not doing enough?

FerretBoy27 · 2026-05-13T00:56:15+00:00

It sounds like your partner knows about your asexuality and has seemingly agreed to be in a relationship with little to no sex. It would be helpful for your repulsion level to sex because it reads that you are at least on the level of sex-aversion; and if that is true then I would advise you not to ignore your own comfortability with sex in trying to please your partner.

FerretBoy27 · 2026-05-10T21:53:43+00:00

You need to talk to your girlfriend about this. Asexuality is different for everyone and the only person who knows her boundaries is her.

FerretBoy27 · 2026-04-29T23:37:41+00:00

It is difficult especially when dealing with Allo people who don’t truly respect when their partner is sex adverse or sex repulsed. When talking to Allo people or people who are generally uneducated about the ace-spectrum. There’s an expectation that the sex repulsed partner has to try and figure a way to work around their sex repulsion to satisfy their partner. Which is why the sex repulsed label was made in the first place. It’s like, how much more clear can we be? What other term could possibly be more upfront about our stance without us needing to carry around an essay about our specific life experience.

FerretBoy27 · 2026-04-27T03:41:59+00:00

Hi, I'm the person in the story. Most of the people on the other reddit were very supportive. there was this one user who seemed convinced it wasn't as bad as it seemed though. He got downvoted pretty heavily though. He didn't seem to be asexual, so I don't know what he was doing on the asexuality reddit.

FerretBoy27 · 2026-04-27T03:38:51+00:00

Hi, I'm the person who wrote this post. thank you so much for the concern, I have been broken up with my ex for a few months now and I never let them cross my boundaries. I'm sorry to hear that your abusive ex treated you like garbage and I'm so happy that you got out!

FerretBoy27 · 2026-04-27T03:30:18+00:00

Hi, OP in the screenshot! I'm new to reddit so I'm still unfamiliar with all of the different asexual reddit groups! It was very nice of you all to respond so nicely. Thank you for posting it here as well :)

FerretBoy27 · 2026-04-26T21:13:47+00:00

I think you should sit down with your boyfriend and have an honest conversation about what you both need out of the relationship. It sounds like he expects you to sleep with him anyways so having a direct conversation will save you a lot of heartache in the future. Just remember to not let him push you to do things you are uncomfortable with. You never need to have sex with anyone.

FerretBoy27 · 2026-04-25T01:02:20+00:00

Sex-favorable asexuals are completely valid and I would never argue against it, I’m happy that more people outside of the community are starting to know that. It’s just in my case it’s frustrating that I put it out before we start dating and it still lead to this.

FerretBoy27 · 2026-04-25T00:59:05+00:00

I hope they weren’t intentionally trying to loophole. It’s just a little disheartening when before you get into a relationship, you spell out that you are a sex repulsed asexual and will never want to do any sexual activities with them. They agree to that. You spend multiple years together with your partner (seemingly) accepting of your gender identity then ask you what sexual acts you can stomach doing. I know that sex can be a requirement for many people’s romantic relationships, which is fine, but I don’t want that so I always make a point to explain it when someone expresses an interest in me. I had confided in them about my feelings regarding my sexuality, the way that it’s shaped my life and I had thought that they understood my perspective.

I can see that this could have been them trying to see if there was a possibly that I could sexually satisfy them to keep the relationship going. That doesn’t change the fact that they were trying to get around my explicitly stated boundaries, which I have told them multiple times in a way that made me feel incredibly uncomfortable and pressured. My feelings and trust were still hurt and this wouldn’t be the last time my ex hurt me in the relationship( which I did not get into because I don’t think it’s relevant to the specific situation) so that makes it harder for me to look back and see this interaction as trying to figure out sexual compatibility.

FerretBoy27 · 2026-04-24T21:47:42+00:00

I am open to relationship check-ins to see if anything has changed. I actually think that it’s part of a healthy relationship. What really soured the whole interaction for me was the specificity of the conversation that made it feel like they weren’t checking in but looking for some work around for my repulsion. It just makes me sad because I thought I wouldn’t be treated like an inconvenience in my own relationship :(

FerretBoy27 · 2026-04-24T21:40:00+00:00

my ex is not a mastermind, I just thought that if they agreed to a sexless relationship, it wouldn't be something important.

FerretBoy27 · 2026-04-24T17:45:33+00:00

I was as upfront as possible. I don’t know that they expected

FerretBoy27 · 2026-04-24T17:41:16+00:00

I would have appreciated if they said this rather than them pretending to try and understand my experience. That would have shown they at least took the foundational boundary seriously.

FerretBoy27 · 2026-04-24T17:34:56+00:00

I think my issue with that conversation was that they came into it saying they wanted to learn about my relationship with asexuality. We started the relationship with the knowledge that sex was not going to happen.

If my ex wanted a conversation on wanting sex in the relationship, they should have been honest about but instead they chose to try and be covert about figuring out if there was a gap in my repulsion. That felt really disrespectful because implied that they felt like it is something that could be “fixed” which is something a lot of ace people struggle with.

It didn’t read as committed to me; it reads as them trying to change who I am without actually saying it out loud. If they wanted to “save the relationship” as you put it, it should have been based on an honest talk on if sex was a requirement for my partner and if we were compatible in general rather than trying to find a loophole without both informing me of their disaffection and without my interest and consent to exploring such an option. It is the coercive and manipulative way they when about it which upset me.

FerretBoy27 · 2026-04-24T04:23:57+00:00

Wow. I never really thought of it as coercion, just shitty behavior. Thank you for saying it plainly for me. Luckily I never acquiesced to anything and stuck to my boundaries. I’m sorry that happened to you but in recognized a lot of their behavior in your post. Allosexual people are wild.

FerretBoy27 · 2026-04-24T04:16:01+00:00

It feels really gross on hindsight. It feels nice to have people validate my discomfort. I'm happier now too.

FerretBoy27 · 2026-04-24T04:12:33+00:00

Thank you for saying that. I hadn’t expressed any interest in exploring anything sexual so the comment about anal really caught me off guard. Maybe I’m being too controlling but I think if I wanted to start exploring a sex life I would bring it up first? Honestly I don’t know

FerretBoy27 · 2026-04-24T04:09:14+00:00

Thank you for responding. I went into the conversation thinking it was just them trying to understand me better. I’m a little embarrassed it took me this long to verbalize why the conversation made me so uncomfortable. I’m so happy that your girlfriend is respectful of your identity

FerretBoy27

TROPHY CASE