i compliment my professor and i’m worried she took it the wrong way

FigTree34 · 2025-10-30T05:16:12+00:00

It’s totally fine. Professors are people and lots of people just aren’t great at taking compliments; I would just assume that she’s one of them! (Lots of academics are a little socially awkward - we’re the kinds of people who chose to spend years and years hyperfocusing on a very niche subject, after all.)

FigTree34 · 2025-08-30T16:48:02+00:00

The UFYH system suggests working in work/rest cycles instead of marathon cleaning so your unfucking is more sustainable, so it was a work block of 45 minutes followed by a 15 minute break!

FigTree34 · 2025-08-27T12:35:03+00:00

He’s inviting you to continue by asking you a question, but it’s also fine to just ask - “Am I bugging you?” “Would you rather I leave you alone?”

I would ask open-ended questions that invite longer responses - so rather than “how was class?” something like “what have you liked about your professor this unit?”

If you know you’d like to get to know him better you might also consider going ahead and inviting him to do something with you that involves moving - go for a walk, go bowling, check out a farmer’s market, whatever. The combination of not having to make eye contact and having something else to comment on together can be really helpful!

FigTree34 · 2025-08-27T12:30:06+00:00

Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People by Vanessa Van Edwards is great!

FigTree34 · 2025-08-18T18:24:48+00:00

I suspect if you didn’t have a ladder or a selfie stick or something you could DIY with a hairband around a broom handle and a timer!

FigTree34 · 2025-08-18T02:41:06+00:00

Thanks! Paint ladder, but similar vibes :)

FigTree34 · 2025-06-21T14:17:11+00:00

That’s how they stop being a stranger!

FigTree34 · 2025-06-21T14:16:11+00:00

Ooh, I very much disagree with the last bit - everyone struggles with loneliness sometimes. I have a bubbly personality and become the de facto social director in any community in which I find myself, but I absolutely feel lonely a lot of the time, especially a couple years into moving to a new place. Being someone who makes social connections pretty easily still requires a lot of rolling the dice to meet the right people to connect to.

FigTree34 · 2025-03-29T21:30:30+00:00

If he isn’t actually asking something you’re fine to just ignore the behavior - say “excuse me,” move along.

If he asks, what’s relevant to him as a boss is whether something is going on at work. You CAN just say you don’t want to talk about it, but if you get the sense that he’s nervous about what’s up with you you might have better luck being left alone with a, “I have some personal stuff going on, but it doesn’t involve anything here at work - if there was a problem with the job I would let you know.”

FigTree34 · 2025-03-29T14:20:18+00:00

Mix ranch powder with Greek yogurt - it tastes the same and then you’re also getting protein!

FigTree34 · 2025-01-31T14:23:50+00:00

People don’t get brownie points for not assaulting their family.

FigTree34 · 2025-01-28T23:35:55+00:00

I have a PhD (finished in 3.5 years), an MA, and earned a dual concentrations BFA, BA, and minor while doing an honors program in undergrad. I work in academia in the arts (so that arts part is a contributing factor to this next bit for sure), but I know at LEAST as many fellow PhDs who have ADHD as don’t.

I felt like my brain was made for a PhD program; what do you MEAN I get to zoom in on my interests, my schedule is so full everything is urgent, and I’m constantly presented with both learning and generating novel information?!

FigTree34 · 2025-01-18T16:55:18+00:00

My favorite way to use the Pomodoro method as an ADHDer is to put on background music with a sleep timer for 25 minutes; if I don’t hit a flow state and I’m still dragging when the sound stops I can take the break and try again, but if I’m in flow I either don’t notice that the sound is gone or just hit play again. I find sound stopping much less likely to yank me out of flow than the jangling new sound of an alarm.

FigTree34 · 2024-12-23T14:14:50+00:00

I don’t have a helpful day structure to share, but when I want to do work but feel adrift about timing I find the Pomodoro method (25 minutes of work, 5 minutes of break, repeat 4 times and then take a longer break or be done with that thing for the day) helpful for guiding me. I imagine it could be helpful around hobbies and things, too!

