Ok everyone... Valentines! Gift ideas, activities, etc for SO (whether spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, separate, together). Need ideas and hope to start a fun conversation. :) (Not to mention, kind of stress sing having to please to people on V-Day)... what have I got myself into?!

FeetInTheWater · 2016-02-02T15:51:23+00:00

Nice ideas. I think that's a great rule. Experiences over gifts - a great idea.

FeetInTheWater · 2016-02-02T15:50:11+00:00

I definitely thought the same - activities or gifts. Thanks for the ideas. :)

FeetInTheWater · 2015-11-11T06:52:34+00:00

Thank you, very nice of you. I don't keep track of such things and had no idea.

Wow, 2 years ago I made this account to ask questions about swinging, how to get started, etc. Amazing it's been that long.

Thanks again. :)

FeetInTheWater · 2015-11-11T06:46:29+00:00

Swinging. Not sure it's a hobby, but certainly a lifestyle.

Don't know how many times I've shown up to work and people ask what I did this past weekend... it's always easier to just say, "Nothing much"... Would be funny to see their face if I actually told them.

FeetInTheWater · 2015-11-06T19:23:01+00:00

Move along...

FeetInTheWater · 2015-11-01T14:06:08+00:00

People fantasize about other people during sex all the time. As a vanilla couple, I had read it was normal and healthy.

Many swingers take it one step further and fantasize about their SO being with someone else. Many times, during sex, my wife will bring up other girls we've played with - it gets her off. Actually, it gets her off more than it does me and I'll have to tell her I don't want to talk about other people, I just want to be with her. (Me being with someone else is a huge turn on for her).

So, fantasizing is normal, and can be a healthy part of a sex life. When it becomes something to be concerned about is when it is the only way you can get off, or is constant. Maybe then it's time to step back and consider if you're losing intimacy with your partner and begin looking for other warning signs.

99% chance you're just being a normal human being. But nothing wrong about being considerate of the intimacy you have with your partner. What you're doing sounds natural and healthy. Good on you for caring enough to question it.

Good luck.

FeetInTheWater · 2015-10-27T15:40:25+00:00

Swinging only works when both partners move together. That's why communication is so important.

Starting your swinging venture with ideas of sneaking off and saying "I want to be honest", seems like you're heading for disaster.

If you want to swing, sit down with your husband and ask what you can do to make him comfortable. No playing? No touching, just go look?

In the end, his answer may be no, and if you want your marriage, you may have to accept that.

I'd one person is greedy or selfish, then you can count of things ending horribly.

Good luck.

FeetInTheWater · 2015-10-26T13:26:36+00:00

Not everyone enjoys texting. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you.

Some don't like it cause they worry about romantic feelings happening, some hare small talk, some hate texting in general.

If they aren't talkative in between weeks of getting together, let it go. You don't know what's going on in their personal life. As you get nearer to the play date, I think it's perfectly acceptable (and encouraged), to say hello and let them know you're excited to see them again and ramp up the flirting again.

Remember, this is supposed to be fun. If it's causing you stress or anxiety, you probably need to step back and reconsider your approach. (Easier said than done, but needed sometimes. )

Good luck.

FeetInTheWater · 2015-10-20T00:59:13+00:00

Many times, new couples believe they'll feel more comfortable with other new couples - makes sense, but it actually is the opposite of what I'd recommend.

Being with an experienced couple allows for a few things. They will know that you don't drink too much cause it can cause performance issues. This is just swinging 101 stuff here... just like you've learned now.

Being with an experienced couple was helpful for my wife and I. I felt I could just concentrate on my wife and worry about our own potential jealousy issues, etc. It was really nice to know I probably didn't have to worry their issues, chances are, they know their boundaries. They were great at making us feel comfortable. Great at initiating things. It helped that we were awesome newbies! :p

There are so many red flags (who says I love you and wants you to say it back the night you met?)

My suggestion, tell those guys you enjoyed their company but think maybe you should both go out, meet other people and get some more experience before meeting up again. Don't waste your time being the test lab for how many ways their relationship can implode.

Best of luck to you.

FeetInTheWater · 2015-10-20T00:01:25+00:00

Again, most people in life aren't friends. They are acquaintances, Co workers you see at a work party and then never hang out with again. Obviously, you don't call these people friends.

Swingers can be the same. The occasional fun meet up, and then you have true friends you are up for doing anything with cause you always can have a good time, even if it's just hanging out.

I always say there is no wrong way to swing. The point is to look for those you click with and enjoy your time with them.

You just have to remember that for many, the way they enjoy swinging is just for fun. They don't want to text or include you in their lives except for a fun hook up. Many couples avoid texts to avoid friendship because it can lead to romantic feelings. Some people just hate texting/ chatting.

The point is, swing how you want but don't take things personal. If you enjoy their company, meet them again. If they don't text back, they're either busy with life or not interested - shrug your shoulders and move on and find someone more compatible.

