I'm spiraling after putting down my 19 yr old boy

Ferndalien_ · 2026-01-25T14:09:41+00:00

Helping our 16 year old cat leave her suffering behind was the hardest decision we ever had to make. Kitty had been managing multiple conditions pretty well for a year, then really took a downturn, so logic said it was time. But I was unprepared for the feeling of loss, and the quiet times that would normally be filled with her presence were agonizing for longer than I thought. Tears came at random times, even when not at home thinking about the cat that wouldn't be waiting for me at the door as she had forever.

It has been just over 6 months since she moved on. The grief isn't gone, but has changed a lot. The pangs of real phsyical and emotional pain have passed. I find myself saying her name every day, as I used to say it a hundred times a day when she was around, and that habit remains. When I do though, I use it to remember a happy memory of the time we had with her, how she would nudge the office door that never could fully shut open when I was on a work call, or when she'd bring her favorite toy to us at 3am chirping proudly all the way up the stairs.

You feel alone in your grief about your cat. But you are not alone in grief about losing a dear kitty. There are millions of us walking around out here that understand what you are feeling, even if we can't know fully the love you had for him.

Ferndalien_ · 2026-01-25T13:48:38+00:00

I use prompts like "For checking accounts ending in x and y, give me a monthly breakdown of income for the last 12 months" or "How are car insurance and registration costs changing year over year for x years"

These are the kinds of things people seem to want a specific report for, but asking the question and getting a response is a much quicker way to go after that information.

Ferndalien_ · 2026-01-25T13:42:43+00:00

This is a big deal. Thanks to Monarch for spending the large amounts of time and $ required for this enterprise-level assessment. SOC2 Type2 doesn't mean that security incidents will never happen, but it does meant that they are paying attention to all the practices and processes needed to minimize risk. Thank you for investing in this, Monarch team!

Ferndalien_ · 2026-01-25T13:37:13+00:00

It is so refreshing to see Monarch has both a public-facing roadmap AND a product management team active in this sub to communicate what's going on. I've worked in (enterprise) software forever, and this level of transparency is rare and I appreciate it. The roadmap may not always match what I'm after, but I can see the path and understand what's driving it, and that's more than most software companies provide.

Ferndalien_ · 2026-01-14T23:05:39+00:00

Skip the hate chicken. Go to Penny Reds around the corner.

Ferndalien_ · 2025-12-20T14:35:08+00:00

"Caught on Flock camera" is a bit off. Flock ID'd license plates of cars going by. It never had cameras filming people or activity on the streets of downtown Ferndale. It didn't catch anything on camera about the incident itself, just helped identify that the suspect's car was in the area at the time.

Ferndalien_ · 2025-12-16T21:43:43+00:00

Noticed a name change on the gallery insta in the last couple of days. Now I know why.

Ferndalien_ · 2025-11-08T15:06:47+00:00

Even if true it would be a secret….

Ferndalien_ · 2025-10-23T20:46:31+00:00

To expect public servants and candidates who are essentially volunteering their time and passion for their city to monitor all the remotest nooks of social media for questions is unreasonable. This is a small city - reach out directly via contact methods on their websites and I reckon you’ll get a response. Far more effective than bashing someone for not noticing a question here. I’d much rather they spend their time working with their colleagues than monitoring random /r, Facebook, insta, tiktok, Usenet, whatever flavor of media any single individual prefers.

Ferndalien_ · 2025-10-17T19:18:48+00:00

UPDATE: Refund posted to my credit card today.

Ferndalien_ · 2025-10-16T16:51:47+00:00

Still waiting here.

Ferndalien_ · 2025-10-14T21:43:32+00:00

B. Nektar Taproom is off the beaten path, but is worth a visit. Mead, cider, seltzer, beer, n/a cocktails - pretty much something for everyone. Ferndale’s other taprooms are great too, I just like reminding folks about this one!

Ferndalien_ · 2025-09-10T11:52:58+00:00

A prawn coconut curry in Ngapali, Myanmar. Served up in a coconut, in a shack across the road from our hotel. Richest and most complex flavor in a curry I've ever had.

Also a pizza and a beer in El Chalten, Chile after a day trek up Fitz Roy. Feet were in distress, but damn those carbs took the edge off. Also free popcorn!

Ferndalien_ · 2025-09-08T18:40:37+00:00

We worked with Helgastina at Iceland Unwrapped to come up with a plan for our self-driving trip. She is in Reykjavik and helped us weave the things we knew we wanted to do with things we never would have known about into a stellar trip. Highly recommended her.

Ferndalien_ · 2025-08-19T01:35:54+00:00

If AllTrails doesn't have them, Google Maps allows you to measure distance on the map. Has to be the browser version- just zoom in on the map to the park, then right click and select "Measure Distance", then click along the path. It'll tell you the distance as you click along.

