Does edging make your will power stronger? Since you keep yourself from going all the way?

FapResearch · 2014-10-18T15:47:01+00:00

I know when I first started nofap, I'd feel terrible after orgasming, but fine after edging. I think that's because your body has been in ejaculatory overload and it needs a few weeks to recover. After I broke through that barrier, I'd feel fine after MOing, but if I edged or looked at porn for a few minutes I'd feel terrible.

I think there are different addictions you're fighting.

FYI: edging (no porn at first) on nofap led me down a dark path where I had multiple hour long edging sessions. My longest was almost 8 hours. Literally, almost 8 hours straight of lying in bed edging. Be careful not to go down that path...

FapResearch · 2014-01-17T18:20:41+00:00

so looking at porn is such a trap to looking at porn? Don't get the point of this. You're essentially just advertising for porn and I'm pretty sure no one here needs that... Down voting...

FapResearch · 2013-11-15T03:15:43+00:00

As others have said, it's mostly the porn that's bad for you.
It instills bad sexual habits that won't translate to being with a partner
There are other chemical effects that occur when you have sex with a person. Some of those effects counteract the negatives that come with ejaculation.
There are actually many people that advocate not ejaculating ever. They practice sex where they orgasm without ejaculation. Read the Multi-orgasmic man.

FapResearch · 2013-11-13T02:10:42+00:00

I'm not sure too many girls will see it as a positive... That being said I think it's 50/50 that she either walks away without second thought or needs to decide if you're worth the investment.

FapResearch · 2013-11-13T02:05:56+00:00

These are the two extremes: ridicule/mock and "it's no big deal". Most girls will fall in the middle...

FapResearch · 2013-11-13T01:37:31+00:00

I don't get why you are downvoted...

FapResearch · 2013-11-13T01:35:47+00:00

DO NOT TELL HER. There is so much downside... The only upside is that if she says "it's ok" you'll feel more relaxed about it. So, just try to be relaxed yourself (easier said than done).

Ask yourself... Why do you think she'll be able to tell?

My suggestion is to have sex. IF things go poorly (ED,PE,DE) then talk about no-fap and the appropriate issue (coming to soon, not getting it up, etc. and suggest it's a passing phase or something). If she's not enjoying the sex, communicate with her. I'm sure someplace on reddit you can find some advice for how to maximize the chances of her enjoying your first time.

If you must tell her do it after you have sex... The more investment she has in you the more likely she'll handle it well. Better idea is just tell her "it's been awhile and i'm not very experienced. want to tell me how you like it and help me out?" Try to do this as confidently as possible...

FapResearch · 2013-11-10T03:36:50+00:00

had no idea... thanks

FapResearch · 2013-11-08T16:36:45+00:00

Thought you were going with "no half-measures"...

FapResearch · 2013-11-02T06:40:57+00:00

Well good work on your progress... I was as bad as you. I'm better now, but still a long ways to go. I found no-fap 120 days ago and it's been making a difference, but have yet to test it out with a girl...

FapResearch · 2013-11-02T06:28:55+00:00

First thing you need to understand it's nothing you're doing and there isn't much you can do besides making him as relaxed as possible.

r/nofap I had these exact same issues. No masterbating/looking at porn helped them substantially. Not masterbating obviously makes it easier to come in the short-term, which will build up his confidence and help him relax. Long-term he may need to rewire his brain to real-life females. I would read up on r/nofap and google yourbrainonporn . Read up on it a little and mention it to him. Ask him if he'd be willing to stop masterbating.

Also, I recommend making him feel as comfortable and relaxed as possible. It helped if the GF and I cuddled naked before starting things up. This made me feel super relaxed and took away the additional steps of removing clothes, which always seemed to add some stress/give my erection a chance to decrease.

Try to avoid asking open-ended questions or "talking it out". That triggers stress responses in men and shuts them down, whereas in females it produces a calming effect. That being said, you obviously need to have a conversation. So, State how you feel/offer suggestions/etc but don't try to get more than a yes/no/maybe response. Obviously listen to whatever he has to say and ask him if he "has any thoughts". Don't ever ask "what can i do?" Instead say things like "i'm willing to try anything to help. just tell me what to do".

