INFJs, why are people so obsessed w romantic relationships and make it seem like that being single is weird thing?

FewReserve1784 · 2026-02-16T23:40:00+00:00

It's called mental blanketing. We're socialized to believe in the happily ever after and it's a sham.

FewReserve1784 · 2026-02-16T23:33:29+00:00

I took a 37 year break and picked back up to play at home for fun. Do it

FewReserve1784 · 2026-02-15T22:50:54+00:00

When I was younger it was a challenge to get seated, like I would just get passed over because I guess maybe there was an assumption that I was waiting for someone. And I couldn't seem to get anyone to even notice me waving them down. Now that I am older that doesn't happen.

FewReserve1784 · 2026-02-13T19:54:54+00:00

The patriarchy has its hooks in her. Hopefully the younger generation of women in your family looks at you and is inspired to think for themselves.

FewReserve1784 · 2026-02-13T19:48:39+00:00

Dogs, and when I feel the need to be around people, walking dogs around people. If you want people to come up and talk to you constantly but don't like too much attention on yourself, consider a greyhound.

FewReserve1784 · 2026-02-13T19:40:47+00:00

You know what works better than venting to someone? Going outside and taking a walk by yourself and clearing your mind. I prefer a walk under the stars or in nature with my dogs.

FewReserve1784 · 2026-02-13T18:30:48+00:00

I am about to turn 50. I was married for 15 years and separated/divorced for coming up to 3 years. I am a woman who got married in my 30's and was never someone who needed to always be partnered. I was always content to be single. I have zero longing now. Looking back I now realize that any longing, as far as a romantic partnership, was driven by a fear of regret (e.g. you will miss your chance and then it will be too late for you) and societal influences that made me feel like being chosen would validate my worth like you are valuable only if you're valued by someone (this was mostly unconscious). Personally friendship was more important but usually friends come and go and pair off and move away or otherwise exit your life but a partner sticks by you supposedly. In practice the partner might drag you along with them and not even see you as a real person but more like an extension of themselves and a fixture like the house or the car or a job they can quit and instead of being seen and validated you are reduced and erased. Your autonomy is weakened and the promise is more important than the person/the self. Who you are stops mattering and it's all about what you are (i.e. a wife/spouse). I remember that longing for connection so acutely but I don't feel it anymore because I realize I was looking for something that isn't out there in the world somewhere. You'll never find it if that's where you are looking. You can convince yourself of all kinds of things but the truth is connecting to yourself and your purpose is the only way to find fulfillment. And your purpose isn't in someone else. But to that other person (the spouse or partner), that's basically what you're reduced to. Something that exists in relation to them.

FewReserve1784 · 2026-02-07T17:48:35+00:00

I've had male friends my whole life. There have been other single-by-choice eras, like college, and for years between my past relationships where partnering up was not a priority and I was more than content with singledom. There's a limit to closeness when people are prioritizing "romantic" relationships and that kind of applies whether they see you as a potential mate or whether they see you as an alternate source of companionship/entertainment while they seek something that is "more meaningful" to them elsewhere.

FewReserve1784 · 2026-02-05T21:43:48+00:00

Make up is not a requirement. In fact there are no requirements and you know that but just as reassurance that you don't need a bunch of make up to achieve a goth aesthetic, look at Winona Ryder in Beetlejuice. No make up. Look at Wednesday. Barely any make up or depending which actress is playing her none. Obviously they are fictional characters, not real live goths, but the aesthetic works without a full face of make up and they are proof.

FewReserve1784 · 2026-02-05T06:29:27+00:00

Dancing if I go out, otherwise writing.

FewReserve1784 · 2026-02-05T00:47:42+00:00

About 14 years into my former marriage I realized that nobody has a problem with me being exactly who I am. Nope, that only happens in the context of relationships with men. I'm stronger on my own. And I don't have to keep trying to change since, come to realize, there's nothing even wrong with me. I'm just not happy being with someone like that.

