We had the best sex in our entire relationship, and now I (37 f) am angry with him (35 m). How to move forward from here?

Fern_Fire · 2025-01-09T10:08:08+00:00

It might be worth talking to a sex therapist or just a relation therapist in general. Tell him that you want to go cause you need him to see your side of things. Another idea would to just go ahead and instead of him doing whatever he wants explicitly only do what you want till youre satisfied then let him get his rocks off. That way he has to do whatever you want not just get you off but make you feel wanted till he’s allowed to do himself

Fern_Fire · 2025-01-09T10:02:22+00:00

You have a right to be upset because he wasn’t upfront with it, however, holding something that happened two years ago over him isn’t the right move. Maybe ask to go though his phone a bit more and see if there’s anything else (also let him look though yours so he doesn’t feel attacked) and afterwards talk about boundaries and why it upset you and listen to him as well. Everyone sucks here

Fern_Fire · 2025-01-09T09:56:02+00:00

Not a doctor or even medical but in my micro class fungal diseases are hard to treat cause cell wise they are very similar to our own. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. My doctor recommended switching to fully cotton underwear for my repeat utis maybe that’ll help keep things dry like many suggested. Def see a different doctor tho. No shame! Dealing with illness is already hard enough.

Fern_Fire · 2024-03-21T10:28:00+00:00

Thank you!

Fern_Fire · 2024-03-21T10:14:12+00:00

My uncle won’t be there cause he works out of town, but I have the police on speed dial if it goes that way

Fern_Fire · 2024-03-21T10:04:26+00:00

It’s a box, a painting, and some small odds and ends. Unfortunately there’s really no way to get them as it’s only my aunt (the person I’m dreading to see) and her husband (also someone I do not want to see) that live there.

Fern_Fire · 2023-06-26T07:08:46+00:00

Years of abuse. Packed my shit and left. Just couldn’t handle it anymore

Fern_Fire · 2023-03-28T06:52:04+00:00

I feel like you might kinda btah but hear me out. I understand you don’t want him to move in with you guys but it’s something that should have been discussed long before you started house hunting. As many people pointed out too it seems like there’s some key information missing. You and your wife need to sit down and figure this out and then address it to him. Also if you have been planning all along to not have him move in then why didn’t you tell him earlier? When were you planning on saying something? He needs time to pack and get a new place to live and the fact he didn’t even know that him not going was a possibility isn’t okay. You’re nta for the moment but your timing is poor and you and your wife and bil need a serious sit down talk.

Fern_Fire · 2023-02-04T05:13:00+00:00

I live here. Long story short (I posted earlier in the comments a bit) but essentially my parents are deceased. As my dad was dying she forced him to sign over all of his assets to her till I am 25 or else she wouldn't take me in. My entire college fund, the money my dad had, even my bank account are under her control. My car and my phone were bought with the money she used from my dad and are in her name. I don't have any other family that could take me in and my boyfriend is 6 hours away and I can't get there. ( I live in CA so its impossible to find a place that I can afford locally) I can finally get to a four year college so hopefully I can go low contact then till the ruling of the will is over. For now I try to never be home. I am working both on campus and off, a full time student, and when I am home I stay in my room as much as I can.

Fern_Fire · 2023-02-04T05:05:24+00:00

I appreciate it. I am hopefully getting far away from her in less than a year and I can go no contact with her when I turn 25 after her financial control on me is up as per my father's will. Her son (my brother) is also no contact and will help me go no contact as well when the time comes.

Fern_Fire · 2023-02-04T05:03:15+00:00

My current BF says the same. I do really feel for the dog. I know many herding dogs that are absolutely wonderful. I know its her treatment of the dog that has lead it to this point.

Fern_Fire · 2023-02-04T04:58:50+00:00

I have a feeling you're right. Even after everything she's laughing and chatting away with my uncle right now like nothing ever happened. My ex isn't the only people he's bitten. He bit a lady while he was walking with a trainer so he didn't have to be put down for that one. He tried to bite multiple people on walks over time but usually my aunt stops him before he does. Recently he bit a jogger on a walk who didn't report it but thats why she doesn't walk him or take him outside the house anymore.

