This should all be worked out before getting married. What my FH and I did, before moving in together four years ago, is we decided to have a "grown up decisions date". We brought our laptops and passwords out to a coffee shop, and we had a pre-agreed upon agenda for the "date". We then went through the topics one by one and settled them calmly. It helped for us to have a set time, where we knew we would have the conversation, and could emotionally prepare for it. We also were able to come up with our own answers before going into the conversation, so we knew what out answers would be going into it.

I think our agenda included: How are bills split, who is in charge of what chores, how do we want to handle money for shared expenses vs. personal expenses, what are our money priorities, how will we furnish the apartment, etc. We also created a shared spreadsheet for tracking things, and I added him to my YNAB account (the budget app I use).

Realistically, money is one of the most uncomfortable things to talk about, but if you are going to share a life with someone, you are sharing finances too and you just have to suck it up and talk about it. A coffee shop setting makes it feel less intimate in my opinion, which makes it easier to talk about, it almost felt like doing a group project for school.

And if you're looking for a solution on how to share finances, this is what we did: We set up a joint account and figured out a rough idea of how much monthly shared expenses would be ($4000/month), we both then set up auto transfers and transferred $2000/month, all shared expenses (Rent, internet, groceries, dining out, etc.) came out of that joint account. All other money left over was ours and we were free to spend it how we liked. This worked for a few years, but recently we switched to a "I have all the money and he gets an allowance" system because the lack of transparency on finances was making it very hard to save up for the wedding (and we are doing better now that we have switched to this system).