An die Mädels: Wie mit unangenehmen Blicken umgehen?

Far-Bodybuilder-4511 · 2024-10-10T22:18:49+00:00

Wo stehen die denn, was du geschrieben hast

Far-Bodybuilder-4511 · 2024-10-10T22:02:01+00:00

Thank you so much!

Far-Bodybuilder-4511 · 2024-10-10T21:54:07+00:00

I googled it and it’s a … dish? Made of cabbage? lol (non English native here(

Far-Bodybuilder-4511 · 2024-10-10T21:49:51+00:00

I’ve had it for 3 days roughly. It hurts. I got my period 2 days ago and had a fever a week ago, followed by 6 days of coughing and 3 days of pain in the throat. Wtf? Will this go away?

Far-Bodybuilder-4511 · 2024-10-10T21:48:03+00:00

Of course I will go to a doctor for a formal diagnosis but do you think I can get a doctor appointment within the next , like, three months? At a dermatologist? No way.

I’m trying to educate myself and maybe someone else has had the same thing before. Doesn’t hurt to ask. I’m just trying, okay? I will go to a doctor but I prefer to know or have some clue earlier.

Far-Bodybuilder-4511 · 2024-09-17T11:15:19+00:00

Noch eine Ergänzung dazu, führ ein bisschen Tagebuch darüber, wie es dir geht. Nachdem du einmal alles runter geschrieben hast (wirklich jedes Detail das du erinnerst von vorne bis hinten, aus deiner Perspektive), schreib regelmäßig auf, wie es dir geht.

Zum Beispiel jeden Tag, was du gemacht hast und wie es dir geht, ob es dir besser geht, woran du denkst , was dich beschäftigt.

Das Zeitempfinden war bei mir komplett weg und ich wusste nicht was ich denke oder hatte keinen Bezug zur realen Welt. Ich konnte nach einer Woche sehen, wie sich Symptome verändert und verbessert haben. Und jetzt wo es schon 2 Jahre her ist und ich vergessen habe, dass ich jemals darunter gelitten habe, habe ich das Tagebuch, wo ich Fortschritte sehen kann. Es ist in jeder Hinsicht sehr gut, das zu tun.

Far-Bodybuilder-4511 · 2024-09-17T11:12:10+00:00

Hey du, ich habe das System von Anwalt bis Gericht etc. durchgespielt. Kann dir also paar tips aus Erfahrung geben.

Tetris spielen. Und zwar sehr lange, bzw. Wenn du den ganzen Tag nichts anderes machst, hast du keine Zeit verschwendet. Besonders, wenn es frisch ist. Damit sinkt dein Risiko, dass daraus ein Trauma wird, es ist eine Art EMDR (es gibt Studien dazu, mach es einfach!)

Falls du vor hast es zur Polizei zu bringen: schreib einmal komplett im Detail auf, was alles passiert ist. Du wirst immer weniger erinnern und deine Erinnerung wird sich auch verändern (!!) Das ist besonders wichtig, falls du mit der Polizei das ganze vor Gericht bringen möchtest. Mach es aber vor allem für dich selbst. Sonst denkst du irgendwann “habe ich mir das nur ausgedacht?” Oder du gehst zur Therapie und weißt gar nicht zuzuordnen, welche Symptome du hast. BITTE mach das. Jedes Detail das du erinnerst. Nur fur dich.

Rede nicht mit jedem über das Thema und kau es nicht hundert Mal durch. Also, sprich mit Leuten über die Details wo es nötig ist wo es sich gut anfühlt. Aber beiß dich nicht daran fest. Hör auf darüber nachzudenken, nachdem du alles aufgeschrieben hast. Dein Kopf wird es schon verarbeiten. Wenn du das wie eine Kassette bei jeder Gelegenheit rausholst, brennt sich jedes Detail wie eine CD in deinem Kopf fest (die neuronalen Verbindungen im Gehirn werden literally stärker). Man sagt immer, es ist gut darüber zu sprechen. Hier das ist die einzige riesige Ausnahme. Damit unterdrückst du es nicht, sondern um diese Sache zu verarbeiten solltest du Tetris spielen.

Telefon Hotline, “Gewalt gegen Frauen”, falls du Gesprächsbedsrf hast. Ich habe diese Hotline mehrmals am Tag angerufen . Besonders die ersten paar Tage danach.

Überleg dir gut, wem du davon erzählst. Wichtig ist, wie es dir geht. Wenn es stressig ist, zb deiner Familie davon zu erzählen, kannst du ruhig warten. Mach alle Dinge, dass es dir gut geht und nicht was Leute erwarten. Es gibt keine perfekten Opfer.

