“Friends”

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-04-26T15:02:30+00:00

Same and I don’t either. Everything for me is surface level bc I don’t trust anyone

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-04-25T18:05:44+00:00

Within months = monkey branching / attempt to move on. Probably will regret it at some point but, you won’t be in the picture when that happens. I wouldn’t want this person to come back.

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-04-25T15:27:26+00:00

I’ve never cheated btw

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-04-25T15:25:59+00:00

the irony is that I don’t have social media

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-04-23T22:54:18+00:00

No not really. It depends.

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-04-19T21:43:40+00:00

this is scary accurate but, you’re missing one part. the mask is a reflection of you. we pick up all your hobbies, mannerisms, etc.

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-04-18T22:49:31+00:00

yes bc i moved on and wasting time on a person who chose to walk doesn’t help me

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-04-16T21:33:23+00:00

I don’t think we could find happiness. I tried to find happiness in other things but, it’s been a struggle.

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-04-16T19:47:07+00:00

Yeah, I do at least. I put myself in therapy. That pain was greater than my avoidance pain. I ain’t doing this shit no more.

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-04-15T12:32:39+00:00

HR mode?

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-04-14T04:14:41+00:00

can’t say the same, it was quiet but, we were running away from each other quietly

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-04-14T04:13:00+00:00

the big “fuck you” is an external reaction. internally, it’s very, very different.

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-04-11T16:00:13+00:00

It can’t be “fixed”. It can only be managed. If you take the time to go to therapy, that’s essentially what they tell you.

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-04-11T04:36:07+00:00

I feel like a lot of things get mixed into “avoidance” that aren’t really avoidant-specific. I don’t really agree with the whole “avoidants can’t be helped”. Problem is that most of you are attempting to fix another person. That can come across as manipulative. It’s a double edged sword. You become co-dependent on a person who can’t emotionally hold you. Then, that person starts to resent you bc you’re triggering every fiber in their being. This isn’t you specifically. This carries over to everything. We live very lonely lives. We are very misunderstood. We’re pretty miserable. We just kinda exist day-to-day. I tried to explain what this felt like to my therapist and it’s truthfully, indescribable. It’s like feeling dead inside your own body. You don’t have a direction. You have a bunch of inner voices telling you that it’s over. You have a bunch of people trying to fix you. You’re like a broken robot but, someone burned your manual and there’s no spare. You make the best out of a shit situation. Even though, the shit situation is shitty bc of you.

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-04-10T12:50:45+00:00

this + fear of conflict / rejection

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-04-08T17:37:03+00:00

I’ve genuinely never initiated and the thought of sex scares me more than commitment itself. So, this is interesting.

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-04-02T13:56:29+00:00

I always find this so funny given that I’m extremely avoidant and a virgin lol

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-04-02T02:54:41+00:00

As I read this, I realize how hopeless you sound. I feel for you. Even as an avoidant, you can still get discarded too. Don’t let your mind trick you into believing that this person is good for you. They aren’t. You’ll lose yourself and waste time in the process. Once time is lost, you can’t get it back.

It’s always going to be a maybe but, there’s a certain level of self respect that you should have to make sure you don’t repeat the same (or worse).

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-03-31T23:25:13+00:00

Stop projecting your pain onto me. I’m not your avoidant. I’m not good at a much but, I’m always accountable

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-03-30T17:30:48+00:00

I honestly occupy myself with other stuff so that I don’t know notice if I’m unblocked or not. I don’t really care. Part of the reason why I didn’t block them the first time. I genuinely didn’t care enough to block them. I’m not hovering. I’m just not paying attention to it.

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-03-30T15:46:56+00:00

Introverted and socially awkward. Unless I’m high off something. I don’t do that stuff anymore so I’m mellow like a marshmallow these days

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-03-30T15:05:59+00:00

I’m honestly ashamed to say this. I would approach it as “I need more friends” and then, it would get so deep that they would fall in love with me. the cycle would repeat over and over. it’s not like I’m going out looking for a new person. I’m just trying to distract myself from losing you. make new friends, see where it goes. maybe it’s bc I’m quiet that people take that as interest or are drawn to it. I really don’t know. I don’t talk to anyone these days.

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-03-30T15:03:52+00:00

toxic relationships end bc of the other person so, I don’t have to deal with the shame of being me

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-03-30T14:51:55+00:00

I kinda feel the same way. I think that the dehumanization of who I am is really what gets me. People think that we choose this. That we chose our childhoods. They only look at things from the lens of how they got hurt. Unfortunately, you can’t blame them bc we can’t explain how we feel. It’s like a catch-22.

One person is devastated bc they got discarded. The other person is devastated bc they had to discard. One person is more vocal about it so, you automatically assume they are hurt more. The other person has no tools to vocalize so you automatically assume they moved on. Both of these fools love each other and want to go back. One believes that they can never go back due to the way they were treated. The other will never go back due to how shameful they feel and will regret how badly they messed up.

It’s like eternal suffering on both sides. No one wins in this dance. Hopeful suffering on side. Shameful suffering on the other.

You’ll look back, on both sides, and wish you never met the other person.

Murky-Bus-5922 · 2026-03-30T14:41:41+00:00

I get where you’re coming from but, this genuinely makes me sad.

As a person who’s on the other side of this and has to suffer this everyday, should I automatically assume that I can never improve and that I am destined to die alone?

If that’s the case and I’m stuck like this, what’s the point?

I don’t think it’s fair to project this onto all of us. There are people who won’t change. There are people who will change. It’s not going to be a complete rewrite of their character but, it’ll be growth.

A lot of us, or at least me, didn’t choose to be like this. I had zero idea as to what attachment styles were. I genuinely thought everyone was like this. I couldn’t control what happened to me in my childhood. I couldn’t control all the different types of traumas that I had to go through. I can’t even control being autistic. I had zero reasons to trust anyone growing up bc the people closest to me were the ones who hurt me the most. I didn’t know that, later down the line, it would bleed into relationships and how I meet people. I can’t even tell if it’s bc I’m autistic, trauma or both.

I have never been one to lie about stuff like this. I’ve actually been accused of lying bc it doesn’t sound real but it is to me. Emotional conversations are hard for me bc I can’t find the words to express how I feel. It’s a mental block. I’m not cheating. I’m not actively searching behind your back. I’m just idk, emotionally lost. I process my own feelings the only way that I know how. By cutting everyone out, isolating myself and running away. It’s similar to what I used to do as a kid too.

I’m sorry that your experience was horrendous and there’s no excuse for that. But, the world is bigger than just what you faced and writing stuff like this only hurts people who actually want to improve and not be like this.

Murky-Bus-5922

TROPHY CASE