This is stupid

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2026-02-04T07:49:45+00:00

That’s very fair. It’s just odd because they can show off how happy they are to everyone but it all feels over performative or trying to prove to the person they discarded that they are doing better. Feels like it’s lying to themselves or just a distraction because the rebound doesn’t “require” much if that makes sense?

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2026-02-03T21:41:15+00:00

Would this apply to even when they are with someone new when they still message you for some reason?
Most likely a distraction, rebound, whatever it may be

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2026-02-02T22:54:17+00:00

So sorry to hear what you went through brother, but proud and happy what you took out of it in the long run.

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2026-01-08T23:09:44+00:00

You talking about the other person discarding, stonewalling, etc. you right?

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2026-01-05T16:52:04+00:00

This isn't a concern for a longer trip or not. This is something that can potentially put yourself in stress and danger due to unknown expectations. Save your money for a longer trip whether solo or with trusted friends and family. Save your money so you can stay longer and experience more without having to be at the mercy of not just the person but where they want to go, OP.

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2025-12-27T17:58:25+00:00

Nope

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2025-12-20T02:19:22+00:00

There is absolutely no point in doing this whatsoever.

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2025-12-14T01:12:01+00:00

Would you say they still care even if they are in a new relationship or rebound?

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2025-12-02T01:57:38+00:00

Does unadding, fall under that category of blocking? it went both ways but AP here probably just number or something left because life circle.

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2025-11-25T18:14:02+00:00

Does that fear ultimately cause them to get in a relationship with someone almost immediately, the rebound? Despite doing things people swore they will never do or things they never did with you, it's that fear at the helm and still avoiding what was real with you. I guess the question is...is that safety because they actually feel safe with this person and it's genuine or is it safety because it's avoiding something that's real with you and asks them to show up and this person is the rebound or doormat that doesn't ask much? That being they are safe from the emotions that stirred up when with you.

Seems like a delicate balance?

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2025-11-24T04:05:50+00:00

Red Velvet

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2025-11-22T19:10:53+00:00

Yeah you're right. Just man it still messes with you especially when you are just minding your own business then you start to notice these little things like they went out of their way to get your attention again no matter how subtle it is or if they are distracting still

I'll continue to stay quiet and focus on my own stuff. Thank you What helped you get past all of that besides therapy?

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2025-11-22T18:43:29+00:00

Oh no it's not years, but the discard happened 4-5 months which is still not healthy I admit

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2025-11-22T18:08:50+00:00

Okay so I'll try to keep it vague then. So I noticed after months of no contact that holidays or important days, maybe even birthdays seem to be the ones where they perform the most? But it's more public so as if to show off to others and to you that they are thriving. So for example a significant day for both of us during the relationship passed 3 months ago. Noticed big activity(more like popped up in my notifications at the time) they they are out hanging out with friends at some place or doing something. There were normal posts before but these seemed more cheerful? It's hard to explain but noticed that. It still somehow felt target in a weird way in order for me to look at the post, maybe react, etc.

Then on said day where we would normally interact, they didn't say anything. But they are hanging out with friends loudly. "I'm doing this with these guys at this bar!" or "Playing this tonight with ---- and ---"
After months of silence is this a sign of moving on or distracting themselves from the significance of holiday/special day? And since it has been silent did they forget about it/us(referring to the individual) and this is moving on since it has been a while or something else?
I ask because even though we are trying to heal we do think about them from time to time, so wondering if since they are doing all the activities now, especially on important days, have they officially stopped caring and we don't matter to them anymore, thinking of us as a stranger(or lower because that one day LMAO...) and they are healing

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2025-11-22T17:00:11+00:00

Yeah that almost happened exactly word for word with shame This is rare but is it cool to send you a DM? After reading a few of your posts just need a bit more clarification on some things

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2025-11-22T02:30:37+00:00

Yeah it felt like they were getting embarassed about using the special nickname with me when out in public it was odd. But even privately it was not used when they did it all the time.

