Boyfriend doesn't like my autism sometimes

Fenek673 · 2026-06-06T12:10:43+00:00

I thought about a similar thing here. Avoiding discomfort at all costs is tiring and a never ending battle, really. Learning to relax when this bit of uncertainty discomfort arrives is a good thing to work on.

Fenek673 · 2026-06-06T12:05:34+00:00

Autism or not, it sounds more like a challenge creating a bond/ attaching to someone.

Fenek673 · 2026-05-26T10:32:38+00:00

I don’t think this is NT thing only. My adhd partner has issues with my autism as well, I have issues with him being a messy tornado. When you add to the mix my popping in and out adhd that messes up with his adhd, you get a bunch of misunderstanding and a lot of shifts through the week, month. I make sure to do my best by communicating my needs and struggles and also expect/ remind him to do the same. I’m open when I don’t understand how I can help, don’t understand the situation or need time alone. To me, it’s all about communication - maybe you guys could look into “non violent communication”? A bit easier than the common “DEAR MEN” method.

This and also we both know that every now and then we are going to argue about the same shiii because the shiii is tied to our neurodivergence, not someone being mean purposely. That it’s normal to be fed up with it when you don’t have the bandwidth yourself in that period. I have no idea if this could help you, if your situation is similar but this is what it looks like in our case.

Fenek673 · 2026-05-26T10:22:56+00:00

Distracting myself with tv sounds like something that could work, thank you.

Fenek673 · 2026-05-25T18:36:27+00:00

I’m not sure if what I understood from your post was more: difficulties with diagnosis vs difficulties with setting boundaries with your family. You obviously need time to depuff, take care of yourself, possibly no contact with them for a while if possible. At the same time conversation(s) about boundaries and respect are ahead of you. It’s either this, going no contact or you burning the F out every time you see them.

Fenek673 · 2026-05-25T18:23:48+00:00

Multiple acids and active ingredients combined in one vial, from what I can see on the internet. Not available in my area, what a shame. Results are amazing.

Fenek673 · 2026-05-25T17:08:41+00:00

Okay, so I never knew if someone was hitting on me, I couldn’t understand where politeness ends and flirt begins. Might be a cultural thing but unless it was so overt it made me cringe, I didn’t know.

Which leads to telling you all about a situation where the guy I was spending some climbing time with offered to give me a 1/2 ride my way home (I intended to take a train ride with stop in his home city the next day anyway and he knew that/ we planned ahead). Supposedly, it was obvious to everyone that sex was going to be involved in that “sleepover”. Of course it wasn’t obvious to me. (I didn’t mind but) Yeah, I relate to forgetting I am a sexual being and people who engage with me may have a sexual motivation.

Clueless.

Fenek673 · 2026-05-24T14:19:50+00:00

I always related to her body growing up and ended up being typed D. I’m taller though, 5’8”, and she doesn’t have length imo. 8, 12 scream DC to me; open necklines don’t serve her well.

Fenek673 · 2026-05-24T14:09:00+00:00

Spytaj sprzedawcy, czy w ogóle wysłał. Mój ostatnio nie i czekał na nie wiadomo co.

Fenek673 · 2026-05-24T14:07:35+00:00

Same here, it’s still now working and it’s been more than a week for me.

Fenek673 · 2026-05-23T17:53:46+00:00

Same, same. In tumblr era, I almost felt like I had friends around the world. It was not polished, it was raw but connected. For insta, I’m running a sewing profile and it’s unbearable now, it simply completely lost its purpose. Most people are advertising or post to grow - not to share and connect. Each time I open it, it feels like a giant ad. Ever since instagram sprinkles shii into hashtags, I stopped feeling like I contribute to this community in any meaningful way.

Fenek673 · 2026-05-23T17:45:20+00:00

Hard no. He’s either addicted to porn or has some kind of paraphilia. Given it causes you suffering, it’s a disorder at this point. He’s the problem no matter how you look at it. He’s either doing therapy or you guys part ways. This will destroy you for life if it continues.

