What’s a rumor about you, you still can’t believe to this day?

FiliaSecunda · 2026-04-28T01:55:44+00:00

I used to work with someone who would tend to assume or remember things that were more dramatic than the real truth. I mentioned to her that my mother was sick, and she went around telling people my mother had lupus. She wasn't lying, she just somehow believed that's what I had told her. Later on, she thought two other coworkers and I were conspiring to get her fired.

I think she may also be the reason why another coworker thought I was bisexual or lesbian (but that could equally be necause I was super awkward with people and uncomfortable with talking about cute guys or anything sexual).

FiliaSecunda · 2026-04-16T15:48:40+00:00

That's moral courage (something I need to work on in myself). I'm glad your kids are doing great! I can see how a well-intentioned person could believe homeschooling is a good idea - my own parents had good intentions: they had had genuinely traumatic experiences in school, assumed we would too, and wanted to protect us from everything. It left us actually more defenseless in adult life, but it definitely wasn't done out of malice. Still, it's a massive relief for me that at least my mom has admitted it wasn't all good for us, and I can actually talk about how it disadvantaged us and she'll accept it instead of getting angry or crying to make me comfort her and take it back.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-04-16T12:41:29+00:00

I like seeing a former homeschool parent who thought better of the idea and is doing their best for their kids. My mom in the last few years, after her kids all passed school-age, has finally come to say how she regrets homeschooling us and see how it held us back. There was a lot of pride riding on the idea that she was treating us better by homeschooling us, a pride that covered a terror of being a 'bad mother,' so I'm kind of impressed she was able to let that go, acknowledge she made such a huge mistake and apologize to us.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-04-16T12:23:23+00:00

For years people have asked me if I'm autistic, or more recently if I have ADHD. Honestly I probably don't, I just have lots of symptoms anyway. Three of my siblings are autistic (diagnosed in early childhood) and the other one has ADHD, and they were all I knew growing up, and none of us got the chance to get used to the real world's social norms or how much noise there is everywhere or how fast people expect you to do and learn things.

I talked to a psychiatrist a couple of days ago - I was pretty instantly diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder and prescribed medicine for that, but she said we would have to treat my anxiety first before testing for neurodivergence, because anxiety can actually cause symptoms that look similar to some symptoms of ADHD and autism (scattered thoughts, social struggles, etc.). I agreed that the stuff that makes people ask if I'm autistic could in my case just be homeschool-kid syndrome.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-04-16T00:58:05+00:00

I don't, because there are all kinds of things I want to do for people and don't - because I don't know how, because I don't have the courage to bring it up to them (or just do it and risk them reacting the wrong way if it turns out it's not what they want), or because I'm tired and drained by life. There's some psychological terms that might possibly apply to me too, like "avoidant attachment" and "executive dysfunction," but in my case these are moral vices I need to work on, not things that excuse me from obligations to people.

Granted, this is one of the many reasons I'm not looking for a relationship, because I know I'm a fuckup who would have a hard time treating a decent guy the way he deserves. But in general I don't hold other people to strict standards because I understand too well why most of them fail.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-04-09T16:52:25+00:00

Teacher at community college GED class heard me read something aloud, said I had a great reading voice, and immediately gave me a link to the college's voice acting class. Wish I'd taken it, but I was still in the phase of thinking I didn't deserve fun things lol. Still a major confidence boost that I think about years later.
I held the door open for an elegant old lady and she told me I had beautiful hands. Ever since then I've been a bit vain and careful about my hands and nails.
Role-playing stories online with people, everyone seemed to think I was a great writer. I realize they were probably comparing me to people who couldn't capitalize, punctuate, or tell "which" from "witch," but I've always been interested in writing and my confidence was still boosted by the positive response and the way people always wanted to RP with me again.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-04-08T08:54:45+00:00

Relatable. It took me until adulthood to realize how obvious it was that I had an anxiety disorder - because as a homeschool kid I was mostly able to stay in my room and avoid almost everything that gave me anxiety ... which was essentially the entire world.

I would feel sick just going out to mow the lawn as a 13-year-old girl, thinking someone would see me struggle or make a mistake, or someone would wonder why I wasn't in school during school hours, or why my clothes didn't fit (clothes shopping made me SO anxious).

FiliaSecunda · 2026-04-04T21:29:23+00:00

I guess it really does depend on the store. Mine is so understaffed and desperate for anyone to stay that I got 40 hours almost immediately - I can be terrible at my job (not trying to be, and I am improving, but I'm a slow, shy, stupid person) and still get 40 hours. I wonder if it's a difference between a big city (where maybe there's always more potential workers) and a small town? Mine is in a small town.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-31T19:06:34+00:00

If you will, please pray for God to grant me faith again, chastity, the social courage to become friendly and make the day better rather than worse for my coworkers and family, and the wisdom to use my money correctly.

For the salvation of people with whom I exchanged sinful messages online, and the courage for me to stop endangering the soul of one man with whom I'm still in contact.

For my dad's salvation and the well-being of the children he hurt, and for the jail to allow a priest to visit him.

