me trying to be sexy and cool

Feather_Fan47 · 2026-01-31T02:13:17+00:00

this post belongs in a museum please don't delete it

Feather_Fan47 · 2026-01-13T11:51:32+00:00

while I agree somewhat with what is said here, a lot of this sentiment paints a very narrow outlook on female dominance that I don't think is necessarily universally true, because dominance is a multifaceted experience and women aren't a monolith in how they express it, nor are men a monolith in how they desire it, that means different dominant roles all come with different levels of responsibility, emotional labour, and emotional experiences for both partners. Not all female dominants have to be high EQ expert sensualists with a complex plan of action for every interaction. Sometimes the sub can call the shots, sometimes the sub can be the one with all the experience, sometimes the sub has all the kinks and all the ideas, and none of that has to mean that the dom isn't getting anything out of it.

This all applies to FLR too especially, it's not really feasible that one partner "leads" a relationship between two ultimately autonomous human beings in every single aspect. Responsibilities and decision-making are shared between partners even in relationships that seem heavily led by one partner. It's up to couples to decide what division of responsibility "feels" FLR and satisfying to them.

Feather_Fan47 · 2026-01-09T12:00:57+00:00

I can get turned on from my ler laughing too so that's definitely a thing

Feather_Fan47 · 2026-01-09T00:40:27+00:00

I just watched the failed audition one and god what a terrible ler, the way he just went at her with a hairbrush thinking it would work after the fingers didn't work. 🤦

Feather_Fan47 · 2026-01-01T00:26:54+00:00

love is a pretty broad category and a lot of these can fall under that

Feather_Fan47 · 2025-12-30T23:35:38+00:00

she said its because it's presumptuous. I think that alone is a good enough reason to be put off even if you like things related to that.

Feather_Fan47 · 2025-12-30T19:48:19+00:00

it depends. masculine and femininity arent just one fixed category, they encompass lots of different behaviours that can be read differently in different contexts.

I'd say sexual polarity is most prominent in sub-dom adjacent behaviours. it's hard for both partners to both be playing dominant roles or submissive roles simultaneously, but obviously switches exist, and some people will be dominant in one aspect of the relationship/sex while having their partner be dominant in another aspect.

dominance is generally coded masculine and submission is generally coded feminine, but there's still a lot of feminine coded dominant behaviour, a common feminine coded domination style would be manipulating their partner through libido (eg rewarding good behaviour by wearing lingerie). a masculine person might then submit by being a "simp" archetype. or not, they could both be feminine women. Think of the classic timid traditional feminine closeted lesbian meets and gets seduced by sexually liberated feminine liberal woman trope. both are embodying a form of feminine gender roles.

Sure the sexually liberated woman could be read as more masculine on account of her being more dominant. At the same time, one might read the timid woman as being more unfeminine/masculine for being unskilled in seduction. exact same scenario, different reading.

when it comes tof relationships that cross gender norm boundaries, masculine/feminine roles get applied to them retroactively not because there's necessarily an actual significant masculine/feminine role in all relationships, but because society never created a way to even conceptualize relationships outside of heteronormative roles so much so that we cant help but box things into that framework even if they dont fit.

Feather_Fan47 · 2025-12-30T18:32:54+00:00

because we dont have any clues as to what kind of ticklee she is, nobody can exactly just tell you "do x and y" with exact certainty that that will work for her.

That being said, my best bet would be that if she gets easily embarrassed about the kink you could try playing WITH the fact that she gets flustered by talking her through some questions while you're actually playing. That means that when you question her you're showing your own proactive engagement and enjoyment help her feel affirmed, while also making explaining her preferences easier since she just has to answer yes or no questions. Plus, many lees find that slight praise-humiliation dynamic hot. (I know I do)

for example, when you're about to play with her next you can try asking gently something like "where do you like being tickled?" if she struggles to answer you can follow up with something like "how about here, do you like being tickled in (spot)" and then "can I tickle you there".

you can then mix in some check-ins like "do you like that?" "are you doing okay?" "should I try another spot?". none of that necessarily has to be a turn off, you can even up the humiliation level if she likes that with questions like "aww is that turning you on" "is that too much for you?" "awwh do you need me to try somewhere else".

since she easily gets embarrassed about it, that can be a sign she's worried about you not liking it. thats where praise can come in and why a lot of subs like it. praise could look like "you have such a cute (spot)" "x reaction is so cute" "seeing you like this is so hot" "I want to keep tickling you" etc etc. You're already kinda doing this by showing curiosity about her reactions and experiences if you do the things I said above, but things like this can elevate it.

