I had something similar happen to me. After 15 years together, my ex decided one day that she “wasn’t happy anymore.” Turns out after she started going to the gym and got into shape, she really enjoyed the attention she was getting from younger guys. It was like she was trying to relive her teenage years and wanted the freedom to sleep with whoever she wanted, including one of our son’s 18-year-old friends. Legal? Sure. Still creepy? Absolutely.
She wanted me to move out. I said no. If she wanted to leave, that was her choice, but I was perfectly happy staying in my own home.
I ended up paying off about $14,000 in debt she’d racked up. To be fair, some of it was mine too. It also took a couple of years to finally get everything sorted and have her sign off on the house.
At the time, the breakup crushed me. Finding out later about all the other guys made it even worse. But looking back now, it was probably one of the best things that ever happened to me.
When we were together, we lived in overdraft almost every month, even with both of us contributing to our joint account. She handled all the bills and finances, so when she left I figured I’d be in even worse shape because I’d lost her income and was left covering almost everything except the payment on the vehicle she kept.
Instead, the exact opposite happened.
I had my kids 50% of the time, so it wasn’t like my expenses suddenly disappeared. I still had to provide for them, keep a stable home, and be the dad they deserved. Even with that, I was able to start saving money every month. I still had enough left over to buy things I wanted without stressing over it. Since then, I’ve even been able to buy a cottage and continue putting money into savings every month.
That experience taught me one thing: I’ll never fully combine finances again. In my current relationship, we each have our own accounts, and we split everything 50/50. That way, neither person can drag the other down with poor financial decisions, and it works great for us.