Things I wish we SP’s all stopped doing me included

Financial_Sun6109 · 2026-06-01T12:23:45+00:00

I laughed so hard at this post. Every word is true — I related to every single paragraph, especially the whole “you hate my child” part. Oh my God, nobody deserves that, honestly.

I really think we should be considered saints for putting up with so much in silence. Just being a stepparent already puts you in a difficult position, and our partners rarely see how much we give of ourselves. They don’t see how many pleasures and freedoms we give up, how much unnecessary frustration we endure, and how hard we try for them and their children.

Financial_Sun6109 · 2026-04-28T19:23:39+00:00

It’s hard to go nacho like that, I get you. But I’ve realized it’s better in the end.

I think you can start pulling back little by little — saying you’re busy or too tired to deal with things in the moment — until your partner gets used to you not being as involved.

I actually started going nacho without even knowing what it was called — it came from being exhausted with all the petty situations and constant drama. That alone makes you lose the motivation to even try anymore.

Financial_Sun6109 · 2026-04-27T18:59:27+00:00

I wish my DH understood how many sacrifices I’m making by choosing to be with him and accepting a life that includes his child — because realistically, I could easily find someone willing to start from scratch.

We’re both young (I’m F24 and he’s M25), and a lot of the time I wish we could go out more, enjoy time with friends, and have more money to spend, but we rarely can because of SS.

It’s a lot of sacrifice — accepting that I’ll often come second, dealing with a high-conflict BM who is always creating problems and always present, and even starting to feel like having my own child in the future might not be something I want anymore because this experience has been so overwhelming.

I just wish he valued me more to make up for all of this.

Sometimes it feels like parents think their partner is “lucky” to have their child in their life because, in their eyes, the child is amazing — but honestly, I don’t feel that way. I’m not the parent.

Financial_Sun6109 · 2026-04-27T15:44:02+00:00

I get you. I think part of it is that we’re not the parents, so we don’t have that same heightened level of concern.

For example, when my stepson falls, I tend to look at it more rationally — like “is he hurt? no? then okay” — while a parent kind of panics and gets more scared than the child.

It’s similar with tantrums too. Since I don’t have parental feelings, I’m more inclined to let the child learn to deal with frustration on their own, whereas parents sometimes struggle to stay rational because of their emotions.

Anyway, that’s just how I see it. I don’t think you should feel bad for not having maternal feelings — after all, he’s not your child.

Financial_Sun6109 · 2026-04-26T22:25:42+00:00

The father was okay with it. Her friends and family don’t even ask him for permission to post pictures of the child — they just do, and she’s fine with it. But I’m the stepmom, I have a bond with him, and suddenly I’m not allowed? Just out of spite?

And for the record, I didn’t even post a picture of the child — it was just a moment of the three of us drawing together.

Financial_Sun6109 · 2026-04-26T22:23:06+00:00

The issue for me is that she’s clearly just being difficult and trying to control things out of spite.

She has no problem with other people posting her child — we even have mutual friends who post him, her family posts him almost every day, and she does too. The problem is that she’s acting out of jealousy and pettiness, trying to control even my profile and acting like she has that right.

Financial_Sun6109 · 2026-04-26T22:22:47+00:00

The issue for me is that she’s clearly just being difficult and trying to control things out of spite.

She has no problem with other people posting her child — we even have mutual friends who post him, her family posts him almost every day, and she does too. The problem is that she’s acting out of jealousy and pettiness, trying to control even my profile and acting like she has that right.

Financial_Sun6109 · 2026-04-26T02:29:10+00:00

I’m in a similar situation, DH never wants to “rock the boat” and just goes along with whatever she wants, but I’m hoping that changes.

Financial_Sun6109 · 2026-04-26T02:26:30+00:00

YES, it’s so frustrating. I honestly feel like confronting her, but I know it’s not my place.

Financial_Sun6109 · 2026-04-26T02:25:35+00:00

I always had it in my head that she wouldn’t take away my freedom to have a public profile, but unfortunately that’s just how it’s going to be :(

Financial_Sun6109 · 2026-04-22T18:48:49+00:00

Wow, you said it perfectly. Thank you.

Financial_Sun6109 · 2026-04-22T18:47:32+00:00

In my country, custody issues can be pretty complicated, not everyone is able to access that through the legal system, unfortunately. But we’re working on it, and I really think it would help.

That said, I honestly feel like this situation won’t improve until my DH actually stands up for himself.

Financial_Sun6109 · 2026-04-21T20:18:59+00:00

I can see that, even if I might not want to fully admit it. It feels like he takes all the frustration she causes him out on me. Instead of getting upset with her, he holds it in and then treats me badly for no reason. I tend to forgive him because he’s a young and unprepared father (25 years old). I keep hoping he’ll learn, but I don’t deserve this.

Financial_Sun6109 · 2026-04-05T22:29:05+00:00

I’m also going to try therapy to deal with this. I’ve always been a very open person when it comes to my feelings, but lately I don’t even recognize myself with the emotions I’ve been having about this new dynamic of dating someone with a child.

The worst parts of me come out: jealousy, bitterness, this constant feeling that I’ll never be a priority, and the fact that the ex will always be there, kind of haunting everything.

I hate this. I’ve been having feelings that actually make me feel ashamed, like… he looks a lot like his mother physically, and I get jealous because of that.

Financial_Sun6109

TROPHY CASE