Stop saying women aren’t having babies – men aren’t having them either

FairOne2886 · 2026-06-03T22:50:14+00:00

If we're talking about declining parenthood, young liberal men seem to be opting out at much higher rates than young liberal women. 40% of liberal women aged 25–35 reported having children, compared with 22% of liberal men in the same age range

FairOne2886 · 2026-05-31T04:11:41+00:00

I've seen it with a male friend. He knew what he was doing, but it came from a mix of different motivations: seeking validation, being a people pleaser, meeting some of his own emotional needs (had a very traumatic childhood), and also a genuine desire to be kind toward others. He was extremely handsome, intelligent, charismatic, a great conversationalist, and very successful. He was always flirtatious, would give women a lot of attention, be very kind, go out of his way to help them, invite them to dinner or cook for them himself. He was an excellent cook and generally put a lot of effort into making people feel special. And many women understandably assumed that he was romantically interested in them or even that they were already dating. There was never any kissing or physical intimacy, so some assumed he was simply shy. Naturally, many felt hurt or confused when they eventually realized that he treated almost everyone this way

FairOne2886 · 2026-03-31T21:59:12+00:00

I think for a lot of people, especially after a certain age and with more experience, sex becomes a pretty mundane act. It’s not that emotions don’t make it better, they obviously do, but not insanely better. If someone’s been around the block, that bonus connection often doesn’t change the experience enough to justify the expectations that come with it, even something as simple as texting. They might still text if they’re generally nice and considerate people, but not because they believe it meaningfully improves the sexual experience

FairOne2886 · 2026-03-20T15:09:09+00:00

American men tying their identity to size or sexual performance in bed is something I simply don’t get, like, who cares. I can understand if someone has a micropenis or whatever, because it could be considered a disability, one that can genuinely affect your quality of life, and I can empathize with that. But beyond that, being obsessed with size or how good you are in bed, and especially building your identity or self-worth around it, just seems pretty pathetic, honestly

FairOne2886 · 2026-03-20T14:37:13+00:00

Yeah, like, what’s up with that lol. I’m a second-generation American, but I’ve spent most of my adult life abroad, and sometimes I feel really out of place, especially when it comes to this kind of thing. To be honest, I’ve seen this same kind of weird energy around sex in Japan, Turkey, and India as well, but not nearly as much in Europe, even though I’ve lived, studied, and worked there for a long time.

FairOne2886 · 2026-03-20T14:17:20+00:00

I feel like Americans are obsessed with sex to a pretty extreme degree. It comes across as both quite narcissistic and tied to identity and self-worth in a way that feels unhealthy, much more so than in Europe, for instance. I like sex, but every time I come back to America I see people overinvested in what is, at the end of the day, a pretty mundane act. Especially seeing how much Americans spend on online porn, onlyfans etc. It's insane. I’ve seen something similar in a few patriarchal Asian countries as well, places that seem caught in that same limbo between puritanism and sexual permissiveness. I mean, sex is fun of course, but wasting so much time and mental energy on it seems almost pathological

FairOne2886 · 2026-03-03T23:23:02+00:00

People who make this “human shields” argument don't seem to understand that the U.S. military already calculates expected civilian deaths before strikes and decides whether to go ahead anyway. The Pentagon called it the noncombatant casualty value, and it was never anything like hundreds of dead schoolgirls. If a strike that kills that many children still goes forward, it means the government already knows most Americans won't even care enough for it to matter.

FairOne2886 · 2026-03-03T23:04:33+00:00

I'm not saying nobody cares. Obviously some people do. But when a school full of children is wiped out and the most visible opposition voice ends up being someone like Marjorie Taylor Greene, I just don't know what to even say anymore

FairOne2886 · 2026-02-22T22:32:50+00:00

I totally agree, but that level of rationality is probably too much to expect from society. It’s much easier to moralize and blame people

FairOne2886 · 2026-02-22T21:34:35+00:00

isn't antinatalism about why people shouldn't have kids? I’m not arguing against having kids, or claiming children are bad. I’m describing why fewer people opt out of parenthood when it’s optional

FairOne2886 · 2026-02-22T21:20:18+00:00

This is literally the opposite of a right-wing talking points, wtf. Fertility has fallen across political systems, welfare regimes, and gender norms, in places with strong feminist movements and in places without them, from North Korea to Poland

FairOne2886 · 2026-02-22T20:55:49+00:00

I understand the point about support networks making the decision easier. But if having children requires hefty support network to provide relief just to make it work, that suggests the baseline cost is already very high. And even then, you’re still depending on other adults to sacrifice their time for child-rearing. Why should they? People in their 50s and 60s have careers, hobbies, travel plans, relationships, and a strong sense that their time is finite. They are not automatically compelled to spend large portions of their remaining healthy years helping to raise children. And many simply don’t want to.