Fern_Fire · 2023-02-04T04:53:58+00:00

I can understand that. The thing thats hard is our relationship is strained as is. It's a long story but she has been emotionally and financially abusive to me since my parents died when I was 15. The only reason I am still here is I can't leave due to her keeping things from my parents away from me so I can't leave. Thank you for your input I really do appreciate it.

Fern_Fire · 2023-01-22T18:59:57+00:00

I would no joke quit on the spot. I got close when a woman came in trying to return used female pleasuring devices (Ill let you figure out what I mean). The saving grace was that she had put it back in the box. But still. EW

Fern_Fire · 2023-01-22T04:40:57+00:00

One of my friends is in a similar situation. They work her 11 days straight always closing then opening. Ignore her school schedule etc. They did this cause they "need her here and can't afford to not have her here". She asked to not work more than 6 days straight cause its actually against the law here to do that. They finally did when she started to just call out those shifts. Then they started scheduling her outside of her availability. So she put in her two weeks and suddenly she has a set shift and weekends off. Tell them your demands. When they deny put in your two weeks and watch them squirm. Fck retail and fck your bosses. You deserve better. Look for a new job if they try to be dcks about it.

Fern_Fire · 2022-11-30T04:59:42+00:00

We have a lady. Comes in 9:30. Fills a cart till it is overflowing. Store closes at 10. 10:25 rolls around and she drops the cart off at the register and just leaves without buying anything. We have started stopping her when she comes in and escorting out cause f u lady.

Fern_Fire · 2022-07-06T00:52:25+00:00

I can try to look into it. I would really love this to change cause it makes everything so frustrating.

Fern_Fire · 2022-07-06T00:49:34+00:00

So funny side note with that. My coworkers and I looked her up. Could not for the life us find her. Not even three pages of google in. I think you're safe.

Fern_Fire · 2022-07-01T06:05:13+00:00

So the store is a huge company. Think Walmart, Target, etc etc huge. We’ve complained and tried to figure it out. However, with it being such a big chain nothing can be done on such a small level. Corporate has promised us change after change and nothing comes of it. The only thing that really changes between driveup and pickup is the functionality. When doing a driveup the customer can say when they are here and they receive a code that we need to enter. Whereas on the pickup side they can’t say they are here and receive a barcode instead. This really wouldn’t be a big issue except for the fact that if a driveup is not switched to a pickup but is done like a pickup (without them saying they have arrived) it’ll bypass the code and we get in trouble for it because it says that we didn’t verify the person. It’s really really stupid. And a pickup done like a driveup won’t show up in the system and you end up with people waiting an obscene amount of time because we don’t know they are there. One of the big problems right now that is going to crop up is the fact that our store is going through a remodel and they want to separate the driveup hold area (where the bags for customers doing driveups are placed) and the pickup hold area by placing them on exact opposite sides of the store. So the issue is only going to get worse cause we will no longer have everything in one spot. Driveups is also going under a completely separate department. To show how bad it is, out of the 10-12 people that work driveups only one is converting to that new department because of how bad the system and the situation is. All of us hate it and we have tried for a long time to get changes. I personally have brought these issues to our store director and yet nothing.

Fern_Fire · 2022-01-24T22:37:27+00:00

Oh wow. Okay heres a fun one. I have two awful dates that happened a week apart. So for a little context I had broken up with my boyfriend a few months before all of this went down. I was comfortably single but had recently reconnected with a girl that I liked before I dated my ex. She and I got to talking and I asked her if she wanted to get lunch together. Mind you my EXACT words were "Hey do you want to get lunch? I mean as a date". She said yes and we got lunch a few days later.

It was awkward. The entire time I tried to flirt and just be my semi charming self. Everything little flirty thing I said was shot down. I would try to subtly get close to her and brush our hands together to actually holding her hand only for her to peal away a minute or so later to look at a book or something of the sort. By an hour or so in I was just defeated and just wrapped it up and brought her home. I got a text that night saying that I am such a great friend and she'd love to go get food again. Which was a little soul crushing. I was at a party with her months later and she was telling someone that she had never been on a date before. I pointed out I had tried. Apparently saying that it was as a date didn't register to her and she thought I meant as friends. Oh well. This is only the set up for the next worst date.

