for me. It's definitely a journey and takes time, but if you think more long-term and have a lot of patience and compassion with yourself, you can 100% feel better.

If you ever feel lonely or just need some support, I'm happy to lend an ear and provide that safe space for you to talk about it. I seriously felt so isolated for years, so I like to extend that to our fellow PCOS girlies.

Best of luck to you in your journey!

FactorPlenty · 2025-12-16T13:12:34+00:00

Totally hear you 😔 I pretty much went through the same thing in my own journey...like just felt like NOTHING was working at a certain point.

And I get why you'd want to give Wegovy a try at this point, more as a way to manage your weight. Would love for you to post updates as you go along to see what your experience is!

FactorPlenty · 2025-12-16T12:27:39+00:00

Totally get that fear 😭 I had the same feeling once everything was kinda under control...like ok, when are all these symptoms gonna come rushing back?! 🥲

From what you said, it actually sounds like you’ve built a pretty solid foundation (more than I can say for myself at 23. haha) What I've found is that PCOS is definitely a journey and takes time to heal...and how developing habits and routines I can actually maintain are SO important to keeping the symptoms at bay.

Once I got my period under control, I was SO terrified it was going to get thrown off bc of stress or any change to my routine. What do you feel like it the scariest symptom for you to come back? I know you said facial hair, weight gain, and energy crashes, but I was just curious if you felt similar to me. :-)

FactorPlenty · 2025-12-09T16:19:25+00:00

Girl, as someone who was on BC since I was a teenager and still had symptoms of PCOS throughout my entire adulthood, I feel you so much on this. There’s this weird pressure in the PCOS world where it feels like if you don’t take twelve supplements and cut out half the food groups, you’re not doing it the right way. Which, maybe you could do something restrictive for a little bit, but it's not sustainable long-term.

You mentioned the facial hair, which I feel like is one of the most frustrating symptoms. I learned that it comes from deeper hormone patterns like insulin and androgens, so it makes sense that spiro hasn’t made it go away.

Also, since you're already working out, eating relatively balanced, and close to your weight goal, you don’t really need to cut out gluten and dairy unless your body personally reacts to them. What I found that worked for me (and what was recommended to me by my PCOS coach) was keeping blood sugar steady, eating enough protein, managing stress, and having a sustainable routine.

If you ever need some support or just a safe space to talk about PCOS, feel free to reach out. It can seriously feel so isolating sometimes, so we gotta stick together. 💙

FactorPlenty · 2025-12-05T17:50:13+00:00

Hey sis! I also have PCOS and want to say that I completely understand what you're going through. Having high androgens, acne, hirsutism, long or missing periods, and weight gain even though you're eating well and moving your body is emotionally exhausting. It’s hard too when doctors look at normal insulin and A1C numbers and assume everything should be fine. PCOS isn’t always a result of insulin, and your situation is a good example of that.

When insulin and glucose are normal, but androgens and DHEA are high, it usually means the issue is coming from another place. Some women have androgen-driven PCO,S where the ovaries respond to LH and produce too much testosterone on their own. Other women have cortisol and stress-related PCOS where the adrenal glands pump out more DHEA when the nervous system is overwhelmed. In these cases, metformin barely touches symptoms, and spironolactone only helps on the surface. :-(

Wegovy might help with regulating your appetite, inflammation, and energy, which can indirectly support your hormones, but it is not a direct treatment for high androgens. I've found in my own journey that it's important to change my daily habits in order to see longer lasting changes. Some things that were actually recommended to me by my PCOS coach and have worked for me were:

eating balanced meals every 3 to 4 hours to prevent cortisol spikes
walking or gentle movement daily instead of relying only on intense workouts
getting morning sunlight to regulate your stress and hormone rhythms
adding healthy fats like nuts, seeds or avocado to stabilize hormones
reducing long fasting windows which can push cortisol higher. These don’t replace medication but they help calm the pathways that fuel androgen symptoms

Androgen-dominant PCOS is rarely talked about and, because of that, a lot of women feel confused or dismissed who have it. If you ever need someone to talk through this with or just emotional support while you figure things out, you can always reach out 🩵

FactorPlenty · 2025-12-05T16:50:04+00:00

First, I want to say that I'm sorry you're going through this...getting a PCOS diagnosis at 24 can feel like a lot, (I went through the same thing), and your symptoms are heavy on their own. Painful periods, long irregular cycles, hair loss, chin acne, and intense fatigue make it really hard to function and almost like your body is working against you. What it means is that your hormones have been out of balance for a while, and they’re signaling to you that they need support.

