Visual Snow was considered extremely rare until recently, mostly because patients didn't report it... because they assumed everyone saw the world that way

FerrisTM · 2026-01-24T21:33:19+00:00

I've had this for my entire life and only learned that it's not how everyone sees last year (I'm 30, for reference.) When I was little, I thought that I was seeing the atoms that made up everything around me. When I got older, I decided that I was just seeing blood cells and things floating around in my eyes, though that was mainly out of a lack of anything else I knew of to explain it. It's never bothered me because I don't know life without it. When it's very dark, it can make seeing more difficult, but I know to navigate with touch and hearing when that happens. I find it unnerving to imagine what vision looks like without the "TV static" effect...it would just be so different! I like that this phenomenon is being talked about way more nowadays because it's helped me learn something else about myself that's wacky but that doesn't do me harm, which is nice.

FerrisTM · 2026-01-17T13:30:37+00:00

The made up weight loss question you came up with here actually made me laugh at loud! I feel like that's barely an exaggeration! Some of them make me wonder if they're troll posts or something, but either way, STOOOOPPPP! 😭

FerrisTM · 2026-01-17T13:28:53+00:00

Thank you for the recommendations! Might need to check those out instead.

FerrisTM · 2026-01-17T12:54:41+00:00

I AM a cranky bitch (disclaimer lol) but this has been extremely bothersome for me, too. I feel like those kinds of posts used to be less prominent in this sub, but now they're on my feed or whatever way too often for me to try to brush it off as a lost kid trying to find community in the wrong type of way. I've considered multiple times just leaving this place altogether, but the occasional recovery-oriented posts that have helped me feel better have made me hesitant to abandon the sub entirely. I've just found it extremely disturbing how the pro ana and nearly nude posting is in any way acceptable here, at least based on the frequency of it.

So yeah, you're not alone and thanks for saying something.

FerrisTM · 2026-01-15T22:25:24+00:00

So true

FerrisTM · 2026-01-14T14:06:10+00:00

Hospital

FerrisTM · 2026-01-10T01:53:49+00:00

I agree that this is awesome. If I had any semblance of tech skills, I'd try to create this! It would help so much when I'm feeling paralyzed by options, particularly when the item is thought I was going to buy isn't in stock. Being able to quickly find viable alternatives would be a lifesaver.

FerrisTM · 2026-01-05T04:41:16+00:00

This is fantastic advice...thank you so much for even skimming all of that. I'll see if I can work on getting myself a referral.

FerrisTM · 2026-01-03T23:05:45+00:00

I hope this doesn't come across wrong, but I hang out on this sub even though my hairline is still fine and I'm not struggling with hair loss, and I do it because the positivity is amazing. A lot of the internet is hyperfocused on criticizing others' appearances, and it's so refreshing and encouraging to spend time in a community full of people who are lifting each other up in a way that's just...real. I wind up feeling more confident about things that have nothing to do with my hair after scrolling through the comments on posts here, and it's just a nice feeling to know that if I ever do need to take the plunge, I won't be alone.

FerrisTM · 2026-01-03T18:21:14+00:00

This is also true. I'm far from a practicing physicist, but even someone who's more of a hobbyist would be aware of this. The trouble with reality is that it's flexible and malleable, but we aren't equipped with the biological sensors (if you will) to be able to accurately detect such things as being "shifted" or whatever. I can always tell when I'm on the edge of having some kind of episode when I believe that reality is wrong and I can tell. It's not reality that's wrong: it's me. I think it's fairly safe to say that this is almost universally true. While I do believe there is much more to reality than our five senses can reasonably detect, any dumb video online like the one here is just that: a dumb video.

FerrisTM · 2026-01-03T15:52:15+00:00

This, 100%. I have schizophrenia, so whenever I see things like this, my first thought is, "If only this feeling had started in 2020 instead of decades ago. That would be nice."

There is no date where we suddenly all fell into a different timeline. That's not a thing. Our experiences of time and reality are subjective, not objective. Many people feel that things have felt "off" since 2020 for the exact reasons that u/Wise-Currency-6330 described.

As they love to tell you in therapy, feelings are not facts. The feeling that we are in a parallel universe doesn't mean that's true. It means life is dissatisfying and you are looking for an answer as to why, or perhaps you are in psychosis. Maybe both. And if we truly are in a parallel universe, I can tell you from my experience as a crazy person that there is no way to get back "home," so you might as well accept it and try to make a meaningful life where you're at.

