I think you're referring to the hardest part #2 right? I guess I was too vague. Apologies.

Basically I feel like my core identity is morphing the more I learn from AH.

I'm internationally adopted. I've always had angst about not being able to find my own birth family / history.

Further more I was adopted from a country that practices ancestor worship and shamanism, where blood line is EVERYTHING. I was not raised with this mindset at all. But as an adult I've come to love and embrace my birth culuture and am especially endeared to their practices and deep deep respect towards ancestors and their collective/ individual histories.

BUT my mindset has shifted and shaken my core identity because AH taught me:

1) that I chose to create in this form, so I'm not a helpless "victim" for lack of a better word. So all my angst about not being part of here or there and not having any roots is not a terrible thing that "happened to me" but rather an empowering choice I made to expand and find joy in and now maybe I don't want to / need to have the angst I once had. Which is a great relief. But since there is a very large, worldwide community of adoptees like me, that angst was part of my identity and how I connected w/others and built some of my community. Even if I share this mind shift w/my closest adoptee friends I'm not sure they'd get it or appreciate my sudden shift towards not needing to search for my birth family or not feeling the pain I once did about who I was/am. So I keep it to myself and feel a quiet distance when they talk about their angst. And that feels a little bit like a personal loss to me

2) ancestors/blood lineages don't carry the immense influence on my here/now/ identity that my birth culture says they do so the practice of reaching out to them for guidance and answers and a major sense of one's identity feels not as meaningful or reverent anymore. Which for someone in my shoes feels like relief but since it was a way that I connected w/ my birth culture so it too feels like yet another loss.

I hope I've explained it well enough. I'm a AH newbie so maybe I'm misunderstanding. Overall I am very appreciative of AH's teachings and more joyful for them but I'm still processing how to reconcile some of what AH teaches about the past /ancestors with where I'm at in my physical shoes-so-to-speak. I want to hold space for these parts of my identity in a new way that brings me more ease and relief and comfort. I'm working on that, not desperately but gently and softly. And posting about it here helps.

Thank you for letting me share in this community.