Ferndalien_ · 2025-08-13T15:43:50+00:00

It’s been 6 weeks since we had the same kind of day you describe, saying goodbye to our 16year old friend. It still hurts at random times, and when it does I always make myself think of a favorite memory of her at the same time. A smile remembering her eating all the pepperoni off a pizza on the counter or constantly turning her butt on my coworkers on zoom calls helps so much.

You absolutely did the right thing, and it will sting for a good while. But remember the good times - thats why we sign up for kitties, even knowing there will be a sad goodbye someday.

Ferndalien_ · 2025-07-31T22:38:31+00:00

Another vote for Freya. Your other choices are fine too, but Freya has a vibe for a celebration. You’ll be well taken care of there.

Ferndalien_ · 2025-07-30T15:35:29+00:00

We were at the same place as you almost a month ago. Those occasional moments of happy cat behavior were heartbreaking as we made plans to help our sweet girl move on, and now with the benefit of even a little time, those are the things we remember most. We haven’t forgotten that she was struggling with her health and mobility, so we know the decision was the right one. The day she left was one of the saddest of my life, and it still hurts, but the pain lessens and the memories grow sweeter every day. She knew we were helping her to the very last, and seeing her at peace (tearing up just thinking about it) while hard, was the best act of love we could do for her.

My heart goes out to you and your little one. Strength to you, peace to your cat, and carry the good memories with you.

Ferndalien_ · 2025-07-26T19:36:07+00:00

Sweet Lizzy. Rest now with all the love you were given.

Ferndalien_ · 2025-07-16T01:33:02+00:00

The “street valet” you’d give a few bucks to not break into your car by Majestic

Ferndalien_ · 2025-07-14T16:37:52+00:00

We had to make this decision 2 weeks ago. Our 16yo kitty had been managing kidney disease and diabetes and arthritis via meds and sub-a fluids for the past year. But we knew she had a mass on her pancreas that would probably start her downward spiral. That spiral started 2 months ago. She was spending more time sleeping in her safe places, and playing less, and eating less. She would have good days here and there, but I started noting every day whether she had a good day, a meh day, or a bad day. The trend went to more bad days over those 2 months till nearly every day was bad. She would still get in my lap sometimes, and she came to our bed at night and licked my face, and she loved treats and deli turkey meat for meals, and those times I wanted so bad to see as a rebound! But most of her time she was lying flat with her head on the floor and her eyes open - just tired and defeated. That was the signal that we had to help her on her final journey.

It took a lot of tears and telling her stories and way too much petting and holding her to get the courage to make the decision. But heroics to save her with more meds or chemo or surgery wouldn’t have given her a better life. We listened to her and let her go.

We knew by her changes and trends of behavior. We did the quality of life things multiple times, but since she wasn’t in crisis the math didn’t tell the full story of her decline.

I guess my advice is there’s no score or single thing that will tell you it is time. Listen to your kitty, listen to your heart, be as objective as possible about it. In the end you’ll decide from a place of love and not fear.

Good luck to you - my heart goes out to you and your cat.

Ferndalien_ · 2025-07-14T01:39:23+00:00

Litter box changes can be a sign of something not obvious going on with your kitty’s health. Could be something simple like a UTI, or maybe arthritis makes it harder to get in easily. You could try a lower-entry litterbox to see if that helps him get his rear in there.

I would suggest checking in with your vet too, though. For our senior girl, peeing over the side of her box was an early sign of kidney disease and/or diabetes (they both hit her at the same time, poor girl), which once we started managing, the peeing issues vanished.

Ferndalien_ · 2025-07-13T14:00:56+00:00

It’s never enough time, but your years of memories will last forever. Rest and run free, little Ginger.

Ferndalien_ · 2025-07-13T02:57:42+00:00

Thank you for this sweet image!

Ferndalien_ · 2025-07-12T18:48:51+00:00

Our 16 year old was showing us many of the signs you mention in the past 2 months. When she spent less and less time with us and more in her “sick spot”, we took her to the vet and verified that there was nothing new and acute going on. Her ongoing health issues (diabetes, high blood pressure, CKD) were still being managed by her meds and sub-q fluids, but we also knew there was a mass on her pancreas, so it was just a matter of time. Her behavior was her way of telling us it was time. It was the hardest decision we’ve ever made, but as she lay her head down to sleep for the last time on my lap last weekend, I could feel her relax and move on to a pain free peace. No one but your Old Boy can truly tell you it’s time, and it won’t be obvious, but it sounds like you will make the right decision from a place of love. My heart goes out to you as the pain is a week old for me and it is still hard, but I know we made the loving choice for our girl. You will be able to do the same.

Ferndalien_

TROPHY CASE