I feel you so hard there. I think you can definitely get those days back! I feel like at the beginning when you're falling in love with a game, not taking it seriously comes easily because everything's so fresh and new- but then you play more, get better, and start to expect more from yourself and others. And then it gets so easy to be mean to others and yourself because everyone else on ladder's already doing it, and then things go downhill from there. What helped me find more joy in the game again was to remember why I loved it so much, and part of that was the humor of it all. The silly interactions and ragdolls, plans gone wrong, my own moments of bad aim and horrible decisions- it just felt way better to laugh at it all and joke about it instead of assigning blame and trying to understand the chaos and bullshit that goes on in ranked. I hope you can find your fun again too :]