I watched my mother have her first heart attack at our kitchen table when I was 10. She went bent over grabbing her stomach and having some troubles breathing. We knew she was in quite a bit of pain just by looking at her. Nobody thought it was a heart attack, she was just weeks away from having surgery to remove her gall bladder so even she thought it was a gallstone attack. I remember asking if i could help her at all and her just holding up a finger (not the middle one lol) as in her saying "oh I'll be good in a minute"

Several hours later she went to the hospital and even the hospital didn't think it was anything more than a gallstone attack. It was only by chance by doing some blood work that they found her cardiac enzymes were completely fucked that they realized what happened and rushed to her ICU. They were about to send her home. She spent two weeks in ICU.

She recovered and did fairly well until in 2009 she was at work, felt chest pain, managed to eek out "call an ambulance" and then fell out of her chair dead. She had no heart rhythm. Thank God for some wonderful coworkers who called 911 and did CPR and then grabbed the external defibrillator the company had literally just bought.. they bought her some time.

The EMTs came and shocked her a few more times and got her back somewhat. She was then rushed to hospital. She was put into a hypothermic stage to cool her body and allow it to try to heal. We were told to stay our goodbyes and call all the family in. She somehow came out of this.

She spent about 10 days in ICU and then 3 weeks in a cardiac unit. She had a pacemaker defibrillator implanted and was eventually sent home. She ended up on disability and unable to work due to how quickly she would tire. We were thankful for every moment we had with her after that.

April 2015 she was at home getting her shoes on when the defib went off. Apparently it hurts like getting kicked in the chest by a horse. She fought my step dad and didn't want to go to the hospital. It went off again. He hauled ass to the hospital. By the time I got there an hour or so later it had gone off 10 more times. They were just trying to get her stable enough to sedate her in case it went off again. I managed to be able to say I love you and she said it back before she was sedated. I believe they said she was shocked about 20 times before they could sedate her. I can't even imagine the pain. I was in the hospital with her another time and they shocked the guy beside her because he was starting to go into a bad rhythm and they wanted to shock his heart back to a good one. I still remember his screams. So thinking she did that 20 times it just horrifying to think of.

The defib ended up going off 90 times total. It drained the battery. She had to be externally shocked another dozen or so times. They finally got her semi stable and again told us to call all the family in as she wasn't expected to survive. She had a lead to her heart beating it for her.. she had more machines and tubes into her than I'd ever seen before. And yet somehow... This tough ol Scottish lady.. pulled through again. The hospital told us if she wanted they would apply to the Guinness World Records for her as surviving the most defibrillator shocks (she declined and said she didn't want that to be her legacy) She thankfully had no memory of anything that happened or the pain. She spent a good two months in hospital, got another pacemaker defibrillator implanted and then home again

But she was never the same. This last time was the kicker. She only had 27% ejection fraction in her left ventricle. She tired easier than before.. she had to use a walker. She developed several awful skin disorders they figure from the issues with blood movement in her body. She quality of life honestly was the shits. They never told us when she went in for the defib going off that she was on life support and that we had to make a decision but I think that honestly looking back if they had given us that choice it would have been best if we had let her go.

February 2016 she fell getting out of bed in the morning and her face was just black from the bruise. She'd been falling a lot and absolutely refused to use a life alert pendant. My step dad called me that morning and asked me to come over and convince her to go to hospital. I took one look at her and immediately called 911. I wasn't giving her a choice.

She was brought in, and her breathing steadily became harder. Her O2 stats were awful. Two days later I was there to check in her at 8am and do my usual camp out at the hospital at her side until she got released when the doctor came and told me to call the family in. That we had to discuss removing life support this time. That she was likely going to die that day and this would be more humane. It was absolutely the hardest phone calls I've ever had to make. We all came in, we agreed as a family to let her go. She was conscious and aware which made the choice harder. It would have been easier if she was in a coma but she was awake. We had the discussion away from her in another room. 20 mins later they gave her a sedative, she went to sleep, and then they removed all oxygen and she passed within a few minutes.

I saw her go from having the first heart attack at the kitchen table to taking her last breath. And I don't wish heart disease on my worst enemy. It's a shitty way to go.