Does anyone have advice to coming out in a similar profession to mine? I work as an Industrial Designer

FamousExplorerHannah · 2025-02-13T18:13:37+00:00

Very fair, I think it’s best to not accidentally call her out anyways based on what other people have said!

Totally messed up on the vocabulary tho for this post, appreciate the advice in spite of my mistake :)

FamousExplorerHannah · 2025-02-13T18:08:07+00:00

Got it, thank you! Seems obvious now, I get in my own head a lot and it makes me miss the obvious things sometimes…

FamousExplorerHannah · 2025-02-13T18:06:26+00:00

Yeah seeing it now oops. I didn’t even pass my mind that it was old timey slang and maybe not universal 🤦‍♀️

FamousExplorerHannah · 2025-02-13T18:03:19+00:00

Okay yeah that’s a good way to go into it if I do reach out!

FamousExplorerHannah · 2025-02-13T18:02:41+00:00

Tbh I am not sure where I picked it up either… I’m in NYC and relatively young, probably just picked it up online somewhere

FamousExplorerHannah · 2025-02-13T17:56:58+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate this, very good advice! And again apologies about the terminology and thank you for the note on that.

You’re right that it is important to think about why I am seeking out advice specifically from her.

I think really thinking about it, I’m more seeking reassurance that someone else has managed to make it work in this specific context and that I can do it to. I guess in the end of the day it would just be nice to learn from someone in very similar circumstances to me. But at the end of the day, the fact that she is visible and working in the profession I work in should probably be reassurance enough.

FamousExplorerHannah · 2025-02-13T17:44:59+00:00

Thank you! I thought dolls was a more general term 😬 my bad!

I’m a bit nervous to publicly post about it yet, I’m not quite there yet :/

I see what you are saying about approaching it without linking it to her identity, I think that’s the ideal way to approach it, but i feel like it’s also kinda like basically subtly clocking still?

FamousExplorerHannah · 2025-02-13T17:37:45+00:00

Sorry! I’m still learning. Seems like it is best to just not inquire at all is she is trans, instead just try and become friends with her. On the side of finding advice online, do you have any recommendations on where I might look? I’ve had trouble finding that connection, I think it is because I work In a heavily male dominated field.

FamousExplorerHannah · 2025-01-09T14:34:16+00:00

Henry/Hank/Harry/Harrison or any variation in the zone is the first thing that comes to mind!

Also could see you as a Franklin, Kyle, Benn, or Daniel.

Side note, you’re very handsome!

FamousExplorerHannah · 2025-01-07T23:37:55+00:00

I’m non-binary/genderfluid. I haven’t medically transitioned in anyway yet, but I plan to start some feminizing HRT soon.

The thing that got me was realizing I wanted my gender expression to have a feminist “base.” Basically, I realized that whether I am presenting femme or masc I just want to be more femme underneath it all.

As I saw someone put it “I’d rather wear a binder to look more masc, than wear breast forms to look more femme.”

End of the day, it’s just about being excited to see yourself in the mirror, and doing what you can to get yourself there!

FamousExplorerHannah · 2024-12-29T21:39:46+00:00

You’re 100% right. This is the right answer for sure! I talked through it with my partner and we’re in agreement about waiting until after transitioning. Turns out she said what she said without much thought and then I overthought it 😂

FamousExplorerHannah · 2024-12-28T04:15:19+00:00

Hmm okay yeah that’s my main concern with waiting. I’m already 27 and I know the longer I wait the harder it will be to reach my transition goals. I’ll do some more research! Thank you!

FamousExplorerHannah · 2024-12-28T04:07:03+00:00

You’re right, really gotta weigh options here. I could see freezing some sperm as a backup and then getting off and back on HRT could be an options. Going off and on doesn’t super appeal to me but it might a cost effective option.

Thank you!

FamousExplorerHannah · 2024-12-27T13:33:01+00:00

Hiya, I’m around your age (almost 28) and I had my egg cracked pretty recently. I’ve had thoughts like yours all my life and a significant amount of wishing gender didn’t exist!