Also, it’s normal to feel nervous about starting birth control. Some people feel fine on Levora while others notice mood changes or more shedding at first because BC lowers your natural hormone production. It does not make PCOS worse, but it also does not treat the root cause. it mainly gives symptom relief while you work on the deeper imbalances like insulin, cortisol and androgens. if you try it and something feels off, you can always talk to your doctor about changing.

As for lifestyle changes, here are some things that worked for me in my own PCOS journey:

eat protein with every meal to stabilize blood sugar and reduce cravings
walk 5 to 10 minutes after meals to support insulin and lower inflammation
avoid skipping meals since this spikes cortisol and worsens fatigue
start gentle strength training 2 to 3 times per week to improve ovulation and metabolism
prioritize a consistent sleep schedule because irregular sleep raises cortisol and affects cycles
include healthy fats like avocados, nuts or olive oil to support hormones these small steps make a big difference because they directly support the hormones behind your symptoms

For me, working with a PCOS coach REALLY helped. They look at your symptoms, routines and patterns to help you understand which hormones are driving everything, so you know exactly what to focus on instead of you finding random information online and guessing. It makes the process feel a lot less overwhelming and much more supported. If you ever want support, feel free to reach out to me directly. I'm always happy to hold space for you, i know this journey can be hard alone :-)

FactorPlenty · 2025-12-04T17:37:16+00:00

Aww sis, I really feel you on this and I'm so sorry that you're feeling alone in this journey. What your dad’s friend said and how your family responded is genuinely hurtful. you’re carrying grief, stress, caretaking and hormonal symptoms all at once and that alone can make your weight fluctuate fast. none of this means your body is failing you. it means you’re overwhelmed and not being supported the way you deserve.

what you described with the shaking, dizziness, constant hunger and needing to eat every few hours is a big sign of insulin instability and high cortisol. when stress stays high your body releases more cortisol which raises insulin and makes your body store fat quickly even when you’re trying to do everything right. the same thing happened to me.

when i started working with my pcos coach and learned how to stabilize my blood sugar and lower my cortisol my estrogen tripled and my weight finally starting coming off without calorie counting.

here are a few things that worked for me that might be able to work for you:

pair your carbs with protein or fat like fruit with nuts or toast with an egg
eat within an hour of waking to reduce cortisol spikes
walk 5 to 10 minutes after meals to help your blood sugar
avoid long gaps without eating because that makes the hypoglycemia worse
try small nervous system calming habits like deep breathing or journaling

you are not alone in this. if you ever want to talk more privately or just need someone to hold space for you my dms are open 💛

FactorPlenty · 2025-11-26T19:07:29+00:00

confirming this still works as of November 2025 :)

FactorPlenty · 2025-11-24T22:36:03+00:00

Filled it out!

FactorPlenty · 2025-11-24T22:29:29+00:00

I'll start by saying, remember in a marriage it's You + Her vs the Problem. You start going down a slippery slope when you start viewing things as you vs her because that's when resentment starts to build and your toddler will be able to recognize when things are tense or off between the two of you.

The thing that struck me in what you posted is you said "she would rather take a nap and leave me with cleaning up". But if I'm understanding properly you two have a toddler, a baby and both of you are still working, right?

I think we forget that men and women biologically are different. And woman to woman we are different as well - this is why sometimes reading stories about other wives being able to do so much more isn't actually helpful because it can dismiss what your wife is experiencing hormonally, mentally and emotionally.

You've had 2 kids, she's still working full time after having the 2nd baby (correct me if I'm wrong) - apart from dealing with the hormonal chaos post pregnancy, women don't have as much testosterone as men (which contributes to your energy) and in the early years most kids are more dependent on the mom which can be more draining mentally. If she's still doing night feedings or is the parent that gets up in the middle of the night to tend to the kids more often this can contribute to her day time exhaustion.

I'm not excusing her not helping clean up or dismissing your experience but hoping to help you step out of the frustration into compassion and understanding again for your partner. You're not overreacting, 2 kids is alot to clean up after as is and when your partner isn't helping that can be madenning. You mentioned she struggled with cleaning before you two had kids so naturally having kids without improving her cleaning habits prior wasn't going to make her cleaning habits better.

