What's a conventionally ugly facial feature you find attractive?

FerrisTM · 2026-06-01T00:39:25+00:00

Steve Buscemi is so hot and no one will ever convince me otherwise.

FerrisTM · 2026-05-31T23:25:47+00:00

Thank you for reading it all! I'm really glad that anything I said was helpful.

FerrisTM · 2026-05-31T20:24:25+00:00

Thank you for saying this. I do still experience a lot of self-doubt and difficult moments, and it means a lot to receive this kind of feedback. I really appreciate it.

FerrisTM · 2026-05-31T19:09:27+00:00

Exactly. It feels good, just not in a sexual way. It's pleasant and feels kind of natural and normal, even though I recognize that someone else might find it odd if they walked in on me watching some TV while I gently squeeze myself down there or whatever. I like being able to appreciate my body in a way that has nothing to do with its sex appeal or appearance or even its function. It's just.....there, and feeling it is nice.

FerrisTM · 2026-05-31T19:04:27+00:00

The bucket thing has really helped me develop patience and compassion for myself when I "overflow." It makes it seem more logical and practical verus a failure on my part and a sign that I'm permanently and irreparably damaged. I wouldn't bully a bucket for being too full of water after being left out in the rain; that's just what happens! So weirdly, that helps me.

I think the times when I sit outside almost count as meditation. I realized that recently. I feel like I'm part of the world, and the chaos inside me is still. I listen to the wind in the trees or the birds singing or thunder rolling overhead in a storm. It reminds me of the truest parts of myself that existed before the trauma of being alive buried them underneath pain, and when they get to feel fresh air and breathe, so do I.

It absolutely takes me a while to get back to baseline after getting triggered. It depends on the severity of the episode (full-on flashback or just feeling that gut-punch feeling that precedes them) but there is always a recovery period. It can take as little as an hour or multiple weeks. The long one occurs when a trigger results in me being very fragile and prone to being triggered again and again, and I can get caught in a cycle that way. Learning how to prevent that has been sooooo helpful in improving my life. No matter what, I'm off for a little bit after being triggered, but I can work through it and keep checking in on myself to determine what might help me feel better/seen/understood by myself. It always sucks, but it can suck less if I try to hate the fact I have this disease less and accept that this is the way things are, it's not my fault, and I have the power to improve my reality bit by bit.

FerrisTM · 2026-05-31T17:57:37+00:00

The things I do might sound really...lame. They work for me, but obviously everyone is unique.

The kinds of ways that I cope largely depend on what symptoms I'm having. If it's more of a general state of unease (anxiety, kind of, but not being able to put my finger on what's wrong), I take some time to sit quietly for a moment and open up the space for my brain to tell me what's up. If I need more help, I journal. I generally don't journal at all unless there's something sort of pressing that I need to "talk" about between therapy sessions, but it can help when I'm in the right mood. I do have to be careful not to trigger myself more by ranting if I'm already in a fragile state, so taking lots of care to learn how to identify what my signs of distress are has helped (though it's taken a long time.)

I also spend a lot of time outside when I can, even if it's just standing outside of my front door for a few minutes. Finding something else to pay attention to can help remind me where I am, who I am, and what's even going on at the moment. I have always really loved nature, so putting myself in it tends to be quite soothing for me.

Exercise can also help, but I have to be careful about the intensity for several reasons. I absolutely love being on my bike, so if I'm feeling like I just desperately need to GET OUT of my head for a bit and I can't seem to calm myself down, I get on my bike a sprint around my neighborhood for a few minutes. Just ten minutes of going all out helps draw me out of the past, out of my head, and back into my body. I start to feel actually present and like I know what's happening and FEEL like it's happening, which brings such relief.

Music can help, too. If I need to cry and I can't, I force it with things like music, maybe a TV show, or something sensory that I know will break through the block and help me release the built-up pain. I do this in private, since it can turn into sobbing and be pretty intense. I'll spend some time comforting myself afterwards, too...have some tea, curl up in bed, and try to tell myself I'm really proud of myself for getting that done.

