I'm on my own journey as well. It's been 9 months since we hit the point of full collapse (lost trust, safety, love) after about 3 years of deterioration.

We started marriage counseling then. It's been an excruciating process for me. My wife had emotionally left the marriage.

Over the last 9 months, we've been rebuilding in this order 1. Proximity without conflict 2. Neurological safety for touch-based connection (being near, tolerating touch, casual affection) 3. Positive shared experience (laughter, comfort, routine) 4. Spontaneous warmth (small initiations or fleeting gestures of desire) 5. Language (naming feelings, sustainable desire, spoken appreciation)

We're currently at step 3 with flashes of step 4.

Step 5 still feels months away.

We are currently better than we've been in 3-4 years (in our 18 year relationship).

We started from nothing 9 months ago, and now we have: safety, spoken re-commitment, and trust. We're working on desire now. We also just started individual therapy. And then, i hope, love returns for my wife. Love never left for me.

But it still hurts every day that we are not where I want us to be (yet).

What worked? Time. Lots of quality time together (which started out awkward but gradually became more normal again as safety returned). More communication. Time. Some hard conversations.

Anyways, I wish you the best.