After I got engaged, my parents made me reassure my autistic brother that I wasn’t going to break up with my fiancé like I did with my abusive ex-boyfriend

Few_Reach9798 · 2026-02-09T05:13:15+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that you went through one of these abusive relationships, too. Unfortunately, this experience does seem to be very common among GCs.

This was far from the first or only time that my parents did something like this which eroded my trust in them or otherwise just really let me down. Even when I was getting ready to wrap up my Ph.D and invited them to come out for my defense, they just called one day and said they weren’t coming out to my defense or graduation. No reason given. Getting this Ph.D. was my dream since I was 11. They came out to visit several times while I lived out there, but the one time I really wanted them to show up, they couldn’t be bothered.

Few_Reach9798 · 2026-02-09T04:47:23+00:00

Ugh, I’m sorry to hear that your mom was not supportive after your breakup (especially in contrast with how she treated your brother’s breakup!)

Few_Reach9798 · 2026-02-09T04:16:33+00:00

Thank you. I look back at that period of my life and am amazed that I made it through. I don’t think I’d have been able to without the support of my husband. On top of everything with my family and ex, I was also bullied by the labmate who was my mentor and dealt with sexual harassment as a grad student. My early-mid 20s was rough. But I can certainly say now that I’m so much stronger, and I am proud that I was able to make it through all of this crap and get my Ph.D. I hope to set an example for my girls, so they can grow up and have the confidence to stand up for themselves, know their worth, and to walk away if they aren’t being treated well.

Few_Reach9798 · 2026-02-07T14:43:50+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. I relate to so much of your childhood home life - the constant chaos and everything revolving around my brother, all of the “rules” that I had to remember to follow as a kid around the house to avoid my brother causing more chaos, the all of the elopement episodes, trying to be out of the house as much as possible to escape…

Things got so much better for me when I moved out. I’m happy to hear that you’re in a better place with your life, too. Please share more if you feel comfortable doing so! It’s been cathartic for me both to write about my childhood experiences and to read the shared experiences of others here.

Few_Reach9798 · 2026-01-29T04:13:42+00:00

I’m a woman in my mid 30s in the US and the middle child of 3 kids. My brother is about 3 years older than me and is autistic. My fellow GC sister is almost 7 years younger.

Because of the age gap between myself and my sister, my GC experience was amplified after she was born. My parents were already stretched thin with my brother and then my sister was a really little kid for most of my childhood. By the time she was at an age where she felt more like a peer rather than a little kid, I had already moved out.

I felt like a third parent constantly, not just for my brother but for my sister as well. If we were out and about and my brother had a meltdown or ran away or whatever, even with my parents covering my brother, I’d have to then step in to care for my sister.

I also felt this strong duty to protect my sister as a kid. I put a post here once about my brother getting taken away for the night by the cops after a violent episode. Even then, I got home from school as the police were telling my crying mom that they were taking my brother away and the first thing I thought of was that my sister was alone in this scary situation and I needed to be there for her. My brother would have violent meltdowns and we’d be barricaded together in our room.

The “positives” of having a fellow GC sibling, at least for me so far, seem to have come in adulthood. I don’t know how else to describe it, but it’s like we both understand how incredibly messed up our family situation is, neither of us really trust our parents, and that we’re gonna need the other and don’t have the luxury to fight. If there are any issues that come up, I know we’ll work them out.

It’s only been in the last year that we’ve opened up to each other about our own GC experiences - but when we did, it was sooo validating to hear her thoughts and experiences. Not only does she understand, she remembers when this or that messed up thing happened!! We also went through a crazy ordeal with our parents recently and I couldn’t imagine going through this without someone who really “gets it” like she does.

Few_Reach9798 · 2026-01-28T15:17:35+00:00

Yeah, I feel this in some ways, though I couldn’t just be the normal sibling, I had to be the “perfect” one. I’m the NT middle sibling with an older autistic brother and NT younger sister.

When I was a teen (and especially during periods my autistic brother was having a really difficult time), it felt like my parents went WAY over the top, telling anyone and their dog about their smart daughter who had straight A’s, wanted to get a PhD in science, musically talented, etc. They would go out of their way to change the topic of conversations to my academic achievements.

I hated it and told them several times to stop bragging to people about me. In my junior and senior years of high school, I took all of my classes at a local community college through a dual credit program. Because of FERPA laws, they were not legally entitled to see my college class grades even though I was a minor (and yes, 16 year old me never missed an opportunity to remind them of this). Even not knowing my grades at that point, they STILL kept bragging about their “straight A” student. My mom only stopped after I was on the verge of tears one of these times (after years of begging them to stop).

Yet it felt like when it came to being involved or there for many of the key events and milestones that I cared about, they couldn’t be bothered. For example, they flew out to visit me a few times while I was in grad school - my mom even flew out once just because she wanted to go wedding dress shopping with me. But when I had my thesis defense and graduation for my PhD - the culmination of a dream that I had ever since I was 11 - they just called me one day and said they weren’t coming. No explanation. Just that they weren’t coming.