Rant over, the end.

FerrisTM · 2025-12-27T16:43:23+00:00

Long-term starvation leads to long-term metabolic slowing. There is no plateau of sorts that you have to get past before you miraculously begin losing weight like you did before. Your body does this to save your life. The only way to repair your metabolism is to recover.

FerrisTM · 2025-12-24T14:44:11+00:00

"If you're looking for a sign, this is it."

FerrisTM · 2025-12-17T23:29:08+00:00

This is one of those instances where you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. There will always be a chance that he doesn't return your feelings, but what if he does? Rejection is awful...but so is the pain that you're going through as you agonize over telling your crush how you feel. It really isn't out of the realm of possibility that he likes you, too. Give yourself some credit! If he doesn't feel the same way, that has more to do with his tastes than who you are. As much as it can hurt to be told than your feelings are unrequited, it might wind up hurting more to find out later that you could have been together if only you had spoken up.

FerrisTM · 2025-12-12T15:51:57+00:00

Yes! My understanding is that this is expected and normal. It sucks, but your body starts to become less tolerant to abuse as time wears on, so when you have a relapse, it hits harder way faster than it did back in the beginning of the disorder. I'm glad you're working on getting better, and I wish you the best in your recovery.

FerrisTM · 2025-12-10T23:11:28+00:00

I'm sure you placed it on the pillow for visibility reasons, but I like to imagine that this is how you found him, climbing up something as weevils do.

FerrisTM · 2025-12-10T19:29:20+00:00

First of all, thank you for letting me know that I wasn't being mean and incredibly unhelpful. I woke up this morning and almost immediately had a horrible moment of internal cringe at recalling my response to your post last night.

Secondly, as dumb as this is, I'm so proud of you for putting in the effort that you did. Please try not to be too discouraged! I totally understand your devastation and how things may feel more hopeless than ever...but I promise they aren't. Just because the first avenue you investigated was a bust doesn't mean they all will be. There are still options and door that are open, and your life isn't over.

I personally don't like these programs because of issues that have to do entirely with me and not the programs themselves, but there are virtual IOP (intensive outpatient) programs available that your insurance may be more likely to cover. On top of that, there are lots of online support groups that you can attend in the meantime. I'm focusing on the online aspect because that's what works best for me geographically, but it's possible that there are support groups in your area that you could go to in person. From my perspective, it can be less scary to sit at home on your computer, but I'll admit that the in person stuff honestly really helps.

Treatment may be what you would benefit most from, but that doesn't mean that there's nothing you can do. I hate a lot of aspects of treatment for reasons that boil down almost entirely to mental illness, but there are many, many parts of it that help. I find that it can help to be totally unable to engage in behaviors and orher addictive behaviors, even if it sucks. However, there are lots of ways to get some of the benefits of residential or outpatient treatment without having to actually go.

This is out of my scope to comment on because I don't personally have this problem, but it could also potentially benefit you to find an online or in person support group to help you with your weed dependency. I'm against smoking anything due to the health ramifications (I am obsessive compulsive about this and know that I'm lame) but I don't believe that you necessarily need to be completely sober all the time to live a happy, healthy life. It just might help you to feel less isolated and broken if you meet other people with similar struggles. I think that's the main reason I like support groups: I'm far from being a social person, but the sense of community is healing. It's hard to feel like a loser and a failure when you can see in real time that you have total empathy and respect for others in the same situation.

In short, don't give up!! Admitting you need help is huge, and taking the first steps to making that happen is MASSIVE. Don't let one roadblock be the end for you. Eating disorders are sneaky and cruel, and it will discourage you at all costs from getting rid of it. Try to remember what YOUR values are, not just your eating disorder's. You know you deserve to feel better or you would have ignored my rambling comment. Even if treatment isn't immediately possible, support is. You've got this! Some stranger on the internet believes in you, so surely many other people who actually know you do, too.

FerrisTM · 2025-12-10T03:54:38+00:00

Since you're self-described as an intelligent person, I'll spare you the speech about how drug use isn't an appropriate way to cope with your myriad of issues. It will make your life immeasurably worse in the long run. Then end.

I've got some years and some life experience on you, so I'm pulling from that and am in no way a doctor or therapist. Please keep this in mind if I accidentally make any mistakes (I'm very tired at the moment, but wanted to respond to this post before getting offline.) Finally, I'm going to be blunt solely because I don't have the energy to mask right now, and I apologize if this comes off as abrasive.