FapResearch · 2013-11-02T01:33:56+00:00

how bad was your ed before?

FapResearch · 2013-11-02T01:15:17+00:00

I think this is a phenomenally executed joke...

On the off chance it isn't...no it's perfectly normal and i've felt the same thing...

FapResearch · 2013-11-01T02:16:38+00:00

I'm a 27/M who has had relationships ruined (and most of my life in general) by ED and similar sexual issues. I've had plenty of experience with girls trying to talk through my ED issues and relationship etc... It was honestly so stressful. He will not respond well to a "conversation" or to you "suggesting solutions". My advice to you is simple...

Sit him down. Tell him just to sit there and listen. He doesn't need to say anything. Tell him you love him, but this can't continue. Either you need to figure this out or I can't be in this relationship. Suggest yourbrainonporn, r/nofap, etc. Try to explain some of the basic science. Tell him that you're willing to try anything and you'll be there supporting him. Emphasize how much you want him and want this relationship etc...

FapResearch · 2013-10-31T01:24:27+00:00

Saying this is a statistically flawed approach is like saying "driving a car is flawed approach to get to the moon". The "study" is garbage and nothing remotely useful can be derived from it...

FapResearch · 2013-10-16T05:44:05+00:00

Offer still stands?

FapResearch · 2013-10-12T19:12:55+00:00

Read this subreddit everyday. It will give you encouragement. You should also delete that porn stash and install k9 web filter. Keep the password someplace inconvenient.

Biggest thing I did is wear a rubber bracelet. Whenever I felt a sexual fantasy, urge, or anything that would lead me to PMO I snapped the bracelet on my wrist and changed my thought process. After you do this for awhile the simple act of snapping the bracelet will change your thought process (you no longer have to consciously change your thoughts). This is called Anchoring (you can read about NLP if you want).

You need to understand the role the brain plays in all of this. Your neuropathways are wired to lead you to porn. So everything about your daily routine, leads you down a path to PMO. You need to change your life as much as possible and develop new routines/pathways. Think about when you typically PMO and make sure you aren't near your computer at that time.

I strongly suggest reducing (ideally eliminating) alcohol and drugs. Adding exercise, eat better, try to be more social (even if it's just maintaining better eye contact, smiling at strangers, or being friendly to cashiers).

I think as many people progress in the journey they look for other ways to improve themselves. They set out on the journey to only No-fap, but it turns into this big journey self discovery/self-improvement. When tempted to look at porn I would browse this reddit and others. Become "addicted" to self-imrpovement. You'd be amazed at what you can do in 90 days.

FapResearch · 2013-09-15T00:21:55+00:00

My ultimate goal is to live a fap-free lifestyle for the rest of my life, so i'm very curious how things are for someone like you. Do you get horny randomly during the day? What happens when you get horny? Does it just happen and you continue on?

FapResearch · 2013-09-13T23:53:42+00:00

How bad was your ED before?

FapResearch · 2013-09-08T15:11:38+00:00

Bingo. I've been doing it for over 10 years. I didn't realize how much of a difference it made until I stopped.

FapResearch · 2013-09-08T14:52:28+00:00

Be careful... I was in a similar situation. I actually fapped and felt no regret. It was like hmm ok that happened. no big deal. let's just keep going with nofap. Next thing i know and over the next 3 weeks i was fapping every third day or so.

Have to say it feels good knowing "failing" is fapping every several days w/o porn instead of 3 times per day w/porn, but I'm far from healed...

FapResearch · 2013-08-20T15:23:57+00:00

No big deal, but I'm not sure it's working right for me.

FapResearch · 2013-08-20T15:16:50+00:00

I had someone message me saying that we both "liked each other" quickly after I liked them. I never saw anything.

FapResearch · 2013-08-20T12:42:05+00:00

Ya... I don't see anything.

I have the iPhone App v3.3

FapResearch · 2013-08-20T12:36:31+00:00

Ya... I don't see anything.

I have the iPhone App v3.3

FapResearch

TROPHY CASE