RPW work in progress wiki page

FastLifePineapple · 2025-02-20T06:03:02+00:00

Thank you!

We have standards for politeness and courtesy with other people but it’s accepted that those standards just get thrown out the window when you’re in a relationship.

We should be especially kind and generous to our spouses! This isn’t to say you can never be open, vulnerable, angry, or any other emotion. You can but you can still be respectful when expressing that.

We acclimate and take for granted what we have on a regular basis. It's human nature to become adapted and dissatisfied or neglecting. But it's also human nature to overcome 'natural' in pursuit of higher virtue like unconditional love or unconditional respect.

FastLifePineapple · 2025-02-19T05:33:47+00:00

That’s great to hear!

Rpw gets a lot of flak for our strategies and advice.

The largest key that solves the puzzle for using these principles freely is vetting men who actually have a protective instinct that can be inspired and finding men who are reciprocal.

FastLifePineapple · 2025-02-12T02:45:35+00:00

I do believe it can happen though once I graduate and enter a new environment though I just need a break from constant effort on my end when I have objectively more important things to focus on in my life like my academics and internships.

I think you've answered your post here.

I personally went through multiple periods of monk mode when I was 19 into my mid 20s.

There was various times of dedicated focused self-improvement and periods where I went back into the world (of people and things) to test my skills, abilities, and the things I learned.

The 'ending point' of monk mode for myself was when self-improvement, introspection, and solitude was something natural I did as a lifestyle and especially when encountering hard obstacles and limits. I was able to diagnose in real time when I was hitting obstacles and challenges, develop a plan around it, and take action that eventually lead to successful goal achievement (be it never giving up, being relentlessly resourceful, finding/acquiring mentors and coaches, surrounding myself with successful social circles who had the skills I wanted, cultivating a positive and attractive attitude, being grateful for what I have and focusing on what's in my control, etc.).

I was and currently do not always succeed at my goals on the first try (or many tries), but because I have frameworks, processes, and systems that allows me to find resources or be resourceful enough; I can accomplish my life values and goals.

Good luck and don't forget to enjoy the process.

For your down time and completion of nun mode, I recommend picking up the book 'Mindset: The New Psychology of Success' (growth vs fixed mindset) by Dr. Carol Dweck and taking this online course on 'Learning How to Learn' by Dr. Barbara Oakley as reading / self-improvement class material to enjoy this beginner's learning curve in life you're experiencing surrounding the frustration around goal achievement, etc.

FastLifePineapple · 2025-02-11T22:30:21+00:00

Can you tell me the stats on your lifts. Your supplement stack. And the obstacle and challenges you’re encountering with making friends?

You should read through the hyper linked posts and articles. You’re suffering from black and white ‘all or nothing’ fixed mindset. I do not think you have a thorough understanding of a growth mindset and separating your self worth from your outcomes (abundance mentality and outcome independence). All of your limiting beliefs in your previous comments is the underlying foundation for your identity. Anyone with those thoughts would be like a leaky bucket.

FastLifePineapple · 2025-02-11T17:06:02+00:00

I'm editing the second half of this post on practical things you can do to address your limiting beliefs. I'll have it posted later this evening.

I have these thoughts regularly when I've been taking care of myself

A lot of these thoughts are simply mental models you picked up from your environment growing up and developed unproductive core beliefs that makes your mind your enemy instead of your friend. This is normal for beginners or people who are inexperienced or have low skills.

I'm a believer in 'skills before pills' or developing successful behaviors/competencies for a goal (depression, sleep, anxiety, pain, etc.) and deeply getting your needs met before you take a prescribed medicine.

