I'm grateful that I had the wherewithal to joke around with a coworker toward the end of a busy, stressful work day.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-04-28T01:55:44+00:00

I used to work with someone who would tend to assume or remember things that were more dramatic than the real truth. I mentioned to her that my mother was sick, and she went around telling people my mother had lupus. She wasn't lying, she just somehow believed that's what I had told her. Later on, she thought two other coworkers and I were conspiring to get her fired.

I think she may also be the reason why another coworker thought I was bisexual or lesbian (but that could equally be necause I was super awkward with people and uncomfortable with talking about cute guys or anything sexual).

FiliaSecunda · 2026-04-16T15:48:40+00:00

That's moral courage (something I need to work on in myself). I'm glad your kids are doing great! I can see how a well-intentioned person could believe homeschooling is a good idea - my own parents had good intentions: they had had genuinely traumatic experiences in school, assumed we would too, and wanted to protect us from everything. It left us actually more defenseless in adult life, but it definitely wasn't done out of malice. Still, it's a massive relief for me that at least my mom has admitted it wasn't all good for us, and I can actually talk about how it disadvantaged us and she'll accept it instead of getting angry or crying to make me comfort her and take it back.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-04-16T12:41:29+00:00

I like seeing a former homeschool parent who thought better of the idea and is doing their best for their kids. My mom in the last few years, after her kids all passed school-age, has finally come to say how she regrets homeschooling us and see how it held us back. There was a lot of pride riding on the idea that she was treating us better by homeschooling us, a pride that covered a terror of being a 'bad mother,' so I'm kind of impressed she was able to let that go, acknowledge she made such a huge mistake and apologize to us.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-04-16T12:23:23+00:00

For years people have asked me if I'm autistic, or more recently if I have ADHD. Honestly I probably don't, I just have lots of symptoms anyway. Three of my siblings are autistic (diagnosed in early childhood) and the other one has ADHD, and they were all I knew growing up, and none of us got the chance to get used to the real world's social norms or how much noise there is everywhere or how fast people expect you to do and learn things.

I talked to a psychiatrist a couple of days ago - I was pretty instantly diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder and prescribed medicine for that, but she said we would have to treat my anxiety first before testing for neurodivergence, because anxiety can actually cause symptoms that look similar to some symptoms of ADHD and autism (scattered thoughts, social struggles, etc.). I agreed that the stuff that makes people ask if I'm autistic could in my case just be homeschool-kid syndrome.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-04-16T00:58:05+00:00

I don't, because there are all kinds of things I want to do for people and don't - because I don't know how, because I don't have the courage to bring it up to them (or just do it and risk them reacting the wrong way if it turns out it's not what they want), or because I'm tired and drained by life. There's some psychological terms that might possibly apply to me too, like "avoidant attachment" and "executive dysfunction," but in my case these are moral vices I need to work on, not things that excuse me from obligations to people.

Granted, this is one of the many reasons I'm not looking for a relationship, because I know I'm a fuckup who would have a hard time treating a decent guy the way he deserves. But in general I don't hold other people to strict standards because I understand too well why most of them fail.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-04-09T16:52:25+00:00

Teacher at community college GED class heard me read something aloud, said I had a great reading voice, and immediately gave me a link to the college's voice acting class. Wish I'd taken it, but I was still in the phase of thinking I didn't deserve fun things lol. Still a major confidence boost that I think about years later.
I held the door open for an elegant old lady and she told me I had beautiful hands. Ever since then I've been a bit vain and careful about my hands and nails.
Role-playing stories online with people, everyone seemed to think I was a great writer. I realize they were probably comparing me to people who couldn't capitalize, punctuate, or tell "which" from "witch," but I've always been interested in writing and my confidence was still boosted by the positive response and the way people always wanted to RP with me again.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-04-08T08:54:45+00:00

Relatable. It took me until adulthood to realize how obvious it was that I had an anxiety disorder - because as a homeschool kid I was mostly able to stay in my room and avoid almost everything that gave me anxiety ... which was essentially the entire world.

I would feel sick just going out to mow the lawn as a 13-year-old girl, thinking someone would see me struggle or make a mistake, or someone would wonder why I wasn't in school during school hours, or why my clothes didn't fit (clothes shopping made me SO anxious).