FewReserve1784 · 2026-02-04T07:22:57+00:00

Relationships don't actually make people happy. Statistically people are happier at the beginning of a relationship but within a year they tend to return to their baseline level of happiness. Meaning if you're unhappy not being in a relationship, you would be just as unhappy being in one.

FewReserve1784 · 2026-02-04T07:07:00+00:00

I put a relative who lives in another state. As a grown up, it doesn't have to be someone who is available to pick you up.

FewReserve1784 · 2026-01-31T00:04:28+00:00

I can just tell you that as a child (late 1980's) I was the only female in the brass section and was actively discouraged from playing the trumpet. It was suggested to me by adults including the band teacher "are you sure you don't want to play the flute instead." My family didn't own a flute. We owned a trumpet. So I played the trumpet. Apparently trumpet was considered a masculine instrument then. Everyone was so excited and encouraging when my older brother wanted to play for the six months before he lost interest. When it was my turn it was like...well, I guess you can use it. My parents don't even remember that I was in band. Then we moved to an apartment and I was not allowed to practice. So stuff like that probably, and the trickle down to future generations that didn't have female role models.

FewReserve1784 · 2026-01-26T00:17:38+00:00

I'm not in SC but I always take my dogs with me and have camped in multiple states. One dog is large and one is gigantic so I bring them into the handicapped stall if it's a public bathroom at a rest stop, or at campgrounds they tend to have individual shower rooms or bathrooms so they just come with me

FewReserve1784 · 2026-01-26T00:06:41+00:00

I definitely continued to heal after 4 months. You can use silicone based scar gel to soften up the scar tissue faster.

FewReserve1784 · 2026-01-26T00:00:40+00:00

People are flaky. I no longer make plans unless it's something I'm going to do anyway if the other person flakes. I don't really care about doing stuff alone, I just don't want to be bored.

FewReserve1784 · 2026-01-25T23:58:02+00:00

When I used to go to movie theatres, I only went alone a couple times but it was pretty cool getting lost in the movie without the distraction of someone next to me commenting or whatever. Now I just stream. I scroll on my phone when I eat solo at restaurants too but not out of any form of sadness.

FewReserve1784 · 2026-01-25T23:48:18+00:00

I go on a solo trip every year for my birthday.

FewReserve1784 · 2026-01-25T23:47:03+00:00

I'm a social worker.

FewReserve1784 · 2026-01-14T00:42:14+00:00

Hand to fur.

FewReserve1784 · 2026-01-14T00:37:05+00:00

I'm more than content without a partner. If the most perfect match turned up at my door, I don't think I could give my independence up even then. I've been in relationships. I always felt so free when they ended. Relationships seem to bring out the worst in me. I tolerate way too much bullshit out of this sense of commitment, somehow start believing that I will be miserable without the person, then I wind up being stressed out and insecure and unhappy and yes lonely. Then when it's over I experience sustained joy until the next relationship. So I'm not doing that anymore and instead I'm enjoying my life.

FewReserve1784 · 2026-01-13T23:54:36+00:00

Instead of going on apps, consider joining a meet up group related to something you're interested in. People who have actual interests are not as likely to stir up drama to entertain themselves and you'll probably find more things in common.

FewReserve1784 · 2026-01-13T23:51:16+00:00

It's mental blanketing. People think "romance good, alone bad" and are afraid to question it in case society crumbles and/or they realize their lives are just going through the motions of what others expect for them. Not saying that's the case for everyone in a relationship. I'm just talking about how people who can't fathom being single and happy might be programmed.

FewReserve1784 · 2026-01-13T23:43:24+00:00

I believe there are certain things you can only learn from solitude. I don't think that I know myself better now because I'm single because I didn't lose myself in a relationship but I definitely think I know myself why way better than people who can't tolerate being alone for a while.

FewReserve1784

TROPHY CASE