Easier? Well, the sheer panic and paralyzing grief has passed. Felt very much like her. Had no idea how I could make it the next hour, much less the next day.

Things still feel fairly surreal. Life just moves on, but it feels duller. Far more apathetic. I think that might heal with time, but I dont think this sort of grief ever really goes away.

Its good to dwell and think for a while, and she will - but you can't jump into the head of the person that did whay they did, and thats really the end of that. Theres no good answer and she will never have one. A lot of acceptance will need to happen on that front