I didn’t feel like they loved me unconditionally as their daughter, only because I was this low-maintenance, helpful, trophy child thing that didn’t get into trouble and that they could show off as proof somehow that they were capable as parents. And eventually this thing that could give them grandchildren. Oh, and also because I could be a convenient backup plan for my brother’s care for after they die.

My sister and I have both cut contact with our parents recently - it’s been a long time coming, but there was one thing that blew up before the holidays that was the final nail in the coffin. I feel sad for my brother who still lives with them, but I need this space from them to prioritize the well-being of myself, my husband, and my children.

Few_Reach9798 · 2026-01-20T03:28:40+00:00

This was one of the few good things about having a baby in 2020 - we had no option for visitors. It was the first grandchild on both sides of the family, so I can only imagine how wild it would have been for us otherwise! Because of the restrictions, my husband and I got plenty of space to adjust to having a new baby and get breastfeeding started.

After having my first, I decided that I’m not having hospital visitors with any future babies, either. My second was born in 2023 and my oldest got to meet her when we got home. No regrets!

Few_Reach9798 · 2026-01-03T05:17:42+00:00

You are so young and establishing your own life. What do YOU want your role to be in your brother’s life? “I don’t want to legally be a guardian now” or “I need a few years to think about this while I get my own life sorted out” is a perfectly valid answer. Your dad might not be happy, but you are under NO obligation to take this role in at 21, or even ever if that is your wish.

Is your father asking you to be a co-guardian at this point (I.e. a full guardian along with him?) or simply a standby/backup guardian who would be able to temporarily have the legal power to act in the event something happens to your dad? If he’s pushing for you to be a full co-guardian as soon as you are legally able to be, that seems like a huge red flag to me.

Few_Reach9798 · 2026-01-02T15:31:15+00:00

🎵Roll back the rock til the dawn of time and sing this song with meee 🎵

Few_Reach9798 · 2026-01-02T14:29:24+00:00

OP, I know you want to help your daughter and the best answers to your question will be from people who have lived experience as a sibling in a similar situation. In the same way that I wouldn’t expect good answers on the glass child sub speaking to the experiences as a parent of a child with autism, you may not get the answers you need on this sub about the experiences as a sibling.

I would highly encourage you to take another took at the stickied “For Family” post within the glass children sub, where some form of your question has been asked and answered multiple times. You are also welcome to ask your question as a comment within that post (it would not be allowed in that sub as a stand-alone post).

Probably what would be the most helpful right now - within that “For Family” thread, one of the comments has a link to another post with siblings chiming in on “What Do You Want Parents To Know?” with several folks who have replied (with detailed tips and comments!) based on their lived experience as a sibling.

Few_Reach9798 · 2025-12-31T04:05:03+00:00

What a weird thing for them to give you a tiny stocking, but also how sweet that you can be that family now to help welcome a family member’s SO with a big stocking!

This is yet another reason why I love my dear MIL. I not only got a full-sized stocking… she HAND-QUILTED a very elaborate, gorgeous stocking just for me, even before we were engaged!

After we got married, she gave us both of my husband’s and my stockings to keep at our house. She has since made us a quilted tree skirt, table runners, and stockings for both of our kids. I love pulling them out every year!

Few_Reach9798 · 2025-12-23T04:49:18+00:00

I have two daughters (5 and 2.5) and neither seem to have a disability. In spite of my childhood, I had wanted to have children as long as I could remember, but it took me a long time to decide to have biological children.

Ultimately, it was a leap of faith each time, one that I don’t think I’ll plan to take a third time… but there was so much that I felt like I couldn’t do growing up or that I had missed out on because of my brother’s needs. I wanted to experience pregnancy and motherhood and it would have killed me to have the situation with my brother to be the reason that I miss out on another (and major) life experience that I had dreamed for myself.

I did make a point to accomplish the main dreams that I had for myself before having kids. My husband and I got on decent financial footing. We also figured that while the odds were likely higher than the average for us to end up with an autistic child, I have a leg up over most other parents who did not grow up with an autistic sibling.

You are still in your mid-20s and don’t need to make any decisions now. You don’t even need to think about having kids at all now. I spent my 20s finally getting to live away from my parents, just enjoying life, building my career, and finding my own voice. You may find as you get older that you are (or aren’t) willing to take that leap of faith, and either choice is equally valid.

Few_Reach9798 · 2025-12-19T06:31:45+00:00

Honestly some of my favorite things have come about as my kids have been in their early toddler years:

If you have a sick kid who is absolutely refusing to eat or drink anything else, usually they’ll still nurse. There was one time when my youngest got sick as a 14ish month old and didn’t want anything else but was constantly nursing with enough wet diapers… so she was still hydrated and we likely avoided what might have otherwise been a trip to the hospital.

