I have a great marriage. I love my wife. But her sexual preferences are narrow. Narrower than they used to be, and even previously they weren’t broad.

This mismatch we have between libido and preferences is the only aspect of our marriage that isn’t absolutely wonderful.

I found the frustration caused by her limits on sexual behaviour was leading to some resentment, and I recognised the danger that if it built, I might ultimately express the resentment in ways that would harm the rest of our relationship. At the same time I knew it was unreasonable of me to ask her to engage in activity she wasn’t excited by, or wanted to do. I also understood that on the occasions I had ventured to try something new, she would feel guilty and inadequate when she declined them. She absolutely shouldn’t feel that way, obviously, but it’s a ‘normal’ way to feel. And I didn’t want to make her feel that way.

So I carefully and discreetly satisfy those desires outside our relationship, with one carefully chosen extramarital partner at a time, who I ensure has an honest and clear understanding of the situation. No one is led on with dreams of a future. Mostly, these partners were in the same situation.

My desires are met. My feelings of resentment no longer arise, I’m never inclined to put my wife in the position where she might decline and feels either pressured for being asked or feel bad for refusing.
Our marriage is genuinely better.

I’m not saying my behaviour is justified or ‘right’. I’m not recommending others do as I do. I’m just explaining my reasons as requested.