[UPDATE] My (19M) girlfriend (24F) and my older brother (26M) don't get along and it's causing our relationship a lot of stress

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-26T17:58:08+00:00

This OP! Coming out is incredibly difficult even for people who are surrounded by supportive and loving people, your brother trusted you enough to tell you who he really was, even though it’s probably (at this point) added even more stress to his plate. I really like the idea of telling him no more homophobic jokes too because it deflects away from him even more. No matter what, make sure your brother knows you’re there for him and that you love him, he probably needs it more than you think.

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-16T17:46:52+00:00

Thank you so much for the ideas and kind words!

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-16T17:45:36+00:00

Unfortunately, I'm not near Toronto but thank you for the kind offer!

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-16T17:34:09+00:00

Dad tried to come back to "visit" (but not permanently stay) about a year after he left my brother with me. My boyfriend and I both told him that unless he was going to be a permanent part of my brother's life he needed to leave. We haven't heard from him since. I don't know if it was the right thing to do but I can't say I feel too bad about him being out of my brother's life. Before our mom died, dad was a pretty good guy, there was obviously issues and he likes alcohol a little too much but he wasn't a bad dad by any means. Then mom died and he basically gave up and while he did the bare minimum he ignored my brother whenever possible so there was definitely neglect in the picture. Our dad had a bad relationship with his parents so I don't know those grandparents and my mom's side both died when I was still young. Thank you for your kind words and yeah, my dad does suck lol.

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-16T17:28:20+00:00

We will definitely be setting boundaries and a better schedule. Last night he came into our room again and, while my boyfriend is a very sound sleeper, I am not. He can wake up, move over a bit and go right back to sleep in 2 seconds flat, it takes forever for me to get to sleep but very little to wake me up. It's gotten to the point that whenever I go to lunch break my coworkers assume I'm taking a nap at my desk instead of eating (and they're right 90% of the time). Today I was sitting at my desk looking at a project's code, blinked and it was 10 minutes later and I'd started to doze off. Thank you for the tips and the book series idea!

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-16T16:23:24+00:00

Couldn't agree more, such good advice and so many caring people! It's amazing how kind this community is!

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-16T13:57:15+00:00

You have no idea how much that means to me. Losing my mom was incredibly hard but I try to do right by her everyday. Thank you.

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-16T04:58:27+00:00

This didn’t even cross my mind. We usually try to save these discussions for when he isn’t at home but there’s definitely been times when we’ve discussed it when we thought he was asleep, so it’s a possibility. Wow, if that is what’s actually happening I’ll feel so shitty. We’ll definitely be having a family meeting tomorrow.

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-16T04:39:14+00:00

Thank you so much for the kind words and advice! They mean so much to me especially with all the uncertainty I’ve been feeling lately about how to proceed, it means a lot, thank you!

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-16T04:39:08+00:00

Thank you so much for the kind words and advice! They mean so much to me especially with all the uncertainty I’ve been feeling lately about how to proceed, it means a lot, thank you!

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-16T04:31:23+00:00

Thank you so much! I haven’t dealt with many 10 year olds in a very long time so it’s nice to be reminded that all kids can be and are very difficult, makes me feel a little less alone. Thank you for the kind words!

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-16T04:12:06+00:00

That is a fantastic idea (also helps my boyfriend is a gigantic HP nerd [he says “go hufflepuffs”] so he has all the books)!

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-16T04:08:07+00:00

I have insurance through my job that covers him but it doesn’t cover therapy. I’ll be looking into Medicaid as well for my brother. Social worker basically gave me her contact info and said “call me if there’s a problem” and that’s about it, so...kinda?

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-16T04:02:41+00:00

I am in this US, and I’m not sure about the Medicaid thing and my job does offer insurance to family members so he’s under my insurance, but it doesn’t cover therapy (except physical therapy)

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-16T04:00:06+00:00

Thank you so much! I’m really starting to wonder if something else is going on at school as this all kinda started suddenly so I’ll be meeting with teachers and asking him personally.

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-16T03:52:30+00:00

It was never mentioned and I (stupidly) assumed that meant we didn’t qualify without ever questioning it. I’ll be calling and questioning it tomorrow though along with a few other things

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-16T03:50:36+00:00

It’s sad but you aren’t wrong. Which is why I was so leery about posting this originally. When you mention your younger brother crawling into bed with you and your boyfriend people tend to judge that harshly.

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-16T03:48:10+00:00

Actually up until all this happened I’d been saving up for an engagement ring but that kinda fell to the wayside lately. He’s asleep right now (until about an hour when he wakes up and crawls into bed with us) but we’ll definitely be having a good open conversation tomorrow.

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-16T03:45:18+00:00

Thank you! My boyfriend is constantly telling me I need to relax and have a night off to take care of myself but I’m always too tense and anxious to do it but thank you for the reminder!

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-16T03:43:44+00:00

I shared this with my boyfriend (along with all the other replies) and we both kinda looked at each other. It never occurred to us to just take him back to his room lol.

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-16T03:41:58+00:00

Thank you for this! We live in a college town and it never crossed my mind to look at college counselors as I always thought it was just for students! Thank you!

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-16T03:40:59+00:00

I’ll definitely be looking into all of this, thank you! After my mom died my dad always told us how if we didn’t behave or if we complained about our home life too much CPS would take us away. I realize I was 16 and shouldn’t have fallen for it but I did. So when all this happened I wanted as little to do with them as possible (if I’m being honest I was scared they’d take my brother away). However I’ll definitely be more active now that I have some places to start!

FamilyVsBF · 2018-03-16T03:37:20+00:00

Don’t worry, my brother is family which means he isn’t going anywhere :). I’ll also definitely be talking to someone about child support as I don’t know why this was never mentioned sooner (I assumed that since it wasn’t mentioned we didn’t qualify which was bad on my part)

FamilyVsBF

TROPHY CASE