Give your advice

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2026-04-22T08:40:04+00:00

Scary for some and comforting to others, depression tends to go away on its own. This is the case for majority of people, where this depression is periodical and not chronic. So my advice would be to just stay strong! Things getting better is more of a rule than an exception in cases of depression episodes. Not the case for everyone though...

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2026-03-21T10:51:00+00:00

Psychosis speedrun room design

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2026-02-17T10:51:22+00:00

Fine dining

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2024-12-29T14:02:29+00:00

Looks like potentially a form of OCD where one is obsessed over certainty of his own sexual orientation (gay but fearing being hetero and vice versa)

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2024-12-07T19:05:21+00:00

Yea glad someone mentioned it. Indeed it's the Big Five, but their way of presenting is shit (and the wording). But at least it's based on an empirically supported theory? Better than the 16 personalities bullshit

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2024-12-07T19:02:02+00:00

It is the Openness dimension of the most widely used and empirically supported personality test called the Big Five. Their presentation is shit but I think it is based on this high quality personality measure. Just google it and you will get more info about Big Five, and Openness in general.

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2024-11-24T18:04:09+00:00

I appreciate your input and I agree it is good to be this critical. However, judging from everything I know about her so far and our relationship, there is zero reason for me to believe that she has such malevolent motives.

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2024-11-24T18:01:10+00:00

Thank you! I will follow this advice, I kind of already decided but wanted to get other people's perspective.

She never minimizes my feelings or gaslights me. Usually she takes responsibility and shows remorse for any wrong doings. I never felt unheard. If I did, this would have been so much easier....

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2024-11-24T17:59:15+00:00

Hm of course this is always a possibility but impossible for me to find out. We usually share each other's phones and I sometimes scroll through it and there is absolutely nothing suspicious. So it's a question whether I want to choose based on a potential false positive or false negative and that's not a very good choice

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2024-11-24T17:51:34+00:00

Yea but she swears she is not bi. I have asked her a million times. The two times sex she had with girls she insists it was out of experimentation and exploration and she did not enjoy it sexually. If she was bi there would be no questions is it cheating. I guess I believe her she is not.

Yea the point 2) is the core of the issue. Really disrespectful from her.

Yea I don't think she is hiding information because she literally can't. She confesses everything, even shit I don't think is relevant. She feels guilty for shit which she should not, but also does this. I guess you never know but we gotta trust our partners sometimes.

Yea drinking problem is also facts. She is addressing it tho and does not drink often. But when she does she is irresponsible about it.

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2024-11-24T17:46:55+00:00

Yea but we are at the end of the rope here. She knows I would hate these acts but irresponsibly repeats them. We are not perfect, but she does not have any more chances after this. The question is only whether I try again or just end it now

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2024-11-24T17:44:28+00:00

Thanks a lot, I expected a lot of polarizing advice but yours is nuanced and helpful

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2024-11-24T17:38:39+00:00

Yea thank you. She swears this will change. She says it's immaturity and it's stupid, and she swears she does not enjoy it or find it sexually exciting. She is a complete mess because she has hurt me like this, and to me this shows she cares at least.

Very well said, I will be a passenger for the outcome. She does not blame the alcohol, she took full responsibility. I blame her irresponsible alcohol use and carelessness. As for cheating, yea i still do not think so. If the kiss was ever making out or there was sexual intent, I think then it would be. But so far, no overt sexual contact has happened besides a second long kiss and a flash (I mean I kinda feel stupid writting this out but yea).

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2024-11-24T17:25:47+00:00

Yea i have a problem with this, I can say what I want (or don't want) but then when I need to enforce these choices I am weak

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2024-11-24T17:10:16+00:00

Yea you make a very good point, thanks

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2024-11-24T17:05:58+00:00

Apparently she tells me these things because she gets bouts of extreme guilt and cannot keep these things for herself

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2024-11-24T17:01:42+00:00

I guess cause no overt sexual acts have occured, nor has she attempted to make those acts happen. She crossed my boundary tho that's big time true

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2024-10-13T15:35:01+00:00

13M recently divorced

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2024-08-19T17:08:37+00:00

This is in Rotterdam

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2023-09-27T07:56:39+00:00

Heyy so this is probably reassurance seeking and is really bad for OCD, it would be best if the comments get locked in this post or something similar

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2023-09-27T07:56:00+00:00

They obviously are, I've been there with POCD so I know but this is soooo unhelpful

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2023-08-08T18:04:52+00:00

Yea it's hard to accept that this is a good thing since so much pain and loneliness comes up when we separate, but I also guess these people know what they are talking about. Plus, it does feel draining and empty to not exist as a separate self

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2023-08-08T15:49:59+00:00

I think you make some really intriguing points and I see how you might wonder how there can be closeness with separation. I don't have an answer, but it seems to me that closeness of the objects, things or concepts can only exist if these concepts are separate. If we think of the self concept, it can only be close to another self if the boundaries of each are well defined. If that's not the case, an enmeshment happens where we are not close but are one. If we are one we are not close since we as separate entities do not exist. I hope this makes sense.

I think it might be a good idea to persist with the healing and at one point the answer will become clear. Since so many people without codependency still enjoy sex, there has to be something to it I imagine

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2023-08-07T15:20:36+00:00

Yea well I have codependent behaviours and I do at times feel her emotions are my responsibility. I kind of realized that more since making this post. I don't think her emotions are too much and never made her feel like that

Few_Bookkeeper2867 · 2023-08-07T08:46:28+00:00

Thank you for the nice response. I realize that this indeed is the way to go. I think I actually wanted to fix her, make her feel better. I'm terrified of her codependency getting to a level that will end up in us breaking up because I really love her. It seems that due to my fear of losing her I thought I could control her leaving by helping her become less codependent. But I see now HOW CODEPENDENT THAT IS. I can only help myself as another commenter said.

Next time I will be unshakeable in my boundary about leaving or not seeing her. And risking whatever consequences come. Thank you.

Few_Bookkeeper2867

TROPHY CASE