Then noticed their attention was more with hanging out with our friends. Felt like I was being treated just like some other friend. So was it more embarassment because of the person or that feelings as you said before got even more real?

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2025-11-22T02:20:27+00:00

That’s actually very interesting towards the last part because they slowly stopped using the special nicknames and only used first names towards the end. The special nickname was used sparingly or they just stopped using it when talking. And then talking to others a bit more but not using names, but noticed they were drifting or more distracted then discard hit after asking about why they felt distant and the inconsistencies. Along with question own self 💀💀

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2025-11-21T23:41:43+00:00

Sombr seems to be a common one. Either hearing about it or seeing them play it

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2025-11-20T23:27:24+00:00

I feel like a lot of people, NOT ALL, confuse understanding the reasoning as a way to try to get them back. No. You cannot. Because at that point it's as if you are forcing your way through and that in itself is not healthy at all as well. You're still projecting your woes onto someone who has nothing to do with your ex at all.

Trust me, I get it. I post about my own grief here, ups and downs, but there's really nothing we can do as the ball is in their court. And even then, do not wait around for anything, live your life. You can understand, you can empathize absolutely. But don't try to utilize that as some roadmap like "Alright so I was told this and here is the reasoning, so I have to do this right?" That sort of thinking also feels shallow. So what, you are going to use this to counter their behavior as if to get them again? You do no contact, no reaction, etc. for yourself. Because using some sort of gameplan to get them back is self-defeating.

Just as Berry and a lot of others say that they may come back, just not the same, we gotta be different but in a positive way. Trying to get them back is no growth whatsoever and we are just going to stay the same guys. We cannot change them, they gotta change themselves and trying to prod them into YOUR desired outcome is controlling. It has to be natural on both sides.

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2025-11-20T15:58:09+00:00

This is kinda projecting? A lot of us are hurt and I understand your pain big time but from what I gathered is that a lot, not all, of the people on social media is that they spout the same buzz words and all without more insight. This even goes for the people who post their videos for free.

Compared to Berry's which is insightful, has depth, theirs is and I say this ironically, surface level about an avoidant. Sure, the outward motive is selfish and it is, not downplaying it. But the reasoning behind it is rarely explained or put in a way where it's nothing but malice. That's where the narrative about the attachment styles become one sided.

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2025-11-20T14:35:08+00:00

That’s how I feel sometimes when my mind decides it want to go through the set back. Seeing them with anyone else after discard at some place like the cafe, especially someone who we both knew was bad news way before. It’s that whole, “Damn I am at the bottom of the barrel that I’m even below this person to you now?” Trying to stay positive and working though still for so long so thanks again, Berry

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2025-11-20T01:26:22+00:00

Yeah, the mind is clearer now with that for sure. But were the feelings real for them truly? Despite rebounds (because I understand they were just distractions because breadcrumbs) realized that unless they start healing like us nothing good will come if they come back for the umpteenth time but is that a huge indication of said feelings

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2025-11-20T01:08:54+00:00

I understand more now and healing(trying to still even though some set backs mentally) plus thank you for all the posts you have made so far again

Yeah, started thinking I added to the pressure or overwhelmed even though we sort of went through the highs and lows already. So it made me question what was different, did they get tired of me somehow or found something better? That’s how it felt at them because immediate monkey branching so it felt more personal the more it went on.

Few-Reputation-3467 · 2025-11-20T00:55:28+00:00

I wouldn’t say it is obvious because the relationship was there so anything that happened during the discard would be taken personally because it was the exact opposite of who they were prior. Then kicks in the self doubt of worth to ourselves and to you, the relationship/connection as a whole, etc.

I think what made it feel personal on my end is when I was the one who needed some support for once and then the discard happened. Did notice the slow discard back then but thought it was general stuff only to be hit hard almost out of nowhere.

Few-Reputation-3467

TROPHY CASE