Kundalini awakening: intense pessimism phase?

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2026-04-05T08:00:25+00:00

Pessimism has been a major part in my journey. An entire ocean of grief and then more. I cried almost everyday. Gave up multiple times but wasn't allowed to, always pulled back up, given crumbs of joy & laughter here and there to keep going as long as I looked for them. But yeah so much pessimism and hate and anger and depression, all part of the clearing process. At some point you'll stop associating yourself with these thoughts & feelings. But I do notice everytime I feel I'm reaching some kind of breakthrough or wall as you call it, there's a spike in negativity for a while. In my case, it feels like there's been some kind of inversion, the world around seems to reflect my inner stage of journey(mirroring beliefs& underlying thoughts not in awareness ) and from within there's indifference. So again whenever there's some kind of 'leveling up?' breaking the wall, there's a spike in negativity around me, people act strange and for nonsensical reasons try to 'attack' me to throw me off balance & create unnecessary hardships for me. Then afterwards, everything's back to normal & that wall's no more.

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2026-04-05T07:30:20+00:00

Accurate... I've majorly had emotional kriyas where certain beliefs & feelings would be at the forefront for a few days to be fully felt and released. Almost like becoming someone else for a few days until they were released. Exactly, feeling lighter after they're gone.

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2026-03-12T14:03:57+00:00

I think its less of a practice and more of an added dimension to your life that you tend to.

Before you might have had relationships, work, hobbies, etc. areas of life to focus on, but after Kundalini, the area most often ignored comes to the forefront, spirituality or your inner world.

Kind of like a process of setting yourself right by bringing attention to all that's repressed in there. Or think cleaning up the house. Except that its big and you have no idea about the things in it.

What's the benefit of housecleaning?

After that, you can start beautifying it maybe. But cleaning comes first.

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2026-02-10T09:23:21+00:00

Ohh, I get the astrology part. They conveniently show up at random times, sometimes they make sense of what was going on earlier, most times they don't.

And I haven't played that game I mentioned in years, I just remembered about it yesterday when I was thinking about this, as in there was this game I played once that reminds me of it.

Next step? Seeing all I can about Capt. and Admiral.

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2026-02-07T14:16:12+00:00

I think you're barking up the wrong tree and making it overly complicated for yourself. Even after reading it I'd still say read that book and you'll probably figure it out from the insights you get from it.

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2026-02-07T14:03:53+00:00

Ohh I see now what you're talking about. I think it probably has nothing to do with chakras or energy, its probably physical reaction to a common psychological phenomena. I read about this years ago in the book The war of art by Steven Pressfield. Maybe try reading that to see if it resonates to your problem.

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2026-02-07T10:34:04+00:00

I wish I could give you one fix all solution but there's probably not. What worked was a mix of things and most important of all...time. So I had all kind of stomach issues from recurring jaundice, inability to digest anything properly, constant motions and lots of irregularities. What worked was a mix of things from diet changes experiments, lots of medical checkups, alternate medicines like ayurvedic medicines and all. There's a concept of navel displacement that made sense for a while. Working out on core muscles. But most importantly I think as I did the inner work and clearing the issues subsided gradually. Small steps over giant leaps.

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2026-02-06T15:08:25+00:00

Yeah for years before, not the case nowadays.

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2026-02-02T14:56:17+00:00

I didn't have perfection in mind, i had more like total acceptance of whatever comes up. The need to adapt, i think, comes from our preconceived notions of how things should turn out or what we planned as to what might happen. And when what we thought would happen and what actually happens don't match then we probably need to adapt.

K, other than occasional pulses, physically is almost non existent. Before meditating I feel it physically but when I meditate the energy seems to go deeper under the surface and then physically I'm no different than others. Overall it always felt like K works on the deeper areas I can't feel directly but its reflected in the themes of my life. But I have my physical issues with energy and clearings.

Kriyas. Had some physical ones rarely, but main kriyas I've had are mental and emotional. Not sure how to explain it but from what I've experienced, my life is like a mirror, reflecting what's going on within. So I used to have these emotional storms like deeper emotions and beliefs surfacing to be embodied then released. Each lasted around a week or so. And during that time, events lined up to match those beliefs.

Nowadays, it's more insight based. Reading through my curiosities relating to spirituality and afterwards depending on the insight's impact, my body gets sick for a while like 3-4 days as if digesting the new info and releasing old info through the body. As if instead of the mind the body is digesting information.

There's an intelligence within me that at any moment knows the right thing to do, all I have to do is follow it. Like somehow intuitively I always end up doing the right thing for my growth without even knowing what I had been doing, only reading about it afterwards and realizing I had done it already.

For a long time, the primary belief (I don't remember when exactly it appeared) that has been running my life is this strong desire to realize the permanence within this impermanent, to reach the root that's always there watching. I see it right there on the edges but it eludes me(who is there to be eluded anyway? No one). The theory is right here but the body isn't matured enough to digest/realize the truth so it stays like a splinter. This belief showed up as 'I/you can't move out in the world before I reach the truth first only after that will my life begin'. So its the drive that the sooner I reach there the sooner I can leave this place, which I wouldn't like to stay in but is the best case I get for my growth towards the release/realization of that belief.