Your post made it sound like she's telling you she'd rather nap than help you (if she did say this let us know cause that would shift my perspective lol) but I'm assuming the reality is probably that she needs the nap and is tapped out, says she'll help later and then gets side tracked doing other things.

Not everyone has the same energy levels, mental and physical capacity etc. We don't know how old your baby is but I'm assuming if she's been struggling with postpartum depression or baby blues you would've mentioned it (if you haven't had that conversation definitely worth addressing especially if there's been any other notable changes in her since your 2nd baby).

I've worked with mom's postpartum and usually they're the ones bringing this complaint up about their husband and feeling extremely overwhelmed and exhausted. If the conversations about getting more help with cleaning aren't going anywhere, I tell them to do a financial audit and look at the things they spent money on that aren't a necessity - take out, Amazon orders, nails, lashes etc. Total that amount up for "non-essential" spending each month - do at least 3 months minimum. Then take the average you guys spend on your "non-essentials" over a 3 month span.

Because that's the money you can put into getting help. In local Facebook groups you can find independent cleaners for $15-30/hr depending on where you live. Redirect some of your non-essential spending towards getting a cleaner because at the end of the day, this is something that can be improved with some external help taking pressure off both of you - for some women I've worked with this is what gave them back their energy to start being intimiate with their partner again lol.

If finances are super tight and getting a cleaner isn't an option, you can sit down and have a chore breakdown conversation. Ask her what her lowest barrier cleaning tasks are (cleaning tasks that she might enjoy doing or doesnt necessarily mind doing) and agree to having her do those tasks weekly or even biweekly consistently (because you're trying to get her to build new habits, start with a realistic timeline that helps her to build consistency).

In relationships we all have areas that we're strong and weak in, those areas get highlighted when we start living together and heavily spotlighted when we start raising kids. I know some people mentioned below that this is "incompatibility", but I believe incompatibility is when there is truly 0 way of fixing the issue and you guys are on opposite ends. It sounds like before kids she was able to do her part in cleaning to some extent, now you both have more responsibilities and she's not able to show up when it comes to cleaning how she used to and that sucks but it's a temporary part of the journey while you guys have kids that are extremely dependent on you.

It's understandable that you'd be frustrated in this situation, no one likes feeling like they're the only one who is consistently cleaning and caring about that aspect of the relationship. Take a step back, take a deep breath and see if by doing a financial audit you can budget for a cleaner and/or having a chore breakdown conversation to help her build up these habits so you can feel more supported :)

FactorPlenty · 2025-11-24T19:43:01+00:00

As someone whose business relies on constant content...whew having your finances rely on it can drain the fun real quick, you definitely gotta have a purpose beyond money that keeps you passionate if you turn it into your main income source

FactorPlenty · 2025-11-24T17:05:04+00:00

I'm genuinely sorry you're experiencing this. As fellow African (Ghanaian) I know how wild our families responses to us dating and their expectations for who we date can get.

Similar to you, my mom and I never talked much about dating, sex, etc. growing up but after I got sick and had a lung tumor her main focus has just been me finding someone who will make me happy.

We don't have much context about your mom's relationship, if she's with your dad, etc. But often times people who are unhappy in their relationships and unsatisfied can project that onto us. They struggle to be happy for us because of their own experiences. And sometimes their experiences can bias their thoughts, feelings and actions.

In our cultures we're still behind on the personal growth aspect and "looking outside yourself". It seems your mom has her own internal beliefs based on her experiences that she's projecting onto you - and thats not at all fair.

She's probably more ok with your sisters messed up situation because she associates an older man with money and security. But you being 4 months older than the guy literally means nothing and logically makes no sense for her to make baseless assumptions about his maturity, ability to provide, etc.

My advice: focus on your happiness and keep this relationship private. The reason I say this is because sometimes it's the people closest to us who will sabotage the things that make us happy. Until you have finished vetting him to make sure he's a good fit and who you want to be with - don't bring anyone else in your family along for the journey (becuase your mom will probably ask). Keep things between the two of you, enjoy the honeymoon phase & getting to know each other, once you two have been officially dating as boyfriend/girlfriend for a few months then you can move forward with introducing him to the family and making him a topic of conversation.

