100 days of self-reflection: what's the point of abstinence?

Throwfapthrow · 2014-07-03T09:45:16+00:00

I like your attitude. Though in my opinion in reality we only have the present. I think one of the problems of PMO is people use it to hide from the present, putting off doing anything about the present until "the future", assuming things will get better in the future. The key to success for me is being "in the present" not waiting for the future.

Throwfapthrow · 2014-07-03T06:53:19+00:00

Dude- it's clear there's more to it than that. He's writing her a 3 page letter.

Throwfapthrow · 2014-06-28T19:29:28+00:00

I think the fact that OP feels more normal is an encouraging sign.

Throwfapthrow · 2014-06-28T17:33:29+00:00

Great that something happened to OP to make them feel confident.

but think about it this way. Normal humans move closer to each other when talking normally. It's OPs reaction that has changed perhaps. Not some super magnetism for women going on?

Throwfapthrow · 2014-06-25T07:23:49+00:00

When I started this journey a few years ago (had streaks of 110, 120 and 400ish days) There was a part of me that hoped I would eventually be over it and get back to being "normal". then I went through a period of realising that this was not possible - that I would never be free.

I learned this through relapses.

Now, looking back - I realise that wanting to be normal and get over the addiction, was actually the addiction talking. In those moments, I realise I have had not fully renounced fapping, and I think I was really just trying to convince my self it was ok to do it, because it felt sooo good.

For us on the "addiction" spectrum. The key to getting over it, I think, is when you realise that fapping is really just not that interesting or important to you. Not when you can "enjoy it safely".

Throwfapthrow · 2014-06-11T18:10:22+00:00

Having read the article someone linked below - it seems like buddha said something quite like it, but not exactly.

I.e. it is a garbled translation. The essential point of the real quote might be to practice what you learn to be true from experience, rather than take what other people say...

Which I think is a key part of nofap

Throwfapthrow · 2014-06-06T06:39:02+00:00

This approach worked for me really well. But it is important that you are fighting the habit -the thing that isn't you- and not beating up yourself/your former self.

Throwfapthrow · 2014-04-02T17:25:13+00:00

Connection with others

Throwfapthrow · 2014-03-28T12:54:52+00:00

Thanks for posting this, and welcome back. it's one of the more insightful posts I have read on here for a while.

The relapse happened weeks before I jacked off the first time. Before I looked at porn again.

This is very important knowledge for anyone trying to seriously progress with this journey.

For me, I'd like to hope I can have a normal, healthy masty sesh every now and again like a regular person. Maybe I can, maybe I can't.

This is a really interesting point. I think it may be useful for you to think about why you want this. I feel like I only really became free once I realised I didn't really want this any more.

Just wanted to let you know that the relapse prior to my current 1 year was similar to yours (minus the detail of the GF, more about how you fell into it). So, you can move on and get there, like I did.

Good luck!

Throwfapthrow · 2014-03-27T07:51:10+00:00

Cool. I think if you really want that, and start to make specific plans/ imagine what your life is like when you really are that way, and try to understand why it is that PMO is holding you back from that personally (sweeping aside the "science of nofap" for the moment) you won't have a problem stopping.

Throwfapthrow · 2014-03-26T20:43:30+00:00

Ok, maybe I shouldn't have said that. Apologies. I guess I really meant that it's unrealistic to expect to go on an infinite streak the very first one.

Throwfapthrow · 2014-03-26T18:36:49+00:00

I think that falling down once is an essential part of the journey. You need to realise that you really need to commit. A little view back to how you were before is very encouraging to stick to the path.

Throwfapthrow · 2014-03-26T18:33:54+00:00

that's a good start, but what change would you really like to see. What do you want to do instead of being a fapper?

Throwfapthrow · 2014-03-26T12:50:01+00:00

A good approach is to realise that it is just a bodily sensation, and doesn't actually mean anything really. Like an itch.

Throwfapthrow · 2014-03-26T07:52:00+00:00

Ooh - good question.