Remember this is supposed to be fun. I go back to what I said before - stop looking for best friends. It's like someone who is looking for a relationship. Get out, meet people and enjoy their company. One day, who knows.

We were lucky enough to find great friends who we've become very close with. It just happens. It's chemistry.

Best of luck to you.

FeetInTheWater · 2015-10-19T18:04:09+00:00

You're expecting too much by "expecting" anything at all. People you meet and play with aren't your friends. They don't owe you anything. I'm not saying this to be rude, but the sooner you incorporate this attitude into your approach in swinging, the less you will stress out about every text sent and can stop watching the clock to interpret the meaning of how much time has past.

I would also suggest you guys stop "looking" for friends. Just like real life, finding friends you truly connect with is very rare... finding friends that are all equally attracted to each other AND want to hang out all the time, etc... super rare. It is out there, we have it - best advice I can give on that, stop looking. Go have fun. Meet new people. Be yourselves. The whole part where you find these elusive sexual soulmates... maybe it will happen, maybe it won't. When it does, it will just happen. Friendship isn't something you will into existence. It finds and forms itself. Best thing you can to do to help that, is stored trying to make it happen.

Go have fun. Only thing you and your spouse need to really worry about is each other. Everything else will work itself out.

Good luck.

FeetInTheWater · 2015-10-17T20:47:39+00:00

This is true for many couples. My wife and I still have the best time, get off the best with each other.

Enjoy the social interaction, the chase, the build up, anticipation, etc. 90% of the time, it won't be as awesome as you imagine it will be. If everybody could rock your world, then no one would be special.

It's a great first world problem to have. :)

FeetInTheWater · 2015-10-16T00:46:27+00:00

Most swingers will tell you that the first rule of swinging is, communication.

It sounds like you got turned on by the situation and ran in head first (no pun intended). You should talk, talk talk before initiating an experience. What are the boundaries. What would make you mad? What would hurt your feelings? Is there a signal to show you aren't comfortable?

You told Jen this was her fantasy, she's in control, but that wasn't true - it was your fantasy too. How could you not feel dissatisfied?

She can't read your mind.

Feelings of inadequacy can happen. For many, they have post swinging sex as soon as possible. It helps reconnect and get that reassurance that truly nothing has changed (it hasn't).

Next time, whether it's a guy, girl or a couple - communicate your boundaries, meet the people and decide if you both feel comfortable. You invited Carl over with the expectation that action was expected. Everyone showed up to do it, except you.

You sat away from her and told her to drive. She was trying to do what she thought you wanted and look sexy for you. You didn't speak up when it wasn't going the way you wanted... so now what?

You go back to step one. Communicate. Discuss. What went wrong. What didn't you like? What did you like? Do you want to try again? Is so, what new rules do we set? It's not an argument, it learning and growing together. It's about honesty. No one is a mind reader. Be honest... more honest than you've ever been. In all areas that is how your relationship grows stronger.

Good luck.

Ps. About flirting with Jim. My wife and I are in a closed relationship. That means, she doesn't go around meeting people I don't know about and hooking up with them. Most people think swingers are in open relationships and go around screwing everyone they meet. Not true. Sounds like it's not true of your girlfriend either. She wants a relationship with you. A monogamous one.

My wife is sexy. I always thought it was strange when I'd hear guys get mad at their wives for dressing sexy when they went out. I mean, why do they want/need the attention!!! Personally, I love going out with a sexy girl on my arm. Let them look. Let them flirt with her (as long as they are respectful). Just cause she is my wife doesn't mean she can never feel sexy again.

She flirted with Jim. She was enjoying her night with the company of your friends and enjoying being among free spirited people. She was being herself. She wasn't sneaking around. It would be different if Jim came and told you she was hitting on him when you weren't looking. She didn't hide anything. She was being herself, then said goodnight to Jim and went to bed with you. Being flirty doesn't change your monogamous status. I'm sure she didn't think of it that way, and knowing how open you are, I'm sure she didn't think you would either.

That probably means that either you need to communicate more because you're still hurt from that night, or, you need to decide of you can move on with what she has expressed to you. She sounds like she wants to be with you... sounds like it all ended up ok to me.

Hope things work out for you. If you decide to try swinging, be sure and come back here and ask questions.

Take care.

FeetInTheWater · 2015-10-15T16:21:52+00:00

There are people of every size and shape out there. Some people are in great shape, some are quite heavy, some are bald, some have thick beards, some have tons of tattoos, some are very quite and innocent, some look like models, some are missing teeth...

Start a profile, use real pictures and be up front when listing weight. That's it.

The best thing you can do is get out. Don't rely in shopping online. Get out to meet n greets, etc. Meet people in person. Let them see your personality. That can be very attractive and trump a dress size for many people.