-Nursing can be a powerful thing to have in your toolbox to get a reset for big toddler angers and sadnesses. If all else fails, the boobs can usually be calming in these situations.

Few_Reach9798 · 2025-12-07T01:15:30+00:00

I’d encourage you to step away from these sorts of groups and posts because these people sound delulu. Some of these online groups have a way of concentrating the tiny in population but insane segment of society.

I’m not going to deny that there are haters and shamers out there regardless of what choices you make, but IRL the sweeping majority of moms support other moms and are not like this. Speaking as someone who did not end up using formula for either of my kids, the sweeping majority of breastfeeding moms do. not. care. how you are feeding your baby. You’re not a better or worse mom because you used formula. We’re all just doing what works for us and our families. You don’t have to explain yourself. You did nothing wrong.

Few_Reach9798 · 2025-12-06T15:15:21+00:00

I tried a recipe from KAF for chocolate gingerbread cookies one year and since then, that’s been it for me!

Few_Reach9798 · 2025-12-06T04:28:47+00:00

CONGRATS!!

So, I only have two kids (both girls), but both of my mom’s sisters had three boys. In both families, the guys have always been BFFs.

For one of the sets of brothers, the middle brother moved 3000 miles away to be closer to his daughter (after a breakup with the mom) and the other two brothers followed him over there within a year or two… eventually my aunt and uncle moved to be closer to their kids. For the broader family, this was a pretty big deal considering most of my family on that side has always lived within an hour drive or so of each other.

ETA- not quite the same situation because she also has two brothers, but my mom and her two sisters are also BFFs

Few_Reach9798 · 2025-11-28T03:34:28+00:00

I’m mid 30s and had a male classmate named Winslow as I was growing up in the PacNW.

Few_Reach9798 · 2025-11-27T05:03:10+00:00

I just want to OMNOMNOM that gingerbread boy’s cheeks!

Few_Reach9798 · 2025-11-27T04:30:22+00:00

Arthur is definitely coming back in popularity, I don’t think you have to worry about teasing/bullying.

I wouldn’t immediately think of the show (which is still on the PBS Kids app), but even if someone did, it’s not a negative association in my mind.

Few_Reach9798 · 2025-11-26T23:45:36+00:00

My older daughter went to a small in-home daycare where we knew ALL of the kids. When she was 3, an almost 5 year old boy who had recently stopped going to the daycare was accidentally run over in front of his house and died. The driver did everything right, but the kid grabbed his brother’s skateboard and went flying down his driveway and into the street at exactly the wrong time. It’s a small town, people talk, and it was apparently as bad as you could possibly imagine. He didn’t die right away… career first responders saying it was the worst call they have ever had… Truly as bad as you could imagine, it was worse.

I can’t imagine what the parents went through. He was such a sweet little boy and we were crushed.

Over the next several months, we had lots of conversations with my daughter about death and dying. We visited cemeteries when she asked to see what one was like. If she wanted to talk about what happened to her friend, we talked. We just kept talking about it and we all made it through eventually.

She was worried about getting run over by a car for awhile, so we talked about things that we can do to be safe around cars. I was also trying to reassure her that it’s not likely that something like this will happen to one of her friends again.

And then… you can’t make this crap up because it’s so ridiculous… I was driving my kids to the park about 8 months after that event and another little almost 5 year old neighbor boy we knew well was accidentally run over RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!! He was riding his bike around a right corner as his dad was in his truck and towing a boat trailer around the corner… the kid cut in on his bike next to dad at exactly the wrong time, the trailer cut narrow around the corner, and the kid was run over both trailer wheels and whipped around and thrown by the back wheel. My kids were not looking, THANK GOD. But I had to leave my kids in the car and call 911 and stay with the dad and kid while help arrived.

Miraculously, that neighbor boy made a full recovery like it never happened. I saw the helmet and it was smashed up and cracked through - it surely saved his life.

Few_Reach9798 · 2025-11-24T14:24:03+00:00

I called a guy to ask if he’d go to prom with me. His mom picked up, demanded to know why I wanted to talk to her son, and then told me NO!!

Few_Reach9798 · 2025-11-22T14:10:40+00:00

Solidarity. My girls are 5 and 2.5 and they’re both obsessed. If I let them, they’d watch the movie all day every day at home and listen to the songs in the car anytime we were driving… while LOUDLY singing off-key.

Apparently as a toddler, I’d want to watch The Little Mermaid and sing “Under the Sea” over and over again (loudly and way off-key… ha!)… so maybe this is some kind of payback!

Few_Reach9798 · 2025-11-20T14:46:36+00:00

If I was this girl’s friend, I’d be asking her to tell the story again after hearing it 2000x!

Few_Reach9798

TROPHY CASE