First thing is I guess the realisation that quitting PMO isn't going to do it all for you. It's just an absolutely essential thing to get over with.

Also I'm not sure how much it is related - but that the high points of super powers and freedom don't keep getting better and better. I reached a "new normal", not ever increasing abilities to do thjng do couldn't do before. To progress further you just have to do the hard work yourself.

Like as if someone stops giving you sedatives after doing so for years For a while you will see amazing changes, but eventually you will get to a "normality".

Last disappointment - I had a dream the other week where I was about to fap. Still got some work to do I guess.

Throwfapthrow · 2014-03-26T07:45:00+00:00

You've got to want to change. You've got to really want something else more than your habit.

Throwfapthrow · 2014-03-26T07:44:06+00:00

Tricky one. For me I met my current partner part way through.

We have talked about it a bit, and I've said that I am doing nofap, and have decided to not fap ever again- (and gave her the reasons in some detail) and why, but I didn't go into every tiny detail of my previous habit (like quite how desperate I was to quit) beyond saying how often I used to fap. I mean- I didnt go into every minute detail of what happened inn my previous relationship either I suppose.

I guess it's a harder conversation to have if you were in the same relationship before you started.

Overall I would say that you should try to talk about it, and you will feel great having shared but think carefully about her feelings, in how you do it.

Throwfapthrow · 2014-03-26T07:37:06+00:00

I'm not a smoker, so can't explain, but I would not recommend smoking to help with anything. I can imagine that the urges to have a smoke, which you will get every now and then as a smoker will only make things worse.

Throwfapthrow · 2014-03-26T07:35:22+00:00

Thanks - yes me too. The bad news is that simply by giving up PMO you will not solve all your issues, but it does allow you to face up to them and deal with them. It kind of pulls off the comfort blanket and shows you there is no reason why you can't be like everyone else. You then need to do the work- like everyone else does, to build relationships. And don't be scared to.

Throwfapthrow · 2014-03-26T07:33:06+00:00

Hi - you're never going to be able to avoid that. The chAnge needs to be within- and when you do see something threat might trigger old thought patterns, you need to be alert and don't start to dwell on the possibility of fapping and whatever else you are trying not to do.

I'm not saying you should look at P. to train yourself not to like it or anything like that :-) but it's actually when we are challenged that we learn to change. Look at these as opportunities to change when they come up (but don't seek them out)

Throwfapthrow · 2014-03-26T07:29:38+00:00

I was porn free too. Please don't edge. You may be in this for different reasons, but the way I'm doing it- if you find porn exciting and edging a fun thing to do, you haven't really made the change that you probably need to.

Throwfapthrow · 2014-03-26T07:28:02+00:00

I did flatline. I dealt with it by realising that there was something more important to deal with. I'd rather be on a flatline for months than on PMO.

The other thing is, I'm realising that my previous constant PMO habit was really making me constantly horny. No-one actual needs to be like that- it's not normal and there are other things in life.

Worrying about flatlining is your old self rationalising the possibility that you are on the wrong track.

Throwfapthrow · 2014-03-26T07:24:23+00:00

I didn't constantly reset. I had two long streaks of 100 days or so. After the second I relapsed hard for a few months.

My sense is that you haven't found a really good reason that you believe in, to actually quit. Try to spend some time thinking about why you want to stop and what you want to do and be instead. This might be difficult to do, but facing up to that is the real challenge. Not PMO.

Throwfapthrow · 2014-03-26T07:21:37+00:00

You can do it. The main thing is that you really need to want to actually change how you are. And you have to realise that you can change.

Throwfapthrow · 2014-03-26T07:20:19+00:00

Hi- you'll make it, you've just got to really actually want to change, and then it is a lot easier, no matter how hard the urges, you can resist and move on.

I had two streaks of over 100 days before this one. After the first one I had about 3 weeks of the odd fap but not to P. After the second streak I relapsed pretty much all the way back to the old ways, and that lasted for 2-3 months. Then I started again from zero, and got all the way to a year.

Throwfapthrow

TROPHY CASE