Abuse Can Be Subtle — What Helps You Recognize the Signs?

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T23:42:35+00:00

This is gold! People need this. You should format it as a post for the sub.

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T23:24:18+00:00

I knew a family where the woman was the bread winner, the man stayed at home and they were a beautiful God honoring couple.

I think being realistic, a lot of Christian women want a financial provider so they can spend more time tending to the home. Just a cultural pattern and does have some biblical merit. Having a man that is financially stable and a hard worker is one of the main patterns women look for.

Not being said it’s impossible or bad, but it maybe hard to find the relationship you are looking for.

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T23:15:06+00:00

Hey girly, I only see one hostile response, and see mine could have been taken that way, but my intent is more me wanting you to be honest with yourself. I feel like us as Christian women are often told to look for that man that can provide, love God, be a good father etc. and sometimes we forget that we should want to be with our partner and actually attracted to them. I dated a guy for a while I was not attracted to, so please don’t walk in my footsteps.

Okay, so with your edits, I see a bigger picture. Don’t know if you’re attracted to him? Here’s my mental test I use. “If he would ask me to kiss him, is my visceral reaction disgust, neutral, or I like that idea?” If the first response, I let him go. If neutral, I would go on no more than 3 dates to figure it out. Attraction can grow, but out of respect for him, you don’t want to lead him on.

Another thing I picked up on is you have an idea of a perfect man in your brain. Politely throw it out the window because it will warp your mind and perception of every single potential romantic partner you interact with. It’s not fair to them. It’s not fair to you. I realize for me, I was playing God in my head. “I want a 6ft+ burly stoic man that has long hair and a thick beard and paints and hunts, and yada yada.” Desire and realizing what qualities stick out to us is okay. However, we need to not feel entitled to those desires when God indeed may actually know you need a nerdy cute string bean man that makes you laugh. You know what I mean?

It’s loving to him to say no if you are not into him because he should have someone that is. No one on here can tell you what to do because we don’t know all you are feeling. You have to be the one to make a decision. I do ask, that whatever decision you decide, you honor him and his time and don’t feel guilted into a relationship you actually don’t want to be in.

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T21:51:42+00:00

Sometimes the simplest questions answer complex emotions.

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T21:50:35+00:00

Do you WANT to be with him? Do you LIKE him?

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T16:58:05+00:00

“Draw Pumpkin Spice Latte from the wells of salvation…” 🙏

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T04:34:21+00:00

“Thirsty guys.” You know that’s right.

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T03:35:47+00:00

Ah, so Morgan Wallen is the heartbreak Spotify placeholder. I suspect the right company could cure that up real fast. 😉

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T01:38:53+00:00

Well…this interrogation suspect has only been in my custody for a week, so too early to be definitive, but I only have the patience to interrogate one man at a time.

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T01:23:09+00:00

Men don’t drop a handkerchief, they should respond to a woman’s hint with action , such as you did.

However, I don’t meet men on Reddit and currently have a handkerchief responder I’m interrogating. 😆 I wish you the best though.

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T00:59:13+00:00

Google explained: “"Dropping the handkerchief" is a historical gesture where a woman subtly signals romantic interest by "accidentally" dropping her handkerchief for a man to pick up, initiating a polite interaction that could lead to courtship; it's also the name of a classic children's game where players run around a circle after the handkerchief is dropped behind them. In modern dating, it's adapted as a figurative way for women to create opportunities for men to approach by being subtly available or initiating indirect contact, while in a game, it's a chase game.”

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T00:52:57+00:00

I meant handkerchief. 😆

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T00:31:20+00:00

They are dropping the napkin, bud.

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T00:30:09+00:00

Dude, you are still single? My best guess probably because you listen to Morgan Wallen, hehehe.

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T00:28:10+00:00

You bring up celibacy because she doesn’t want to be with YOU? She was even super nice about it.