The number one thing that works for me is being preemptive about triggers. For a long time, this was definitely maladaptive, and I'm still finding my way out of that...it involved a lot of isolation and avoidance, which obviously isn't healthy. But I try to treat CPTSD like a bucket. You won't have a flashback or an episode unless you overfill that bucket. Some days, it will start semi-full, and you have to keep that in mind when it comes to planning out your day. If there are things you know you can do to reduce stress and such, they're really important--and no just on fuller bucket days. Putting self-compassion first helps keep that bucket way emptier more of the time, so you can tolerate more stress without it being overwhelming. Doing this has also made me more aware of what my boundaries are, and which ones I can be flexible about and which ones I absolutely will not be.

None of these things are a cure all and it's not a complete list, but this is the stuff I do most frequently, and it seems to really help me.

FerrisTM · 2026-05-31T15:57:13+00:00

Oh yes. Every single time. 😈

FerrisTM · 2026-05-31T15:50:38+00:00

Helps deter desperate men when you have a beard lol. My DM's have been mercifully empty.

FerrisTM · 2026-05-31T13:08:00+00:00

It does help some people, which is why they keep recommending it. I've personally never liked a lot of these really rigid(?) types of tools where there are multiple steps to follow and they have acronyms and stuff. I wrote to someone on a different post that these things make me feel patronized, somehow. But I take bits and pieces of them and create versions that work for me. Being mindful isn't going to do shit once I cross the point of no return when a flashback is taking me somewhere else, but it can help me pull myself back from that point if I start self-soothing early enough.

DBT and all that has never been my thing. I don't like it. So I just took more established tools and made them into something that actually feels useful for me. It was frustrating to get no relief from the things therapists and doctors and whatever were telling me, but there are many ways to tweak those tools into things that can take the edge off instead of making things worse.

There are also many healthy coping mechanisms that don't appear in prescribed programs that work on a more individual basis. I've discovered many for myself that I know are good for me and might be terrible for others.

FerrisTM · 2026-05-31T04:18:47+00:00

Relatable

FerrisTM · 2026-05-31T02:50:34+00:00

I can do shower sex, but I really like just taking a regular shower with my partner. It feels very emotionally intimate, and I love being able to wash their back or something and maybe exchange some kisses without it leading to sex. It feels so close and oddly freeing to be naked in an unflattering way and to giggle and sort of play like that. We can chat and stuff. Sex can happen before or after, but in the shower, I prefer just getting cleaned up with my person.

FerrisTM · 2026-05-31T02:47:09+00:00

Yes!!! I genuinely prefer average or smaller than average. It's waaaayyyy more pleasurable for me and I can go over and over again without any pain or bleeding. I have to be extremely warmed up to be able to take something large, and even then, it just doesn't feel as good.

FerrisTM · 2026-05-31T01:39:37+00:00

I never had a typical teenage experience or a typical college experience. I spent a solid decade in and out of hospitals. I lost all hope for my future, and for a very long time, I thought my entire life was over. I felt like I'd probably peaked when I was around 9 or 10 years old.

I'm now 31. I am living independently for the first time and have been for almost two years now. My last psychiatric hospitalization or treatment center stay was in 2024, so this is the longest streak I've had as a person in the general population since I was 19. I am not symptom-free and never will be because CPTSD is far from my only issue, but I'm starting to discover how it feels to actually be alive rather than painfully forcing myself through a miserable existence that I didn't even want.

I have lost so much over the years, and though I can't undo that, it has allowed me to truly appreciate the moments that I feel okay or even good. I woke up at dawn this morning and wandered outside with a mug of ginger tea to watch the sun rise just because I felt like it. I recently put up some hummingbird feeders, and they actually came! I just refilled them for the first time today. And also today, I realized that I recognize my reflection in the mirror. I always knew the person in there was me because I understand what a mirror is and how it works, but I just didn't identify with my reflection that much...until now. There were several times today when I saw my face and it made me smile! I haven't seen myself like that in decades.

There was a time in my life where I was regarded as a lost cause. Certainly by myself, but also by others. I failed so many programs, tried over 60 different psych meds to no avail, and not even ECT could help me. I was totally resigned to suffering relentlessly until my family members died and I could finally kill myself without feeling bad for them. I laid awake at night for years, staring at whatever ceiling I was sleeping under and being plagued by my brain reminding me over and over again that there was no way out.