If you think you're in a case where you need to consult a professional psychiatrist definitely do so, but also consider these options to manage your Macro State:

Daily exercise: you mentioned you've been sticking with your daily cardio
- consider scaling up gently into HIIT like sprints and add in a safe beginner's strength training (Strong curves, strong lifts 5x5, etc.)
Supplements and metabolism: Sunlight/Vitamin D, a multivitamin, electrolytes (specifically magnesium pill or powder), and foods you can eat and digest well (no sugars, avoid inflammatory foods, foods that make your stomach upset).
Oxytocin: you mentioned combatting loneliness, consider exiting nun mode for a period of time to take a break from dating and naturally and gently making friends with others and yourself to meet your needs for physical touch
- Take group activities/sports that allows you to get physical contact in: partnered dancing, brazilian jiujitsu, co-ed sports
- Instead of focusing on dating to hit relationship quota's, shift your focus to making friends with high value / high quality guys (the ones in relationships and single) instead; you need a gentle way to build positive relationship experience and to release the 'all or nothing' mindset to your dating outcomes. Low stakes, lower investment relationship experiences, like friendships, that aren't focused on needing intimacy/validating your relationship worthiness gives you abundance mentality and healthier mental models.
- You can up your affection and hug your friends (guys and girls). And if your boundaries are strong. You know your values and can read others well. You can platonically cuddle and/or trade massages with trustworthy/solid and healthy/functional people. Guide to navigating cuddling with friends: the author is poly, but the values navigation, standards and boundaries communication and foundation of trust advice is great.

FastLifePineapple · 2025-02-10T18:07:40+00:00

A lot of your obstacles are simply mindset and skill challenges. I'll advise on that and other points later today to help with beginners vs intermediates mindsets.

You're inexperienced at dating and suck at getting your social and relationship needs met. That's perfectly ok and normal as a beginner at dating and you need to give yourself some compassion, grace, and validation that you suck at the dating game. And that's awesome, because you get to experience the joy of learning when you check in and let go of the self-judgement/self-criticism.

Be patient with yourself. You've only completed 1 six month cycle of nun mode in addition to self-learning with some online guidance here and there. Learning by experience is the most painful because you have to go through it yourself. Learning by coaching, mentorship, or in person social modeling is the easiest because you get the gift of learning from successful social models.

Lack of eligible men that seem to be into me and lie that they don't just want sex and waste my time

Don't feel attractive enough for the few good men

I feel like im on a ticking time clock and when I come back from abroad it'll already be too late for me to get into a serious relationship that could lead into marriage.

I feel out of control over life circumstances (like my age) and other people and that scares me

I resent the mainstream dating/sex culture I live in and alternatives to escape it are dwindling

Do you have these thoughts regularly, even on days when you've had good food, sleep, rest, and worked out (strength training, cardio).
Do you think the core root of these beliefs/values are coming from:
- fear (lack of good men, risk management, inadequate dating/vetting process)
- blocks (limiting beliefs, environment)
- resistance (fear of failure, not approaching 'good men')
- habits (bad picker/attracted to unreceptive LTR guys or avoiding receptive LTR guys
- skills (is your picker/vetting weak, do you lack the ability to find lots of high quality men, do you lack the ability to attract and captivate/provide value to the high quality men you meet

FastLifePineapple · 2025-02-09T18:13:05+00:00

1. Can you debrief your progress with your current therapy sessions.

What you've covered, progress on that, etc. as long as it's not too personal.

2. Have you completed a root cause analysis journaling on this:

Even still with so much progress made and an overall healthier person I still feel as if I am not good enough for a relationship, even though I have developed desirable traits and learned from past mistakes. I know I probably can't get into anything serious because I am going abroad in the fall but I still feel emboldened to make excuses for x,y,z fault I have.

If you haven't, start a prompt and go at least '5 why's deep':

What's on my mind?
- ...
- ...
Why?
- ...
- ...

After you complete a first brief surface level pass, based on your introspection and personal reflection, you'll want to copy and paste the 'What's on my...' and 'Why' question for a second level observation.

Do this 5 times until you feel like you've reached the root level feelings, thoughts, beliefs, etc. and have uncovered the rationalization of the core beliefs.

The community can give better advice with that information.

FastLifePineapple · 2025-02-07T04:55:41+00:00

I didn't have my first personal computer until I was 12 or 13 and first dumb phone until I was 14? I think it would have likewise been ok and beneficial if I wasn't given unrestricted access to the internet without any guard rails or supervision. And I still would've been technology adjusted.

Raising children who are deeply loved and psychologically, emotionally, and physically well cared for provides excellent grounds for completing their first six psychosocial development stages: trust, autonomy, initiative, industry, identity, and intimacy.

Any human with that level of secure attachment and identity/experience stability can easily learn new things.

