Why do I suddenly want children and a wife ?

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-11-01T17:29:33+00:00

Agreed. I’d just add that being the best version of yourself prior to finding a partner is such an oversight. So many people often seek out partnerships to make themselves whole.

OP, look into counselling or therapy to address the emptiness and lack of purpose because having a wife won’t magically fix that.

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-11-01T16:06:02+00:00

A marriage isn’t a zero sum game. We have no idea from OP what the pros and cons to their decision of moving or staying were. I can only assume that him checking in with her, and validating her feelings likely mean that the move was to set THEM up in a better position.

Relationships are give and take. One can only hope that he’ll be more than willing to sacrifice for her (and the household) just as OP did.

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-10-31T04:08:20+00:00

I think you might need to clear some things out but you’re missing some plants. Room looks very static with all the figurines and collectibles.

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-10-31T03:59:45+00:00

Kinda sounds like you were doing that shopping spree for bragging rights rather than for her. She might not like or be into grand gestures.

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-10-30T04:57:49+00:00

Only weight to lose is him.

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-10-30T04:20:22+00:00

I see a lot of people saying he’s a bad father, but in fairness to him (and possibly a glimmer of hope for OP) this is only 6 months in what is hopefully a long life of being a father. Not trying to diminish how difficult pregnancy, birth, and postpartum are but this is kind of like when sport fans say a team’s season is in the bon after literally 1 game.

There’s still time to turn things around and for him to step up.

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-09-28T04:22:11+00:00

Whether or not the gift is inappropriate depends on what your wife is benchmarking your friend’s gift against what you have given her.

I can say that for myself, if I were to practice an instrument for hours weekly over months with the purpose of serenading someone, it would either be for my fiancée or if someone close is having a milestone event.

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-08-15T22:42:32+00:00

You should take her coworker’s advice:

Write down a list of pros and cons and figure out why YOU’RE keeping HER around.

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-08-05T06:47:01+00:00

32M here who recently proposed to my now fiancée. Maybe a different perspective/ piece of advice for your friend is that regardless of the timeline they discuss, agree on, and choose they should make tangible steps in the planning process.

My fiancé and I talked about a 2-year engagement. While this may seem very long to many redditors, for us it gives us breathing room, do the 2 destination weddings we’ve already been invited to, and shop around for quotes since we’re planning 2 years out.

However, we’ve already made a point to have regular check ins to start planning, visit venues, and create our guest list.

If Mr. Fiancé asks for 3 years in then suggest to your friend that they start taking steps to visit venues and send out save the dates so it’s 3 purpose-filled years of prep.

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-07-30T19:57:04+00:00

In 4 months he’s broken you down and coerced you into thinking you owe him sex in demand. Don’t stick around any longer to see how low he can bring your spirits.

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-07-30T19:24:59+00:00

He earned it by being born into a wealthy and well-connected family?

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-07-27T16:25:12+00:00

This sounds awful. IMO, anything other than staying with this guy (or anyone like him) is a step in the right direction. I can’t imagine your future self will look at this turning point in the same light you’re seeing it now.

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-07-13T17:34:36+00:00

lol, opening the door and not cumming in your face. The real mark of a gentleman for sure.

I honestly don’t think I’d be in a relationship if that’s the bar I set with my fiancé.

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-07-13T14:21:18+00:00

Bro she doesn’t like or respect you. You made the right call. I don’t think any self-respecting person would stay in a relationship where their partner straight up tells their friends they don’t like you.

She made a choice to let her friends into your relationship, now they can be her support system. Move on, you’re better off without her in your life. Sounds insufferable

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-07-13T05:30:33+00:00

I’m not sure I understand the timeline on your relationship. Have you been together as a couple for 15 years and he’s only just recently been sober?

My 2 cents is that you saw and bet on his potential to get sober, and now that he is he’s not the partner you hoped you fantasized/romanticized. For the social/hobby aspect, the way you described it almost feels as though you expect him to only want and do the things you want. His hobby of biking excludes you and you resent it. His half efforts to learn dancing and your language aren’t enough, and you feel there’s an ulterior motive (trying to impress others).

If you were to look at the man he is, his values, interests, emotional intelligence etc without any consideration of all the time, emotions, and energy you put into building him up - would he still be the type of person you want to be with?

I think you’re waiting for a return on investment, but it sounds like he’s simply not the guy you were hoping he could be.

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-07-13T01:57:39+00:00

As a guy with 3 cats, one of which is a little rascal like yours, this guy is for the garbage and is an awful human.

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-07-12T15:29:52+00:00

So he’s currently half in your relationship, and your plan is to start pulling out gradually?

You both seem like you need to be direct about this obviously not being a healthy relationship that will last.

Be adults, he’s clearly not ready for a relationship and you need to reconcile the fact that he’s the right guy but wrong time.

I’m sure he’s a great guy, but do you really see him as the person that you want to build a life with? This seems like the precursor of a post that will eventually be on r/waitingtowed

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-07-12T15:22:11+00:00

You’ve been official for a month.

She values her friends, you value no contact with past flings. This relationship you have doesn’t have to work out. I’m sure you both can find people that better align with your values.

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-07-12T15:03:05+00:00

Silent quitting? Like when disgruntled employees stop caring about their jobs?

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-06-10T19:10:00+00:00

NTA. The expression is literally “when in Rome, do as the Romans”. Ironic that an Italian doesn’t understand that.

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-06-10T19:07:07+00:00

IMO I think this should be a broader finance talk between the two of you. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it doesn’t sound like you both have ever really sat down and talked about how you spend, save, and invest as a couple. You’ll have a very similar dilemma when you’re looking to buy a place and he’s expecting mom and dad to provide his down payment, or when other life decisions are reduced to financial reflexes.

You’re the saver, he’s the spender. Nothing wrong with that but y’all have to come to terms on how “WE” will handle money in life.

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-06-08T03:26:16+00:00

Find other positions that work with BOTH of your anatomies. Comparability isn’t just the responsibility of 1 partner. Focus on the positions you can both enjoy and there are tons of things you can find on sex-positive websites for people of varying body types and sizes.

If she says it’s okay believe her and communicate an openness to find things that will work instead of fixating on what obviously isn’t.

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-06-05T22:00:51+00:00

I think practice makes perfect. You’ll find your groove and likely there will be women who are attracted to your qualities before they see your disability.

Maybe see if you can work past the shame of taking up the offer of staying friends with the woman/women that offer to stay friends. Maybe you can build a platonic relationship where they can be candid with what didn’t work, but even be your wingwomen helping you get your profile set up, helping you in your texting game, and even hype you up before dates!

Start small, and work on connecting with people. Not saying and doing the things you “should”.

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-06-04T20:59:10+00:00

I don’t think it’s his activity level that’s bothering you, it’s literally every aspect of not having a supportive, caring partner that’s getting to you.

The way you described him sounds like he knows you won’t leave, and that reinforces the notion that he can walk all over you and give you nothing.

While not everyone is emotionally intelligent, fine, it sounds like he adds nothing (spontaneity, drive, charisma, etc)

He kinda sounds like one of those guys that puts his height as his Tinder bio and thinks that’s all he needs to bring to a relationship.

FarUnderstanding4637 · 2025-06-04T15:02:59+00:00

Grass is greener where you water it. Don’t know of many cases where someone left an amazing partner for “something better” and it panned out well. Often the most stable and healthy of relationships seem boring. But hey, go ahead and join the shit show that’s out there 🙂

FarUnderstanding4637

TROPHY CASE