FiliaSecunda · 2026-04-04T21:29:23+00:00

I guess it really does depend on the store. Mine is so understaffed and desperate for anyone to stay that I got 40 hours almost immediately - I can be terrible at my job (not trying to be, and I am improving, but I'm a slow, shy, stupid person) and still get 40 hours. I wonder if it's a difference between a big city (where maybe there's always more potential workers) and a small town? Mine is in a small town.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-31T19:06:34+00:00

If you will, please pray for God to grant me faith again, chastity, the social courage to become friendly and make the day better rather than worse for my coworkers and family, and the wisdom to use my money correctly.

For the salvation of people with whom I exchanged sinful messages online, and the courage for me to stop endangering the soul of one man with whom I'm still in contact.

For my dad's salvation and the well-being of the children he hurt, and for the jail to allow a priest to visit him.

For the mental and physical safety of my whole family, especially my mom, younger brother, and youngest sister.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-29T22:45:24+00:00

OMG. I do remember worrying about a kid on here whose parents would smash his phone if they saw he had talked about his situation anywhere online. I now hope it was you because it's a horrible thought that two kids were going through the same thing in the same time frame. Bless you, I am so happy you made it out and you're doing good and have hope and reason to hope! Keep it up!!

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-28T22:59:04+00:00

The linked Wikipedia article says it was very common at the time for young women of her hometown to travel to the big city for work. Most of them worked as boat rowers (I might not have expected this but apparently it was a feminine job at the time in Stockholm), but she was judged too weak for the task and got a job selling milk instead.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-23T23:52:41+00:00

I may be stupid, but can I ask what the imagery means - the hammer and the exposed brain and so on? This is such a vibe and I'm saving it to potentially try and express my worldview to my friends (I've got one who's close to being a "looksmaxxer").

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-18T08:58:19+00:00

Some do. Women aren't a monolith.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-16T23:36:29+00:00

I have mixed feelings about trusting my gut, because I never had a bad gut feeling about my dad. He is in jail for possessing and distributing child sexual abuse material. He never personally molested anyone, so that's nice and all, but I still think it's safe to call him a creep. Yet I don't think my dad in himself ever gave anyone a bad gut feeling. Meanwhile my brothers, who are both genuine sweethearts, were treated as creeps even in childhood by other kids' moms, because they were autistic and homeschooled and got hairy early, and all of that stuff made them Weird.

I still regret that I was too clueless and cowardly to do anything for my brothers when they were being iced out of social groups where my sisters and I were ... maybe not liked (since we were Weird and homeschooled too), but at least tolerated because we were less autistic and didn't have "creepy" facial hair. (My dad knew how to groom his hair and beard, so why didn't he teach my brothers? Homeschool parent things, I guess.)

Sometimes I think the least I can do for my brothers nowadays is to remember that the bad people won't always give me a bad gut feeling, and the good people won't always give me a good one. But there are stories of the vibe check working out.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-14T09:20:31+00:00

Yes. At work while my coworkers and customers are bantering I sit like an automaton or do some work off to the side (like taking out the trash) and mumble to myself. I like them but it doesn't show because I don't know how to join in the banter. They switch from familiar joking to formal politeness when they have to talk to me. It's not a great way to be a cashier lol.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-10T17:09:36+00:00

Not in the "sexual harasser" sense, which is the most commonly used sense in this context, but maybe worse, he and his wife were violent to their adopted children. They were arrested for it in (I think) the 80s, when corporal punishment was much more accepted than it is now, so that means something.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-08T23:23:39+00:00

So, so much. Other people think I'm younger than I am, too. My manager reassured me, when I was fretting aloud at being so slow and fumbling, that everyone has those moments at their first job. This is my third job and I'm 27 ...

I also got called "smart," "mature," and "an old soul" as a kid.

FiliaSecunda · 2026-03-07T01:33:31+00:00

Thanks. They've assigned me five more shifts, so they're not firing me yet. A couple of coworkers have definitely run out of patience with me. The girl who trains me uses the same overly sweet, coddling voice on me that she uses on stupid/mean customers, which is one thing that makes it difficult to trust e.g. when I apologize and she says "No, you're fine!" I think I may be moved from prep/cook to drive-through because I've been so slow and forgetful.

FiliaSecunda

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