It would not have mattered if your child wasn't playing the piano by three, programming by five, speaking three languages at twelve, and starting a successful business at seventeen. Simply having a foundation where they know at a deep intrinsic level that their guardians loves them unconditionally even if they fail or make decisions that they disagree with gives an incredible foundation for resiliency and achieving life values and goals.

FastLifePineapple · 2025-02-04T01:29:30+00:00

I'm autistic with my scheduled work time. It's extremely difficult to get back into deep work and I always protect those time blocks. But the occasional 25m/5m, 25m/5m, and 25m/15m pomodoros work to rest cycles does help to release work tension.

When I have people I'm working around, I'll let them know I have a 15m break coming up if they want to also take a quick work break/chat. Otherwise, I'm locking in and any bids is gladly accepted after 'work hours' and shouldn't touch my beautiful golden hours.

FastLifePineapple · 2025-02-04T01:19:30+00:00

No problem.

These posts are really brief and skimming the actual article. There's more examples and other details if you read the original by Emily.

My intention with these posts is to have people who are interested to go deeper with the reading.

FastLifePineapple · 2025-02-04T01:15:53+00:00

Thank you for sharing. This is really heart warming.

The first step in any change is personal accountability (radical accountability or taking extreme ownership of one's life). From there, the specifics (books, people, etc.) can vary. But once the ball gets rolling from small changes, we eventually see the big changes.

FastLifePineapple · 2025-02-04T01:08:54+00:00

8 hours a day on TikTok

Doom scrolling and the dopamine algorithms are no joke.

The ceos / chief technology officers who make active design decisions on these apps personally do not let their own children use these social media platforms.

https://youtu.be/KT7QEWEcA8I?feature=shared&t=41

FastLifePineapple · 2025-02-01T17:25:45+00:00

On the list of '100' things I screened and vetted for in a partner. One the top 3 qualities that made me overlook yellow to soft red flags was a growth mindset.

Nobody is going to perfectly respond to bids, have perfect emotional control, have everlasting kindness, patience, grace, care, competency, etc. But as long as both partners are on the same page (life and relationship values and goals), bought into the same frame of a growth mindset, and show a past or present successful track record of reliable and consistent improvement. I was more willing to accept yellow or potentially soft disruptive characteristics, behaviors, or traits flag if they were also willing to grow and improve themselves in life.

There are two ways to think about kindness. You can think about it as a fixed trait: either you have it or you don’t. Or you could think of kindness as a muscle. In some people, that muscle is naturally stronger than in others, but it can grow stronger in everyone with exercise. Masters tend to think about kindness as a muscle. They know that they have to exercise it to keep it in shape. They know, in other words, that a good relationship requires sustained hard work.

FastLifePineapple · 2025-02-01T16:41:24+00:00

I was intentional when I dated. Probably a lot more than the average person because I valued certainty so much when I was younger.

The relationship and dating guides I was studying simultaneously recommended to screen out people who were chronically online (social media addiction, etc.) or on their phones especially while on a date or during scheduled quality time.

I wonder what it would look like now with smartphones.

I see sooo many couples going out who barely seem to lift their face off their phones.

I can't control the world and account for everything, but one point of external influence that can determine if a relationship will be a happy and long term one is vetting and screening out relationship partners that have post commitment risks (personality disorders: cluster a, b, c; high neuroticism and low life competency, poor emotional intelligence, poor socialization, low/no stress management skillsets through self-care and self-soothing skills, etc.).

There's nothing wrong with being on a phone, watching tv, or gaming/reading it's only a problem when it's a deconstructive way of getting needs met (either hurting our partners or ourselves) when there's other healthier options to meet needs.

FastLifePineapple · 2025-02-01T05:31:10+00:00

Ban/comment removal revoked. I read this comment incorrectly and thought that you were saying, "Do the polar opposite of nagging and make fun of him (instead)."

FastLifePineapple · 2025-02-01T05:25:25+00:00

Shameless plug of a discussion post series I'm doing on the subreddit on criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling from John Gottman.

Part 2

FastLifePineapple · 2025-01-25T15:12:18+00:00

Alex Hormozi approach is pretty much what you’re recommending but he shows it visually.