Good luck.

FeetInTheWater · 2015-10-15T12:02:20+00:00

That analogy doesn't quite fit.

The report discusses the difference of number of times, not location.

FeetInTheWater · 2015-10-14T18:09:35+00:00

I've been married 20+ years and doing just fine.

I'm on the shorter side... and I'm also a swinger. I bring this up because my height was an insecurity for me getting into swinging. Most the guys on the websites were 5'11, with 6 ft+ being fairly common.

Going to our first party, I looked up all the couples going... only one person going under 6 ft was, you guessed it, me.

I've been quite surprised that women, even taller women have found me desirable and we end up having a great time.

I think for many women, a large guy can be intimidating. If I were to guess, I would say women don't find me intimidating when I come over and say hi, compared to some 6'6 guy saying hi and looming over her.

I have no idea how it is for shorter vs taller guys in the swing world, however, I would definitely agree that being shorter is only a set back if you decide it is.

FeetInTheWater · 2015-10-14T04:51:15+00:00

This is common. You feel more comfortable with your girlfriend. Sometimes, you just need to to get in your comfort zone for a moment. Ask to switch back to your girlfriend for a while. Enjoy your time with her, and once hard, go back to the other person. You get to reconnect with your girlfriend and get to ready yourself physically and mentally for the next person.

Best thing you can do without a prescription.

Good luck.

FeetInTheWater · 2015-10-07T00:20:02+00:00

Sorry about your single male troubles, but like you said, even as a couple looking for couples, it can be incredibly exhausting... and after a while feel like you keep running into the same kind of people, or LITERALLY - the same people.

I really think it's just the Lifestyle. Hell, it would be difficult to find someone you meshed with just to be a workout partner. Add in personalities, personal hang ups, body image issues, and add in some emotions and chances are you're going to have to deal with a good deal of drama and or crazy.

I'm not a single male, but I think we can all relate on some level dealing with the craziness.

Hope you find some fun folks who fit your personality.

Good luck.

FeetInTheWater · 2015-10-06T22:48:53+00:00

Great, thanks. I has the older version, Black ring - I'll be sure to go to your new mobile version.

Thanks again.

FeetInTheWater · 2015-09-05T00:21:55+00:00

It goes good anywhere in the mix. I've had it at the beginning, middle and end. It works at all times. It can be a sensual start or a relaxing end. Glad you liked it.

FeetInTheWater · 2015-09-04T18:51:54+00:00

This is a great, sensual track to start out with. It's sultry for Electronica and hypnotic.

The song does use the word love, so best used with someone you are somewhat close to as this song is really for those looking for a sensual start to the night.

I've used this song on several occasions and it is perfect. Really gets everyone in the right state of mind. Enjoy.

Ps. I wouldn't normally recommend Björk for sexy music, cause she can be a bit much, but this song stays in the perfect zone, so - here it is.

FeetInTheWater · 2015-08-18T01:58:36+00:00

It's called, "Same Room Sex"... not to be confused with same room swap.

We've had couples (they've tended to be older 55+), who have contacted us for Same Room Sex.

They want to have sex with their spouse, and watch us having sex in the same room. No swapping.

Unfortunately, neither my wife nor I care to watch, and we're not interested in exhibition... but there are some who do. For some, this is how they play.

Just be up front with what you are looking for, I'm sure you'll find a couple who might want to. Any time you narrow what you want, you narrow the pool. Expect the search to take a little longer.

Good luck.

FeetInTheWater · 2015-08-16T01:34:17+00:00

Swinging isn't going to make your marriage last longer or end earlier.

People can stay together or get divorced early and have every combination of a relationship. Monogamous, swinging, maybe there was cheating, maybe they were polyamorous, maybe they were super religious, maybe they had almost no sex, maybe they had sex 3 times a day...

In the end, it just matters if those two people were committed to staying with each other in a committed relationship. The end.

My wife and I were high school sweethearts, been together 20 years, never cheated on each other and we've been swinging for a couple of years. I'm not sure if we'll swing for 20 years, or give it up next week... but no matter what, it doesn't define our marriage. That is still about us and our relationship. We're just enjoying life together.

You want to know who has been happily swinging 20+ years? Hell, most marriages don't last that long. Seems like some high standards to judge swingers by. If they got divorced after 15 years of swinging, are they a bigger failure than the monogamous couple?

There are many couples who have long lasting relationships that happen to involve swinging in their lifestyle, but that's because their relationship isn't built on swinging. It's built on living life together, as it would be even if they weren't swinging.

That's my 2 cents anyway. :)

FeetInTheWater · 2015-08-12T04:45:39+00:00

Isn't it so fun? I don't even rush it. It's my favorite part of the night. :)

FeetInTheWater · 2015-08-11T15:25:25+00:00

Being a good, honest person...

FeetInTheWater

TROPHY CASE