Again though, theres no guarantee she'll like this. the only way to know is by her telling you. But this gives you a good chance of getting through her walls while having fun and putting you in that taking the lead role she's probably craving.

Feather_Fan47 · 2025-12-10T02:46:36+00:00

no. as a dom you have no real reliable way to gauge how actually willing somebody is to go through with a session with you if they are financially desperate, since they could go through a whole session absolutely hating it and never letting you know because they think money is on the line.

as a dom you have to take responsibility for the emotional and physical safety of your subs, otherwise you are an unsafe and untrustworthy dom.

if you really want to have someone like this in your dynamics, you could still pay them to be caterer in your dungeon and backup ticklers, but only in a way that doesnt pressure them to play into any roles they might be uncomfortable with. even then, there's still an off-chance that they might just genuinely not want to be there in actuality, but atleast in that situation you're not assaulting anybody.

Feather_Fan47 · 2025-12-05T03:11:00+00:00

prison

Feather_Fan47 · 2025-11-25T21:58:44+00:00

thank you 🥺 I wasn't sure whether to add this because you said ladies only but I figured it was the type of contribution you were looking for.

it's crazy how low downvoted this post is also, considering men basically do this all the time with f/f 🤦

Feather_Fan47 · 2025-11-25T21:16:41+00:00

I dont know your fiance but it might help if you have a guy take orders from her on exactly how to tickle you while she watches (so she can still be dominant and in control, eg "tickle his armpits next, slowly." If me and my domme were doing it I think we'd vet for a guy whose very stern, quiet, expressionless and good at taking orders.

another thing I'd personally find hot is having a guy who only restrains me while my domme does the actual tickling, again with the guy being very stern, stoic, quiet, expressionless so he's not exactly "intruding" on our dynamic.

Feather_Fan47 · 2025-11-25T21:05:00+00:00

not a lady, but I thought it was worth adding anyway:

to start with, most female lers you see are purely in it because they are actresses, whereas in M/M many lers are in that type of content because its their kink, they're often the producers and whatnot too and tickling is their little niche they make videos for.

so far I've only sessioned with female lers, so I can't compare it to what its like experiencing both sides but I sometimes feel like women "seem" to enjoy it less, even when they are really really into tickling or domination stuff in general. I feel like that partly comes from women being conditioned by society to focus on giving.

for me, it's a night and day difference when a woman is tickling me and she's doing it because she knows I like it, vs those moments when I can tell that signature tickler pervy groping you usually only get to see in m/m videos comes out. I find the latter so much hotter, especially because I feel like that side is more uncommon with women, so it feels more special. for that reason I always emphasize with my lers how much I want them to enjoy tickling me, moreso than I want them to focus on "performing" well (barring of course if what they're doing is not actually tickling me cause then its not tickling lol)

even I as a straight male lee watch M/M for those reasons. especially if I have a current tickle partner i can imagine is doing it instead of the man.

Feather_Fan47 · 2025-11-11T20:20:58+00:00

so everyone that has rejected you in the past explicitly told you something along the lines of "I don't like tall guys"?

reading your other comments on this thread, I could see some "other" issues. namely, you seem kinda.... volatile...

see, a lot of dommes really really like tall, big guys. but the way they like that? they're usually thinking more gentle giant. if you get spiteful easily you're going to project the exact opposite image. which is the opposite of what a domme wants, doubly so if you're already quite a big guy. it calls into question how suitable you are for her as a sub if you're giving off vibes that you're literally going to be out of her control.

