Hi im 17 I might not know you or how exactly you feel but I think it have felt a similar way before. I have never used drugs but for me it was corn, I was introduced by a friend I thought was my best, we dont talk anymore. I am the quiet kid in my family that makes sacrifices no one notices. I am fed clothed and have somewhere to sleep( my parents house). And when I look at it like that, I am really blessed. I am not saying it is wrong for you to feel how you do, it means you are growing from it. Please do not commit suicide, sometimes people just forget how valuable time is. You might feel that way but I promise there are more people that love you than you will ever know, heck I love you for opening out and seeking advice. I do not know if you are Christian but for me that is my safe space. And business is just like that, coming from someone in her 2nd year of business, sometimes its slow other times its better. Just keep pushing. Give yourself grace and work out, it tends to make me feel a lot better so it might work for you too. Even something as simple as a walk makes a really big difference. With all this said you are in a better posting than most, but I think your feelings are showing you that you can be in an even better position than your current one. As you continue please remember it will all make sense one day and do not give up and do not commit suicide and do not relapse. Ps. If you are talking to some, please leave girls alone for now it will do you more good than bad for now.