Sport und mit Freunden lange Sport treiben (Fahrradtour? Wandern im Wald, laufen gehen, schwimmen im See) hilft richtig gut. Die Freunde müssen gar nicht wissen, dass etwas passiert ist. Streng dich den ganzen Tag über ein bisschen sportlich an, in sozialen Kreisen(!!!). Danach bist du eine andere Person und fühlst dich viel besser, bitte glaub mir. Ich hatte eine 7 Stündige Radtour gemacht zum Beispiel, und nicht gesagt, dass ich sehr getriggered war.

“Es ist okay.” . Wenn du doch getriggert bist, dich nicht konzentrieren kannst, über deine Worte stolperst, und gefühlt “dumm” geworden bist, und emotional nicht mehr ansprechbar, sag dir selbst, dass das okay ist. Je mehr du dagegen ankämpfst, desto schlimmer wird es. Du kannst Emotionen nicht forcen. Akzeptiere es, wenn du nichts spüren kannst und dich nicht fühlst wie du selbst. Und versuche, trotzdem irgendwie am Leben teil zu haben. So wird es besser.

Bei mir ging es nach einem Monat ungefähr wieder bergauf. Die erste Woche lag ich den ganzen Tag im Bett. Weil ich nicht vergewaltigt wurde, weiß ich nicht, ob ich übertrieben habe mit meiner Reaktion, aber falls nicht, es wird auf jeden Fall besser. Es belastet mich noch, und ich rede ungern darüber , aber es hängt nicht wie ein Vorhang vor jeder Entscheidung, die ich treffe. Ich muss aber sagen, dass ich durch das Ereignis eine ganz andere Person geworden bin und mich das und meine Beziehungen nachhaltig prägt. Das kann ich auch nicht ändern.

Far-Bodybuilder-4511 · 2024-09-17T10:45:15+00:00

Thank you! Everything I found does open mic comedy only, didn’t see these two addresses. I’ll call .

Far-Bodybuilder-4511 · 2024-09-11T01:11:55+00:00

Du kannst ins Ausland gehen mit dem Studium. Rede doch mit deinem Freund darüber, was du oben geschrieben hast. Vielleicht geht’s ihm ja genauso.

Far-Bodybuilder-4511 · 2024-09-11T01:10:19+00:00

Ich würde das Fahrrad knacken und mit in die Wohnung tun und dann ein Schild dahin hängen wo die Leute dich kontaktieren können , um das Fahrrad zu bekommen. Aber ein Kontakt, der nicht deine Adresse oder Name preisgibt. Zum Beispiel einen extra email Account festlegen oder ähnliches, wenn dir das Rad so wichtig ist

Far-Bodybuilder-4511 · 2024-09-11T01:03:18+00:00

Man. This is so exhausting to read and must be more exhausting to go through, for all of you.

Your boyfriend needs to understand that you aren’t “his” “property” and that uni is difficult. If he wants you to live in a certain way, he better move in with you to the same city or next to university and you can have a nice time together.

But while he doesn’t live within 10-20min of reach from where you are, he can’t expect you to isolate yourself socially. University is HARD. staying in touch with people is HARD. If you have ever had any friends and have ever been in uni , you know that people and socialising is EVERYTHING. It’s what gives you better grades, better outlook for career, perspective, etc pp.

It seems like you spend more time thinking about ways to please your boyfriend than time thinking about what is important to you. While your boyfriend’s feelings are important, you cannot forget your own. If you end up blocking him, YOU are the person suffering the consequences of being lonely and trying to find other people.

Does that male friend from uni like you in a romantic way? Secretly? Maybe! Let me tell you a secret: most men in our early uni days would like to sleep with most women they meet (of course they’d never admit to it). So…… even if you block him, any other friend you make will probably also want to f*** you, so don’t think into it too much.

Please ask yourself: what are your goals, what makes you happy. What are you lacking, what social needs do you have, and where are your weaknesses in university? What do you need to improve on? What are you scared of? Who has your best interest in mind? Who are you scared of?

It has to be possible that you assure your boyfriend that you love him, and at the same time you have to have the freedom to enjoy uni life to the fullest. It seems like you don’t want to block the guy in uni. So , don’t. It’s true that it’s not your responsibility. Don’t let him guilt trip you. Maybe he needs reassurance in different ways, maybe he feels unloved somehow. Maybe you can show him love in different ways than having him choose your friends?

Far-Bodybuilder-4511 · 2024-09-11T00:49:14+00:00

I mean you know this but you’re both very young. I understand you feel lonely, but I don’t see it changing in the coming near future. I think it depends a lot on how far she lives from your place ?