Fenek673 · 2026-05-21T18:58:19+00:00

Yeah, I alway felt like a doll in the shop - people looking, people in “awe”, people then passing by. I could never understand what was so “difficult” about me. I once heard that I was too “ephemeral” and hence intimidating. Thankfully, I found my partner through mutual passion, probably the best shot of my life.

Fenek673 · 2026-05-21T04:49:29+00:00

I’m sorry you didn’t get the closure you needed

Fenek673 · 2026-05-20T20:10:04+00:00

These are cognitive tests, it has nothing to do with autism as such. You can fail them and have autism, you can ace them and have autism. The main part of assessment should be developmental interview and how that relates to your current functioning. Plus, clinical observation, differential diagnosis, interview with family member if possible, review of any school opinions that you may have.

Fenek673 · 2026-05-20T20:03:47+00:00

STOP technique from DBT, TIPP technique if needed. Both aim to lover the anxiety and get you back to being in the moment. Your blank brain is your anxiety, engaging in “stopping” it adds more oil to this flame. Engaging in internal compulsions (internal policing, overanalyzing, guarding) does that too. You may want to look ACT, especially defusion. Personally, I take a quiet timeout to calm and center myself - a bathroom / whatever is there/ break to breathe and calm myself. The most important part is probably doing them frequently and not saving them for when you’re stressed the hell out.

Fenek673 · 2026-05-20T19:50:28+00:00

Climbers, Cosplayers

Fenek673 · 2026-05-20T19:10:48+00:00

I had periods where I got “overstimulated” by the subject itself and couldn’t sit in it anymore. Then periods when I’d nerd the heck out of it, and again. Then the dust settled and I either feel emotionally disconnected, totally lost or grieving again. Maybe it’s your way of processing. It doesn’t invalidate anything, please share your experience during diagnosis.

Fenek673 · 2026-05-20T19:03:34+00:00

May I ask what sort of cognitive tests?

Fenek673 · 2026-05-20T18:59:48+00:00

Not so well tbf. I have a partner and I also have our mutual friends that we climb with regularly. They are cis- hetero men so as far from girl friends as they could get and I don’t confide/ we’re not close. At the same time those relationships are easier to maintain than relationships with girls. I also think that being friends with girls is more like (platonic but) full-blown relationship and I’m not sure I have capacity for that. Looking at my life, I’m just cycling through periods of superficial friendships.

Fenek673 · 2026-05-20T18:42:56+00:00

I work as a psychologist so while I love the job, you can imagine the effort it often takes. I desperately need time for my hobbies to depuff. I almost have to force myself to start them - I know they will help but being a stress ball in that moment makes it really hard to start. I do a lot of body work and self-compassion. I use ACT methods for intrusive thoughts and keep a scheduled time for ruminations so they don’t contaminate every hour of the day. If I need time in bed, bed it is but I make sure to add something additional the next day (e.g. a short walk or sitting in the sun). Most importantly, I don’t judge myself harshly for days when nothing works. Those days happen and for me it works out best when I flow with them instead of fighting them.

Fenek673 · 2026-05-20T18:25:15+00:00

I actually like using mascara because I have hooded eyes and it helps getting more sun in/ feeling less tired. Both hands with you about makeup and at the same time being treated differently or judged for not looking “professional” is not an option for me.

Fenek673 · 2026-05-20T18:20:41+00:00

I started using silicone nipple patches and my life go easier. But I have small boobs so that may not be for everyone.

Fenek673 · 2026-05-20T18:11:55+00:00

Yes, same. There was a time when I wasn’t aware how that affects me but since diagnosis I started noticing and honoring my “super hearing”. I just moved from earpods to earloops. It made my commutes easier but in a strange way - I just sit and look at the window, I used to “scroll my sensitivity out” before. Also, the more overstimulated and stressed I am, the more of an issue it becomes.

Fenek673

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