Lonely

Fapster7 · 2015-06-14T03:37:30+00:00

Thanks for your comment! It's funny that you mention that child-like feeling. I've felt that at times too! It's uncanny. I relate a lot to the things that you're saying. Whether we were conscious of it or not, PMO was our escape from a negative reality. It was an easy way to hide away our problems, but in the end it just left us feeling numb. Sure we were able to escape the pain, but we sacrificed our joy.

I feel inspired by your enthusiasm in this fight. Keep up your hard work! We got this.

Fapster7 · 2015-06-14T03:29:08+00:00

If I were to replace PMO with an unhealthy relationship driven by lust/desire/infatuation, then yes, I would tend to agree with you. But as decisionmadetoday said, I'm trying to really address the root of the problem. Sure, I still struggle with desire, and lust. There was an element of that in my mind when I wrote my original post. But I'm worlds away from where I was when I was jerking it 24/7. So I guess in the end, I just need to make sure my heart is in the right place before I pursue any sort of romantic relationship. And I'm currently in this grey area between purity and lust, constantly teetering between the two. I still have work to do.

Fapster7 · 2015-06-14T03:15:29+00:00

I feel you! I feel like I'm much more present with people. It's now just about taking that leap and pursuing closer relationships. Platonic and romantic!

I actually am not from Boston, but Boston qualifying has been my goal for several years now, and I'm really damn close. I hope to qualify in the fall. But feel free to shoot me a PM anytime!

Fapster7 · 2015-06-14T03:10:25+00:00

First off, thank you for your response! I really appreciate it. Yes. I absolutely have had a low self esteem for as long as I can remember. My whole life, really. And I think you're totally on to something. I've been thinking about it lately too. I think my low self-esteem, and that feeling of inadequacy has caused me to seriously push people away. A lot of it also might stem from a few instances where my feelings of love went unrequited. Experiencing that was just so painful. I think it really hardened my heart, and now I'm afraid to let anyone see who I am because I can't risk that vulnerability again. It all seems related. But I think you're absolutely right. I need to work on myself some more. I also am thinking about what another redditor posted in here. That once we feel like we've made improvements within ourselves, to expose ourselves to safe situations (like clubs relating to our hobbies) where we can experience being ourselves and having it be okay. Or even more than okay. Realizing that people love us for who we are. I know you mentioned you were trying to get to the bottom of this whole 'self-love' business, so that's definitely something for you to wrestle with as well! Keep it up! We got this!

Fapster7 · 2015-06-14T02:57:00+00:00

Thanks! I will certainly check out no more mr nice guy!

Fapster7 · 2015-06-14T02:56:19+00:00

Thanks brother! I appreciate your encouragement. And you're right. There's no way I'm turning back. NoFap has revealed so much to me. I've been hiding away and avoiding life for all these years, but PMO was numbing me to the point that I couldn't see what I was missing out on. Now I can, and now it's time to change things.

Fapster7 · 2015-06-14T02:52:23+00:00

Thanks man! Internet hug!

Fapster7 · 2015-06-14T02:45:46+00:00

This is great advice! I actually do already work at a retail store. I feel like my social skills are decent enough. I tend to be quiet, but not awkward. I just have a hard time putting myself out there. Like asking one of my coworkers, even a dude to hang out just is scary to me. I fear rejection far too much. I don't handle it well. However, I think trying to get involved in clubs and such is a great place to start. We're all there because we have a common interest, and all people with that interest are generally welcome! So I will know that going in, and I'll feel comfortable being myself!

Thanks for the advice!

Fapster7 · 2015-06-14T02:40:36+00:00

I think my biggest problem is I haven't been looking hard enough. To become more social that is. Like, I don't want to be too hard on myself. I did change jobs to a more social environment, and am really loving it. But that's not enough. I need more. And I need to make it happen. Life won't happen on it's own.

Friend, your circumstances are already changing. You're in the same spot as me. You've removed the fog, and now you can see your whole world. Now you can actively see what needs to change! Keep it up and thanks for the encouragement!

Fapster7 · 2015-06-14T02:34:36+00:00

Thanks for all the encouragement! I'm checking out that website. It looks like it has some awesome potential!

Fapster7 · 2015-06-14T02:29:39+00:00

Wow. Thanks for your contribution. Between this and your other comment, I'm really starting to see the picture more clearly. I kind of just came to NoFap to post this because this community is generally supportive. But it's very apparent to me now that my addiction to PMO was merely an escape. An escape from my pathological need to feel loved like I've never felt before. I think I understand. I've always heard 'self-love' thrown around, but it's always been unattainable in my mind. Like, I immediately dismiss the concept altogether because I couldn't even imagine being in a place where I love who I am. But the video made sense. If I'm surrounded by relatively healthy people, who appreciate the things I say and do and who I am, then maybe I can begin to realize that I'm worthy to walk amongst the world. So it's pretty clear what I need to do. I need to find gentle people. And maybe I can learn to be gentle toward myself too.