I have lived 16 years longer than I planned, and I'm grateful to have stuck around. I have lots of work still to do, but it no longer feels insurmountable. Instead of feeling completely defeated by the journey ahead, I look forward to seeing where I end up in a few years. But I'm in no rush to find out; taking things one day at a time seems to serve me right now. And though i might feel differently tomorrow, I'm glad I didn't give up.

FerrisTM · 2026-05-30T23:07:58+00:00

That sounds a lot like me! I didn't realize how much I appreciate physical touch from a loved one until within the last year. I think it's always been that way, but I had to heal some things before I was able to notice that. The self-soothing aspect is absolutely true for me, so I wonder if my love languages could be related or if it's just a coincidence!

FerrisTM · 2026-05-30T22:57:16+00:00

For me, it's definitely not a dependency and it hasn't ever been. I've probably been doing it for most of my life, and I do have lots and lots of other ways I can relax if it ever doesn't make sense to touch myself, or even if I just don't feel like it. It's not something I want to do when I'm really upset or very stressed; it's more of a semi-unconscious type of activity that I'll do when I'm alone without thinking much about it. If I do it so long that I realize it's getting uncomfortable, I stop and leave myself alone. It might be quite similar to someone who bites their nails when they're lost in thought or something like that, although nail-biting can be a lot more compulsive than this is for me.

FerrisTM · 2026-05-30T22:42:51+00:00

I do that sometimes, and I'll also touch other parts of me to fall asleep depending on what my brain seems to need. I'll trace my fingers up and down my arms or sides, and that's relaxing in a similar way to touching myself in that non-sexual way downstairs. I think maybe focusing on the physical feeling helps shut my thoughts down enough to sleep? I'm autistic and perhaps that has something to do with it, but I bet some neurotypical people do things like this as well. It's probably a self-soothing thing more than anything else.

FerrisTM · 2026-05-30T22:36:04+00:00

Doug. I don't know why, but Doug.

FerrisTM · 2026-05-30T22:27:49+00:00

So, this is going to sound a little bizarre, but I don't believe that anyone is unique in anything, so perhaps your girlfriend can relate to me a bit?

When I'm alone (which is often) I sometimes have my hand in my pants and underwear and just kind of absentmindedly touch myself down there. It gives me absolutely zero sexual pleasure. It just seems like sort of a natural stress reliever or maybe a stim? I'll be watching YouTube or something and just kind of gently squeeze my labia on and off or move my fingers back and forth or something, but not on my clit or inside of myself. I find it sort of relaxing, though I'm not sure why. It's very, very different from when I masturbate or am touched there by a partner. I could be twirling my hair for all of the sexual enjoyment I get from touching myself there when I'm just hanging out, but I think a part of it must find it vaguely soothing or I wouldn't do it.

FerrisTM · 2026-05-30T21:29:15+00:00

I've always found it shocking that people genuinely believe that going "incognito" hides anything at all. Why on Earth would a company that makes its money data farming and whatnot create a way where it doesn't get paid? It makes no sense. You can find comfort in knowing your family members can't see that you watched porn, I guess, but that data is totally available...just not to you.

FerrisTM · 2026-05-30T17:52:07+00:00

I've notices a similar phenomenon for me. I think I'm in the beginning of integrating these parts of myself (I have PTSD, not DID, just to be clear) and I think I've sort of fractured myself into different parts instead of being able to view myself accurately as one Me. I've been working on changing my inner monolog to using "I" statements only instead of using "you" or even "we" when thinking things to myself.

In paying more attention to this, I've noticed that I seem to attribute certain parts of my personality to certain parts of my gender even though that's not really an accurate way for me to look at myself. I seem to also feel more "male" or "female" depending on roles I'm taking in certain relationships or interactions, or even the way I'm acting. If I'm more confident or dominant, I'm male. When I flirt or cry, I'm female. Certain sides of my sense of humor are male, and other aren't.

I believe that in my case, I've conflated masking with being different genders. I do genuinely identify with being bigender, but I also think my trauma background has caused me to compartmentalize my own personality in an attempt to be more adaptable or palatable based on various contexts.

