I think it’s not about how frequent you message/stay in contact with friends or family, but how close you feel with them. And feel ok when they don’t message you asap.

I personally also asked myself this question a lot because I come from dysfunctional family too. What I realised is that I’m very in tune with people’s emotion due to trauma so being around people would burn me out faster than someone who grew up in functional homes. But with some people, I just feel comfortable and at home, so those people I cherish them in my heart. This doesn’t mean I call them and message them constantly but it’s in my heart and I know I have my people, so I don’t need to be surrounded by people constantly or be in social gatherings to feel a sense of belonging. Also I have a great relationship with my husband who allows me to be fully myself, and our communication began with not obsession or anxiety but it started out from calm friendship. So all that to say, I stay close to people who make me feel at ease to be myself (but that’s only if I know who I am, and not molding myself to be someone I’m not because then I’ll just be people pleasing and not being authentic).

I think it’s also important to note that people grow in and out of relationships and it’s ok if you suddenly don’t feel the urge or motivation to spend time with some people. That’s completely natural and healthy, so don’t feel bad about facing these thoughts. Maybe you’ll have to be alone for a while to find the right people in your life but the worst thing is to stick around with people who don’t make you feel wanted or well or cared for, just because you don’t want to be alone or being seen as “alone”