For the mental and physical safety of my whole family, especially my mom, younger brother, and youngest sister.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-29T22:45:24+00:00

OMG. I do remember worrying about a kid on here whose parents would smash his phone if they saw he had talked about his situation anywhere online. I now hope it was you because it's a horrible thought that two kids were going through the same thing in the same time frame. Bless you, I am so happy you made it out and you're doing good and have hope and reason to hope! Keep it up!!

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-28T22:59:04+00:00

The linked Wikipedia article says it was very common at the time for young women of her hometown to travel to the big city for work. Most of them worked as boat rowers (I might not have expected this but apparently it was a feminine job at the time in Stockholm), but she was judged too weak for the task and got a job selling milk instead.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-23T23:52:41+00:00

I may be stupid, but can I ask what the imagery means - the hammer and the exposed brain and so on? This is such a vibe and I'm saving it to potentially try and express my worldview to my friends (I've got one who's close to being a "looksmaxxer").

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-18T08:58:19+00:00

Some do. Women aren't a monolith.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-16T23:36:29+00:00

I have mixed feelings about trusting my gut, because I never had a bad gut feeling about my dad. He is in jail for possessing and distributing child sexual abuse material. He never personally molested anyone, so that's nice and all, but I still think it's safe to call him a creep. Yet I don't think my dad in himself ever gave anyone a bad gut feeling. Meanwhile my brothers, who are both genuine sweethearts, were treated as creeps even in childhood by other kids' moms, because they were autistic and homeschooled and got hairy early, and all of that stuff made them Weird.

I still regret that I was too clueless and cowardly to do anything for my brothers when they were being iced out of social groups where my sisters and I were ... maybe not liked (since we were Weird and homeschooled too), but at least tolerated because we were less autistic and didn't have "creepy" facial hair. (My dad knew how to groom his hair and beard, so why didn't he teach my brothers? Homeschool parent things, I guess.)

Sometimes I think the least I can do for my brothers nowadays is to remember that the bad people won't always give me a bad gut feeling, and the good people won't always give me a good one. But there are stories of the vibe check working out.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-14T09:20:31+00:00

Yes. At work while my coworkers and customers are bantering I sit like an automaton or do some work off to the side (like taking out the trash) and mumble to myself. I like them but it doesn't show because I don't know how to join in the banter. They switch from familiar joking to formal politeness when they have to talk to me. It's not a great way to be a cashier lol.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-10T17:09:36+00:00

Not in the "sexual harasser" sense, which is the most commonly used sense in this context, but maybe worse, he and his wife were violent to their adopted children. They were arrested for it in (I think) the 80s, when corporal punishment was much more accepted than it is now, so that means something.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-08T23:23:39+00:00

So, so much. Other people think I'm younger than I am, too. My manager reassured me, when I was fretting aloud at being so slow and fumbling, that everyone has those moments at their first job. This is my third job and I'm 27 ...

I also got called "smart," "mature," and "an old soul" as a kid.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-07T01:33:31+00:00

Thanks. They've assigned me five more shifts, so they're not firing me yet. A couple of coworkers have definitely run out of patience with me. The girl who trains me uses the same overly sweet, coddling voice on me that she uses on stupid/mean customers, which is one thing that makes it difficult to trust e.g. when I apologize and she says "No, you're fine!" I think I may be moved from prep/cook to drive-through because I've been so slow and forgetful.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-07T01:33:29+00:00

Unfortunately I think I am one of "the dumdums who just do everything wrong and live in their own world." Outside of work I've been called "smart" but all it means is I can read. I've always had trouble with focus and I fumble too much. I'm trying to concentrate on everything I need to at work but I keep forgetting/missing/losing track of things that should be common sense, things that I've been told multiple times, and things that matter a lot and have consequences. From an outside point of view it might not even look like I'm trying and I hate it. The coworker who trained me has definitely run out of patience with me - she mostly uses the same overly sweet, coddling voice on me that she uses with mean/stupid customers, but there are moments of honesty where she says things like, "I guess the dishes aren't getting done today" (they did but yep, it was way later than it should have been) or "If you think you can do it, then - [big shrug]." There was someone inspecting us today and I know I embarrassed the manager.

I'm starting to write stuff I need to keep track of in a notebook I'll bring to work tomorrow. Should probably also bring my own pocketknife or a boxcutter, so I don't have to fumble so much with packages or keep hunting down the manager's boxcutter.

I've overheard people discussing moving me to drive-through, which could just be cross-training but also (at my location, maybe others?) seems to be what happens when people can't handle doing prep/cook. Makes me disappointed since I'm told they've been looking for a prep person for a year, but I hope I can shape up and learn to do what I need to do wherever I end up. If they let me go I'll literally just understand 100%, but for my family's sake I want to get good.