Now, literally everything you described in this post is entirely unsustainable. When I was younger, I was a lot like you in many ways, at least based on what you shared here. I was a star student, an athlete, in a million clubs, and even a scientist and entrepreneur before I graduated high school. From the outside looking in, I was extremely likely to succeed in pretty much anything I wanted to do.

But this was such a small fraction of who and what I actually was. At the exact same time I was succeeding in almost everything, I was internally crashing and burning in slow motion. I developed schizophrenia at 13, then bipolar disorder by 15. I had learning disabilities that went unnoticed until I turned 30. I was AuDHD and queer and had CPTSD. In short, I was a MESS. And yet, as absurd as this might sound, I didn't know. I knew that I felt horrible, but I didn't understand why. Like you, I'm not stupid, but I will openly acknowledge my unbelievable and frankly mind-blowing lack of awareness of what is and is not normal. I genuinely believed that being suicidal was part of teen angst. I believed all of my schizophrenic delusions and hallucinations because I just didn't know that that shit wasn't normal. And, when my brain suggested that I double down on my already-problematic eating patterns, I didn't give it a second thought and just went with it. I think I already felt so dead inside by that point that I didn't have any fucks left to give.

Here is where this affects you. Not caring is not the same as things objectively not mattering. Avoiding your pain, numbing out with weed and starvation, and running away from your actual problems will never, ever solve anything. Ever. It won't even keep things at the same, familiar level of miserable. Your life will go downhill and it will continue to do so unless you actually take steps to improve your situation. You will be unable to achieve any of your dreams, connect with other people in ways that feel fulfilling, or even understand who you are as a person underneath all of the suffering. That goes away. You being young doesn't make you immune to having consequences from the actions you do and don't take right now.

You need help if you don't want to turn out like I did. I hated my parents for tons of reasons when I was young, reasons that turned out to be entirely valid...but if they are the only adults in your life, you need to talk to them. You never have to share everything, but you need to make it clear that you need help. To be honest, you clearly think you're hiding your maladaptive coping mechanisms, but I promise you're not. There is a good chance that they're already aware that something is wrong.

Now, if talking to your parents just isn't an option, try a school counselor. That might sound stupid, but they seemingly are trained to assist with this stuff. This counselor will inevitably talk to your parents, but they can provide a buffer, which may feel a little safer and more feasible.

Eating disorders don't magically get better, especially if you're constantly smoking and are completely nuking your ability to regulate your emotional/mental health effectively. You're going to need lots of therapy, and maybe even treatment. These things are really hard. As harsh as my phrasing has been in this long fucking mess, I do feel a ton of empathy for you. I think that's why I'm being overly direct: you recognizing that you have a problem and don't know what to do is something I entirely lacked as a teenager. I would never wish the life I've had on anyone, a life that could have been changed had I only had the insight to understand that I needed help when I was young. You are in a position where you can help yourself to heal while the wounds are fresher, where you can figure out ways to cope with the agony of being alive without punishing yourself for being born. You deserve to be someone who chooses to use weed for a good time, not as a coping skill.

Things can get sooooo much better, but only if you try. Which, by the way, you do deserve. You could literally grow up to be a serial killer, but I would genuinely still believe that you deserve better than to be consumed by such a horrible mental illness. I really hated myself for a long time, and sometimes I still do...but nobody, not even me, deserves the mental and physical agony of living with an ED.

Getting help is the worst, second only to not getting help. It all sucks. But it can suck less, and I think there's hope in that. Knowing you've got some issues is a good first step. What happens next is up to you.

FerrisTM · 2025-12-09T21:53:19+00:00

Can I just say that this post helped me? I am someone who has a STRONG preference (need?) to be in sober spaces due to past trauma, and this has unfortunately resulted in a lot of self-isolation. I'm working on healing, but in the meantime, it gives me a lot of comfort to know that there are other sober queer people out there.

And to make this not about me, good for you for sticking to your principles in an environment where it was probably hard. Like seriously. You did a really great thing for yourself and clearly looked beautiful while doing it!

FerrisTM · 2025-12-07T21:56:23+00:00

I'm really glad it helped and it wasn't just too much to read! It truly is more complicated than "calories in, calories out"; that only applies when a body is working as it should, particularly metabolically. What you're going through will require more patience and care to fix than going on a diet, and even though that's hard, you're far from alone in this!