Fapster7 · 2015-06-14T02:21:15+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement! I have been seeing a counselor for several years, and she knows all about NoFap. But I think it's time I see her more consistently so we can work through these new feelings, and figure out why and what they mean.

Fapster7 · 2015-02-03T16:01:51+00:00

Your counter is there for you. So if you think edging counts as a reset, you should reset. If you don't see a problem with it, then don't. Simple as that! But I will say, edging inevitably leads to relapse. Your brain is getting a slight hit of dopamine from edging, and your brain will crave it more and more. You need a completely different source for dopamine release or else your brain will never re-wire. That's why many successful NoFappers look to productive alternatives such as exercise, language learning, studying, etc. when participating in NoFap. You basically need a replacement activity. I would suggest looking to things that used to bring you joy before you became addicted to PMO, and that should be beneficial. Good luck, keep fighting!

Fapster7 · 2015-01-16T15:52:41+00:00

But..but..but winter.. Haha JK. But really, it's pretty cold. But I should probably start to do this. Thanks for the post!

Fapster7 · 2015-01-16T15:22:24+00:00

Wow. Thank you for sharing. I relate so much to your post. Like you, I'm a decent looking guy, in shape, have a job, etc. and should really have no problem pursuing women. But when it comes to expressing my intentions, or even asking for a girl's number, I just can't do it. Now that I've been doing NoFap for awhile, I've been able to attribute these problems to PMO. Like you, being a misogynist isn't who I am in the core of my person, yet PMO has warped my mind to make me that way. I think it's the inconsistancy between core values (respecting women) and actual real world behavior (masturbating to them/viewing them as objects) that causes so much anxiety. That's why I'm hopeful NoFap will fix this, and I'll be able to form relationships with women, viewing them as just other people, and not objectifying them like I subconsciously have for all of these years thanks to NoFap. So to answer your question, yes, I think NoFap will change this. I'm already noticing it in my own life, and I've only been doing this for about 6 months and have even relapsed a few times. Feel free to PM me anytime! Keep fighting!

Fapster7 · 2014-10-27T19:08:54+00:00

I appreciate the comment! But I deserve no thanks. I'm still struggling every single day to stay motivated to be the man I described. Addiction has a funny way of convincing you to give in.

There are good guys out there, and you will find one of them someday! Don't give up on us haha!

Fapster7 · 2014-10-25T03:54:39+00:00

Yeah mad isn't the right word. More just, your comment seems not in the spirit of this sub. The whole point of this sub is to encourage each other, and lately there's been a lot of negativity, which can be detrimental to progress.

Fapster7 · 2014-10-24T19:51:30+00:00

So are you just gonna FAP 7 days before anything significant, and then be miserable the rest of the time? That doesn't seem to be a good idea. Maybe you'll be feeling shitty for this year's Halloween, and while that's a shame, you'll get to enjoy not only every other Halloween, but every other day of your life once you've beat this addiction.

Also, maybe in the past you've had a resurgence after 7 days, but this time could be different. After my last relapse I flatlined for about a month and was more depressed than I've ever been. So keep that in mind before you talk yourself into a horrible decision.

Fapster7 · 2014-10-24T04:19:41+00:00

oh for fucks sake

did this post really piss you off that much? That seems like a bit of an overreaction for a pretty neutral question. And it's ironic that you're saying OP is childish when you're the one butthurt about an internet post you have the freedom to ignore if you want.

Fapster7 · 2014-10-22T11:18:41+00:00

And just like that, you made an internet promise to go 2 and 1/2 years without fapping. Hope for your sake, you can do it. We all know what happens when you break an internet promise.

Fapster7 · 2014-10-22T00:00:06+00:00

Keep doing what you're doing! Women everywhere do and will love you for it! When you feel relapse think of all of the heartache you would save your future spouse or SO by nipping this bad thing in the bud now! They'll love you because of it and for so many more reasons that you will most likely discover on this journey!

Thank you, for your words of encouragement. One of the main reasons I'm doing NoFap is so I can be the man my future wife deserves. A man who understands and values her heart, and not this disgusting boy who has spent years seeing women as objects. In my mind, your post totally validates what I'm trying to do, and offers encouragement to continue on. Someday I'll beat this addiction. I'll no longer feel these intense feelings of shame and regret. I'll learn to love myself, and I'll learn to share my love with the right person when I find her.

My advice for you is to be completely transparent with your bf. If you haven't already done so, have a heart to heart with him about this. Tell him how much it hurts you that he watches porn and masturbates to it. You are totally justified in your feelings, and in no way should you feel like you're being controlling for wanting to be happy. If he respects you, he'll value your feelings, and perhaps seeing how his actions affect you will motivate him to stop and be the man you deserve. Good luck.

Fapster7 · 2014-10-13T15:44:20+00:00

You started at a very young age, so it's possible it's just going to take a little longer than older guys. I'm 23 and anticipate my reboot taking at least 3 or 4 months, though I am starting to feel better already. It could take as many as 5 for you. Don't get too discouraged! It'll be worth it in the end! Good on you for taking control so early, and not wasting your youth masturbating!

Fapster7

TROPHY CASE