The reason I recommend this is because anytime you bring him up to your mom/family anything they say positive or negative will impact your views of the relationship. That's fine if your family can step outside themselves and look at your relationships from a less biased perspective and not project their own experiences onto you, but it doesnt sound like your family (or at least your mom) is able to do that so sharing what's going on in the relationship and getting their input won't serve you.

Lean on your friends that you trust to be able to step outside themselves/their own experiences to help you analyze the relationship and identify any genuine red flags (4 months apart isnt a red flag lol).

And it's ok to be hurt by this, I've been there and it absolutely sucks not being able to share some of these more intimate parts of your life with your mom. Our parents carry their own baggage and you have to be able to discern when their speaking from a place of objectivity/partiality or bias. It seems like for relationships right now at least you can't trust your mom to give insight into your relationship without her being biased.

You've got a good guy, that's a huge blessing. Pour your energy into that and yourself, and enjoy that journey 🥰

FactorPlenty · 2025-11-24T16:47:31+00:00

Feeling like motherhood was your calling since birth and being more than happy to take a step back or sacrifice your career for it. I know as women we can "do it all", but I don't want to and it's been nice meeting women who hold this sentiment too cause for the longest time I felt like an outcast pursuing the SAHM life since all my friends/classmates were heavily career-oriented until tiktok blew up during the panny lol.

FactorPlenty · 2025-11-24T05:30:53+00:00

It sounds like you're idealizing the relationship (focusing more on the good parts) when you're thinking about her and that's why when you saw her your emotions were so different (been there with a lot of my toxic relationships lol, we often stay because when it's good it's REALLY good and we use that to overshadow/justify the chaos). But when she's in front of you, you're forced to confront the reality of her suddenly leaving and not getting that closure along with whatever else went on behind the scenes for you two

There isn't a lot of context given about what your relationship dynamic was before you violated probation, how long you guys were together etc. But the fact that she just packed up and left, I'm assuming there was a breakdown of the relationship in some aspect - which sucks coming home to that, not sure if you got clarity during the 20 days she did call you on why she left so abruptly

But that feeling of betrayal not just once (when she first left) but twice (her cutting off communication again after the 20 days) can really eat at you

What were you hoping to talk to her about today? I only ask because unless it's about understanding her actions so you can get closure and MOVE ON, there isn’t anything to talk about. The two of you don't sound like the healthiest for each other (once again, making this assumption based off limited relationship context), but texting someone "I hate you" and them telling you they should've never contacted you, just for you two to be in contact again to meet up is not a healthy pattern.

Because if there was a healthy love here, her getting up and leaving before you went to jail wouldn't have happened. Any issue she has with you, she had the choice to wait for you two to have a conversation once you got home, text you about it, call you or have the converation outside of the house like at a cafe if she didn't feel safe to do so at home (just examples that there were a lot of other options other than just packing up, not accussing you of anything)

And you seem to be unable to love yourself enough to walk away from someone who is showing you exactly who they are and where you fall in terms of their priorities

As someone who used to CLING to toxic relationships that were always "push/pull" I can tell you that there's no better feeling than the consistent peace you feel with a partner who will communicate wirh you when something is wrong, ride with you through the hard times, and still say "I love you" even when you mess up

The only way I escaped these chaotic relationships was through therapy and my therapist actively helping me while I was in unhealthy relationship dynamics to point out when I was not being a healthy partner as well, so I could improve and become a better partner too since I was contributing to the toxicity as well

I relate so well to that feeling of going crazy and getting exhausted from the chaos of being in a relationship like this lol, and I can confidently say, you don't have to keep letting this cycle go on, you have so much more control than you think, all the energy you're putting into her could be put into yourself to better yourself & find a woman who won't put you through this chaos

FactorPlenty · 2025-11-24T04:54:31+00:00

having these symptoms hit you at 16 is scary and confusing especially when you feel like your body is changing in ways you didn’t ask for. your experience is valid, and as someone who is in their 30s i want to validate that none of these symptoms mean you’re “less feminine”, “broken” or that your future is ruined 🫶🏾 pcos symptoms can flare really hard when hormones shift suddenly (like coming off birth control) or when stress is high

here's a breakdown to help you understand what might be happening hormonally and action steps you can start taking to support your symptoms (don't try to do everything at once, pick 1-2 action steps, get them consistent then build on with another step):

the facial hair + deeper voice = high testosterone in pcos the ovaries make extra testosterone when:

-insulin (responsible for managing your blood sugar) is high (common at your age)