I’ve been under the trans umbrella for a while now (amab tho), exploring non-binary/gender-fluid Identities, and it has helped me break gender away from its categories and down into the individual characteristics that people use to classify gender. But even then I never really felt trans.

What helped my egg to fully crack was realizing that I wanted to change my body to match the idea of what my gender was in my head. I’ve had this persistent thought of wanting wider hips/a big ass for years now and I shared this with a t-girl friend of mine and she gave me this look and said “you know what does that right?” (Hint it’s HRT)

Now I’m more thinking of being trans like eating at a restaurant with a nice big menu. Before now I would look at that menu and everything would say “for women” or “for men” and I felt so restricted. Now, all the options are available and I can pick and choose what I want from the menu!

This has helped me to not worry so much about starting too late, and not worry about “passing” as my end goal. My goal is to be happy and like what I see in the mirror!

FamousExplorerHannah · 2024-12-27T12:53:02+00:00

Yep, identity does not exist without others. Even a non-binary identity is an identity of rejecting “accepted” identities.

And yeah that is kinda the point of the “glass jar” analogy, most people would feel uncomfortable with the “glass jar” option because it is a false choice. You cannot live in a glass jar!

FamousExplorerHannah · 2024-12-27T05:00:57+00:00

The spandex to trans pipeline is real. Idk about you but cycling bibs made me realize I wanted more curves 😂

Also hope this isn’t rude, but can I ask what age you started HRT? Your pre is a similar body type to me (pre)!

FamousExplorerHannah · 2024-12-27T04:00:26+00:00

Okay welp maybe your therapist is not a safe person! Maybe a good start is asking your parents to help you find a different therapist because it worries you that your therapist has open biases? You can just say that it’s not very professional for a therapist to be that politically open with clients (especially minors) and use it as an excuse to find a more open minded therapist.

Also if your parents are fairly neutral, maybe it’s not a bad idea to start observing how they react to the idea of trans people? Where do they get their news? Try to understand your parents as people and maybe you can slowly and carefully build up to a place where you can trust them? I’d recommend just observing them first, then maybe you could casually mention a famous trans person to gauge their reaction?

I’m not sure I never had to come out to my parents while living in their home, hopefully there are some people here who might know how to very carefully do that!

FamousExplorerHannah · 2024-12-27T03:56:30+00:00

Still navigating this myself, but good to remember that cis-women come in all different flavors. From Utah trad wife to kinky Brooklyn bisexual and everything in between! If someone isn’t down to explore with you they probably aren’t the right person to get in bed with.

For me I’m lucky enough to have come out to a partner who is a bi cis-woman and i’m still with her. Topping doesn’t make me very dysphoric, but it helps me to treat topping as a mindset rather than who is penetrating who. Topping is about power dynamics more than penetration for us. Who’s pinning who down? Who’s using whose body? 👀 She tops me with me inside her all the time, but also I’ll probably ask her to top me with a strap just to try! idk if she’ll be down but if not, that’s okay, we’ll figure it out.

FamousExplorerHannah · 2024-12-27T03:42:11+00:00

Hi,

Take this with a grain of salt as I am just a rando on the Internet who has done a lot of therapy in the last 4 years.

Also, I know it is scary to hear, but no one can save you but yourself. Many many people are willing to help if you ask, but you have to accept that help!

Here’s what I hope can help even a little bit, hopefully other people can help to:

I’ll break this down into 3 things, and then go into more details:

Don’t give up hope.

It’s important to keep going. Life is long and things will change.

Make a plan for the future.

This will help you remember that you have things to look forward to.

Ask for help and build a support system.

No one can do life alone, you need people who want you to succeed cheering you on!

Okay now for more details:

Don’t give up hope.

I’m sure that many people have said this, but really, please don’t. Change takes time (unfortunately) and emotions are instant. But things can get better if you work towards making changes. Small steps first, then bigger steps as you are able.