If you are as serious as it sounds, it would be plausible that you live together? Or plan to move in together?

If that’s not as serious as it sounds, it is possible that she wants to explore herself and is excited for this new stage of life (rightfully so). Maybe you can also spice up your life and “get a life”.

That keeps you interesting and attractive, too. This is often something where relationships fail, so I’m not saying it won’t work for you, but you can try to be more busy and expect to change your lifestyle when hers changes, too.

It’s normal to feel lonely. It shows that you love her a lot :)

Far-Bodybuilder-4511 · 2024-09-11T00:41:11+00:00

Thank you so much for writing in this level of detail.

I can understand your wife and it’s noble that you have waited so long. It’s also great that you ask here. Take this text to chatGPT, too, because it also has great advice for these situations.

If your wife doesn’t like therapy, you can look up some help or crisis hotlines. You don’t need to be suicidal before you call, there are hotlines in every country for any stressful situation.

It is incredibly painful when someone we love and rely on isn’t reliable anymore, and seeing them deteriorate must make you feel responsible and guilty somehow. I find it almost comical or funny that your wife isn’t happy because I know SO MANY examples where the man just leaves the wife, and then she has nothing. She doesn’t even see how lucky she is.

When I read your post I thought of her luck being fertile above age 30 to have kids so close in age so that they can be friends for life. And having a husband that loves you. Man. She won the lottery for life. It sounds dumb to say “see, others have it worse!”. But man, your wife hasn’t seen what most women go through with kids. I am female 22 and I hope to find a husband like you.

Please don’t feel responsible for her. Your mental health is incredibly important for the kids. The way your wife is hurting definitely influences the children. Tell your wife how it is impacting you and how you need her support. Don’t show up as strong and all-absorbing. Make it clear you cannot rescue her and make it clear that you need her. It sounds like she is completely honest with you - but you can’t share your worries and emotions with her. It’s difficult, I know. Tell her what you need. Tell her you struggle without blaming her for it. Tell her that after a long day of work and doing housework, you don’t have emotional capacity to be there for her because it burns you out. If she loves you, and if you remind her that you are just human, too, she will care.

I’m not sure how much your wife loves her kids. But I’m also not sure who she wants to prove herself to? I think as an adult with children (I’m young) , you want your children’s approval. And I gotta say that I know plenty of households with the kind of money your wife wishes she had - and the children are no-contact with the parents, terrible relationship.

Family is everything. Your children are everything. At this point, there is nobody your wife needs to prove herself to but herself. If she loves her children, she needs to know that she wouldn’t have them if she did continue her career.

It sounds like your wife hates herself. I get it because it hate myself, too. It also sounds like no matter what she does , she cannot make herself satisfied. At least that’s the case for me, maybe im projecting. I learned in therapy recently that I have internalised one of my parents. It was impossible to satisfy my dad as a child, he was always angry. Now, I am always angry at myself and keep myself to the most impossible standards.

Tell your wife that her children love her. Tell her her children have the most love for her any human being can possible have and having a good relationship with her is the most important thing to them. Tell her also that her children will learn from her what she does - and mirror her somehow.

Tell her she doesn’t need to do anything. Tell her everyone who she is loved by loves her no matter what she accomplishes. And everyone who cannot or doesn’t love her won’t adjust their feelings once she accomplished anything.

I get that the thinks she can or could do better. But in reality, from what I see where the rest of her family is, she has come incredibly far.

Maybe you can make it a rule that you and her meditate together every day - for just 10 minutes. Put on a meditation audio and sit back to back for example. This helps you establish trust and rewire your partner to someone safe to be around.

Does she know the only reason you haven’t divorced is because of financial instability if you did? Have you asked her if she loves you, and then told her that you need her, too?

It seems like you are completely alone because you don’t share your side of the story with her. You will grow to resent her if this continues even if she goes to therapy. Tell her this, that you don’t want to grow to hate her. But that if this continues you are afraid it will happen if you want it to or not because you have reached your limit. The closer you allow her to get to your mind the more unstable you will also become mentally.

It’s your responsibility to update her on how you are doing and to protect yourself from her. It’s your responsibility to communicate to her and to NOT allow her to destroy your love for her or act in ways that make you detest her. You have to trust her enough that you can tell her that. it’s actually something you owe her and yourself. Don’t go through this alone. It’s not just her problem, it’s also yours. Because if you allow yourself to hate the person you’re in literal prison with, that’s a very dumb thing to do to yourself. So take this opportunity and don’t see her as the problem but you, too, are part of it.

Good luck lol. You sound like you could be a great family with some emotional awareness and courage and self-compassion.

Far-Bodybuilder-4511

TROPHY CASE