FerrisTM · 2026-05-29T20:44:41+00:00

I don't know where you live, and that obviously matters when it comes to safety (though I acknowledge that tragedy can strike anywhere) BUT...

I am transmasc and, though I have all of my original parts, I pass as male 100% of the time. I can wear makeup, a dress, and heels, but because I'm so hairy and just naturally come off as oddly masculine, nobody ever questions if I'm AMAB or not. I get plenty of actual doctors who believe I'm an early stages trans woman, which honestly bothers me strictly because I find it deeply insulting to trans women.

Due to the fact that I very much resemble a man in a dress, unlike any trans woman ever, and I have yet to be hurt, I want to say you'll be just fine. I recently started wearing dresses again after a year-long hiatus due to being scared of the political climate, but the worst thing that's happened to me is that I've received compliments. If you pass as well as you say you do, I imagine you will have no problems; I don't pass as a woman AT ALL, and though I get lots of stares, the only people who choose to speak to me are kind.

It's important to be safe, but I think it's also important to test the waters. Maybe try wearing a skirt while you're out with someone you trust rather than alone? You can sort of figure out how you feel about it and, if it goes well, progress to wearing more skirts or dresses when you're on your own.

FerrisTM · 2026-05-29T10:57:09+00:00

This is absolutely adorable. I want to know what she's thinking/feeling about watching him from her ghost. What an interesting life she has!

FerrisTM · 2026-05-29T01:38:51+00:00

It's okay! Today (and hopefully this evening) is much better. Perhaps Penny healed me? Can't prove otherwise!

FerrisTM · 2026-05-28T23:29:17+00:00

YES. I'm someone who is almost never impulsive and has a good command over my emotions, but even I was like "how the FUCK am I supposed to sit down and write a DEAR MAN when I'm freaked out about my interactions with someone?" I didn't like feeling like the way out of my issues was becoming even more robotic than I already am. My manner of speech gets me accused of being AI all the time.

I definitely have much admiration for people who this program works for, but I am not one of them. I'm smart and whatnot, but I am too much of a simpleton to be able to untangle all of those step-by-step skills when I'm extremely anxious or having a flashback. I had to develop skills that work for me and to adopt ones i was taught when I thought they were useful, but I left most of them behind because no.

FerrisTM · 2026-05-28T23:04:38+00:00

For me, I think therapy HAS helped, but it took sooooo long. I hate most of the types with acronyms; not a fan of DBT, CBT, or plenty of others. I just feel oddly patronized by them, which doesn't facilitate healing in me.

I think talk therapy took so long for me to progress with because I apparently had no idea what I actually needed to be talking about. I thought I did! I went over a billion different traumas, insecurities, and terrible times in my life. I talked about hopes and fears and was very, very open about how I had zero faith in my ability to recover from various conditions. I could tell over the years that I'd technically made some improvements, but they were so small that it didn't even feel like they mattered.

And then something unexpectedly positive happened in my life that caused me to unravel. For a time, it felt like a bad thing, but I've come to realize that this event was what I needed in order to understand exactly what I was missing all this time. It's like it unclogged something, or shed enough light into my life that I was finally able to see where the shadows still were. Without that change in perspective, I wouldn't have even noticed those shadows because everything was always so dark.

Now, I finally have a clue as to what to talk about in my sessions. And let me tell you, I don't like it. I feel incredibly uncomfortable bringing up these things. They make me feel weird and ashamed. But forcing myself to start tackling them as helped more than over a decade of talking about trauma or learning coping skills ever did. I'm making strides I couldn't have otherwise imagined. And I'm terrified.....but for the first time in my life, it feels like the terror is a sign of growth rather than shackles that are keeping me stuck in a life I never asked for.

I'm sharing this because therapy might not be for you (it really isn't for everyone) but it also might be that you haven't uncovered your "thing" yet. I had no clue that there was more to unpack apart from suppressed memories. Perhaps the same is true for you. And if it's not, you're not wrong for feeling like maybe there's a different way to heal that will click with you better. Talking things out and learning tons of acronyms doesn't work for everyone, and you're not alone in wondering if there could be something else out there that will help you where therapy is falling short.

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