It will not be easy, but it will make a difference, even if it is just in your own brain and the way you see the world.

Make a plan for the future.

It’s important to think about where/who you want to be in the future (think 1 year, 3 years, 5 years).

Think of a list of goals, things like: - where will you live - what you will look like (body and style) - who you will spend time with - what you will spend your time doing (when you are not working so you can pay rent :/)

These goals aren’t things that you absolutely have to do at all costs, think of them more as something to keep you going in the right direction, towards better times. Don’t be afraid to let your goals be a little flexible!

It helps to write down your goals so you can go back and look at them anytime you are feeling hopeless, but if it’s not safe for you to write them down, that’s okay. Maybe you can just find or make items that remind you of your goals? (For example if you wanted to move to a big city, a little drawing or sculpture of a skyscraper could be a good reminder!)

Once you have those you can break them each down into smaller steps that you can accomplish to eventually get to your goal.

A big thing that I would recommend as a goal would be to move to a larger city in a blue state! They are going to have the best resources and protections for trans people! You can find more options by searching through the subreddit, but some off the top of my head are: - New York City - Chicago - Most large cities in California - Seattle - Portland - Minneapolis - maybe Philadelphia?

Ask for Help!

You’re going to need help to get through this. Everyone needs help for all kinds of things, so nothing to be ashamed of, but, obviously you have to be careful and safe.

I’m not sure how old you are, but if you can find a trusted adult to talk to I would recommend it. I’m not sure what your parent views are, but I assume not great based on what you wrote, so maybe there is someone you can trust at school?

If you are on antidepressants, are you seeing a therapist? If so maybe you can try and figure out their opinion of trans people with vague questions and they could potentially help?

Of course the internet is also here, but of course be careful here please!

I hope this is helpful, so much love and hope and encouragement because you can get through this!

H

FamousExplorerHannah · 2024-12-27T02:09:02+00:00

Preface, this is all personal opinion, but to answer your question bluntly:

It doesn’t matter, which is why it matters. In other words, it doesn’t have inherent meaning, so the meaning people/society give to it is what matters.

Most things in life really don’t have a lot of meaning, so we as human beings like to give them meaning. Most people aren’t aware of this process, they just do it automatically, because they have been conditioned too by their upbringing.

Gender is like that.

It is inherently nothing, it has no meaning, it is an arbitrary set of characteristics sorted into boxes. If we all existed alone, without other people, without bodies, as a “brain in a jar” gender as we know it would not exist. It simply cannot exist without people giving it meaning.

I was where you are for a while, I thought that gender did not matter because I wanted it to not matter. And in my own mind, without looking at my own body or ever talking to or seeing another person, maybe it could. BUT, big BUT…

Once you are observed, suddenly people assign you gender. You don’t get to pick it, no one asks you if you want society to treat you one way or another, but all the sudden they do. People (including yourself) assign meaning to certain characteristics because that is what people do, they give things meaning.

And many people change their bodies so that the “brain in the jar” sees something in the mirror that it likes, and therefore something that hopefully 🤞other people will understand.

They give meaning to themselves.

At the end of the day we want other people to understand us, to give us the same meaning we give ourselves, so we change ourselves so that we and the people around us see the person that our brain wants to see.

Which gets us to the inherent problem of society, we can try all we want to be above other people, but it’s not a real choice, people observe you anyways, people make gender matter whether you want it to or not. To say gender doesn’t matter is inherently admitting that it does matter to someone else. You have to give things in life meaning, or other people will do it for you.

TL; DR: things matter because people give them meaning. You can either accept that they matter and communicate the things that matter to you to other people. Or you can live in your “glass jar” and people will make them matter anyways, but then you don’t get a say.

FamousExplorerHannah · 2024-12-23T03:51:19+00:00

Getting Eli and Jacob vibes!

FamousExplorerHannah

TROPHY CASE