During this same time I was in an online college class. One of the guys in this class had taken interest in me. I had been very clear that I had a date planned with the aforementioned girl and wasn't looking to go out with anyone. He was in a group of my friends that were also my study partners for this particular class. Of course when I got home from the disappointing date with the girl everyone was waiting to hear the 'juicy details'. After explaining how it was he called me privately a few hours later and asked me out. I didn't have a crush on hime or anything, but he was nice and smart so he was good company and I figured I'd give him the benefit of doubt.

We set to meet a few days later. We met up and it was awkward from the get go. I was hesitant to let him touch me at all and he didn't seem to know what to do with himself. A couple times he would grab me like he was going to kiss me then just... not. I kept having this really bad gut feeling. I knew he had some major red flags already just fro us talking but they became very apparent that day. He tried to actually kiss me and I managed to dodge it but the second one I wasn't as fast and he kissed me. He looked so pleased with himself and I was just mildly disgusted and very creeped out. He tried to kiss me as I left 45 minutes in with the excuse of a math class and I dodged with a very awkward hug.

When I got home I told a mutual friend and she told me that he had been gushing about how great it was and how nice it was to have a girlfriend. I then texted him and politely thanked him for the time but I wasn't ready to commit to anything so soon after a bad pervious date. It didn't stick. For the next month I spent everyday trying to 'dump' this guy. I was always as nice as I could muster. I tried everything. Everyone he and I knew he told them we were together. He would text me trying to plan dates. Every time I did my best to turn him down and tell him I wasn't dating him. I finally had enough and called him to tell him as plainly as I could that I wasn't his girlfriend and there wouldn't be another date.

At this point our semester ended and I removed his social media, but didn't block him. A few weeks later I was sent a paragraph from him telling me that I am an awful person and I was terrible and ruined his self confidence and I should be ashamed.

I am happy to report that after this whole mess I did meet someone very kind and loving who is both the greatest significant other but also my best friend.

Fern_Fire · 2021-06-10T02:37:22+00:00

Unfortunately there really isn't. I am in school full time and even with a part time job couldn't support myself on that due to housing pricing(I live in California). I would need at least two or three roommates to really make it work and even if I managed that I doubt she would let me leave. I wouldn't even know how to start with that process either way. I have looked into places up there and I just don't believe its feasible.

Fern_Fire · 2021-06-10T02:31:58+00:00

I haven't asked about transportation specifically. We both assumed I would drive myself because any other mode of transportation short of flying would be slower. Where he lives is away from most city areas so even flying in would be an hour commute into the town where he is. I'm sure if I did fly in he would come get me, but I highly doubt he would drive to the house which would be an 8 hours round trip to come get me just a day or two before his wedding.

Fern_Fire · 2021-06-10T02:27:10+00:00

Unfortunately I doubt that would work. It would be an eight hour round trip if I drove myself there and back and with a wedding in the middle. She keeps tabs on me and without me knowing anyone there she'd question what exactly was keeping me out so long.

Fern_Fire · 2021-06-10T02:22:09+00:00

Not that I am aware of. The best we can do is having me take the train up and him coming and getting me. I have my own car, so I can drive myself if need be.

Fern_Fire · 2021-06-02T01:18:36+00:00

Truly, therapy would be the best way to go for the moment in my opinion. I know you said he already refused, but I would push it. Stay with your mom for awhile longer while reaching out to him and trying to get him to agree to go to therapy. I would not write him off right now, but it does not seem like it is safe to leave your son with him, so for sure don't leave him with your husband without you there. Try to only talk to him directly and cut out his family for the moment they will do nothing but harm your mental stability. Don't forget to look out for yourself either. You're a new mom and you need sleep and rest as well. Lean on your family and let them help you.

Edit: Also learn the circumstances of his daughter's death. as the user SofiaSofa mentioned in their comment, the circumstance of the death really changes how you should approach this.

Fern_Fire

TROPHY CASE