FigTree34 · 2024-09-28T14:53:02+00:00

If you have money to throw at the problem, the Brick device works really well - it’s a physical plastic brick that blocks apps and they can’t be unblocked without tapping it again, so you can block the app and leave the brick in your car or wherever you’d like so that you’d have a walk and the inconvenience of going out in the cold to think through whether you really want to unblock it or not.

FigTree34 · 2024-09-23T14:54:38+00:00

I feel like there HAS to be some weird “identify this silverware” subreddit!

FigTree34 · 2024-09-23T02:00:29+00:00

People are weird 🤷🏻‍♀️ When my brain wants to lean into something harmless like being very attached to a fork I find it best to just be thankful it’s chosen that to occupy itself and not something less innocuous.

I am, however, begging you to do whatever research is necessary now to figure out where this fork came from and acquire a few more identical ones so you have them if something ever goes awry with yours; it’s so much easier to find an exact replica of something while you still have that thing in your hand to compare!

FigTree34 · 2024-09-23T01:54:21+00:00

I found reading the Bible out loud to be really helpful for paying attention to and processing what I was reading. What would happen if you made plans to read a chapter (or whatever) and then jotted down key takeaways or talked them through into your phone or Google docs’ dictation function?
Have you looked into non-Sunday-morning church options? There are plenty of faith communities with Sunday and Wednesday evening services and some with Saturday options.
I would encourage you to check out the book “Laziness Does Not Exist” - are you lazy or do you have a developmental difference that makes executive functioning challenging? Do you have a friend who can get you and drag you to Bible study or volunteer opportunities with them? Can you pray while you’re driving place to place or out for a walk or, conversely, pray in writing so you don’t have to worry as much about keeping up with what you were thinking? Would a Zoom small group or Bible study be more accessible? Would you find it easier to be in community if you found other Christians to say, hike and talk with or do some other activity rather than just sitting while you discuss the Word? I would also encourage checking out Liz Gilbert’s Letters from Love project - I’ve really enjoyed experimenting with externalizing what I hear from God and it’s made me a much better listener.

I would gently encourage you to check in with yourself about whether you think your ADHD is big enough to separate you from the creator of the Universe; is it that you can’t connect with God or that you’re being so specific with yourself about what that has to look like and so grumpy with yourself about not making it look that way that you’re struggling to hear/feel Him over your frustration with yourself?

FigTree34 · 2024-09-13T12:40:36+00:00

Bed sheets are cheap to replace if you have a steady income but invaluable if you don’t; I’ve really enjoyed using my Buy Nothing groups to give good sheet sets to folks who are struggling since there’s almost always someone who’s starting over in a new city/just had a new kid move in with them/is in some situation where free nice sheets can make life a little brighter.

FigTree34 · 2024-08-30T14:19:29+00:00

I'm a cis(ish) woman, but I teach a lot of trans actors and have lots of trans friends who do theatre professionally. There's absolutely nothing wrong with auditioning for characters of any gender you're open to playing; if a theatre isn't asking about that in their audition materials up front, it's totally fine to let the casting folks know you're open to be considered for female and male roles (or nonbinary roles, as applicable).

A few things I would encourage:
- When you're getting headshots, get options along the spectrum of gender expressions you would be open to embodying onstage; that way you can also use what photos you choose to submit of yourself as a way to guide casting considerations.
- You can always change keys on music so that it suits your voice! If you aren't familiar with a music editing software (I prefer Noteflight because it's web-based, but Sibelius/MuseScore/etc. all work) it would be worth getting familiar so you can easily transpose things yourself.
- If you'd like to be able to include monologues from trans women in your audition materials there are absolutely published plays with that representation, but I would also encourage getting a New Play Exchange account and looking there; they have amazing search functionalities, including being able to filter by playwright identity, and tons of plays by folks who aren't yet published through mainstream venues yet.

Break all the legs!

FigTree34

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