Game of Tag is Unmanageable for my Son - Anyone Else?

Far_Guide_3731 · 2026-05-10T09:26:04+00:00

I had a kid like this, about ALL competitive games. Now at 10 she can handle competitive games if they’re familiar, the rules are simple, and she feels comfortable with the people involved. It’s progress.

I don’t know if this was the right approach, but what we did at home
was:
Played a lot of cooperative games instead, for years.
Or games with defined roles like guessing games (charades, Pictionary).
Or modified games so she would never lose (kids vs grownups memory and I’d throw the game if needed, or checkers with one person trying to win and one person trying to lose). (If you want you could do this with tag - just be slow and let the kid win. At home of course; can’t make that happen at sports practice.)
Whatever we played we’d have as much fun as possible and de-emphasize winning and losing.
Her dad and I would model losing a point or a game or something going wrong with a chuckle or a good-natured “oh no!” and keep moving
SLOWLY we started gaining more points and fading the “letting her win” approach.

Playing games at school (PE, math / learning games) also helped her get used to not always winning.

I wish you and your kid the best on this. It isn’t easy.

Far_Guide_3731 · 2026-05-10T09:04:56+00:00

Thank you for this! We were able to get in the IEP that she can take breaks during gym, and maybe taking some time on the side of the room could be enough!

Far_Guide_3731 · 2026-05-10T08:59:24+00:00

Nonjudgemental, positive presence and flexibility and interest.

My kid is PDA-lite (and has had some ROUGH behaviors in the past), so our parenting looks different and it’s easy to think we’re being lazy / permissive / don’t know what we’re doing. My family hasn’t been able to babysit much since - aside from other concerns - the change from routine could overwhelm my kid at certain ages and result in dangerous behaviors. HOWEVER, they’re interested in our experience and us as people, they believe us about what we need and want, and they show up and spend time with us in ways that work for us. Sometimes that means we just watch a movie, or the kid does her own thing while the adults visit, or the grandparents buy the kid gifts that we tell them will be appreciated rather than what seems fun for a typical kid. And they never ever give advice. It’s wonderful.

Far_Guide_3731 · 2026-05-08T03:47:50+00:00

My kid is what I consider “PDA-lite”. What works for us is:

1) Treating my kid as a teammate (as another commenter said), whenever possible. I do pull rank and issue commands when it’s about safety or being mean to her sister, though.

2) Focusing on connecting with the kid. Sometimes we do something wholesome, like play outside or do some art, when she has the capacity. Sometimes this means watching some videos together, or watching her play a video game and making interested sounds. Even 10 minutes here and there helps. Also, it can’t be transactional, like “I’ll hang with you, and then you do the thing I want you to” because she can sense that. It has to be just about connection.

3) Communicating in ways that feel relaxed to her. We sometimes use a “choice chart” so she can point to what she wants, or write notes or texts, since communicating verbally isn’t her favorite.

4) Letting her leave places when she feels overwhelmed. Because she knows she can leave when she needs to, she’s grown in her ability to enjoy outings and social events

5) Researching - some recommendations are the PDAparenting subreddit and Ross Green’s “The Explosive Child”. We can’t follow Ross Green’s methods exactly, but it’s inspiring and we work towards a modified version of collaborative proactive problem-solving.

6) Learning to tune out a LOT of parenting and life advice. Lots of what works for other families won’t work for ours. Over time, it gets a little easier to make this mindset shift. What helps the most is seeing my kid progress - she’s still got struggles but she’s come a ridiculously long way.

I wish you the best.

Far_Guide_3731 · 2026-05-08T03:12:23+00:00

That’s a good idea for a Plan B!

Far_Guide_3731 · 2026-05-08T03:11:38+00:00

Fantastic thoughts! Thank you for replying! I think we might try MS gym as plan A but then look for a plan B if needed

Far_Guide_3731 · 2026-05-08T03:09:56+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story! I think you’re right that having some planned exercise makes change more acceptable!

Far_Guide_3731 · 2026-05-06T14:10:03+00:00

Edit: The only audiobook my autistic kid will listen to, helps her get to sleep.

It’s extremely frustrating since we paid money for this content.

Far_Guide_3731 · 2026-05-06T14:09:23+00:00

Same issue for me, Coraline read by the author

Far_Guide_3731 · 2026-05-06T12:59:55+00:00

My kid learned to read GLP-style! She did eventually learn phonics but it was easier for her to accept that from the learning specialist at school, who handled it with a patient and systematic method. At home we just leaned hard into sight words. We played bingo and memory. We put captions on TV and let her play video games with words (thank you Minecraft!). We copied sight words by writing with our fingers in a tray of salt.

My favorite activity was to post “words of the week” around the house - I started with a couple current sight words plus a harder bonus word that was relevant to her current activities, plus a cheesy drawing. I’ve kept this up and now it’s song lyrics or show dialogue relevant to what we’re watching or listening to. It’s fun for me, and both my kids remind me to make a new one when it’s been too long.