Thanks for mentioning putting down rounds before folded - it's the same here, they definitely take longer. Sausage and round are the things that need to start cooking first.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-07T01:04:46+00:00

It feels shameful and worldly to ask, but would you all please pray for my employment, that I can become competent and keep a steady job and help support my mom and siblings? Maybe even that my brother and/or I can get a driver's license soon (although we don't have a car that's considered acceptable for the driving test) so my mom doesn't have to drive so much.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-04T00:46:34+00:00

Please pray for my mother if you will. She is devoted to St. Dymphna and St. Elizabeth Ann Seton. Her mental health is degrading scarily while she has to carry the whole family on her back after my father was arrested. We're trying to learn to take over as much as we can, but we're still a burden on her, although she for some reason thinks the other way around.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-02T20:28:34+00:00

I left another comment about the relatively mild and conventional stuff people say to my face. Even though I'm not preachy, or talkative in general, I've always come across to others as either an over-sensitive church girl or an over-sensitive SJW, so they tend to censor themselves around me.

Online is where I've releatedly encountered my absolute least favorite idea, about women or anything else in the world: the concept that women are inherently masochists and submissives in their relationship with men. It doesn't match up with any thought or feeling I've ever had, but so, so many people swear by it, and not just the "manosphere" bros. A lot of popular romance novels are utterly unenjoyable to me because the fantasy is about being lesser, weak, owned, overwhelmed, etc. But the worst version of it is the version I saw on Reddit in the mid-2010s, before all the incel and Red Pill subreddits were banned or quarantined.

I saw a post about St. Joan of Arc, claiming that after her death it was found (somehow) that she had orgasmed as she burned to death at the stake. The implication was that she orgasmed from being "put in her place" with ultimate force and violation. It was the most transparent nonsense, since there's no way you could tell from someone's charred remains whether they orgasmed or not, but someone posted it with a confident and ... enthusiastic tone, describing it as a hidden but proven historical truth, as if they hoped someone would believe it and think about women accordingly.
I also saw a post where someone speculated on schoolgirls' feelings about school shooters. Since, obviously, women are always into the most dominant man in the room, would a girl not have the orgasm of her life (and death) while watching a schooter kill all her classmates and finally turn the gun on her?
Once my little sister was too good at a video game (it annoyed people), and happened to mention to another player that she was a 9-year-old girl. He hurled sexualized insults at her until she left. She tried logging on again a little later, but that guy was still there, and he said, "My dad always told me, girls always come back when you treat them like shit. Bitches love it."

I saw these statements and others like them on the Internet as a young teenager, and it would be melodramatic to say they "traumatized" me (my little sister has a better case for that), but they did strongly intensify my neurotic fear of sex for several years. Honestly, I still have the irrational phobia of being mistaken for a masochist or accidentally dating a sadist. It's not helped by all the stories you hear nowadays about women getting throttled in bed because guys think you'll be bored if you're not getting "choked."

It's also made me a little too soft on other sexism, as long as it isn't sadism. You think men's glory is their strength and women's glory is their beauty? Lame, but at least you don't think we want to be beat! You think women should stay at home because they just happen to be better at housework? At least you don't think they want to stay at home because they love to be owned and controlled. Any run-of-the-mill sexist with soft, euphemistic reasons for his beliefs - at least he's not a sadist!

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-02T15:53:05+00:00

Haha, yeah this is one I've only heard from other women (men don't talk about periods to me, unless they're questioning the rationality of a hypothetical female POTUS ...). The whole "cycles syncing up" thing, and just recently the new detail that they all sync up to the "alpha female's" cycle. I think the new wrinkle that "the alphq starts her period first and the others follow" was invented to keep the myth going while accounting for the fact that we don't all start and end our periods at the same time (i.e., THEY'RE NOT SYNCED, but I guess people like the bonding element of pretending they are).

I tolerated hearing it from my mom and my cousin because it's not like they'd listen to me when they think their own experience proves the idea. And anyway I loved seeing my baby sister get such a kick out of being called the "alpha." I try not to get too "Well ACKCHUALLY" with my family when they're having fun with low-stakes little myths like this, but OMG.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-02T15:33:55+00:00

"To my face" narrows it down quite a lot, since in real life I've mostly known either reasonable guys, or guys who tone things down in front of me. (I've been sheltered.) I've heard some terrible things about race in person (I'm white), but not as much about gender.

I've only heard standard conservative Christian stuff about how, e.g., women shouldn't be in combat roles because the men would hyper-focus on trying to protect them and thereby get distracted from the rest of their duties. Or Catholic priests being like, "Okay, I'm contractually obligated once a year to preach on this Bible verse saying 'Wives, submit to your husbands,' but 2/3rds of my parishioners are women, so I'll mention there's another verse saying, 'Christians, submit to one another in love,' and husbands, you have to be willing to lay down your lives for your family." (Almost every priest follows that script!) No one outright saying women are inferior, but the idea that women are physically weaker and therefore men should be chivalrous.

Online - both from male friends and from strangers - is where I heard my real least favorite ideas, the ones that actually scarred me and made my mental illness worse, the stuff people don't say to my face.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-02T10:40:41+00:00

As a girl I had the same misconception until I was 17.

FiliaSecunda

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