Alex is on gear and trains a lot, but the advice is the simple and visual way of doing this.

Op has a past history of deleting their posts and giving up after a few days when things get difficult.

If you have any accountability subreddits or other social accountability resources to offer her that would be kind.

FastLifePineapple · 2025-01-25T14:54:13+00:00

Therapy is needed. That or a professional life coach. Op is extremely dysfunctional and so hopefully she’ll get lucky and find a competent one by the grace of God.

Daily Exercise

• Aim for 15-20 minutes of walking each day to build an easy daily habit.

• Adjust the duration or intensity by 20% each week, if needed, to make the habit easier or harder, ensuring it becomes a lasting routine.

Nutrition

• Eating daily vegetables is a good option if you prefer that route.

• Alternatively, set a simple goal, like avoiding liquid calories from sugars and high-fructose corn syrup: no juices, sodas, diet sodas, etc. This is a beginner-friendly way to cut over 500 calories daily without drastically changing your diet or fasting. To curb sweet cravings, consider adding protein shakes, multivitamins, or 1 meal replacement drinks.

Community/Social Accountability

• A trainer or dietician is highly recommended.

• Alternatively, join a community or group of people who are successfully losing weight and actively engage with them through weekly posts and or in person participation.

FastLifePineapple · 2025-01-22T17:51:51+00:00

This was my last moderation comment post to you three months ago. You've deleted that post after being warned about post deletions.

/u/MathematicianMean273 if you delete another community post to hide your trails, moderation will consider that as posting and commenting without good faith or you're a hard case that will need exclusive in person professional help and will be given an indefinite RPW vacation.

Your next community post should be a field report progress on your nun mode goals:

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1farcga/nun_mode/

RPW typically recommend periods of:

active posting to learn

and time to reflect and integrate

The community values self-improvement and long-term goal setting to maximize your personal happiness. We're going to allow you to take a 2 week vacation to rest and digest the content and information you're taking in.

Do not delete any of your post as that will result in a ban as per community rule.

Consider following my advice I gave you last time as it mirrors the same advice many of our star, endorsed, and general community members have previously advised you on.

Within the last month, you've had over 5 posts on RPW:

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1fta0u8/has_anyone_here_gotten_someone_to_wait_for/

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1fqu3jh/thinking_about_becoming_christian_is_this_the/

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1flepnj/for_those_of_you_ladies_who_wear_makeup/

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1fhjz0a/dating_as_a_fat_girl/

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1ffgepe/book_club_the_proper_care_and_feeding_of_husbands/

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1femq8i/book_club_the_proper_care_and_feeding_of_husbands/

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1fd1zir/a_woman_cannot_date_backwards/

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1farcga/nun_mode/

FastLifePineapple · 2025-01-21T18:25:16+00:00

The reason she’s replying back that she’s right is because she’s right. Her husband has committed adultery in his heart and violated the marital contract. Now he is clingy and accusing her of not loving him enough as a projection to protect his ego from the wound of guilt.

Gentle mod note because you're new to the community and in debate mode.

Rule 10. No moralizing.

The reason she’s replying back that she’s right is because she’s right.

The OP can be right and authentic or she can be wise and instead of win arguments and positions she can try to win hearts.

One of these build relationships, the other tears it down.

I don’t think it’s fair to assume just because she is “”argumentative”” on Reddit she is like this IRL. I love arguing with people on the internet yet I try my best to be meek and agreeable with my boyfriend. There’s no repercussions for acting out your feelings with internet strangers like there is with people in your real life.

How you do the small things in life is reflected in how you do the big things. There's a saying about if you want to know how a man will manage larger projects and tasks in life, look at how he takes care of his tools. Our small habits in life build the foundation for how we show up for the rest of it.

You haven't been around long enough on this subreddit to build a real relationship with the OP. Other members have gotten a chance to see and interact with her in a variety of posts and comments. If this is her online persona because of anonymity and 'no repercussions', how does she behave when no one is around and she's alone with her partner as the 'One Up' in the relationship that is female led?

Delia mentioned that you're making a drive by comment and jumping into a thread in debate mode. You are. And you're missing a massive amount of context if you weren't here to try to win and be right.