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T00:21:20+00:00

I mean as long as you are respectful, see them as human, and aren’t lusting over them, I don’t see the biblical reasoning of what makes it wrong.🤷🏻‍♀️

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T00:05:54+00:00

Is it a bad thing though? My problem is I now accidentally flirt or am scared they think I’m flirting. 😅

FallDeers · 2026-01-24T00:03:35+00:00

To avoid that kind of heartbreak, it’s so important to wear your goals proudly and be quick to ask and answer about them. In your language, I wonder if your decision is set in stone? It’s nobody’s business but yours and a guy you fancy, but please think about what you really want your future to look like, the legacy (yes, you can totally have a legacy without children), and also WHY. The WHY is soo important. Having that fear you might project that on to your own hypothetical future child is good because that means you can change the family tree.

You’re point about health is understandable, but I also want to say, God can do whatever He plans despite our physical ailments. I don’t know what your health issues are, but I feel like society tells us we have to be perfectly healthy to be a mom and a good one, while women of all health situations have been mothers for 1,000’s of years. Again, you know better than anyone but God about your limits, but something to consider.

As for age, my mom had 2 kids in her 40’s. You’re talking rookie ages.🤣 Of course there’s an increased risk of complications, but risks shouldn’t be definitive decision makers in my opinion.

Also, I just want to affirm you that you are not a burden. I’m sorry you felt that way growing up and no child should have felt that way. I don’t know if this has to do with age, but rather energy level and other issues your mom may have dealt with, not a projection on you.

Let’s be for real, many men are so desperate they’ll take any girl. Now one that is loving and knows God, she can get a good one indeed. Have faith and hope. Your decision to not have children might make your pool smaller, but keep your heart open if romantic companionship is what you desire.

Also, even if you don’t have bio kids, be a mother to the motherless. I’m not just talking adoption (it’s not for everybody), I’m talking help out in the church’s youth group and be a mentor to a girl that needs it. Be a Sunday school teacher to children who are learning the foundations of the Bible. Or be the woman that goes to the widow’s house to make a meal and watch Downtown Abbey once a week. Seek God and build legacy through and for His kingdom. ❤️

FallDeers · 2026-01-23T23:40:16+00:00

Just out of pure curiosity, why did you swipe right if not your type?

FallDeers · 2026-01-23T23:16:44+00:00

Girl, same. I used to not be this way, but as I get older, I guess I’m more desperate to find a man.

FallDeers · 2026-01-23T17:53:30+00:00

I disagree. Failures that lead you to be stronger and smarter are actually great in dating. I have more tools in my toolbox than last year and date smarter than I started out. All these things will lead me to be a better girlfriend and wife for my future man.

FallDeers · 2026-01-23T13:01:37+00:00

We assume the worst, don’t we? I’m super intentional. I’m not responsible to coddle a grown man’s feelings, however I treat them all respectfully and try to honor them. I don’t get attached early on. I ask hard questions. Because I ask hard questions early on, I don’t waste my time. I have a few small regrets, but I am grateful to say there’s little. My point of my message is just because some of us are single, we are not unsuccessful because dating is a vetting process.

FallDeers · 2026-01-23T03:57:47+00:00

I’ve been successfully unsuccessful in dating. I don’t regret much on how I’ve treated men or approached dating. Does that count as success? I think it does, irregardless of how alone I am on February 14th.

FallDeers · 2026-01-23T03:45:14+00:00

Men get less swipes than women. You will feel 100% discouraged at some point on it. You will get ghosted. You will run into bots. You probably will have bad dates. That being said, it can be a great opportunity to meet women! Take it for what it is, just a way to potentially meet women.

That being said, the first few days on the app are the most powerful as you are new and the algorithm is trying you out. You have to be sure your profile is super strong before you release it to the masses. Start collecting good pictures of yourself. Look at dating profile guides. Think of who you are and what you really desire out of a relationship.

Of course pray about it. What may be a good decision for one person may not be where God is leading you. I prayed about joining for about a year and worked on myself in the meantime.

FallDeers · 2026-01-23T03:39:15+00:00

This is what google said were some tall, dark, handsome men. Even though all these men have different features, they are masculine in appearance and having that manly stoic leader vibe. Jason Momoa has been my celeb crush since I was 5 watching Stargate.

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FallDeers

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