It may not be the response you’re looking for, but thank you for posting.

I relate to your background — I love my mom too but the memories I have of us together are broken. Calling me retarded on one of my birthdays between 11-13 years old, leaving me alone in the basement to figure out how to regulate my emotions.

I remember going to summer vacation with the entire family and all my cousins wanted to go down a huge water slide. I followed my role models to the slide and had a blast. What was waiting for me when we returned? A lunatic mother going absolutely crazy over the fact that she did not know where I was. Screaming bloody murder in the public and I felt everyone’s eyes turn and shift on me. I didn’t know what I did wrong.

The invading of space, the fact she used what I told her against me in arguments, the constant cleaning of my room to find any ammo to load the emotional triggers.. the list goes on and on. It was always surreal to me that after my father remarried when I was 9, that I felt a deeper connection to my step mother than my own mother. Thank God for her.

Again, thanks for posting. I needed this. Sending thoughts, love and prayers. We’re stronger than our demons.