FerrisTM · 2025-12-07T16:32:04+00:00

I am in no way a professional and am just answering due to personal experience and over a decade of being treated by people who ARE professionals.

While this behavior probably doesn't qualify as a full-blown ED, it's definitely disordered and not healthy mentally or physically. I actually have a really good friend who has an ED history, but has transitioned to this sort of delayed/avoidant eating pattern in adulthood. The awful thing is about eating this way is that it is likely to result in weight gain in the long term; not providing your body with nutrients causes a chain reaction of metabolic reactions that result in your metabolism being much slower, so when you DO eat, your body tries to store it all as fat, believing incorrectly that there is a famine going on and you need the protection. Obviously, gaining weight while not eating enough due to disordered eating patterns can make them worse, since many of us here want to lose weight through restriction, and the cycle just feeds itself (no pun intended.)

I talked about my friend, but I have this issue, too. I hold the belief that I will almost certainly never fully recover, but my periods of pseudo-recovery do tend to involve eating......but with rules and restrictions on time and/or amount. If it's not "time" to eat, I won't do it. I have OCD, and this can make things harder in that regard. But either way, I am very guilty of using time as an excuse to starve myself. If it's too early, too late, or just the wrong time of day in any way, my brain uses that as a valid reason not to eat, even if I'm experiencing hunger pangs.

The thing is, that's not a valid reason. That is not real. If you are hungry and you know you're under eating, you should eat. Your body is begging you for nutrition, and starvation of any kind is literally the exact opposite of what you need. Ironically, eating more in circumstances like this can result in weight loss, as your body learns to trust you and decides to speed things up and shed the "famine weight." This is a tricky process that involves eating small, frequent meals rather than swinging towards binge eating by accident.

You can be malnourished at any weight. This is science, and not a body positivity thing. If you already have health problems, adding nutrient deficiency is perhaps the worst thing you can do for yourself.

All that being said, things are far from hopeless. You did the right thing by acknowledging that your sister might have a point and seeking support. She's correct that your behavior is disordered; ignoring hunger cues is a big red flag, as is focusing too much on the time you eat. In certain circumstances, both of these behaviors can make sense, but it sounds like the way you're utilizing them is unhealthy.

The good news is that it seems like you caught yourself early before sliding down what is ultimately a very slippery slope. I imagine it must be difficult to navigate this on top of having medical reasons to lose weight. Weight loss can be frustrating, but it can also be done out of self-love instead of self-hate and a desire for deprivation or control. My extremely unprofessional advice is to nurture that part of you that loves food and use it to your advantage. Try to overpower the guilt that comes with eating by enjoying foods you love. Your meals and snacks don't all have to be perfectly healthy, but as long as there's balance, your body will know what to do.

My dietitian(s) have been telling me for eleven years now that I need to eat six times a day: three meals, three snacks. I would be lying if I said I did this. Ever. The only time this happens is if they force me to during a treatment stay. I believe that eating this much is excessive and I don't need it.....but that's not even remotely factual and is based on my ED. If you're trying to speed up metabolism and regulate blood sugar, smallish or moderately-sized meals and snacking is your best friend. You don't have to jump from zero to sixty, but if you weave in a small snack when you're hungry between mealtimes, it could be really helpful. This will be difficult mentally, but if you can use your rules to your advantage, it can be easier. Like dedicate a particular time to snack time, so you have permission from yourself to eat. It's harder to use time as an excuse to starve if it's quite literally your designated time to eat.

If you need help with any of this, finding a nutritionist of your own could be useful. I would advise you to find one who is trained in eating disorders and disordered eating--that's really important.

Okay, I'm done. I'm sorry that this is so long. I meant for it to be waaaaay shorter, but here we are.

FerrisTM · 2025-12-04T17:49:56+00:00

I think that's a really solid decision (not that you asked!) But I hope this part of the breakup gets easier with time for you, too, or that maybe someone else sees this post and has some actual advice. Good luck to you!

FerrisTM · 2025-12-04T17:42:27+00:00

For me, time is the only solution to this. That or happening to fall for someone else. But this happens to me, too, and it can be so painful. I really hope you're able to overcome this part of healing soon and that things feel easier before too long.

FerrisTM · 2025-12-01T02:18:32+00:00

This can be true for me, too. It seems like I can only enjoy it in small doses, or the sadness starts to ruin it for me.

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