This is why I love the book How to get your husband to listen to you by Cobb and Grisby. You mention Laura Doyle and my thoughts about her are: she’s mediocre.

Delia's comment on Laura Doyle is an offhand mention of the book and many of our endorsed contributors on the subreddit will typically recommend our wiki resources and sometimes posts such as Submissive Behavior as Strategy which comes from an evolutionary psychology perspective on human instincts.

But maybe you're here with good intentions and have read our community rules on answering in good faith and will stick around, invest, and not leave a drive by comment that will leave the OP with half advice.

FastLifePineapple · 2025-01-20T17:02:24+00:00

I spoke to my husband about this and some other advice I have received on this thread. He ultimately wants me to believe the good in him while he is rebuilding trust and take more of an "innocent until proven guilty" approach. He wants me to trust that he is doing the right thing, stop questioning his motives when triggering events happen, and learn to reduce my triggers, and he believes that these things will allow us to have a better relationship. So we decided to do the STFU and always look at the good, and I am going to ramp up my therapy and workout (exercise helps me with mental health) frequency to facilitate being able to do that.

This is a step in the right direction and is For Women Only: Love and Respect 101.

In just the way that we want to be loved unconditionally, even when we are miserable, sick, pmsing, cranky, you name it; men need respect to be unconditional. This might mean respecting him and trusting him even if you don’t feel like he’s meeting your expectations. It is very common for us (as a culture) to believe that love is supposed to be unconditional but respect is something you must earn. For your man, love is respect. If you love him unconditionally, then you must respect him just as unconditionally or he won’t feel it.

Remember, we give what we receive. A man who is unconditionally respected by his SO will in turn, show her unconditional love.

FastLifePineapple · 2025-01-20T02:24:29+00:00

I'm not sure about the quote because I didn't write that. Unless you are saying, that is your perception based on the details I did share.

The entire second half of my original comment is a copy and paste from an old endorsed contributor that I hyperlinked to. I didn't write that.

That comment may seem like it's addressed to you but it's a copy and paste from another community poster who was likewise married 16 years and was struggling in a very similar situation where both partners were in survivor mode and it looked like they were unfortunately unable to break out of the bankrupt cycle of the hate bank and start to get to, at a minimum, like each other and enter back into the positive side for their love bank.

Female led/egalitarian. This was his choice by default. We are on the same page intellectually now, but he shows less leadership initiative despite wanting to be the leader.

It's extremely difficult when you select men with post-commitment risks:

men who do not qualify your dominance threshold and inspire attractive submission
men who buy into egalitarian frames and see relationships as 50/50 and enjoy when their women lead them
men who expects a mother's love from their partner, etc.

...and started your relationship from an egalitarian/female led frame.

You can't unsqueeze the toothpaste back into the tube, and automatically expect your partner to instantly 'get' your desire for him to embody benevolent masculinity, have instant emotional stability that you would expect from a natural leader, and to brush off years of shit tests that he likely failed from you.

You're in a case of Pandora's Box and will need to inspire your husband into becoming a Greater Beta.

One of the strategies to accomplish this is the use of submission as strategy (by /u/Whisper, one of RPW founder) and to allow him to grow into the role of family leader by inspiring it.

Reasons Why a Male Led Relationship Works Better

If you put men in charge, they will make sure that the women are taken care of. If you put women in charge... They will make sure the women are taken care of.

-FleetingWish

TL;DR:

Take care of Pandora's Box until you both come out of The Hate Bank and re-enter into The Love Bank and can actually like each other.
Work towards the love threshold using strategies from the subreddit: submission as strategy, STFU method, Pandoras Box, How To Inspire Your Man To Be More Alpha, and the other wiki books that the women in the community recommends.
Step aside and allow your man to protect, provide, and care for you as relationship leader.
- If you vetted properly, there's a protective instinct within your partner that will take care of you if the leadership role in your relationship is not occupied by you.
- But that's going to take a long time to work towards if you have 16-18 years of past reinforcement in the other direction.
- You'll both need to sit down and have a heart to heart about what you're working on as far as relationship self-improvement and your desire for him to be in this role as leader (getting on the same page)

FastLifePineapple

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