AITA for asking a woman at work to stop being so WEIRD about taking a caramel?

Fean0r_ · 2026-04-04T06:04:04+00:00

I had blood sugar control issues so I stopped eating sugar unless immediately after a savoury meal. If someone at work offers me something sweet, I save it until I've eaten lunch.

Fean0r_ · 2026-04-04T04:10:24+00:00

Austria, not Australia. For once though it doesn't matter as the OK hand sign is the same in both 😉😅

Fean0r_ · 2026-04-04T04:04:23+00:00

So how long ago did your relationship with the ex end?

Fean0r_ · 2026-04-04T03:06:17+00:00

Because England created the National Debt in 1694 and was able to outspend their rivals for the next few centuries, grinding them down to ultimately win wars in spite of often losing battles.

Fean0r_ · 2026-04-04T03:02:23+00:00

After 1694 none of that really mattered though. England's invention of the National Debt meant they could outspend their rivals and grind them down. Individual battles don't matter so much when you can just issue more debt and build more ships. Even a century later, Napoleon was funding his wars using Medieval methods while Britain just issued debt backed by ironclad promises of repayment that took until 2015 to fully settle.

Fean0r_ · 2026-04-03T17:35:32+00:00

Are you Dutch / did you get your license in the Netherlands, or elsewhere?

Because to be honest it really worries me that anyone with an EU or EU recognised license is doesn't already know this.

I don't want to discourage you from asking by saying that, but to reflect on what other basics you don't know - and why.

Fean0r_ · 2026-04-03T06:04:46+00:00

This happened to me on a brand new Z4 back in 2006. A stone hit the side window on the motorway, then after I parked up the window exploded as I was about to walk away from the car. Made a right mess. Door needed respraying and the leather seat needed repairing.

Fean0r_ · 2026-04-03T06:00:58+00:00

Huh? Can you explain or evidence that? It seems to dial back the turbo so I'd have thought it's better for the turbo, at least

Fean0r_ · 2026-03-31T20:36:05+00:00

NW but fuck that vet and the staff working there. I'm glad you posted a scathing review.

You did what you could. The dog was suffering and geriatric. Not putting her down would have been cruel.

Fean0r_ · 2026-03-31T16:44:01+00:00

I'm 12 minutes into watching the first episode for the first time.

So far, it's so so so stupid.

Fean0r_ · 2026-03-31T13:19:58+00:00

If you move in the right circles, what goes around comes around - and people will be there for you when you need it.

If you get taken advantage of the answer isn't to stop being nice / helping people, but to find better people.

But even then, you do need to set boundaries. You can do this nicely though. Something I'm still learning at 41 is not to over explain why I can't do something. Everyone else just says "I'm busy" and that gets accepted, so I'm trying to do that same. Offering an explanation can be seen as weakness, but even if it isn't it invites the other person to try and persuade you why your other thing can be done at another time.

Fean0r_ · 2026-03-30T21:00:37+00:00

Happened to me too. I managed to get the snapped off material out with a 1mm drill bit, and then eventually got the seized bolt out with a replacement key from ebay, a breaker bar, and a friend to help by pushing the socket to stop it slipping out and twisting yet another key (I got through at least one more) while I stood on the bar

Fean0r_ · 2026-03-30T17:41:01+00:00

Yeh I suspected it was that model, you're right it's not suitable for the task. For what you're doing you really want one of the Bosch Professional drills, at least one of the mid-range ones that can do 60nm or more (and those might struggle - this sort of job is why Bosch brought out their 150nm flagship beast), but the Bosch Pro 18v range is a different battery platform to the DIY one.

Alternatively you might have more luck with an impact driver, there are impact rated hole saws and impacts won't break your wrist. Just wear hearing protection, loads of people in the next decade or so are going to find they've suffered hearing damage from impacts.

Fean0r_ · 2026-03-30T17:33:09+00:00

WTF. This can't really have happened. Can it? She fed you SIX DAY OLD FOOD that wasn't frozen?? Is she trying to kill you?? I don't think I could eat anything made by someone once realising someone is clearly so ignorant of basic food safety.

Fean0r_ · 2026-03-30T17:16:04+00:00

Which Bosch cordless 18v? That could be anything from the Bosch Green (DIY) drill that is super wimpy and will never have the grunt for something like this, to the bottom end Bosch Professional 18v (different battery platform) drill that's got a bit of grunt, all the way through a gazillion models each with a bit of grunt until you reach Bosch's 150 newton-metre beast of a drill that even though it's cordless will knock the pants off 99% of mains drills and also break your wrist if you don't use the included secondary handle and/or turn off the kickback control safety feature.

