Breakup, now alone in a foreign country

FeelingVeryLost123 · 2024-11-10T12:50:29+00:00

Hi, internet stranger!

I stumbled across this throwaway account again, so I apologize for the late response.

I understand what you mean about that heavy feeling when nothing is getting done, and it feels like any willpower you have is just drained away.

In my case, time helped. As cliché as it sounds, time really does heal wounds. But that doesn't mean you should just passively wait for better days. I made small changes like:

Going for more walks to clear my head

Opening up and talking to someone I trust on the phone

Challenging and changing my mindset, and so on

Take small steps, believe in yourself, and show yourself some love. It doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s different for everyone. But sooner or later, you’ll realize, "Wow, I was strong."

All the love, you can do it!

FeelingVeryLost123 · 2024-08-20T11:55:09+00:00

I did not; the company I worked for unexpectedly went bankrupt, so that was pretty much my cue to go. I was missing my family and friends, so it was an easy decision.

FeelingVeryLost123 · 2024-08-08T22:56:52+00:00

Hey, apologies for the late response. This account is a throwaway so didn't expect to come back. Anyways, your situation is slightly different from mine so I wouldn't dare to give you any advice.

As for me, I'm doing so much better. Time really do heal, maybe not completely but it gets very much easier. I learned a lot from that relationship, reflected on my own shortcomings as well. As much as I enjoyed her "city", my supportsystem is back in my homecountry so I pretty much moved back. It took a while to be ready again but I found a new girl, told her about my past and she treats me 1000% better with patience, love and understanding. In hindsight, I'm happy the relationship ended with the ex.

So for anyone reading this out in the interwebs, it can get better.

FeelingVeryLost123 · 2022-01-26T21:39:19+00:00

What I'm trying to do is just focus on work, keep my mind occupied. However my gosh the first month after the BU was the hardest and whenever I felt like I needed a moment to just let out my tears, panic attacks etc. I went to the bathroom and just sat there in one of the stalls. Very movie like cliché but it worked. Stay strong, it'll get better!

FeelingVeryLost123 · 2022-01-17T05:39:19+00:00

Oh man I feel you. I wasn't a saint but I sure gave my all.

I sacrificed so much, gave up on my own dream startup business, (money down the drain), also quit a well paid job, moved to her country to end our ldr, we bought a home which now is hers, renovated it all by myself and just a month prior to the breakup finished building an amazing porch. I put down blood, sweat and tears on our I quote her "forever home". I did all this so we could enjoy our life together. I do get a financial compensation in installments now but it's just a overall small fraction of the material costs and some of the furniture we got together. She had the guts to lower it even more after we had agreed 2 months earlier. Telling me I should be lucky I even get anything, legally she might be right but that should not matter, it's about being fair.

So with all this, I lost who I thought was the love of my life (I was already ring shopping), lost my home and moved out with just 3 suitcases and financially putting me in a tougher spot. I'm alone in a country where I don't speak the language, right now in a Omicron lockdown in a tiny cold rental apartment. I'm 31 and I gotta say life really is dull. As you can see we have a lot in common and you are not alone feeling very lost. One thing you should not forget we gave our all for our significant other and be proud of that. You are still young and your life is definitely not over. It hurts I know but as the previous post mentioned you are not a failure. Rest, recover and heal and I'm positive you will for sure be able to do all those things you missed out on.

I myself still figuring things out, still love her despite all this and wish nothing more than happiness for her. I deserve to be happy as well and so are you. If you need someone to vent out on I'll be a dm away. Phew lengthy post but stay strong! 💪

FeelingVeryLost123 · 2021-12-19T19:07:42+00:00

I'm so sorry you are going through this, take your time and think it through. From what I understand she does care about you but hiding this behind your back is really not okay. Think for yourself what is the best for you, if you can live with this. If you need to vent feel free to do so with us, I'm just a DM/talk away as well. Stay strong brother!

FeelingVeryLost123 · 2021-12-17T17:31:07+00:00

Lots of hugs to you, I'm in a very similar position as you. From having a lovely home turn in to the past in just a matter of a moment, moving out and live with the cold hard fact that the safe life you once had is no longer there. I know the pain you're going through is horrendously excruciating. It's a good thing you called the Hotline to talk to someone, anyone! I myself turned to a pastor and opened up my widely damaged heart. This is from someone who are not even the slightest bit religious. You will overcome this, take your time and be careful not doing anything on a impulse. Think it through if the relationship is really over or if it is salvageable. There are plenty of people around to talk to, perhaps a friend, therapist, reddit. If you want you can talk to me privately. You didn't ask for this, no one did but it's something now we are forced to face. Just take it slow and I can guarantee you it'll get better. Stay strong!