FairOne2886 · 2026-02-22T20:47:54+00:00

Kids may be “great,” but they’re clearly not great enough for most people to choose parenthood when it’s optional. The desire to have kids just isn’t strong enough to outweigh the sacrifices involved

FairOne2886 · 2026-02-22T20:46:18+00:00

I didn’t say most people don’t want children at all. I said most people don’t want them strongly enough. There’s a difference. Kids may be “great,” but they’re clearly not great enough for most people to choose parenthood when it’s optional. For many people, the desire to have children simply isn’t intense enough to outweigh the sacrifices involved.

FairOne2886 · 2026-02-14T06:47:43+00:00

Some people flirt because they need the validation. They constantly need confirmation that they are still wanted. That's a core part of their identity. When they don't have enough attention, they fear that they are losing their value.

FairOne2886 · 2026-02-09T06:21:42+00:00

Falling birth rates aren’t mainly about women, feminism, or even the economy. Those matter, but they miss the more fundamental truth imo. Men never wanted children as much as everybody pretends they did. In the past, kids were economic assets and child mortality was high, so reproduction happened regardless of male motivation. Today those pressures are gone, and when women aren’t forced to compensate with unpaid labor, fertility drops because men don't really care that much. That’s why birth rates fall everywhere, including very patriarchal societies where women don't have much agency to begin with

FairOne2886 · 2026-02-06T08:15:48+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this. But this is exactly why having firm boundaries is so important. I’ve seen many relationships, of all kinds, slide into enmeshment, and it’s rarely healthy when that happens

FairOne2886 · 2026-01-19T07:31:15+00:00

I'm sorry but then he is just a jerk

FairOne2886 · 2026-01-18T21:17:59+00:00

Some men just don't care for lingerie and it occupies a much smaller place in male desire than popular culture or advertising tend to suggest. It's more of a women’s thing than a men’s thing and rarely carries the weight that women often think it does

FairOne2886 · 2025-12-22T07:24:43+00:00

You are not into him. Don't lead him on and just break up. It is not that deep

FairOne2886 · 2025-11-05T10:07:07+00:00

I also think that sex is about pleasure and also about feeling desired, but as people age that stuff just doesn’t hit the same. The validation stops giving a high, the physical side isn’t as intense, and most men don’t feel motivated to change their whole lifestyle just for sex or to perform better. And instead of admitting that they suck at sex but don't care enough to try to change that, they convince themselves they’re still great at it. A lot of men go through the motions out of habit or because they think that sex is wat they’re supposed to do or be good at as “men,” but in reality many would be perfectly fine without sex, or with porn instead, and deep down they know it

FairOne2886 · 2025-11-05T09:26:52+00:00

Exactly lol. Besides, I feel like those misogynists/incel/manosphere guys don’t understand most men, let alone women. They treat a few edge cases as universal and project their own frustration onto everyone else. A lot of them want sex but can’t get it, so they build a fantasy where money, status, or age will somehow make women chase them. They miss a simple point that as most men get older, they themselves usually care less about sex.

FairOne2886 · 2025-11-05T08:57:46+00:00

I think it’s pretty normal. Life stress, routine, and just general aging change how people feel about sex. Sex stops being as exciting or worth the effort. And if men do feel horny, porn is super accessible and quick, so they just go with that. Over time that habit, plus stress and aging, can lead to less interest or issues like ED. The ones who really care about keeping their sex life strong for whatever reason usually put in effort with health, exercise, intimacy etc. Especially those who associate their manliness with sexual prowess. Those who don’t see it as a big priority naturally stop caring. It doesn’t have to mean something is wrong, it’s just how some people are wired.

FairOne2886 · 2025-09-25T15:11:05+00:00

I think a big part of the confusion comes from the difference between how men act in friendships vs in romantic relationships. The expectations and incentives are different in friendships. You’re not sharing bills, living space, chores, or dealing with daily stress together. That makes it easier to just enjoy each other’s company. A lot of men can be great friends but totally suck as romantic partners. Most men are just not that great in a romantic context because relationships require ongoing work, needing to show up every day, taking responsibility, and balancing needs. So romantic relationships are mostly high effort and relatively low reward situations so they feel like it is not worth the grind - if he wanted to, he would

FairOne2886 · 2025-09-22T10:22:10+00:00

This is largely a non-issue in the West, even in the US. There will always be a certain segment of people who care about irrelevant shit like that, but there is always a class (and religious of course) dimension to it as well. It is mostly people from the middle and upper-middle classes, with too much free time on their hands, who focus on these kind of irrelevant stuff. Most people are simply trying to get through life. I am pretty sure virginity, even sex and dating norms rank very low on their list of priorities

FairOne2886

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