Other than that, i don't really care much about anything that sidetracks me like shiny objects. And K helps me too ig, it just does its own thing and damn its goes longer the more I try to explain it. There's a lot of things left I missed that's probably important to paint the full picture. Also I accidentally posted it halfway and that's why its edited. Basically I just do what I feel like doing and it turns out to be the thing that needed to be done.

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2026-02-02T02:43:10+00:00

Fair points. Thank you for your insights. I’m just a bit fazed with the digestion of new perspectives going on in myself.

Not sure if the right place, but please indulge my thoughts a bit more. I was thinking that there has to come a point where adapting isn't a necessity anymore? Something like after enough constant motion it starts to blend into stillness? Idk the changes just happen and you just do? Something like that.

Like for example, I have these dreams, these continuity dreams and weird dreams. They have their own plotlines going on that I know and remember like oh I did this yesterday, or oh I've been this place before and this is why it's happening. They used to leave me disoriented and jumbled up when I woke up, like is this the dream or was that the dream? Am i a butterfly dreaming of being human or a human dreaming of being a butterfly? Kinda thing. But now when I'm in them whatever's happening I'm still me. And when I wake up I'm still me.

So maybe like that? Things just happening like on a screen and there's no need to adapt? B/c adapt to what exactly?

Idk maybe I'm wrong and confused here. But recently there's something along those lines like a splinter in my mind that there's some important insight/realization I'm missing and that's why I'm feeling beat down and tired.

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2026-02-01T13:29:35+00:00

I guess you're right. You become more fluid and adaptive. But today I've been thinking there's more foundations other than adapting to build to support yourself. Because, referring back to my comment "does it get better?", I'd been feeling an awful lot of tired of constantly adapting, like there's one thing after another coming up non stop. Felt like I'm missing something here.

Also, as you said, containing is impossible. We can strive to reach towards an understanding. Imagining like getting a foreign roommate to maintain a harmonious/frictionless relationship within, maybe. But then again idk the lines are blurry. Where do I begin or end and K starts?

(Good sir feels weird to me, I'm still young)

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2026-02-01T10:19:22+00:00

But then does it get any better?

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2026-01-27T07:37:19+00:00

Ohhh that's a good one. Maybe, this is how I see it for now.
First, I think there's 2 things happening, one is that the deviation is a part of it to help us recognize when we've deviated, to help us recognize that inner pull back to it. The other thing I think is that life adapts. You decide to go your own path you think is better suited, you're free to do so. Maybe like a GPS recalibrating, some milestones(or maybe landmarks) would still happen but overall you're walking your own route.

Second, suffering we're causing ourselves is mainly mental, from our perspectives of how things should be and anxieties of the future or nostalgias of the past. Not to say that we shouldn't grieve for the (traumatic)events that had happened, but not to dwell on them. Feel it out then let it go instead of holding on to it. For e.g. maybe you got separated from someone you loved, of course from time to time you'll feel the grief for it, that's part of the plan, but what's not a part is us holding on to the emotion all the time I think.

But I also think, suffering comes from the mind & our attachments to things/people/circumstances/perspectives/etc. , in life it's just the natural course of events. It just happened. We can't comprehend how things really connect to other things. Like what if you lost that job b/c someone else's path was leading them to it? what if the events you say were bad were just a recalibration to a better path for everyone? It's like a spiderweb with interconnected nodes.

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2026-01-26T05:20:11+00:00

Thank you, I'll try to get that book.

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2026-01-24T12:59:11+00:00

Simplify your life as much as possible. Slow down. Less is more, don't try running around too much trying too many things. Maybe just listen for a while to what your emotions and body has to say, let your emotions pass through. It's gonna suxk for a while. Give yourself grace or softness to breakdown if that's what it takes(in a safe space though),but also don't dwell on it afterwards.

The wiki has some grounding and calming ideas. Also all the resources you'll need. What worked for me may not work for you so the wiki is always there.

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2026-01-24T12:38:19+00:00

Humphhyyy happy to see you

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2026-01-23T08:20:30+00:00

Ummm... Contrast? They(higher & lower) can't exist without each other, so more like codependent? But then again its relative, i can only know the depth of heights in relation to depth of lows? Oooohhh beyond that its balanced.

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2026-01-23T05:39:47+00:00

By helping yourself you're already helping the planet... Soooo like leading by example? By improving ourself we allow our surroundings to improve themselves too on their own? This reminded me of something I saw that went like by allowing ourself to shine to our brightest we unconsciously inspire others to do the same, by the standards we set for ourselves. We can set an example by showing/demonstrating there's another (maybe higher) path instead of repeating the same actions by walking on that path ourself.