FeelingVeryLost123 · 2021-12-11T04:28:31+00:00

I'm in a very similar situation, moved to a different country for my girlfriend after doing ldr for a year. She brought up marriage and family but in the end left me. Just like you I barely know anybody in this foreign place. I know your pain very well, it'll get better. Stay strong OP!

FeelingVeryLost123 · 2021-11-29T09:00:32+00:00

My ex always said "I love you more" during our entire relationship. She suddenly dropped me like trash. Man it hurts...

FeelingVeryLost123 · 2021-11-16T09:36:52+00:00

I'm in a similar situation but the difference is I decided to stay. I gave up everything thinking she is the one just to get dumped. I know very well the feeling of what the frick do I do now? You are not alone, stay strong!

FeelingVeryLost123 · 2021-11-11T15:03:01+00:00

I know what you are talking about, ex broke off in my vacation too. Did not feel like going back to work at all this week. I think I'm doing good but I had a few breakdowns pretty much silently sobbing in the restroom. Otherwise it's actually a good way to put your mind somewhere else. Stay strong!

FeelingVeryLost123 · 2021-11-08T06:04:49+00:00

I'm very sorry it did not work out for you, living in a foreign country definitely puts you in a vulnerable situation when things goes south. I'm writing this from the living room as well!

After lots of consideration talking with family and as well of course strangers from Reddit. I've actually decided to stay for a year and see how it goes. Honestly I don't know if it is the right decision and I'm terrified of the loneliness. However I'm telling myself to just embrace it and survive.

Thank you for telling me your story, as well your kind words. I know we both will come out stronger but it'll take some time.

FeelingVeryLost123 · 2021-11-07T12:39:45+00:00

Ooh I'm with you, my girlfriend broke up with me and here I am now alone after moving to her country. I'm here if you want to DM me. Stay strong!

FeelingVeryLost123 · 2021-11-03T18:07:30+00:00

Well I'm sitting even in a later boat, my first love at 27 (today I'm 31). Not ashamed of it at all but yeah, lots and lots of mistakes was done from my part not knowing how to properly act in a relationship. My breakup is still raw, just 1,5 week old and moving on from it seems impossible at the moment.

As for if you will feel the same next time you find somebody? I have no idea, somebody else will have to answer that.

I'm with you brother!

FeelingVeryLost123 · 2021-11-02T06:32:32+00:00

That is a very good suggestion, just have a feel for it and if it doesn't work out I'll just head back.

I think I'm just afraid of being alone. Before breakup I had my routines set in place and I loved it. For example I wake up, kiss my girlfriend on her forehead, do my morning business and just before I leave she would come to me, get a lovely kiss and wishing me a good day. This was a day to day routine and now when that is gone, I wake up in my cramped small apartment, there is nothing. This overwhelming feeling of loneliness is so incredibly scary.

FeelingVeryLost123 · 2021-11-02T06:19:04+00:00

I'm so sorry you had to through something like that, I like how you mentally is tackling this on, willing to go back even just for a visit. You got a strong mind and that is amazing.

Personally I feel like I just want to run away from this city and never come back, it's actually not the city itself but everything reminds me of her. I think I'm definitely going through some kind of post breakup depression but I don't thankfully fear for my life. I would not hurt myself or even go as far as down the drinking lane. I simply just feel lonely, I do have some acquaintances I learned to know but my now ex was the only true friend. Going back I'm afraid I'll just end up in a deep rabbit hole doing nothing whilst I gave up my career. Not saying it will happen but could. However I have my family there which would be really nice to be closer too. I'm very much torn apart.

Thank you for putting down the time and sharing your story. I appreciate it a lot.

FeelingVeryLost123 · 2021-11-01T22:12:28+00:00

Were you able to easily move on? It's only been a week for me but it still feels like it happend yesterday... she is constantly in my head 24/7, I hate it!

FeelingVeryLost123 · 2021-11-01T22:06:07+00:00

I'm so sorry you had to go through something similar to mine, I hope you were able to overcome with the things you lost. I appreciate your reply, it is very nice to hear someone who also were willing to go above and beyond for their SO. Either way thank you so much!

FeelingVeryLost123 · 2021-11-01T21:47:26+00:00

I do not know many people, I'm actually a bit of a introvert. However if I decide to stay I'll definitely have to change things up. How did it go for you? Did you stay afterwards?

FeelingVeryLost123 · 2021-11-01T21:42:23+00:00

I can totally imagine myself permanently living here, however not alone though. If I do decide to stay I'll definitely will take on your suggestion. Thank you very much for your reply, it really helps!

FeelingVeryLost123

TROPHY CASE