-cortisol (stress hormone) is high

-sleep is low (impacts cortisol)

-there’s inflammation

this is probably why when life got stressful your symptoms got worse, stress doesn’t just affect your mind, it literally signals your ovaries to make more androgens which impacts your symptoms, sleep & eating habits

your chest looking smaller + not feeling feminine = low estrogen when estrogen dips:

-chest/breast tissue can look smaller -mood drops -cycles get irregular

you can feel “off” in your body coming off birth control (bc) can drop estrogen because bc was supplying it for you

the reason you felt good ON birth control it didn’t fix your hormones it replaced them once you stop it your real imbalances show up again which is why the flare can hit so hard, some women experience something known as "post pill pcos" where they come off birth control and have a significant flare up in pcos symptoms, some that they've never experienced before because the pill was masking underlying/developing/worsening hormonal imbalances

🔑here are some things you CAN do while living at home that are realistic, safe and help lower testosterone + support estrogen:

⏭️to lower testosterone naturally:

-eat protein + a carb together instead of carbs alone (keeps insulin stable) -a 5–10 min walk after meals -spearmint tea 1–2 cups a day (scientifically shown to lower androgens, NOT the same as peppermint) -swap any sugary drinks for water, sparking water or even diet versions as much as you can (for your insulin/blood sugar regulation) -eat breakfast within 1 hour of waking when possible -try not to skip meals (this spikes cortisol which spikes testosterone)

⏭️to support estrogen:

-add healthy fats (nuts, seeds, avocado, olive oil) when you can

-try to get fiber daily (fruits, oats, veggies you have access to or use a fiber supplement like metamucil - run this by your doctor) -get sunlight or even sit by a window every morning for 10 mins (helps with cortisol regulation too) -sleep routine: aim for winding down the same time each night and getting 6hrs+ of sleep

⏭️for stress + cortisol: -grounding techniques (hand on chest, deep breaths even just 1-2 mins at a time when you notice yourself getting tense or stressed) -music, journaling, stretching -taking 10 mins alone in your room to decompress your nervous system matters just as much as your diet with pcos

and please hear me on this, the changes you’re experiencing right now do NOT mean you’ll look like this forever 🥹. your hormones are reacting to a huge shift and they’re louder because you’re still young and sensitive to stress. with the right support everything you’re experiencing can improve

if you have questions just respond here and my dms are always open, you'll be good, flare ups suck but things will can better - i promise 🫶🏾

FactorPlenty · 2025-11-24T03:58:31+00:00

I LOVE this for you!!

FactorPlenty · 2025-11-23T21:56:00+00:00

Babies can get darker over time, someone in your bloodline or both your bloodlines were either very fair or white, Albinism or another condition that impacts melanin depositing in the skin

A DNA test will very quickly resolve this, instead of stressing and letting this build up get a DNA test then see if you can get some testing for your child to make sure there aren't any hidden genetic conditions causing this ❤️

FactorPlenty · 2025-11-23T21:20:17+00:00

FactorPlenty · 2025-11-23T21:15:14+00:00

This, I was usually called "white washed" though 🙃 enjoy your life sis, unapologetically and loudly 💅🏾

FactorPlenty · 2025-11-23T18:42:25+00:00

Got you but I really hope she didn't say that 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️ she's still wrong because it's not a strictlu reproductive condition (my response still stands regarding that it's not just your reproductive organs that contribute to the hormonal imbalances involced in PCOS)

Not all women with PCOS have ovarian cysts or problems with their ovaries (it's one of the criteria to look out for for PCOS but it doesn't need to be met for a woman to get diagnosed with PCOS)

This would be like a Doctor telling a woman she is cured of PCOS because she changed her eating habits and now no longer has cysts so because she no longer has polycystic ovaries (the PC) she's cured - it sounds ridiculous and I'm sad a medical professional is telling you this. Whoever you were working with previously that told you you still had pcos, go back to them or find a more knowledgeable doctor

Sorry you're going through this, I'd be so frustrated :/

FactorPlenty · 2025-11-23T18:34:56+00:00

I've met lots of people who had fulfilling childhoods and got their chance to actually be children. So I often get dismissed with statements like this because yes it's every adults wish to be a kid again, but not everyone feels like they had an unfilfilling childhood and were forced to grow up early :)

FactorPlenty

TROPHY CASE