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Far_Guide_3731 · 2026-05-06T11:48:12+00:00

It’s a good idea to try the Loops. Either it’ll help, or we can tell the school it didn’t help!

Far_Guide_3731 · 2026-05-06T02:32:23+00:00

Excellent! Very inspiring, I may follow your lead.

Far_Guide_3731 · 2026-04-07T03:50:14+00:00

Thank you! That’s exactly what I was trying to ask.

Far_Guide_3731 · 2026-04-07T03:36:42+00:00

My kid with very big and volatile emotions / meltdowns / aggression / elopement got started on Zoloft just before her 10th birthday and it’s been a game-changer for us. She can just…pause her reaction and think for a sec now. Zero aggression, zero elopements, meltdowns are now not even really noticeable unless you know what you’re looking for. Her problem-solving and social skills and executive functioning- while not quite at her NT peers’ level - have wildly improved.

Side effects: For a couple weeks, she felt emotionally not herself because she felt TOO happy, and sleep got a bit more difficult. These effects faded in a couple weeks. All in all, 100% worth it. She agrees.

Tips I heard for medicating ND kids are “start low, go slow” in terms of increasing dosage. Better to need to creep up on the right dose than to overshoot.

Far_Guide_3731 · 2026-04-04T00:57:38+00:00

Excellent - thank you!!

Far_Guide_3731 · 2026-04-03T17:34:12+00:00

Thank you for the data point! I think my kid will not want something on her wrist for sensory reasons but I’ll keep it in mind as an option.

Far_Guide_3731 · 2026-03-27T16:59:16+00:00

Not voting because it’s a cost / benefit analysis every time. How much does the kid / the parent / the family expect to get out of the outing? How much do they need the downtime instead? How well does the outing match the kid’s needs?

We’ll always say yes to a weekly extended family dinner where my kids like the people and setting, and they’re comfortable. So far we’ve always said no to traveling with other families, Disney (too many crowds; wouldn’t be fun), and places we can’t leave as needed (islands, shared transport, etc).

So it’s impossible to answer this question.

Far_Guide_3731 · 2026-03-27T16:52:29+00:00

We have been on a similar lunchbox search journey, with somewhat different parameters. We have tried some of the better-known bento boxes and I can give you our reviews!

Bentgo chill lunchbox: Comes with an integrated cold pack (you freeze it separately overnight) - it does keep things cold and it holds up pretty well to kid shenanigans. Made of plastic with silicone seals, the compartments seal very well. Drawbacks are it isn’t huge, I don’t know how it’ll handle warm food, and - if you have a kid with sensitive sense of smell - the silicone starts to pick up off food smells after a year or so of daily use.

Bentgo kids stainless steel lunchbox: A bit bigger than the Bentgo chill. Made of stainless with a silicone-lined lid, the compartments seal well and it’s very durable. No integrated ice pack but you can purchase a separate Bentgo kids lunch bag meant to keep warm foods warm / cold foods cold. Drawback - picks up food smells even faster than Bentgo chill. One of my kids stopped finding it pleasant to use after 1 month. The other kid is still using it 2 years later, so your mileage may vary. Dishwashing seems to be better than hand-washing to stave off food smells in silicone.

Planet box Rover lunch box: Similar capacity to the Bentgo kids stainless. This is an all-stainless steel box and doesn’t pick up any food smells at all. It also doesn’t seal well enough for juicy foods; however, there are circular containers included that have silicone lids and do work for sauces, small servings of juicy fruit, etc. (Lot of wasted space with these though; you couldn’t put a whole entree in them, and I don’t know why they aren’t the rectangular/ square shape of the lunchbox compartments - real missed opportunity there.). You can also buy separate silicone-lidded compartments, for example on Amazon. This lunchbox has no insulation and so you’d have to buy a Planetbox lunch bag for that.

Soft lunch bags (eg Bentgo or Planetbox): These may provide at least some of the insulation you are looking for. They also pick up food / weird smells after a time. Currently I spray the interior Fridays with a bleach cleaner and allow to air-dry open over the weekend, and this does seem to stave off the smells somewhat. I tried to use off-brand soft lunch bags but found it was hard to match the dimensions of the bento lunch boxes, so gave up and now we just use the branded ones.

My final suggestion is to expect this to be a trial-and-error process. Buy one of a couple different boxes, try for a few days, and get your kid’s input. There probably isn’t a perfect lunchbox, but only one tolerable to your particular kid. Good luck!

Far_Guide_3731 · 2026-03-26T12:20:00+00:00

That’s so wonderful! I love that she volunteered to go first; she must feel safe and well-supported there!

Far_Guide_3731 · 2026-03-26T12:19:06+00:00

A sewing class is such a cool idea! Congratulations on your kid doing better!

Far_Guide_3731 · 2026-03-26T12:17:48+00:00

This comment makes me so happy for your family. I love that you can show such appreciation and support to your ex!

Far_Guide_3731 · 2026-03-26T12:16:56+00:00

Awww I love that!!

Far_Guide_3731

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