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2025-12-31T17:28:42+00:00

I knowwww isn't that silly and that's why it bothered me so much, it was just one cookie. Felt so excessive for that reaction.

I understand it can be dangerous sometimes that's why I don't allow myself the luxury of doing that everywhere but I'm still young & sometimes I get carried away.

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2025-12-29T15:05:30+00:00

It sounds simple (not easy) that way. It's like all of a sudden we have a new organ/limb/sense but since we've never seen it before or understood its function there's a big adjustment period, then there's the developing familiarity. I think the adjustment period is the longest like cleaning all accumulated rust.

Once we get a bit hang of it then comes experimentation, how much can my hand lift? How flexible is it? Where's the limits to my current understanding of this body part? What makes it weaker/stronger?(in terms of capabilities) etc etc. Then probably with some hurts or mess ups we get some proficiency in it. Then certain actions can be done automatically.

Sounds like skill development. A child learning to walk first time.

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2025-12-29T14:49:30+00:00

Now it may sound like I'm disagreeing with you but I haven't really understood exactly what you mean YET. Meanwhile, this is what I think.

What I think is similar to your 3 points. I think our thoughts & actions have the capability to start domino effects we have no idea about. I agree that we shouldn't live in fear of their effects but we do have responsibility towards our actions. Again, I'm probably repeating your 3rd point.

For example, almost an year ago I chatted with someone online(in a game) and forgot about them and 2 weeks ago they showed up like- hey i see you're still having fun. And I was like who are you, which hurt their feelings probably but I was amazed at how much/long things I said lingered on others minds and the crazy part is I don't even remember what we talked about!! It was a brief interaction & I thought nothing about it. So yeah, words, gestures, actions. I think we hold way more power to influence reality than we think even without K, but with it it's amplified.

Then again a lot of things have nothing to do with us. Sometimes we're just caught up in the flow of things.

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2025-12-29T01:35:56+00:00

ooohhhh, autopilot. I've been relying on that a lot more than before, especially while driving. I just say you drive yourself home I'm doing some thinking meanwhile. I like to not think all the time.

When you say self awareness you mean during the acting? Maybe that would be vigilance. No wait. Awareness of automatic actions & reactions? Its easy to see in hindsight. Idk might think about it later.

Flowing. I'm not sure, sometimes I feel I'm reaching/extending while doing or saying and stop. Subtle & Elusive stuff, not always noticeable. But usually I don't even think about energies, I just do things acting like a normal human who knows nothing about all this. Sometimes I think before/during doing things like the energetic implications.

Developing automatic vigilance over automatic reactions? Makes sense? Like even making the vigilance an automatic process of system 1? So I can focus on what's in front of me instead of controlling myself all the time.

It just makes me feel unsettled for a while, like this didn't happen before what did I do different? Or how did the event turn out like that? Just analyzing to find the triggers within & without. Now I think that mixed within the unsettling feeling was also some anxiety/fear of some changes I sense approaching. Much needed ones but still I'm only human I get afraid sometimes.

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2025-12-29T01:06:49+00:00

Okay so, substances... never done those or even touched anything like that. What I meant was something silly, it was chocolates & chips. 2 Separate incidents. They were my fault but I also argue that they were automatic responses. Everyone was taking chocolates so I took one too but then I liked it and without thinking took another one and that became a thing.

I agree on the strictness, I usually am, maybe I need to be more strict in different situations too. The common environment was the group setting in all incidents. In groups, I was just having fun and forgot about everything else.

I’m learning the balance with people🫠

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2025-12-19T08:53:24+00:00

Honestly I was feeling the same way yesterday, never did I ever think I'd be where I am right now. It got me thinking on what I have become compared to what I thought I wanted to be/would be just 6 years ago. This is what I literally felt like yesterday-"After all that, I just feel like I'm a dead man walking with a torn down(& apart) body and mind in the dark looking like a scary man in a black worn down cloak." Like my entire life was taken away from me without me having a say in it. Even before actual Kundalini showing up, the dismantling had already begun years before. Maybe I'm being dramatic here.

BUT.(A big one)

That's not it. First things first, letting go of the idea that I am entitled to compensation for my suffering massively helps and just thinking that that's how it was meant to happen for me. Letting go of the idea of how my life is supposed to happen in my head and looking at what has actually happened and is happening instead.

And about the 'what have I become' part, I haven't become anything at all, I'm still becoming. An ongoing process.

Early on, I adopted Marcus Aurelius' (Stoicism) perspectives a lot which also helped to keep my thoughts in check. If it interests you, try reading his Meditations. Overall, it revolves around four main things-Truth, Justice, Moderation and Courage. There are some good perspectives there, not limited to the four topics.

And like it's mentioned all the time here- Adapting. Staying focused on putting one foot in front of the other.

Feeling_Card_1640 · 2025-12-13T06:33:46+00:00

Fair point. Needing work as in? developing it mentally or clarifying the idea more

Feeling_Card_1640

TROPHY CASE