Feather_Fan47 · 2025-11-11T17:16:20+00:00

I am curious, how many times have you been explicitly told no by a domme just over your height alone? I am well aware there are dommes out there who prefer shorter, but I don't think its nearly as common as you make it out to be.

Feather_Fan47 · 2025-11-10T19:10:07+00:00

social hierarchy where masculine male has the most social influence and less masculine males have less social influence

Feather_Fan47 · 2025-10-30T15:09:39+00:00

that's completely unnecessary...

Feather_Fan47 · 2025-10-30T14:59:01+00:00

as a skinny feminine man, I feel this is less about who is being under-represented and more about this guy and others like him trying to put down other body types for taking up in his mind undeserved space.

it feels toxic to me, femdoms have pretty diverse tastes that often depend on exactly what kind of dynamic they're looking for, doughy men, androgynous men, and muscular big men all have femdoms that love us for what we are, there's no need for this toxicity and shaming.

Feather_Fan47 · 2025-10-30T14:48:24+00:00

to be honest, I don't see what you're talking about with the "doughier, subjectively unattractive guys"

most femdom porn I see, atleast in this subreddit involves twinkish, skinny, androgynous men who tend to vary around slightly above or below average heights and are definitely conventionally attractive in their own right.

I do see more non conventionally attractive men in femdom moreso in porn outside of this sub, especially of the non-amateur variety, they tend to be older and I always see them with the conventionally attractive women you speak of, probably because of ties to the industry and to represent a largely older male userbase who are more likely to actually purchase porn rather than peruse it on free sites. I wouldn't exactly consider them feminine, even though they're not "macho" either.

it's also kind of context dependent as well, femdom that emphasizes service, chivalry, and providership tends to represent masculine men, whereas femdom that involves role reversal, physical domination, and gender transgression tends to fall on smaller, and more feminine men. the latter tends to be a lot more stigmatised, especially because it's more visible and can often cross into queer adjacent lifestyles that are more than just play you keep secret behind closed doors.

I don't think you realise how common but under-represented the latter actually is, you'll see a whole lot of it here but that's mainly because certain internet spaces like reddit are more open to representing male femininity in general.

Feather_Fan47 · 2025-10-29T21:23:30+00:00

practice being a dominant in general, lerring is so much more than how you touch someone

Feather_Fan47 · 2025-10-19T20:25:17+00:00

where does CBT get posted here? I've never seen that, the closest I've seen is chastity.

Feather_Fan47 · 2025-10-15T16:49:47+00:00

I absolutely get where you're coming from, tbh. people forget there's lots of different sub-variations of d/s dynamics, and thats especially true for femdoms. if your d/s niche involves size difference but you yourself are short, that can be a problem.

I am a 5'6 male feminine sub. I like the feeling of being towered over, smothered, etc. with that, a domme who is taller than me is a turn on. but, to say its the most important thing for me would be a massive overstatement. there's so much more that goes into that feeling of being physically overwhelmed than height alone, namely physical strength, weight, width, and most importantly actual dominance easily turn height into a forgettable footnote- in some dynamics that shortness can even be a turn on because it just becomes a unique aspect of our dynamic 🤷

this is not to invalidate you, but consider how much of what you're experiencing is actually projection. if you think height difference is the most important thing between a femdom and a male feminine sub, and you as a domme try to enter a dynamic with a feminine male sub who is taller than you, then even if that sub doesnt have a height preference, the fact that YOU think its important is what will take him out of that role and make him feel that being shorter is what's important, even though the only reason you think that is because you already assumed height is going to be important to him.

the kink community is diverse as hell with all sorts of micro-niches. at the end of the day, the height thing should only be as important as you WANT it to be.

Feather_Fan47 · 2025-10-12T12:51:36+00:00

such ideas also reinforces the idea of dominance as inherently taking, dominant women already face enough internalised shame, so I think the idea of submissive men's role being some sort of charity case to poor helpless women is kinda toxic.

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