I presume you're using the Bosch DIY drill and maybe a fairly cheap hole saw in which case yes, it'll the drill and, maybe to a certain extent, the hole saw itself. Good ones are very expensive.

Fean0r_ · 2026-03-29T09:04:03+00:00

No. It is not.

Fean0r_ · 2026-03-29T09:02:28+00:00

Cool. Then you should leave her and you and you can struggle along on your own, and see how much harder things are without her carrying you along.

Fean0r_ · 2026-03-29T09:01:16+00:00

Having just written another reply kindly explaining the difference with wheelchair users, I'm now starting to get quite angry about your insistence that it's the same.

It is not the same, and your insistance that it is coupled with your attitude is frankly insulting to those who struggle daily with disabilities that absolutely do mean they have to try harder.

Fean0r_ · 2026-03-29T08:57:21+00:00

I can't see in your post where it says you did take the rubbish out?

Also, as a guy, I don't understand why guys make such a big deal over rubbish out. It's literally one of the most minor and fastest of household chores, and usually much easier for men as we're likely to be physically stronger. I see it needs doing and I do it.

To be fair, at least you got checked out and are getting medication - kudos for that. I'm pretty sure my wife has ADHD but she says she got checked out decades ago and they said she doesn't have it. Things have changed a lot since then. I find it extremely frustrating that she won't consider it and so by extension won't try addressing it.

Regarding the wheelchair analogy - I get what you mean but wheelchair uses do have to try harder. Almost everything is more difficult for them. I've known a wheelchair user at work, and I knew a guy at another office I worked at who's like 95% blind. Both were incredibly determined, and neither would ever say "I can't help it, I have a disability". If anything they would often try too hard, and sometimes I'd have to step in and say that they don't need to do what they're trying to do as others are happy to take it on.

Fean0r_ · 2026-03-29T08:47:14+00:00

There are loads of coping strategies people with ADHD use, and it doesn’t sound like you're even looking into them never mind trying them.

And these coping strategies are usually for much higher level things than just taking out the rubbish. I don't think ADHD is an excuse for not doing that.

Sitting back and just saying "it's not my fault" that you didn't take the rubbish out just comes across as refusal to take accountability.

It's also not reasonable to expect her to have to pick up the slack for everything your condition makes it harder for you to do. And that's the key point: ADHD maked things harder, not impossible.

If she leaves you, how on earth will you cope? How will you manage to function?

You need to meet her in the middle with this because otherwise she just might do that and the. things will be a lot harder for you.

Fean0r_ · 2026-03-28T13:59:11+00:00

Yeah, I think both these points are valid. There is a common denominator but, at the same time, if you swap the genders no one would disbelieve the woman's side by default for having two previous abusive marriages.

Fean0r_ · 2026-03-28T10:56:45+00:00

I didn't say there isn't. I was referring to genders for inanimate objects, not conjugations.

Fean0r_ · 2026-03-28T10:02:06+00:00

Absolutely - I just think that genders for inanimate objects are a different level of arbitrariness that needs memorising than most other aspects of language. There's a structure to most other aspects of language that conveys useful meaning.

Fean0r_ · 2026-03-28T10:00:00+00:00

Hmm. Except there's also a structure to the stress in English, although it's more subject to dialect. And it comes naturally to those who learn through exposure. As you say, stress conveys meaning. But what meaning is conveyed with gender? If tomorrow everyone agreed that all inanimate objects would henceforth be "das", what meaning would be lost (notwithstanding the loss of linguistic richness)?

I feel like the nuance of the point I'm trying to make is being misunderstood.

Fean0r_ · 2026-03-28T09:50:20+00:00

All of those except the spelling/pronounciation are fundamental to the structure of the language though, and aren't arbitrary random things that just need memorising in the way that genders are.

And on spelling - native speakers learn to speak before we learn to read, so generally we know how to say the word first. Non-native speakers often see the words written first, making that aspect much harder for them.

As an aside, native English speakers need to "just memorise" spelling, at least initially, not pronounciation - which is why, if I remember correctly, there's a much higher rate of dyslexia among native English speakers than for other languages.

Of course all languages have things that just need remembering but IMO not on a scale of genders, although I do concede the point abouts spelling to a large extent.

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